Is It Normal to Argue Constantley When Husband and Wife Are Both Unemplyed, And

Money, or lack thereof, and children, are the top two reasons couples fight. You're both under a lot of stress and it's normal for tempers to be short. You can get through it, but don't expect it to be easy.

I don't really know how you could "enjoy" a date night with so much financial stress. I would be out looking for employment and then celebrating once we found it. good luck!

My husband and I are both unemployed. It's been like that since August of 2010. We play together to keep from killing each other. Video games, board games, pen and paper games, word games. Just games. "The family that plays together, stays together." Sure, we argue, but it's the same things we'd argue about if we were gainfully employed or not.

Going for walks is fun and cheap. The local park became a hangout for a while. The library got a workout as well as just strolling the mall window shopping and people watching. Filling up a tub or cheap blow up pool in the yard (or balcony if you don't have a yard) with water and letting your son splash about in it is great on hot days. Get a few ice cubes and put them in. Endless fun trying to make them sink and watching them disappear.

You can get largish free card board boxes from stores who unpack things like refrigerators or washers and dryers, may have to fold it a little to get it home but you can put it back together and use duct tape to get it back into box shape. Cut windows and a door out of it and it'll get loved to death until it crumbles.

I know how you feel. My husband and I are both unemployed right now, and my husband is trying to start his own business, but it's stressful and not profitable right now. When both of you are under stress, coupled with having a young child, it is normal to have short tempers with each other. You just have to find little ways of destressing that doesn't cost much. For us, we always go out for coffee at a bookstore. It's cheaper than going out for dinner, it gets us out of the house, and it is relaxing for us. Our anniversary is coming up, but we don't have any money to do anything fancy, so I'm thinking we'll see an early afternoon movie (the cheapest show) and go out for coffee afterwards. Are your brother-in-law and sister-in-law willing to babysit for a few hours for free? Maybe you could just drop your son off at their house for a few hours and go back to your home for intimate time just the two of you (that way you don't have to spend money on a hotel or anything). Or like Sheila S.'s suggestion, just take a walk in the park together and make the decision to not focus on the negative. You can even bring your son to the playground and have him play, maybe bring a picnic lunch and enjoy the day.

It can be really hard to deal with the stress, but if you find little ways of spending time together that don't cost much, it might help a lot. Good luck, and I hope both of you find something soon.

Of course it is normal. You guys are nervous! Date night might be an option, but you also need money to do it. Or not. You can go for a walk by yourselves, sit on a park bench and just enjoy eachother. In the meantime I know how it is really tough so keep looking for jobs and let eachother know how much you are cheering eachother on. And in this case, I don't know much else about you but if this is a horrible issue, if either of you gets a job, any job, be there to support eachother. It is a hard world right now and I will say my prayers that this turns around.

You guys are under a tremendous amount of stress. Maybe just get your brother in law and sister in law to watch the baby and go walking or get a small something.

Hi,

Yes! Normal. Not easy though. You are soooo stressed and financial pressures and a new baby and being unemployed just add to that burden. Please ask a friend or family member to watch your child while you and your hubby just go out and connect with eachother. Take a walk--hold hands and tell him that you love him. Start there and then build on that---things will get better! Also, if you want your son to spend the night at his auntie's house--why don't you do something simple and have a nice candle light dinner at home-not expensive but still romantic and fun! Good luck~

Molly

Listen to these ladies! If you both had your dream jobs, but didn't have each other, you would wonder if life was worthwhile (I hope!).

You're both hurt and stressed out and worried about yourselves and one another and having a hard time communicating. Time to say, out loud, again, that what you haven't lost - each other - is of value.

Decide to tell your husband every day that you love him. Tell him you like him, too. Maybe he'll do the same and maybe not. If he is unable to come up with things you both can do together, you can pick from the many good ideas you've been given. You can't change anybody else's mood, but you can decide what your own will be.

It would be nice, if you both would do it, to declare an argue-free evening - or hour! And be careful how you talk around your baby. Say good, positive, happy things. He's paying attention.

My husband has not often been unemployed, but when he was, it was NO FUN, so I understand a little how you're feeling. Fight back! Don't let the unhappy times conquer you! :^)

so normal!!! You are out of work and have a precious little on depending on you, totally stressful. Just hang in there and try to love on your man whenever you can and do something to destress yourself, even if it is taking a stroll with your babe in the stroller on a nice day and then just breathe. I am sure you are both doing everything you can to find work. Try to give your man extra grace right now. Do you have a dvd player, why not hit up the Redbox and get a dollar movie and maybe some cheapie junk food and enjoy and "movie night" together. If you are up for it, maybe something he will really like. Like my hubs loves martial arts so if there is a new Jet Li movie out, I might surprise him and bring it home or something like that. Just a little fun can go a long way!!! Hang in there and I really hope you guys find some work soon ;)

I have been unemployed since August 2010.
I find that the longer it goes on the more stressed I become, and the more short tempered I can get over little things with my son. I thank God daily that he is a compassionate and fairly understanding almost 15 year old, that I can apologize too when I get freaked out and snappy. It is not my son's fault, but he is closest to me, so unfortunately he can get the brunt of it.

So, my advice (what I do) breathe deeply, think before you speak, and apologize if you snap. Alternately, your husband should do the same. Make a pact to do so. You are both worried and stressed right now.

Spend some time apart - take turns taking the baby to the park, visiting friends. Then let your family baby sit and have a date night at home. Fix a special meal (it doesn't have to be expensive), eat off the "good" china, rent an Redbox move (under $2). Fix your hair and makeup, both of you dress up - heck, have him come ring the doorbell like a real date. Vow to talk of nothing but silly things, good memories, no talk about finances or job hunting - keep it upbeat.

May we all find employment soon.

Good Luck
God Bless

I don't know...why not both of you get jobs and then you'll find out? :)

You've gotten some really good responses here!- The only thing I can think to add is about the finances-

Although my DH hasn't yet ever been unemployed, we did have a TON of debt and no savings. We were pretty stressed about $ and it did put some stress on our marriage too.

What helped us enormously is when we finally listened to some advice we had gotten about checking out Dave Ramsey- seriously, we made a 180- everything is completely different!! We have an emergency fund, are on our way to paying down our debt, and maybe best of all, is that we're working together as a team on our finances.

I can not stress enough what an effect it has had on our marriage!! We are no longer stressed about $ - not because we're loaded (far from it), but because we can see Financial Peace in our future and now know how to get there.

I think the easiest way to start is by listening to his radio show for FREE (live or archived) from his website- we really enjoy listening together.

http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/

We also got the audio version of The Total Money Makeover- but you can find the book @ the library.

Very best wishes! :)

you have 4 things working against you: your unemployed, he's unemployed, a toddler, & financial issues......... so yes it is normal.

Why are you both unemployed? If me or my DH were unemployed we wouldn't be home together we would be *pounding the pavement* together.

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it's tough out there-and there's light at the end of the tunnel-you are not the person today that you will be in five years-and thank God, neither am I.

Absolutley you can expect to fight when you are both home, with a young child, and having financial problems. Those are some of the biggest stressors you can have. I heard a study one time that said you are the most dissatisfied in your marriage during the preschool years. That doesn't mean you don't want to be married, it just means that the satisfaction you had when you first got married, the things that excited you about marriage, are not necessiarly there right now (companionship, time alone, the excitement of the relationship). Now, you have to spread your time between satisfying your husband and your child and it's a different dynamic. Also, date night when you are broke doesn't always seem like a good idea. Maybe you just need to plan a no cost date night and take your hubby out. Maybe he's worried that date night is going to cost money you don't have. Instead of going out to dinner, pack a picnic dinner, bring a blanket to a garden or park and eat there with no distractions. You can also just go for a walk, or have your child spend the night with the uncle and just spend the night at home, dinner alone, watch a movie or old home movies. You can rent movies from the library for free. Finally, you need to have a real talk about your finances. How are you going to manage the money you have while everyone is looking for a job? What things can you sacrifice (cut cable TV? get rid of the home phone if you both have cell phones? always try to car pool together/organize your errands to save gas money, only drive the car that has the best gas mileage.) Finances is the #1 reason for divorce, so make sure you keep each other informed. I'd recommend Dave Ramsey's book, course, and radio talk show (1-4 on AM 570 )

Yes it is hard when you both are unemployed and tensions mount. It is tough out there to find a job and you start to worry about things. Hang in there and take a moment to breathe. It will get better. Have your in laws take your son and have your date at home. Make a nice dinner and have some "us" time without worrying about the baby and spending money that you just shouldn't be spending. And let things go for the night. Find something else to talk about besides bills and being unemployed. Good luck and enjoy!

Breathe.

We were in your shoes not too long ago. The tension builds. The pressure seems unbearable and we just ended up snapping at each other or even worse ignoring each other all together. It didn't help.

Just know that it will pass. What's important is to get through it together and you will be stronger. He's still unemployed but I found a job at last. So it will come... and as hard as this sounds... don't take it too seriously. Laugh a little together and sometimes the bad melts away. Even if it's just for a minute.

Good luck!

Even while looking for a job, you need a chance to relax and enjoy yourself. Heading into summer, there are typically a lot of free outdoor concerts, outdoor movies, or other similar events at area parks. Maybe you could track down something like that to enjoy with your husband while your in laws watch your child for a night. It's nice to take a break and do something pleasant rather than agonizing over money 24 hours a day! Even if the two of you just manage to get away for a long walk or bike ride for a few hours, that would give you a chance to have fun, reconnect, and refresh yourselves. Plus getting even a small amount of exercise can ward off stress!