Who Else Out There Is in a Sexless Marriage

Sounds like he is maybe having some weirdness adjusting after the baby? I would go to counseling, not just marriage counseling, but someone who specializes in issues that come up after you have a baby. I know personally how heartbreaking this can be and I am so sorry you are having to deal with it.

Don't let it go- the longer it becomes a habit, the harder to get back to normal. The two of you need to see a therapist or counselor who specializes in these issues right away.

Maybe he wants YOU to initiate because he thinks you'll just tell him no again.

Let me explain two points of view...

Your view- He should want me no matter what. Why doesn't he show me affection?

His view- If she's gonna turn me down, why bother asking or initiating? She'll come to me when she wants anything.

What do you do or say when he says he knows you hate him? What's YOUR reaction?

It sounds to me that you've never shown him appreciation and respect but you expect him to do all of it for you... And then some. When I want a kiss, hug, sex, thanks, to vent, to talk... Anything... I go to my husband! I talk to him all the time! He talks to me all the time. About everything... Anything... Anytime... If I'm feeling under appreciated... I THANK HIM for something I've noticed. That triggers him into noticing and doing the same for me.

Do unto others as you'd have done unto you.

4 months does not a sexless marriage make. Especially after a new baby. I say put on a sexy outfit, ask a friend to watch the baby and get down to business. My husband and i have gone through slumps in our 10 years together. Sometimes Its all about pride, miscommunication, priority mistakes and taking someone for granted. You have to talk about it openly, or just make it go away by taking the first step.

I agree with Amanda. You gave birth 3 months ago and 6 weeks of that you have to wait anyway, right?
Sex in a marriage goes through peaks and valleys sometimes and I believe that sex is NOT what makes a commitment.
There is no right or wrong answer to how much sex a couple has or does not have as long as it's agreeable to both.
Have you actually asked him what is wrong?
Did he watch the birth? That can kind of wig out some men.

p.s. We ALL hate our husbands when we have a newborn! hahaha

"It has never been good but now I don't even get the pleasure of turning him down" WTH kind of thing is that to say?? I am totally baffled and confused as to where you are coming from. Maybe you should quit turning him down....nobody likes to be rejected!! How many times do you expect to turn him down before he gives up completely?? I don't blame him at all, I wouldn't want to be rejected all the time either. In my opinion, you get back what you give out. If you want affection from him then give him affection, if you want to be loved, be loving, etc.... Why does he think that you hate him?? Do you hate him?? Obviously at some point you were having sex because you got pregnant, so what changed??

Why does turning him down make you happy? Have you talked to him about why you aren't in the mood? If not then I would think you hated him too. You have to talk to him so he knows what is going on, he can't read your mind.

When my kids were little it was hard for me I was extremely exhausted but I talked to my husband through it so we didn't have problems from it. It does get easier as the baby gets older.

Sometimes guys get weird after they see their wife have a baby.

Why does he think you hate him? This could be the Issue.....

I know this is late, but there was a great article in Parents magazine about this and it basically said to spend 5 hours a week in bits and pieces together, and try new places to go, new ways to initiate, new whatever to get that dopamine working and that testosterone flowing. They also said to go slowly from "maintenance" sex to fantastic sex -- so I'm trying it too:)

I am, but by my choice. Im 37 weeks pregnant and dont even want to think about doing anything sexual lol. I feel bad for my husband. We too have only been married for a couple of months, but we do already have a 21 month old together. I would have to agree with some of the other moms on here. If your husband watched the birth, he might be weirded out. Or he might be experiencing some post partum depression or he is just stresses. Im not sure what to think of why your husband thinks you hate him. My DH jokes that I hate him because I wont put out for him right now. Just sit down and talk and get to the bottom of the issue. Hope its an easy fix. Good luck.

Communication is key here. Words might look like:

"Honey, something is bothering me. Do you have time to talk?"

"I feel weird. I miss intimacy. I miss making love. Is there something I should know?"

Or "I feel bad. When you say you think I hate you, I feel confused. I don't want to misunderstand. Can we talk about that?"

Or "I feel bad. I miss intimacy. My body has changed so much since the baby, and I want to feel wanted. What do you think?"

Rejecting sex is usually a sign of anger that's lingering underneath. The sex itself is not the issue, something else is going on. Find that "something else" and the sex will come back.

The trick here is to give him a safe place to talk. Maybe he just has a lower libido than you (which is fine) but the two of you have to work out something that works for both of you.

Also, I'd suggest turning yourself on as well as taking care of yourself. This is done not to hide or satisfy yourself until he turns around. It's to be done in order to keep this part of you alive and kicking and to keep you feeling happy and open. When he sees you happy and feeling good (without pressuring him), he's more likely to come towards you. Sounds backwards but he wants to know that when he comes to you that you aren't going to be jumping him. Take the pressure off of him but satisfying yourself.

I hope some of this resonates! S.

weird question
Did he see the baby being born from the bottom angle?
If so he might have gotten weirded out by it and is having a hard time thinking of you as a woman not just a mom. Also maybe he thinks you hate him because it was his fault you were in that much pain ( ie it's his baby).
Sit down and talk to him , assure him he won't hurt you and that you don't hate him.
Also initiate again and don't take no for an answer this time. just keep messing with him until he gives in.

We've been there! We attended couples counseling and had some underlying issues to resolve. It's a mental issue, and that is why counseling would be so beneficial.

Read Dr. Phils' Relationship Rescue together, it talks about this in there!
http://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Rescue-Seven-Step-Stra...