When Does It Just Become Lying? When Does It Just Become Not Worth It?

I agree with Adansmama, ask what THEY think. My 9 year old asked me point blank about the tooth fairy - told me she wanted to know the truth, really! So I told her. Then she asked about Santa - I told her not to ask if she really didn't want to know and she dropped it. There have been a few times in similar situations (including the tooth fairly conversation) that I start with "what do you think?" and we talk about her reaction. It seems to work well. She can come to her own conclusions and I'm not spoiling anything for her. I may have to skate around an issue if she doesn't seem ready for the reality of it, but like Jo W says, if they ask point blank and you lie, it's a lie - esp at their ages.

My boys are 6 and 8. This year they finally asked me point blank whether he was real or if mom and dad bought the presents. At that point it would have become a lie had I insisted he was real. I told them that Santa is a representation of the magic or the season, but that mom and dad buy the gifts. They were fine with it, and simply passed their Santa list on to me :)

A friend of mine with 5 kids, when they started questioning or totally doubting Santa, basically did tell them the truth....

But.... also added.... "If you tell the younger ones, and spoil it for them, you can be sure that there won't be any Santa gifts for YOU!"

That kept the older ones from spoiling it for the little ones.....

It becomes a lie when they ask you is it true and you say yes.

I finally got tired of all the comments my 10 year old daughter was making and told her the truth.

But I also remind her that "if you don't believe, you don't receive." I also had to remind her more than once that it is not a conversation to have with anyone else as everyone has different family traditions.

Honestly, I think she figured it out a few years ago and was more curious why we keep up the charade every year. The presents are wrapped and hidden a neighbors garage in case she decides to snoop.

I TOTALLY agree with Dragonfly.
Those who don't "believe" don't receive.

My kids are 25 and 16. They have never said anything about there being no Santa.
Through the years, when they were younger, there were many kids who told them that Santa wasn't real and it was only the parents.
All I ever said was, "If you notice, the kids who say that are also the ones who don't get any Santa gifts".
My kids never gave me any guff about going to bed on Christmas Eve. I simply wasn't having any of that.
My son is 16 now and it's not like he has a 9pm bedtime or anything, but he doesn't get up or spy or anything like that.
Why would he shoot himself in the foot?
He knows there will be presents for him in the morning.
At his age, in his heart, he knows the deal, but he also knows that surprising him makes me happy.
He also knows that he has a single mom who works her butt off and could very easily sleep right through Christmas if given half a chance.
Cooperating about going to bed was just always part of it.
I always told my kids, "Santa won't come unless you are asleep. It's that simple".
They can't be bombing around the house and expect presents to appear. Even Santa isn't THAT magic.
You have a lot of years left with your littlest one. My daughter is almost 10 years older than my son and she was so helpful in playing right along about having to go to bed and go to sleep. Many years they slept together on Christmas Eve.
It might be hard to change things up if you've let your kids be in the habit of being up, but the first thing I would do is get strict about bedtime.
As the older ones get even older, they can be "Santa's Helpers" when it comes to getting the little one settled down and to bed.
That's how my parents did it, that's how I did it with my kids.
Do I believe in Santa?
Heck yeah.

Very best wishes to you. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

My mom never had us believe in Santa and we never did it to our kids. That's our personal opinion. Our kids enjoy Christmas a lot. We didn't want to ever lie to them. It's not fun especially since they'll find out the truth eventually. We don't ever want them to question that maybe we were lying about God and the truths we told about HIM. They get plenty of gifts and a fun and memorable Christmas. We set gifts out on Christmas Eve that aren't wrapped and also do the Stockings but it's from us and not Santa.

you know, it might be time to really turn on the "big brother" angle. sit them down and ask them, what do THEY think about santa claus. they may know in their hearts and if you ask them point blank what THEY think, maybe they will be honest and tell you that they have doubts. i mean 11 is pretty old to still believe. anyway, let them in on the secret and play it up that they are such big kids now and such great big brothers that you know they'll keep the secret for little sis. emphasize that it's for her and you want her to have a great christmas, etc. you might be surprised how eager they are to be "grown up" and in on it, and help make it special for her. give them some credit. i bet they at least suspect. if you treat them with respect and love i'm sure they'll be fine. most kids don't have huge traumatic memories of finding out santa wasn't real...i really feel like your situation is pretty rare. and it might be that because you had that bad experience, you are a little too hesitant to tell them. have faith. kids are smart and strong.

I think the day is coming soon when the 11 yr old will ask questions and you can spill. I would talk to him in the summer and make him a part of the magic (like moving the elf). One of the reasons we don't have an elf is because I don't want the job.

... I have said (was trying to think quickly in a nano second), that Santa is real at our house. But that, as children get older they may not believe in Santa anymore... but then their role becomes one of "helping" Santa... like what parents do for their children.
I told my daughter (she is 9 and still believes in Santa), that everyone believes differently. Some classmates don't believe. Its okay. It is what is in her heart and thoughts. That younger children believe in Santa more... because their heart is still so excited about life and hopes and wishes and "magic." But that, as a person gets older... then tend to not, believe in those things. But it does not mean, it is fake. Faith and hope and the spirit of Christmas and magic, is what it is about.
That Santa, has "historical" background. Even in the internet, you can find out about St.Nick/Santa etc., and how the tradition came to be.

I agree about asking the 11 year old about his opinion and being honest and do not keep telling him it's real if he's asking. Otherwise he will be truly upset when he finds out if you keep perpetuating the lie.

I like the idea of having him 'in' on the secret. I also think you can talk to him about the 'spirit of Christmas' and giving to others. Explain that (when he finds out) that you believe in the spirit of Christmas and Santa Claus (even if Santa is really mom and dad). It doesn't mean that the spirit of Christmas and the enjoyment has to dwindle.

Honestly I do not remember when I found out and obvously was not tramatized because I cannot remember a time where I thought he was real versus when I knew he wasn't.

Good luck! Oh and PS: Maybe wait until AFTER Christmas this year to talk to your 11 year old. It will give him time to think, ponder and get ready to be in on the secret next year!

Why not just say some people believe and some people don't?

I completely believe in Santa! I know there is no fat man that fits down my chimney and magically breaks the glass on my gas fireplace, leaves us some great toys, and magically goes back up...but isn't there some fun in believing in him?

Why take that away from them? I will never understand parents who take the fun away. It's okay to tell them what you want, but I don't get the need to say SANTA IS FAKE.

There are way more important things to worry about in life.

Well, let me just say that my babies waking up to Santa this year was so precious; there are no words to describe. Hearing my little guy's small footsteps running to the fireplace, and then calling out, "wake up everybody, wake up! Santa came! He gave us presents! Santa came, Daddy!", made my heart swell so big. This is what I consider the "magic" of Christmas. It's the childhood innocence that I hope will live in their hearts forever. Even when my kids are teenagers (already knowing in their hearts what's real), we will still do Santa presents.

hope this helps.

Maybe you could talk to your 11 yr old in private and let them in on it. Then ask them to not share it with their younger sibling just yet because it will spoil so many memories for them. They could help you get it all done and run interference next year! LOL

It's a tricky thing, this Santa reveal. When my son starting to hear things and wonder, but still clearly wanted to believe, I told him this:

Your friends are right. People who don't believe in Santa don't receive gifts from him. Your friends' parents buy the gifts and then sign Santa's name on the card, probably because of younger siblings. However, if you believe in Santa, then the gifts are from him.

It's been 10 years and I still feel sly, LOL.

IMO your 11 yr old should be let in on "the secret" and then s/he can enjoy the fun of keeping the "magic" alive for the younger kids. This is a great article to help you weigh the pros and cons: http://www.myoptumhealth.com/portal/Information/item/From...