Who do you talk to? I mean REALLY talk to?
I ask, because I find myself all alone, with no one to talk to. I'm a single mom of a 4yr old (no family/ no daddy in the picture), and ever since my daughter was born, we've been alone. The friends I have, have dispersed. They have kids too, but they are married, and we rarely see each other (I have asked for playdates, and one friend lives 2 streets down!). Not only am I single, but I have been unemployed (twice in two years!), and have been really struggling (that's actually an understatement). So, I know this is the reason. The friends (2 of the 3 of them) have come around just recently because I'm in dire straights and have had to ask for help (and it kills me to do it!), but that's it, they haven't wanted to talk to me, I think they are uncomfortable around me because of my situation, and scared I may need something. It makes me sad, and well, LONELY! A couple of years ago I had reached out to a couple of mom groups, they were a lot younger, SAHM's and just "clicky", so it didn't work out. And now, honestly, it's hard to socialize with new people when I'm about to become homeless Heck, I don't socialize with anyone, and it's just not healthy. I know when I finally do get a job with insurance, I will seek out a therapist; God knows I need it after all I've been through (and still going through). I used to be the popular person everyone wanted to associate themselves with, and now NO One wants to even give me 2 seconds of their time! I always think, if I had a friend going through a tough time, I WOULD BE THERE FOR THEM! Anyway, are you blessed with a BFF? Did you meet a great friend in an unusual place? Or late in life? I need friends, but my daughter and I also need prayers to get through this tough time- God Bless~
Thank you, for all of the kind words. It doesn't help that I'm introverted, so making new friends seems difficult, but I certainly am going to be more open to new people that I meet; shouldn't be too hard, since, as I get older the more chatty I'm becoming, like the old person who starts a conversation with the cashier (insert me!). I think the thing that is also hard, is that I'm just disappointed in these friends that's I've had for 20+ years, I always thought, "I have plenty of friends, I don't need anymore", well, this has been a huge awakening.... Also, I do have a part time job at a retail store, unfortunately, they only give me a day or two, but, I know when I finally get full time work (hopefully with the pay I'm accustomed to), things will be better, and I definitely will always be on the lookout for "friend opportunities"! Thanks again, it's nice to know SOMEONE is listening (reading) :))))
Well I've got 3 sisters. We're all close, but different. We all have different relationships with each other, you know? Anyway there is never any lack of a Sista to talk to about any given thing.
So you can talk to ME! One thing I got is time, compassion, and a sense of humor. Ok, well that's three things I guess. Send a message anytime.
:)
I talk to my sister, my best friend and other people. I am blessed with a sister who is my best friend and my best friend who has been with me through ups and downs, curves and twists for 35 years!!!
From July 2011 to April 2012 - we were in tough times. We found out who our friends are. I know - sounds like a country song - but it's true.
Your "friends" aren't your friends. Sorry. If they won't give you two seconds of their time - they aren't your friends.
However, on the flip side - It MIGHT be that they aren't uncomfortable - but they see the look of desperation in your face and hear it in your voice...and they are afraid it could happen to them....or that's the ONLY thing you talk about when you are with them and it's hard to hear it "every time you call".
You need to get yourself employable....does this mean you need schooling? I don't know. I would start applying for grants and get myself in a better position. Find out what career fields are open and hiring and get educated in one of the fields that interests me.
Given your situation - I am sure you would qualify for grants or scholarships. If you are not on welfare or foodstamps - get on them. Go to your local unemployment office and start looking at the boards.
Get your resume together. I will be happy to look it over for you.
You aren't near family. Then if you are currently unemployed - call them and tell them the situation you are in and get help from them. Move closer to them. If you are young enough - you might consider joining the military - yes, it means that you would have to leave your daughter for 12 weeks but afterwards? you can be together. Do you have anyone you trust your daughter with?
Get your daughter's father to start paying child support. You and your daughter need that money!!
Back to you - and being lonely. I'm here. I work from home. I have several "jobs" - I do ebay/craigslist and I recruit people for IT Government Contract jobs. you are welcome to PM and we can get acquainted.
No way :( I hear on Facebook many girls post how they love their besties or BFF & Im always so confused how they have so many & I dont even have a handful of friends let alone BBF! I have a sister & thank god for her! She is always there for me & Im there for her :) Friendships are tough I dont now why. I mean Im married. It can be tougher than that lol but I think I would be an amazing friend! Sending a prayer your way
Xoxo E.
Do you have family that you can talk to? My sisters and my mom are a big help. I also have a BFF that i have had for 24 years. I know it is hard when you feel alone. Maybe you can have the friends over for a few times without asking for anything. Then they would not fear you as much. I am praying that things get better for you.
No, Dear, God bless you!
check this out:
You can get all kinds of help-and meet new friends-and God does know what you've been through and that it can get better! Good luck!
I'm probably much older than you (38). I've been to hell and back. I get where you are coming from. What I can tell you is that you can come out of this.
I've moved across country a handful of times and have had to start over each time. Having a bff is not all that. Yes, it is super nice to have someone to talk to on a regular basis and get the support when you need it. But, that can't be your main concern right now. You have way more going on that is a priority.
Can we help!??! Can you break down the actual problems you have going on? What kind of work have you done? What is keeping you from getting a job? Child care? Transportation? Current resume? Proper clothing? Depression?
Have you looked into all the programs and help that is available to you? Can we help with that, too?
Is there a preschool that you can take your daughter to that would offer a scholarship? Payment plan? Have you asked?? Head Start??
Seriously. Spell it out. Let us help!!!
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. Consider all the Moms on here your friends. What's great about that is that people have all kinds of help they can offer you because, believe me, someone has been in your shoes at some point in their life and they've gotten through it and come out the other side.
Do you belong to any kind of church? Perhaps a small one where people really get to know each other? People with a soft heart for God might be the kinds of people you want to surround yourself with. Best of luck to you and I'll say a prayer for you too.
Prayers to you! Hang in there.
When I have been like this I found solace in writing in a journal. I would pour out my heart then burn the pages. It was very healing. I would just write and write and write. Not stopping to read or evaluate, nothing but freedom/flow of thoughts. They all went down, sometimes I had no idea what I had written because the sentences were not complete, not even a subject because my mind was working so fast.
There are other ways too. Just praying out loud. Even if you don't believe anyone is listening the act of hearing your own words will often light up that lightbulb on top of your head and you'll have an awakening moment.
One of those "OOOOOOOhhhhhhhhh, that's what was bugging me" moments. Hearing it out loud is especially cathartic for those who are audio learners. Hearing it out loud is often the only way they figure something out.
The action of sitting down or getting down on ones knees is a sign of surrender. Your brain goes into a different mode. Your eyes are closed, your body is quiet, you hear nothing but the sound of your voice, your heart can break and tell the inner most private things. Even if you think no one is there listening, you are there listening. That's what I'm trying to say. Letting your body just get it all out and bubbling over is often very very lightening. It will feel like you got rid of all the weight of the world.
I hope you can take some time to do some of these techniques. I found some to be much better for me than others.
Well, I have a small circle of people I will really dig in with:
My best friend, who happens to also be my husband
My bestest ever girlfriend, who I did meet in a strange place... we were both naked in a bathroom, changing after getting baptized in a hot tub in suburbia. (For real...)
And for the heavy stuff, when it's more than what I want to hash out with those two lovely people, I have a counselor I go see from time to time. She's great and I miss her--it's been a long time. (which is good, in many ways... but she's been invaluable support in the past.)
I would strongly encourage you to build a relationship with a trusted person like a counselor. They have objectivity friends and loved ones don't always have.
And you are doing wise to be careful with whom you confide, too. Trust your gut on who to share your more personal thoughts/feelings with.
Do you have a sister or a cousin? Mine are the rocks of my life (aside from my husband).
Sending prayers. I hope you find friends who value you for who you really are, and who you can deeply trust.
I have 5 very close friends who I can count on through anything I go through. The rest are buddies, and acquaintances. One of those 5 I actually met on here. I put a question in for my location about a playgroup or setting up one for my son. 6 years later we are still very close friends, and our sons are good buddies.
The others are from grade and high school. I am more on the introverted side, so it does take me awhile to warm up to someone. My husband is extremely extroverted, so it helps to have someone around you to start conversations. By myself, it is hard. I'm a good judge of character, so for me, I usually can sense how a person is by just meeting them.
First off, you aren't alone. Their are many people that are going through hard times. Second, contact your unemployement office and look at the boards. See what's out there. Find employement. That's the first step. Once you find a job, stick with it, and then work on making sure your child has a good day care service available. If you need to get on welfare and food stamps, do it. Their is no shame in needing assistance. Does the father pay child support? If not, he needs to.
Third, once you have a job, I would recommend a therapist. You need someone to talk to, but also someone who listens objectively and can help steer you in a good direction for yourself, and for your life.
Fourth, this is a wonderful site in finding women and mothers. Like I said before, I found a wonderful mother on here who I became very close friends with. So, maybe you can find a mother in your area to meet and talk to. I wish you the best, and things always have a way of sorting themselves out.
Take care.
I only have 3 people in my life that I fully trust and can talk to about anything. First is my husband. I've been blessed with an amazing husband who would walk to the moon for me. 2nd is my mom. I am very close to her and it kills me that we live so far apart now, but we do talk everyday. 3rd is my best friend of 13 years. She lives about 3000 miles away and she is going through a very rough time right now. This month is the 2 year anniversary of her grandma dying (she was raised by her) and the 1 year anniversary of her dad's death (who she was VERY close with). So, she tends to cut the world out when she is having a hard time so I don't expect to talk with her a lot this month. But she knows that I'm here anytime she needs me and I even have a card ready to send to her.
Other than that, I do not have friends. I have a few people that I know and maybe once every couple months will have a playdate with, but besides that, that's it.
Maybe take a class through your city about cooking, art, sewing, or whatever your into, you could meet other people. Go to the park and just start talking to other mom's. I've even met random mom's at walmart and become friends with them. It's not easy for me either, I am an introvert and super shy around new people. But, sometimes I have a moment when I just tell myself to get over it and just do it.
Good luck and I hope you get through your tough time.
ETA I just had an idea. What if you do some volunteer work at your kids school? I have joined the PTA this year and hold a co chair for planning the schools movie night with another mom.
Also what about a womens Bible study or group at a church?
Hey, sorry that you are feeling so down and having such a hard time.
I don't really have friends either. Many years ago I was drug-addicted so all of my friends were druggies too. When I got clean, I cut the ties with them and have not really had any friends since. I do have my hubby and we have a great relationship. I don't feel the need for friends since I have him and adult children and adult nieces and nephews.
My first thought in reading your post was for you to look for a church. Try to find one that has a lot of members around your same age and then get involved. Not only will you make some friends and have a social outlet, but you might find people there that can help you with your current situation.
I agree that the couple of friends that you have probably feel uncomfortable around you because of your circumstances and they may be staying away because they are afraid you'll ask for help. Those type of people are what I refer to as "fair weather friends."
Good luck and hugs to you!
