When Do You Stop Wanting More Kids?

when you are done, you will know you are done. if there is any doubt a vasectomy is a REALLY bad idea.

I posted a question similar to this several months back. I'm glad the mamas are being nicer to you then they were to me.

I still haven't gotten over the feeling, and no matter how hard I try to stuff it down deep inside of me, sometimes it rears its ugly head.

I hope you find a better solution!

I am so with you...My lil' man is 18 months and my third... I keep thinking the same thing....However, now that I've sold most of the baby things...getting older....finding that the kids cost money, food bill, buying shoes...Oh my. I also think that my DH and I have adjusted to three and we get sleep at night. My third was healthy like the first two and was the angel baby. I am not going to take a risk and count my blessings all three.

Just wait til they hit middle school, you'll wonder why you ever wanted kids at all!
I loved the baby/preschool/elementary phase, it was honestly the happiest time of my life. After the third one I was almost ready to go for a fourth, we were on a roll! I must admit I'm glad I didn't, I am stretched to my limit mentally and emotionally with two teenagers and a twelve year old. And the girls are KILLING me with all their drama, ugh :(

When did I stop wanting more kids? When my 7 year old decided she wanted to play every (expensive) sport under the sun, my 6 year old took on a total, 100% diva/princess personality, and my 19 month old son took a swan dive off the couch right into my back and screwed my back up... when my son was 9 months old and ate a fish hook... when I realized how much it sucks having 2 that are totally potty trained, but now I'm back to changing diapers... ditto for having to drag baby gear everywhere... ditto for wanting to use my purse for MY THINGS, not diapers, wipees, and extra snacks... I stopping wanting more kids when I remembered how much I enjoy sleeping in and showering... and when I realized that my younger brother just got married, and they want kids within 5 years... so I don't NEED to have another baby, I can spoil theirs... AND GIVE IT BACK!!!! ;)

I stopped when they were winning. :p

Your feelings are so normal, Suzanne. Nature has given most women (and some men) a powerful attraction to babies, so that we will have them in spite of the discomforts, inconveniences, and dangers of pregnancy, delivery, and child-rearing. An exotic cocktail of hormones acts on brain centers to drive our wants and cravings.

For me, a sense of completion and satisfaction alternated with bouts of "the baby hungries" periodically through my life until I reached menopause in my 50's, and most of my women friends had similar experiences, no matter how many children they had. And every single one of us ended up content with our family size, whether 5 or none. Not one of my older friends would go back and add more children to the ones they had, because they found satisfaction with other areas of their lives.

But there is something fortifyling about certainty. If it's just not a choice to be pregnant again, for the good of your family and your own ability to cope, remember that every time you start craving again. Turn your notice to how full life is, how great your children are, how lucky you are to have three healthy kids and the ability to care for them.

On a practical note, the world today's babies will grow up in is also vastly diminished from the one I had the amazing good fortune to grow up in. We as a species are crowding out God's other creatures, polluting our earth, air and sea, and consuming natural resources insatiably. More babies above the replacement number of parents will continue to add strain to the planet that must support us all, and will, in ways large and small, affect the lives of every one of those babies.

The finality of any decision helps us direct our attention elsewhere. You might think about this as similar to eating. We all know that just wanting some food does not make it good for us, and many of us go through every single day of our lives avoiding foods that, while appealing and delicious, are not a good choice. Babies are appealing and delicious, too, but we simply can't have one just because we crave it.

I have 2, 10y and 4 1/2y. For me I knew I was done having kids during my last pregnancy. It was very stressful. I had had a miscarriage and knew that I couldn't take another pregnancy.

As for having kids, that feeling is still there. If we had the finances I would adopt another in a heartbeat, or if I was able to stay home/work from home I would be a foster mom, in a heartbeat. I always wanted to have a house overflowing with kids. So for now I just have to be content with being 'the' neighborhood hangout and hosting lots of kid parties.

My friend finally saw her dream come true when in her 50s, as her youngest was graduating high school, she quit her job and became a foster mom to 3 kids.

M.

Right now....as my daughter is laying in her bed kicking the wall instead of sleeping.

I don't know, but I wish I had that problem!
You have a wonderful family already, and if you can keep it up financially and care-wise, I am not sure what else could you ever desire! You have the dream, why spoil it with the thought of what you DON'T have?
Blessings, PB

Sometimes when I see my son's baby pictures - I do miss his baby years (well, - not the diapers. Or staying up/not sleeping for days. Or dealing with pneumonia in a 1 yr old.)
But I miss being that younger mother, too.
I'm not that young anymore.
I can no longer do what I did back then.
With being too busy to notice - time flies by when you are having so much fun!
I almost think the feeling has partially something to do with coming to terms with our own aging/mortality.
Accept the growing ages/stages - enjoy them - look forward to what ever comes next (just WAIT till you are juggling 3 kids in school and ALL the homework).
I'm too busy to look back and feel sad that that bit of it is over.
I've got too much to look forward to.

Wow, I feel the same way... I have three and want more but know financially I cannot afford it... I had two in my early 20's and then our last one came 9.5 years later, I gave up on having anymore. Many reasons besides financially, I tied my tubes after my last (had him c-section). I regret the choice most of the time, I always wish when my period is late that maybe I am...

Mys sister has 5 and would have had more if she didn't have such difficulties with the labor part, she also has cyst on her ovaries. They cannot afford it, well to most people would say they cannot, however, they get by. I must say I never understood why she wanted to have so many other than her husband, but I know after I had my last, I did want more. I always wanted 3 kids, then when I did have it, I thought maybe one more.

You are not alone, I feel the same, I love my children and want more, but I am happy with what I do have. I also know one day I'll get to be a grandma and I can't wait (at least 10 years from now and that's with the first child)... I know I will spoil them too, and can't wait too...

Hugs going out to you!!!

My mother in law told me the feeling never went away for her. I am the same way. Some of us have a huge desire to mother. I dont know why. I do know that you are not alone. My littlest is 7. I dont get the urge as often, probably about twice a year.

For me, it was that I love being pregnant. When my second pregnancy gifted us with twins, my husband and I agreed that that was enough. Then I had pre-eclampsia and some other issues. Add to that the fact our firstborn is Autistic and I went ahead and had a tubal when the twins were born. It is sad for me that the pregnancy chapter of my life is over. My husband and I talked about possibly adopting later down the road if we feel our family can handle it. We would love to give a child a home. So, if we get past the baby stage and still feel like we want more children, we will go that route.

The fact is no family is ever "complete." You will add when your children get married and have their children. It's just a matter of whether you feel you can wait for that, I suppose. And realize that your role as mother-in-law and grandmother will be different, but can be wonderful as well.

divorce? =) thats when i knew i was done? i only have one though so its a bit of a lie..i'd be cntent with J. my daughter....maybe something else is missing in your life if you feel a void still, i knew that was the case with M. when i was with my ex and wanted another...maybe not the same for you, but a thought? enjoy being able to bond with your husband more

It is a completely personal decision between you and hubby.

For us, I felt complete with my one and only when I had her and I've had no regrets. I never had an urge for more children and we are very content with our family of 3.

Thing about the reality of it as well. College, financial responsibility, your retirement, etc.

Based on my experience, a vasectomy won't make the feeling go away. Neither does turning 44. You just know it won't happen. I still haven't quite parted with all the baby stuff. Good luck.

I have 3 kids and would love another, but like you it's just not right for my situation. The feeling never goes away for me...but you learn to put it into a new perspective. You just shift your thinking to being focused and "present" for the 3 you do have. Focus on the fact that you can devote time to each of them and how much better people they can become with totally involved parents.

I will always love babies. But just like seeing wrinkles and grey hair...I had to say goodbye to that time of my life and embrace the new time.

See this as a new chapter in your life and moving forward rather than dwelling on something you will miss. Look ahead, not behind and it will come into focus for you.

Visit a family with a child with ADHD and you'll quickly get over Baby Fever! :)

You might not get it...maybe you'll be like your mom. I think a lot of women think "if we had had the space, the money, etc. we would have had more". Hey--there's always grand kids!

Now, my husband & I always knew we wanted O.. So I stopped thinking I wanted more kids right after he made his debut into the world! LOL

You are completely normal. Childbearing for many of us is more than about adding to family size. It symbolizes youth, excitement over new life, nurturing and all those awesome feelings that come after giving birth and nuzzling our newborn for the first time. Those feelings and experiences are hard to exchange for the hard work of raising children to become independent adults. That's why I think for some women getting pregnant and giving birth is almost addictive. Some women never feel better than when they are literally bursting with life and EVERYONE is focused on them and their blossoming belly.
I think it's completely normal to know that rationally your family should be complete, but still feel like you want to prolong the childbearing stage. My little one (our 3rd) is 18 months now and just lately I feel the sadness creep up when I realize that he no longer fits in the pack n play and he's outgrown all the 0-12 months baby clothes. We won't be planning more children due to may husband and my advanced age, but doesn't mean I shouldn't feel a little sad about moving on. You are not alone. Many of us feel the way you do, but at some point decide that it's wiser to move on to the next stage than start again with another pregnancy. Good for you for looking at the logistics of the situation (finances, housing, car and even marriage stability really must figure into the decision), Fox news highlighted a book written recently called Creating Your Perfect Family Size http://video.foxnews.com/v/1075338753001/the-right-number....
If your husband is dragging his feet about vasectomy, maybe you should do a little research about the post vasectomy complications/pain. It's maybe not as "quick and easy" as we might want to believe. Research says 1 in 6 men experience complications such as chronic pain lasting 7 months or longer. Men don't talk about complications for fear of looking like a wimp. Just because we don't hear about problems post vasectomy doesn't mean they don't exist. There's a reason why many Drs say "No Thanks" to having this procedure done on themselves. Midwife Mom

It's not a bad thing to want more babies. I wouldn't shut that door if I were you. I guess I don't understand what would be so difficult about adding one more to the mix. I found that #4 was the easiest one because we were already *there* as far as children go. We were already in the routine of taking care of a lot of children. I loved having #4, much easier than 3 to me. And they do grow up so fast. Kids share rooms, it's not that big of a deal. You might need a larger car, but that isn't insurmountable. For a couple of years, I was *done* at 3. We were even talking about the V. But, then, one day, I got the bug again. My husband agreed, and we had our #4. A couple years later, we decided we wanted as many children as the Lord will give us. That was 9 years ago. We've only had 2 since then. I long for more, but apparently it isn't in the Lord's will to give us more. At least for now. We still hope. :) It never goes away, for me anyway.Blessings.

When I decided to concentrate on someday (in the far future) I would be a grandmom and get to cuddle little grandchildren and have fun with them without ever having to go through the rough parts of the teenage year

I think it is normal. The first few weeks after my 3rd baby (4 mos) was born, I really thought that we were done. Now, I'm kinda thinking I'd like another one, in maybe 4-5 yrs.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your desire to have another. Our natural instinct is to procreate, so you are fighting against some pretty darn strong instincts, NOT just feelings. But, if you are certain that your family cannot handle more kids, perhaps you could get your "baby fix" by occassionally babysitting for a young baby.

My feeling are such that I figure that my wanting days are over when there are NO babies to be held anymore anywhere or after 3 days of watching 3 grandkids under 5.

I can relate to those feelings! It wasn't until baby #5 surprised us that I finally feel done. I'm 29 weeks prego. We don't fit in our house, and I'm not sure we'll fit in our car. I'm quite nervous about that. I stay at home/homeschool, so I do feel like my kids get enough attention from me (though it's something I have to make a constant effort to do). I kept feeling like there was more to have until #5 came. There's just a different feeling now. I still feel like I'll miss the baby stage and moving past that, but I feel a completeness now that I hadn't felt before...ever. So, you might be feeling that feeling because there ARE more to have. :-) Just FYI, three was a huge change for me. Having four is somewhat busier, but it hasn't been much harder or chaotic. I wouldn't do anything permanent until you feel the feeling of being done. Because it DOES happen. :-)

I understand. i wish i could have more sometimes. :) my baby is 4. i see little babies and im like awwwww i want one. i cant have anymore due to a hysterectomy. i dont think the feelings ever go away

Didn't read all your responses but figured I'd chime in. I'm 31 and we have an almost four year old (girl) and almost two year old (boy). Both my husband and I want two more kids. But right now it's not financially smart nor do we have the space (2 bedroom house). With the economy and the fact that we have owned our house for only three years, adding on is possible but not the best option at this time. So for now, we're happy with our family of four. We are going to Disney in 1.5 years (yes planning already) and figure we'll try to have a baby when we get back. That will make our kids at least 4.5 and 6.5 if we get pregnant right away. We plan on having two almost back to back (not nine months apart but maybe 1.5-2 years apart). It will almost be like two mini families. By then we will be more settled into our house and also have been there longer and it will have given the economy more time to 'get back up'. If at that time it's still not feasible to move (which we don't really want to do as we LOVE where we live), then we'll just add on and be able to do it (mostly) out of our pockets as a result of saving money instead of getting a high interest loan (which we could do now).

So I can't really say when I know we'll be done. We could have a third and both agree to be done. But I don't see that happening. Two of my coworkers just came back from maternity leave and I know it got my baby envy revved up! Just yesterday I was thinking about how special the first few hours/days/weeks after giving birth were with each of my kids and how my whole mindset/thoughts were consumed with feeding/changing/sleeping when the baby sleeps. I even told my husband that while I agree we should wait for now, I can't help but WANT another child sooner rather than later!!

I do not know if you will be able to make the feelings go away. But if you aren't sure that you do really want another one, then I would not try for another (not that you are saying you will...). I have friends who have just one child and are DONE...but that is just not my husband and I.

Never.
Mine are 16, 7 and 3 and I wish I could have more :)

Just bide your time and bottle up that baby-envy until you have grandkids....and then GREAT grandkids!

I totally know how you feel, i was surprised with this recent pregnancy of #3....and im actually VERY happy about it now. I, like you, Am totally missing the baby phase, my youngest is Almost 3. E-GADS. But now i GET to do it all over again!.

But from what you described, i think you are done also.

I always wanted more children, still do, can't have them (hysterectomy, uterine cancer, older) but crave having more. My husband doesn't want to adopt. I suppose maybe it would be hard anyway. I keep wishing for those movie like situations where the great aunt who no one knew showed up and dropped one on my doorstep. Or a basket outside...or or or. I know it won't happen, but oh it depresses me sometimes. I had two with my first husband and my second husband willingly took on the role of a wonderful stepfather. So I guess the answer is in my case.,Never, I have always wanted more. In the meantime perhaps one of my children will have babies.

My whole life I always wanted at least 4 kids. Then I got pregnant.

While pregnant with my first I swore up and down that she would be our only, though my husband never agreed. It was a miserable pregnancy. Thankfully we were both fine at the end of it, but then she was colicky with reflux which turned into asthma. It was not fun, by about 6 months she was an awesome little person but I remembered too well the horrible pregnancy stuff and was not excited to start again.

Flash forward about 15 months and I lost my job, decided to stay home with baby girl and babysit another little girl. I ended up getting pregnant again.Took some getting used to, but we were okay with it after not too long.

Flash forward again. Money is TIGHT but we have the most AMAZING! little four month old baby girl and a FANTASTIC 2 1/2 year old. I am only 26 so I know I have lots of time to change my mind, but I am D-O-N-E!! My husband would love to try for a little boy, so I told him if we ever win a substantial amount of money I might consider giving it another try.

I wish I could help you, but with every fiber of my being I feel as though with two perfect little girls our family is complete.

A suggestion: become a foster parent? I am a social worker, so of course this is my first thought but if you are your husband are remotely interested, you could look into it more. Most states you can call your Department of Human Services or Family services for information to attend an orientation or something. If you have love to give and can make some logistics work - its a great way to spend some wonderful time nurturing and caring for a little one while providing that child and family some safety and stability. Just an (unconventional) thought.

I never stopped wanting more. I think if I had 10 kids I would still have wanted more. My kids are all grown now, so I'm just (not-so-)patiently waiting for them to provide me with grandchildren. My husband was done at three. He had valid reasons and I agreed to a vasectomy after the third. I still kind of wish I had held out for one more, but that's a long and irrelevant story.

Even though I never really stopped wanting more, there came a time when I knew I would never go back to the "baby life" - even if some drastic, life changing thing happened (remarriage, etc.) When my youngest went to school and I experienced a few hours of freedom every day, I knew I was done.

When they became increasingly expensive and we were paying for all their "stuff" (Computers, sports, lessons, car insurance, college...) I realized my husband was right (I never told him though... he would get a big head! lol) His biggest reason for stopping at three was financial. But in reality we could have supported more children, nicely. But they wouldn't have had quite as much. They would have had to are rooms, help more with things and have fewer, less expensive things etc. But they wouldn't have known any different and it would have been fine. The thing that I am really, really, really glad that I "only" had to do three times is driving lessons! I loathed driving lessons. I'm not good at it - in my daughter's words, I am "sudden and frantic"! Even more than the lessons, I hated sending them out in the world behind the wheel of a car after they got their license. I don't know if I could have survived one more driving experience. I was very happy that I didn't have more children when my last one got her driver's license!

You don't mention your age, and I'm not sure if it has a bearing on the feeling of wanting another child. We had our first when I was 37 and I thought we would only have one. I really wanted 3 children, finally I convinced my husband we could love another child - our second son was born when I was 41. At 43, we now would love another. How realistic that is - I'm not sure. We're going to give it a shot, but the goal posts have changed dramatically for us - the run to the finish is a lot longer! I guess it's like asking - is it better to have children when you are young and have the energy, or wait till you are older, financial and have done most of what you wanted to do? I have the urge more than ever to have another baby - it seems our 2 yr old has grown up while I was sleeping. If I see a pregnant women or newborn I get clucky, maybe even a little envious. I think that is normal, I do feel for women who find it difficult to conceive for one reason or another - that must be really tough on the emotions. For me, it's tough because so many of my younger friends are pregnant with a second child at the moment. I guess what you are feeling is the "finality of your decision not to have more children". I'm sure it is normal and only unhealthy if the feeling moves to depression because of it. If I think back, I never played Mommies or played with dolls. Some little girls just know they are cut out to be Mommies but I'm not sure I ever fitted in to that category. It just highlights we are all different when it comes to our decisions, feelings and emotions. I guess we too, should be grateful for the family we have - even though the boys drive me crazy more than once a day!

You don't. I don't believe it ever goes away. I love my girls but they drive me CRAZY. I don't enjoy being a parent of adults that can do anything they want pretty much any time and they don't need or want my opinion. I am proud of them when they do right. I hang my head with shame when they don't. My last child is dangerously close to the teenage years. My grandson is almost 2. I want a baby! I'm 44 and there's no way. My bladder is a mess, my uterus is sitting down in my vagina, my rectum is tangled and nowhere near where it should be. There's not a single sane reason to want another child. But I do.

Our situation was a little different. My husband wanted more! We had a girl and a boy. I never saw us with more than those two critters! I have enjoyed each stage my kids went through but I have never thought "oh I wish they were little again". Why? Sleepless nights, screaming, potty training? No thanks!!!

We are empty nester now! Love it!!!!!

I never wanted more. I knew when my daughter was born that she was it. One and done.