Where to Move - Cranford,NJ

Moving is HARD...and HARDER the longer you have been in one place, especially for kids. Make new friends right where you are instead.

Establish new social circles where you are.
Get out and meet some new people.
Take a class at your community college, volunteer, get the kids involved in some new activities, etc.
As you make new friends, the old group will be less important.
You'll be throwing your own parties and not even miss the old group anymore.
You can make a fresh start without moving to a new neighborhood.

I don't have any problem believing you. There are toxic people out there.
The great thing about toxic people is that sooner or later, they out themselves. Everybody understands after a while who the crazies are, I promise you. This is a lesson in people for your whole family.
Have you done anything wrong? I mean Really wrong? No
Then stay where you are, hold your ground. Change your social circle.
You are the only one that cares that this person is "popular". You make "popular" in your house. Popular means they are kind and funny and caring. Find those people.

How do your kids feel? Are they more or less upset than you are about not being invited to stuff? Make sure you are not overstating the situation. If you move, it will take a while to be invited to anything. It's a big change over a stupid situation. Wait it out.

Please do not move because of them! Think of what you would be showing your kids. Something gets hard you move? Don't move, stand your ground and make new friends. If those other kids don't want to be friends with your kids anymore then were they really friends you want your children to hang out with? Kids will make new friends. May take a little bit but they will. I also agree with the other person who said "everyone will eventually see how toxic that person is". God puts us in these situations to tell us it is time to move on and if your really lucky he will let you watch the outcome :D. I know everything will work out for you, just don't dwell on it or it will take you a long time to move into a happier life.

What about upstate NY? 2 of my colleges moved there and love it. I don't know how bad your situation is that you want to move. At first I thought, "Why are you running from your problems?" Then I thought, maybe the people are really bad there like adult style bullies. I find it's just so much easier living in the country, because no one bothers you.

I believe you and I understand the desire for a fresh start. My husband won't move, but I would. It hurts to watch your kids get left out and know there is nothing you can do about it.

I tried talking to a couple of friends who had parties and did not invite us. I did not bring the party up but they were totally uncomfortable discussing the problem.Their answers ticked me off.

Basically, they don't want to cross the people who will retaliate so we are not invited to events where they are invited to. Then the mean girls tell my kids all about it and how they were chosen over us. I hate it.

I have found some new people and I have hope. I also have decided to pull away from the friends who are not inviting us to avoid drama. We should not be punished for being nice, forgiving, etc..

Hi N.,

Without knowing the circumstances under which your fallout happened, it's hard to say who's at fault. Be that as it may, if you don't want to move I don't think you should. If at the same time your comfort level has been disrupted to the point where it is difficult to co-exist with everyone else, I think you should call a meeting with your friends - especially the ones who are no longer in the picture.

As difficult as it may be, I think all of you need to sit down and talk it out. No one is perfect. The sooner each person realizes this and apologizes for any misunderstandings that might have taken place, the sooner the healing process will begin.

The chemistry between all of you must have been great if you survived together this long. Re-examine what caused the break-up and try to see it through their eyes if it would allow you to gain a different perspective on the situation.

I think a good friendship is worth saving but only you can determine it's worth.

Hope this helps..
A

I guess it depends on what type of place you want to live in. We just moved from Morristown and I absolutely loved it there. I feel like it's a big enough town that you don't have to "fit in." If you want more country, we just moved to Bucks County, PA. Great schools and lower taxes than Jersey. Good luck whatever you decide.

Have no idea! We are in DC area but wanted to say good luck!!
P

The posters all make a good comment of staying put. Jersey is Jersey and you have to be a bit tough to live there. You stayed in Cranford for 25 years, where would you go? You may well end up in another town with the same type of people. So all you did was change one group for another with the same attitude.

Go to the local colleges and take a quilting, scrapbooking, knitting class and make new friends. Is there something you wanted to study at the local school? Now is the time to do it.

Remember when one door shuts another opens. You may not always see it at first but it does. I have been in this situation and I have just asked for new friends to come into my life and they do. Now is the time to dig deep within to find new strengths and use them.

Since this "popular" couple have turned their back on you, could it be that you and hubby had more going on in your life than they did in their life? Your younger children should not feel any resentment from the group. Simply get them involved in other arts/crafts/sports/dance activities in the area.

Of course the Jersey I knew and the Jersey you know are different by at least 40 years. But do stand your grand and make it a better place for your family. How are your next door neighbors? Take time to get the know the people around you you might find a rare gem.

the other S.