Where to Refer a Friend Thinking of Leaving Her Husband?

Hey there,

You are a good friend for seeking advice for her.

If there is fear anywhere in her - the relationship is abusive. You should never fear your partner. Even in an argument, I have never in my life been afraid of something my husband will say or do. Ever.

If she does want to leave, but is scared about what he will do, she needs to seek legal protection from him before she does anything else. I would suggest filing a restraining order against him and then filing for divorce, preferably as close to one another as possible. Restraining order FIRST - because once he is served divorce papers, she may need the restraining order against him if he gets angry.

Which state is she in? Have her look into her home state's Department of Children and Family Services - there are a lot of resources there for her and the kids. All she needs to do is speak with a case worker and explain her situation. They will help her and protect them from him should he become more abusive.

Best advice I'd give to her now? - Fake it. She should NOT just walk in one day and say "Its over" because that is an open invitation for a huge blow up. While they're living under the same roof, and ESPECIALLY if she thinks the man may be bipolar or something - fake it. Don't have any long conversations about any of this. Just go through the motions, and tell her to work behind the scenes to get out of there safely with the kids.

If it gets really bad she should arrange to stay at a friends house with the kids and go to the police to press charges. Depending on which state she lives in, there are a number os charges she could press against him legally that would stick long enough to have a restraining order put through quickly and to have her possibly assigned to an officer that can stay with her and the kids.

Encourage her not to go anywhere without the kids. If it were me, I'd personally open his skull with a hammer if he came near my boys. But thats just me being pregnant, hormonal and a little too mama bear.

There you have it. DCFS, restraining order, divorce papers. And then some much needed family counseling for her and the kids.

If he touches her, she needs to call 911 and get a PFA against him. The first time. Do you think she understands that? If she feels fearful for her life she needs to call a womens shelter. Google women's shelters in her city and send her a list of the phone numbers.

If she is sure she wants a divorce, she needs to take the next step. Legal advice/counsel.

I believe you should advise her to get an attorney. He is not the O. who makes the decision of who gets what and who stays and who goes. A sign of a very controlling man!

Please direct her to Family Crisis Centers

You might get more specific info if you listed her city and state.

Does she have an EAP employee assistance program via her or her husband's place of employment that could assist with counseling referrals in her area?

She might want to start complying a stash of important things she might need to take if she had to leave without much notice. Cash, financial records, birth certificates especially for kids, copies of bills, health info/records, contact info/emergency numbers, computer passwords to essentials. Anything she might need to set up another residence, enroll kids in school, etc.

Well, she can get a restraining order, but I believe she would have to move out to make it enforceable if his name is on the house.

Short of that, the best bet is probably to encourage her to talk to a lawyer about her situation and ask their advice. I know that the house often goes to the person who didn't move out of it, but he would have to financially compensate her for her half of it in most states, even if she moved out first.

She is going to have to weigh what she cares most about, and protect herself, even if that means that she can't stay in the house, potentially.

A family crisis center is probably a good idea, too.