When Do You Tell??

I've never been pregnant but have adopted and have had a few adoptions fall through. The first adoption that fell through, we told everyone and was extremely excited, and then we found out it wasn't going to happen. It was aweful on the whole family, however it was very helpful to have the support I needed while trying to deal with that loss.

E.~

My doctor gave me some great advice when I asked her this exact question. She said, tell whenever you want to. If you are dying to tell people, share the good news. She reminded me that the people who you tell are the same people who would be there for you if something happened :)

Congratulations!

D.
www.extraordinarymommy.com

I've always told close friends and family. My thought process was that I would tell them about a miscarraige anyway . I can't my excitement keep a secret!

Tell whenever you want. I always told early and figured that the people I told were the same people who would support me if anything bad happened.

You can obviously tell whenever you want to. It seems the rule of thumb is after the 12 week mark (3 months) - as most miscarriages seem to happen during the first trimester.
CONGRATS!!

Good Morning E.,2n

CONGRATS!!!!!

With our first we told family at 5 weeks and one week later we miscarried. With our second we did wait until we were almost 12 weeks along before we said anything. Our 3rd pregnancy we told family about 6 weeks because we were having troubles. We were expecting twins, but we lost one of the twins early on. We did have a healthy little baby tho in the end. Our 4th pregnancy we had major complications so our family new at 4 1/2 weeks. We had an ectopic pregnancy. It was nice to have family around to help with our other 2 children while I was recovering. Very scary time for us.

So, there is no set time to tell anyone. The doctors always say wait until 12 weeks because your risk of miscarriage is way lower. Do what is comfortable to you all, or make it fun and wait until a special day and tell. I would tell family first and wait to tell friends and co-workers later. Enjoy this special time in your life.

Jen

It is hard, we were just pregnant with child no 3 and with the other two we waited to tell until after 12 weeks. Since everything had gone so well the first times we decided to tell everyone at around 5-6 weeks this time. I misscarried at 9 weeks and it was really hard to tell everyone what happened but in the same way I could not have kept my sorrow and pain hidden so I am glad I told so that we had the support. There are always good and bad with all decisions, go with what your gut tells you. I have learned to always listen to that.
Good Luck,
J.

i would wait until you reach your 12 week because it is hard not to tell but if you tell anyone i would only tell close family member then after the worry period which is about the first 14 weeks than you are ok. I know that i have lost two pregnacies one at 16 weeks and one at 10 weeks this is between my 6 year old boy and my 19 month old. they found out that there was some cancerous cells in there that invaded the baby and placenta. don't worry to much but you might be safe to tell everyone when you reach 12 weeks. be extra extra nice to yourself. and also in the end of the second and last trimester. don't worry to much it will be all ok if no history of complications. best of luck T.

I think that this is a very personal decision. My husband and I felt the same way, we could't wait to put our big news on a billboard! We told at 6 weeks. I just ignored the people who said negative things about telling early. If anything did happen we would have needed our friends and family there for emotional support. Congratulations!!

I think it's safe to tell a few people. If something were to happen tell the group that you would turn to during that time first. Then you can include more and more people. We told everyone after the first ultrasound. We couldn't contain ourselves anymore.

Congrats!

Congratulations!!

When I was pg I wanted to tell everyone and I did. For 4 pregnancies I told everyone and 4 times I had to go back and tell everyone that I had lost the baby. I lost the babies at 8-12 weeks. It's not easy to do that so I would wait until I was absolutely sure you want to share the news. The very last time I was pg, it was good, I didn't tell anyone for months. I finally had to because I couldn't hide my tummy anymore. I was so scared to tell anyone thinking that I would lose that one too. My little angel was born on 6-6-06 so now everyone talks about why I wanted a baby born on that day.

I would wait until you are at least 12 weeks then share the news. If you are higher risk, you might want to wait a little longer.

J.

Hi E.! Congratulations! I realize that it is hard to keep such exciting news a secret, but it is safest to wait at least 12 weeks. Most pregancies will not end in miscarriage after week 12, but the risk is still relatively real until then. I have never had a miscarriage so I cannot fathom the loss or the pain of having shared the "good news" and then having to share the "bad news." I did wait though to tell everyone (except our parents and close siblings) until I was 12 weeks along. Good Luck. I know that you will make the right decision for you and your family. Kati

Traditionally, you wait until the beginning of the second trimester, but who can wait that long ?? LOL !! It's too exciting and happy of a secret to keep !!
IF something were to happen (let's hope it doesn't) so what if you have already told people ? You will have all that extra support to help you through it.
You tell when you feel you want to tell.
Just my opinion, of course.

E.,
I was 6-8 weeks pregnant when we told our family and some of our friends. We were excited and we didn't think twice about telling. Shortly afterward, I began miscarrying. I chose to let nature take its course and not have a DNC. It took about a month for the whole process to finish. In the meantime, we shared what was happening with our friends and family and they were all very supportive and helpful. For me, it was better to let people know both ways. They share in your joy and in your sorrow.
Congratulations! :-)

D. - SAHM of two boys, 17 and 14, and one girl, 9.

Yes, but if something does happen, you will need those same people who will be hurt that they didn't know. It is what you are comfortable with that is most important. Too bad Labor Day isn't closer, you could have a cook-out and make it into a surprise joke with "labor".

Good luck and best wishes,
D.

E.,

First of all, congrats!!! I remember being told to wait until we were about 3 months along because after 3 months it is a lot less likely that you could miscarry. However, we told our family when I was 8 weeks along. We had planned on waiting, but we were too excited. Sorry this is contradicting info.

Hope this helps!

L.

Congratulations! That is so exciting! I am the type of person that cannot keep anything like that to myself. We told my family the day that I took the home pregnancy test. We were actually expecting our 2nd baby, but I ended up by miscarrying at 7 weeks. I was glad that I had told my family and friends becasue it was nice to have that support from them when I really needed it. I would think that it would be more difficult to tell them that I miscarried without them even knowing that I was pregnant. Just my personal opinion. Good luck with your decision and congratulations again!

My personal experience... I have had to tell both ways... so why not just tell early when the news is wonderful?! Then these same people can be a support for you either way!

I was in a similar situation. I couldn't wait the full twelve weeks to tell everyone. The chances of miscarrying are so high though, I didn't know what to do. I did tell my CLOSE girlfriends (I decided if I go through anything as traumatic as a miscarriage, I wanted my friends to be there for me, plus they can pray for the life growing inside) We decided to wait until after our first ultrasound where we saw the heartbeat before telling everyone else. I think that was around 10 weeks. My dr. said that since we saw the heartbeat, the percentage of a miscarriage were lowered to approximately 5%. He said some people like to wait until 12 weeks when the percentage lowers to 2%, but I thought a 5% chance was good enough for me. We left the office and pretty much told everyone we knew immediately. Good luck. :)

Hi E.,

I totally understand and am in the same boat (sort of). For me, I'm waiting until I'm out of the 1st Trimester (so one more week to go). Right now (on my side) only one of my girlfriends knows. She popped over unexpectedly and noticed the belly even though I thought my shirt was oversized & loungy enough to hide it. But she knows me better than anyone and knows I never have a stomach (LOL). She has agreed not to tell anyone and also agreed with my decision to wait to share the news until the 1st trimester is over - for the same reason you're saying (especially since I'm 36). Of course my Fiancé knows and my 16 y.o. but we haven't told his 5 y.o. and no one in my family knows. They all thinks it's the "late" 30s spread happening. LOL And naturally my Fiancé doesn't get it, he's told most of his family. His mom fussed at him though (said it was too early for him to spread the news...CUL) and now he basically waits on me hand and foot to help ensure no mishaps happen due to me "doing too much." So many blessings and well wishes for whatever you decide.
Be Well,
Tammi

The sad and unfortunate truth is that until the baby is born, something unexpected COULD happen, so therefore, there isn't really a "safe" time...NOW...That being said...Go share your news! You're excited and happy and anxious to let your friends and family know you're expecting, so go tell them! Look at it this way...the sooner you tell people, the sooner they will be praying for the health and safety of your pregnancy and child. And that's always a good thing! Plus, if you were to lose the baby (God forbid), your friends and family would be there to help you through the tough times.

I lost our first baby just a couple weeks after telling everyone our news and I won't tell you that it wasn't difficult to have to tell well-wishers what had happened when they asked how things were going with the pregnancy. That was really hard and really awkward. But you've got to focus on your joy and excitement, not your fear of what MIGHT happen.

The choice is up to you of course, but I'd say that as soon as you feel ready to share your news, go for it. I'm sure your friends and family will be thrilled for you! And in the meantime, you've already got prayers from the mamasource community coming your way!

The first time I was pregnant, we told everyone, then I miscarried. Then we had to tell everyone that, which was really hard. Had we not told people about the pregnancy, I would have told them about the miscarriage anyway-it just wasn't something that I wasn't going to share with the important people in my life. Having said that, it is fun to wait for a creative way to share the big news. When we were pregnant with our third baby, we waited until my daughter's birthday, and I was 14 weeks!! There's no right or wrong answer, my experience has been that it's fun to do both!

Hello,
I'am 5- 6weeks pregnant I have told vey few people my husband wants to let others know now and my son which we did with our daughter and he enjoyed hearing it from us and he loved to tell others over and over again.I had a sonogram this mornig that revealed everyting is looking good since I had called in to tell them I had really bad back ache and cramping all over the place(I suffer from back pains)but as a precaution the Dr. ordered it.I do plan to let everyone know as I see them.There isn't much we can do if God wants his children,we can however heal with the help from others support.So if you want to tell all then do so it should be a Happy Moment!!!SAHM of 2 kiddos and 1 on the way

We told family around 5 weeks, and then we told our closest friends after my first checkup. I didn't tell coworkers and other acquaintances until after 12 weeks. I definitely wanted to tell my family first because I wanted them to be there if something did happen.

It's totally up to you though. There's no rule set in stone. So, if you really want to tell... tell! :)

Congrats!

I have two beautiful children, but I had a miscarriage prior to both of them. In all three pregnancies we told our families pretty much right away. I just thought God forbid anything happen if a miscarriage did occur I would need their support anyway, so why not share the news. The only advice I would say is, don't share with EVERYONE right away, just those close. It was difficult with the miscarriage when random people at work would say "OH, congratulations" when they hadn't heard I had lost the baby.

We told our immediate family at about 8 weeks...it was just too hard to keep a secret! Of course, everyone else knew by the next week!

My family is so big and nosey, everyone pretty much knew a day or so within me finding out! I just find it's a big huge support system no matter which way it turns out. When I had a MC, everyone was there for me. When both my boys were born, again they were there for me. If you're more of a private person, or don't want a lot of people around if God forbid something was to happen, then I'd wait till the 2nd trimester as most the pregnant books say. It's honestly your call, and your personal choice! There is no right or wrong time, it's whatever you are comfortable with! Congrats and best wishes!!

I know what you mean. We waited until the 3-month point with our first two, but we told our friends and family at about 6 weeks with the third. It's a personal decision. I am sure that if, God forbid, something happened, most people would be very understanding and not talk about it too much. This happened to a friend of mine with her 5th (of 6). I think everyone handled it well. Best of luck.

I am so happy to see I'm not the only one dealing with this right now! We are 9 weeks pregnant and feel much better after going to the doctor yesterday. We heard the heartbeat and saw that everything looks good. That made me feel better. We have chosen to wait until 12 weeks to share the news, but it is killing me! It has been a long struggle for us, 8 years of infertility, and 2 adoptions!! Wow, who knew? Best wishes and if you need to chat about it, let me know.

Steph

With my first pregnancy I made the mistake of telling EVERYONE and a week later I lost the baby. When I got pregnant the second time we waited unitl after my first trimester to tell everyone. My doctor told me the chances of miscarriage are much lower by then. Good luck!

We just went through this a while back and I got some good advice. Only tell people that you would feel ok telling if something happened at first, just until you are out of your first trimester. You don't want to have to go back and tell someone that something happened if you aren't really comfortable with them like that. My mom tends to tell everyone everything so I always just told the people I trusted and thought if heaven forbid something happened, I could just tell my mom and let her tell the people she told. Congrats!

Congratulations! Usually they say the 12 week mark is a safe time to share the news because you are mostly past the threat of miscarriage. That being said, I know it's so hard to wait! When I was pregnant with my first, I told everyone the second I found out. The baby was fine and everything worked out. However, the second time I got pregnant I did the same thing, but ended up having a miscarriage at about 10 weeks. It was pretty hard to have to go and tell everyone that I was no longer pregnant. Even worse, there were some people who I forgot I had told. So weeks/months later I would run into them and they would ask me how the pregnancy was going. Very awkward! So, even though it's hard to wait, it's not really a bad idea. Or at least just tell your closest friends and family, and not everybody you run into on the street (like I did!). Best wishes for you and your new little one!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I got pregnant at the end of December 2006, we couldn't wait, and of course told every one including our oldest son who was 6 at the time. Unfortunately we did end up loosing the baby and for me it was hard to tell and see people after it happened. ANd my oldest had a hard time understanding what was happening. We finally had to tell him that the baby was in heaven with Jesus, and to this day he still talks about our baby in heaven. So when we got pregnant again we waited until we reached about 10 weeks to tell our families and waited even longer to tell our oldest son. I just couldn't put myself through all of that again. Ultimately the decision is yours, and only you know what is best for your situation. You could just tell your parents and sibilings if you are itching to tell someone and then wait a few weeks to tell every one else.
Good Luck and Congrats on the new little one.