Not to say that there won't be times where he really can't help it (in the car, somewhere where no restroom is available, etc), but he's basically 99% potty trained now and if he's playing or otherwise busy, he won't tell me he has to go to the bathroom. As we were potty training and he would have an accident, we'd tell him "it's okay to have an accident, we'll try again next time!" But now that he knows where he needs to go and goes there most of the time, I'm not sure that telling him that it's okay to have an accident is the way to go now. Any input is appreciated!
My sons did that till at least 5. I would have to tell them that if they were playing and needed to go go and they would come back to playing but if they had an accident I would make them stop playing. (Usually it was outside)
Once they're wearing underwear, either under a Pull-Up or alone, I tell them it's not okay. No punishment, just "You have to tell me when you have to go. Big kids don't pee or poop in their underpants.".
How often does this happen? Once a day, several times a day? You could switch the goal to keeping dry rather than using the potty. He knows how to go, he has to learn WHEN. And learning how our bodies work and what our limits are takes time.
Set up a reward system for staying dry (avoid using "had an accident"). A day with staying dry gets a sticker. 10 stickers gets a trip to the Dollar Store or 10 extra minutes of cuddle time or kid picks dessert.
Good luck!
Just change your wording.
"awwww. you didn't make it to the potty. Let's clean up." Then help him clean up himself, his clothes (strip, put them in washing machine) clean up floor etc. He will learn that having an accident is WORSE than leaving the activity to go potty because it takes longer to deal with the natural consequences of an accident.
Kids will continue to have accidents until they are out of kindergarten, generally speaking, it might even be a bit older for some.
They don't need their self esteem and self image hurt because they're a little kid who just a few months ago was just learning to crawl or walk or talk. They are little kids and are not perfect yet. They are going to have accidents. Letting them take the blame for their bladder or hiney for not being able to hold it itsn't a huge deal for me. They are going to have accidents. Kids starting school are so busy mentally they often go through a phase where they wet and pooh several times too. It's part of growing up.
I would not say "its not okay" but i would stop saying "it is okay." Just be sympathetic when accidents happen and move on.
Sounds like he is doing fine. YOU are the one who needs to remember he hasn't gone in a while and send him to the bathroom. Toddlers will NOT stop playing because they feel a little tiny urge to pee. They will only stop when they can hold it for exactly one second more (or have already gone). If you forget to remind him, remember it's ok - you will remember next time.
Most kids get so involved with what they're doing that theydon't want to stop to use the toilet. It has to be uncomforatable for them - either physically (if the wets underwear/pants bothers him then let him sit in it) or mentally (they have to stop playing with the toy and get washed town in the tub, change clothes).
He has to see that accidents are for little children when they first learning - but once they know how to use the toilet they ahve to notice when they get that "feeling" and stop to use the toilet. If you make the washing up and changing process quick & easy it's not a big deal to him. But if the process becomes long and boring (step into the tub, hose him down, towel, powder, underpants, new pants, new socks, etc.) he'll want to avoid it. As you change him and wash him remind him how much more quick the process is to simply pause playing and use the toilet.
Like most other humans, you have to make something worthwhile to him to get him to do it.
I have a travel potty and travel urinal and they are life savers. I don't think you ever want a child to feel worse about an accident then they already do. I would never tell a child an accident is not ok. Maybe he's not as ready as you think? If there are many accidents he may not understand when it's time to go potty. I have to place mine on the potty at regular intervals or I don't think he would remember. They get distracted and wait too long.
You don't because he's young, still learning & you don't want to undrmine
the work already done.
Instead use positive praise.
Also, since he's only 3, give him some time & you be the one to keep asking
him if he needs to use the bathroom.
My son went through a stage at first where there were more accidents but
now he's a bit older and has more of a grasp of it.
Still I take it upon myself to keep teaching him by asking him if he's gone to
the bathroom or if he needs to go.
Sometimes when I have to go pee, I tell him to come with me so he can go
too.
Often times he does not think he needs to go but ends up going when I have
him come in with me. At your son's age, they are still getting used to the
feeling of the urge.
Also, boys take a little bit more time to mature than girls & this is no exception.
Don't get mad when he has an accident. Instead quietly change him telling
him he needs to go pee in the toilet.
If you've ever had a mean boss, you know that they do not illicit fabulous
performances from their staff.
Instead, the professional boss that utilizes personal goal setting & grooms
his/her staff w/encouragement obtains the best growth & performance!!!
Did he just turn 3? So by 99% trained, you mean accidents happen once in 3 months? I think more specific information would help.
I would not focus on telling him anything other than "Accidents happen! Try to make it to the potty next time!" I have a 3.5 year old and this happens with him still....we just move past it - have him throw his own underwear in the hamper, clean it up if he gets it on the floor, etc.
It would really help to know the nature of his accidents. My son is almost 3.5
. He sprays his pants. He was doing it at least once a day, but then he asked me to buy him rescue bots. I told him that if he kept his pant perfectly dry for a few days, I'd buy him one. He now has 3 rescue bots, and he has basically stopped spraying his pants. After the first bot, i made him go a full week perfectly dry to get the next one.
He had this idea that a teaspoon of pee was OK because daddy said it was OK. Needless to say, I'm working on teaching him that it isn't. I've found using something they are really motivate by to help cultivate news habits to be helpful.
With that said, accidents do happen until they are 5 or 6. My 5 year old recently had an accident. She just waited too long, and then all hell broke loose. She's been trained for years. It happens.
I did exactly what CoMoMom wrote. Having an accident is ok. But, now we have to stop playing for a while to clean up (and he stops playing too, because he has to help).
Also, keep in mind that even after they are fully trained, some kids have accidents that are beyond their control even in normal circumstances like when they are playing. One of my kids had them every time he went through a growth spurt for about 2 years after he was fully trained (he was as upset about it as anyone when it happened). It's like his body lost its sensor when he went through those growth spurts. So, handling in this non-judgemental way means you can be consistent, whether you think it was an accident caused by ignoring the signs (which he could have avoided), or a real accident caused by developmental stuff going on. Because I couldn't always tell the difference until a few days (and a few accidents) into it when the growth spurt became obvious.
I don't think telling him it's okay is the right thing to do. As you can see, it backfires. Kids are very literal.
You need to sit him down and explain that accidents are okay IF and ONLY IF there is no bathroom available for him to use. If there is a bathroom available and he chooses not to use it, that's not an accident - that's intentional. Intentional pottying on yourself is not okay and will earn a consequence.
Now is perfectly great for him to learn not to pee on himself. Go ahead its ok to tell him what is expected of him. I have a feeling your consirned about his feelings and arent going to be mean about it but just matter of fact. Why not ? He needs to know and if you dont teach him who will ? Gof for it momma!
When my son was 4, in pre-k, I was laid off work. This change affected him. he started wetting himself and the school wanted to send him home as not potty trained, not taking him at all. We worked it out. It took about 3 weeks. I spoke to our doctor about it and she tied it to the recent changes at home. She gave us some suggestins. What the teacher and I did was interrupt him when he was playing to take him to the bathroom. He would insist he did not have to go but he was told that he had to try. After getting interrupted so many times, he started telling us more often. We did not punish him for wetting. He did have an accident here or there for a bit longer but overall, 3 weeks was all it took to get him back on track.
Okay, he is 3 years old.
They don't even have... fully developed impulse control yet at this age.
Much less, over their body.
They don't even have, fully mastered gross motor skills or fine motor skills, yet.
They do not, even have, fully developed emotions yet, nor do they even have fully developed communication or vocabulary yet.
They don't even have, fully developed deductive or inductive reasoning, yet.
Now, per my kids:
ALL of my daughter's Teachers... from Preschool and Kindergarten AND 1st Grade said... that kids these ages have, accidents. It is normal. It happens. This is childhood.
Their school, the Health Room even stocks, clean underwear and shorts and t-shirts, for kids that have accidents in, school. The Teachers and school, make no big deal about it. And the Teachers, do NOT "scold" a over accidents.
It is, childhood.
I am sure, you yourself, had accidents as a child. Even at an older age.
We all did. Normal.
Now, remember that day time and night time pottying... is totally different. Nighttime dryness, does not even occur until 7 years old, and this is NORMAL and per organ and brain development, and nerve development.
Accidents, happen.
It is, okay.
It is childhood.
And it happens.
3 year olds are not experts, at anything yet.
I would remind him and start telling him the clues his body is giving him to let him know its time again---then make sure he goes before you go anywhere. I don't think you should pressure him to not forget at his age----keep reminding him and encouraging him to go when he needs to. Don't make the accident a big deal at all-at ANY age in my opinion. He will eventually be able to go 100% without accidents. Good luck!
S.:
My daughter was like this. She would be playing at pre-school - wrapped up in what she was doing and then waited too long and would wet herself.
It wasn't US, as her parents, who corrected her - it was the other kids. Peer pressure is hard sometimes. We told her that "accident's happen" and we understood how much fun she was having...however...she could have MORE fun if she paid attention when she needed to go...because she wouldn't need to be out cleaning up.
My oldest son? Took him one week and he was done and ready. Never had an issue. Both day and night...
My youngest son? Had accidents for a while...used the same with him...if you paid attention to when you needed to go - it's faster than spending time cleaning up.
Good luck!
It's the same thing, really.
I think the problem is the wording, when mine had accidents it was "Oh no, you missed the potty, we can't do that. Next time let's make it to the potty...okay?". Then we would do what we need to do.
At 3, they still need reminders especially when they are playing. This really falls on you to remind him to use the potty or to simply stop play for a few and take him.
