Who Should Come to a 3 or 4 Yo's Bday Party?

You may want to ask. Some parties are set up with a specific number allowed. If it is at a public place you could sit at a different table. I have had this happen and it was just fine. I like more parents around! However if I am renting and paying a price per person I don't think I would be very happy about having a bunch of extra siblings that weren't even my kids friends!

Hi D. - I would say just the child that was invited should come. It's something special for the birthday child to invite his own friends without having younger siblings around, and it' something special to the invitee to get to leave their younger sibling and just have fun with his/her friends. Of course, if the invite specifies that younger children can come, yipee. But, my son was invited to a party once and it specified no siblings as it was a pay by person kind of party. soon the siblings will have parties too.

Talk to the parent who is throwing the party. Odds are they will say that it's fine. But on the off chance they say no, make arrangments for the other syblings. Asking is a good thing. The worst people can do is say no. Communication is a dying art this day in age. This is a good way to bring it back!

I say yes it is ok for the parents and younger sibs to come along as long as you tell the parents ahead of time. I dont let my kids go places like friends houses at that age yet alone. I want to be responsible for my kids and if they get hurt i want to be there in case it is bad. but i am also very protective. So as long as you inform the other group i see no problem.

D.,

Would you want to have your birthday child, his/her friends that were invited, plus who knows how many older/younger siblings to keep an eye on?

Hope this helps,
Melissa

The invitation at this age should include the child and one parent. Anyone other than the invitee and a parent should be approved by the host parent. I haven't been annoyed with an additional parent or even another child (especially at this age), but the host parent should be consulted. Not asking is tantamount to crashing.

My husband is in the military. We have 2 children together, and a daughter from his first marriage. Most parties are on the weekend and my husband often works on the weekends or is driving his daughter back to her mother's (a 3 hour drive each way).

That being said, any time my children were invited to a party (until about age 6), I assumed I would stay at the party with them and if I couldn't have my other child stay at home with their dad or a neighbor, I would call the host parent to ask if it was okay for my other child to attend. Now that we've been attending parties for a number of years, most parents extend the invite to include both of our children, but I still call if that is not specified.

I have been annoyed when I have made an invitation for one child (specifically to invite only that child) and I end up with a sibling when the parent hasn't okayed it with me. I still accommodate them because we have only had parties at our home and I assume that I'll have extra kids, but I want my child's 9th birthday party to be their celebration with kids they know and like, not necessarily all of the siblings.

My advice would be to have one parent accompany the invited child to the party. It is not really fair to have unexpected kids come to a birthday party. Then the birthday child's parents will feel they need to have extra plates, cups, cake, goodie bags, ect.... That's if they knew ahead of time you were bringing siblings. If you were to just bring them unannounced then the birthday child's parents would be mortified at not having enough stuff for the additional children. If you are close to the family of the birthday child then by all means ask them if it is okay. If you don't know them that well then I say just have one parent take your child to the party. I have three children so I have had this dilemma in the past. I have told each of my children that they will each get invited to their "own" parties and not to feel bad when they can't go to one that their sibling has been invited to. They all do really well with it! The only parties that our whole family attend are the ones of our very best friends who are like family and it is a "family affair" otherwise just I or my husband take the invited child to the party. I hope this was of some help to you.:)

It depends on how well you know the parents and what kind of party it is. Some places have limits on the number of people and some have a pay by person head count. When inviting kids to my child's birthday, I always assume one parent will come with the child and I invite all the kids in the family, but I wouldn't assume that it is OK to do that at someone else's party. It should be the same as any other event. The people listed on the invitation are the people invited and if you plan on attending with other children you should call ahead and check. I would think that a general rule for a young child's party is that parents are fine,even welcomed, but additional children are not with consent ahead of time.

If the invite is from a close family friend, who I know knows my situation having 2 boys and no father during the week, I just take them both. If it is from a friend from school or the such(anyone I have to RSVP to), Then I ask if it is ok for the 2nd child to come.

I would say one parent and the child invited. If for some reason you have to bring other siblings I would call the birthday party giver and ask them if it's okay....most likely it would be fine. Have fun!!

Hi D.. What a great question. I know it's something my husband and I have encountered several times since our, now 6 year old, daughter started kindergarten this past fall. Since it's been so long since I was in kindergarten or grade school, I forgot just how many parties there are!

When our daughter turned 6 in February this year, she wanted nothing more than to have a birthday party at McDonald's. We invited all of the kids in her class (20 kids), plus a couple of her friends outside of school, as well as 2 cousins who live nearby. We planned to have 30 kids there. That is the number we told the McDonald's party host would be there. Of course, you always have those who are unable to make it for whatever reason. We did have a few parents who brought younger children along with the invited child. It all worked out just fine since there were some who didn't make it. I wasn't offended at all and didn't feel "put off" at offering to buy a happy meal for the other children.

Since we only have one child, we haven't had to face the choice of whether or not to take another child to a party she was invited to. However, when possible, my husband and I have both taken her to the parties. There has only been one party where the child's mom told us we could drop her off and come back to pick her up. Since we know the parents, we didn't have a problem doing that.

As many other people said, I think the best thing to do is to call and ask the parents of the child having the party to see what is ok. It's better to ask and know up front whether or not another child would be welcomed than to show up and find that there was a number restriction and there really isn't room for additional people. Just my opinion.

Hope that helps!
M.

Why don't you ask the hosts what they'd prefer? It would take some careful phrasing so it doesn't sound like you're inviting the whole family, but if I were the hostess, I'd appreciate you asking and would be honest with what my expectations were.

This is something that you have to ask yourself how you feel? If you prefer it to be just the child that is invited and one parent, and are looking for someone to validate that, then you should do what you feel comfortable with. Be prepared to have some children not able to come though. I am an only parent of one child. If I had another child also, and couldn't bring both my kids, the one child would not be able to go. I don't necessarily have someone to leave one child with, nor would I want to. Generally, with the one child, if he is not welcome somewhere, I don't go. When I have parties for my son, everyone in the invitee's house is invited, except pets. I would not want to be told that I was not welcome at a party. I never left my son at parties, I always stayed. Now he is 13 and I meet with the family first, then decide if I will let him stay without me. So, if you only want the invitee plus one parent, say so on the invitation so there are no surprises. If you want to allow other siblings, only if necessary, say that on the invite, or say to call with questions, then you can work it out individually when people call if they have to bring a sibling. I say, the more the merrier! I even invite my son's grown-up friends, my friends, family, siblings, etc...
I hope this helps.

Ask, you may find that your other sibling will not want to particpate in the activities. On the other hand nothing ever hurt anyboy who asked. -washington

When my daughter gives a birthday party she specifies on the invitation who else is invited. Even tho my daughter was turning six she asked parents to stay if they wanted and said that siblings close to the same age could also attend if the parent wanted them too. The party was in a park. And my granddaughter has cousins ranging in age from a couple of years older to several years younger. They were invited. Mostly the older kids went off to do their own thing on the playground. Parents supervised their own child/children.

My granddaughter has gone to birthday parties since she was 6 without her mother. But my daughter or I knew and trusted the parents, the group was small and the party was in their home. ie: it did not involve transporting the children.

Someone else asked this question some time ago and I discussed how to get to know the parents and listed some concerns to address before leaving your child with anyone. You could look that one up.

I recommend that you not leave a 3 or 4 yo alone at a party unless you are friends, ie. more than casual acquaintances with the party giver or one of the mothers that will be there. At that age the child isn't able to protect themselves if things get out of hand. They can be impulsive. And because they will not know the adult(s) they may become frightened.

If the invitation doesn't say a parent(s) could stay, I'd ask and then decide whether or not I felt that I would be comfortable being there and if I wasn't to stay, whether my child would be safe given any possible circumstances.

Unless sibs are directly invited I would assume that they are not invited. It is a special day for the birthday child and if your child's sibs don't know them their presence will only add to the chaos.

I don't think my grandchildren have been invited to birthday parties when they were 3 or 4. The parties that we had for them included family and adult friends.

In all decisisions involving our children we need to consider first the safety of our children. I don't think there is any such thing of being overly protective. If we're not comfortable with the situation our child should stay at home. As the child ages they are able to handle more things on their own.

Now, we can be overprotective of teens. They need to learn self-reliance. We can't protect them from everything. Because of their age and experience they can look out for themselves in many situations.

Hi D.,
I would check with the family that is throwing the party if it's ok if more came too. I know that if I were the one planning a party I would like to be asked if other's could be brought.

I think just the child who is invited and a parent should come. It's too intrusive to bring your other children and it makes for a lot of extra kids if everyone did that- really more than the parent who's hosting the party had planned for.

I talk to the person throwing the part and would go with what they say. I could see where older children would be nice to help watch and entertain the younger kids.
It also depends on if it is in a public place or a private house.
With 5 kids, I have learned to never assume anything.
Bev

I think you should ask the parents who are throwing the party what is expected or ok with them. The parents might have room for as many people as want to attend or space might be limited. Either way they need to know who is attending so they can plan.

Hi, D.!
What a great question! Having hosted birthday parties for my almost-seven year old every year, my general expectation as the host is that the invitee will come with his/her parent, especially if the party is being held at a facility where the facility charges extra for attendees beyond the original number planned for (this is typically the case, since most places have to provide staff based on the number of children in attendance). Also, there are the expenses of food, cake, and treat bags that the hosts plan for, based on how many they've invited. This is especially important if the birthday child's preschool or school has an "invite the whole class" policy, as many do.

That said, if someone ever asks me if siblings can come, if it's safe for younger kids, I always say yes. And some years I even include a note in the invitation that siblings are welcome, if the party is someplace where extra kids are not an issue.

My opinion is that you should ask about bringing your whole family, if you know the host family pretty well, but if you don't know the birthday child's parents, it's best to err on the side of caution and plan to send only the invited child plus one parent.

- R. :-)

go go go, one it is wonderful to watch your child interact w/other kids, but handling a bunch of toddlers leaves the mom tired and frazzled, after 5 kids 5 bdays a year I'm telling the truth... andddddd if you could help out, I mean help scoop ice cream, give juicethat just really helps out.
bday parties are high stress days, you don't want your child in an unfamiliar place w/a frazzled mom trying to comfot him/her..

As a lot of the other moms stated, I think you should definitely check with the host before bringing along another child, especially an older child. A second parent or a baby shouldn't be a problem, but another child could annoy the host, since they've probably planned out favor bags, activities/games, craft projects, etc. More than likely, if you call ahead of time, she'll say it's not a problem, but I would probably be a bit annoyed myself if someone brought along additional children without telling me first.

That's just my two cents. Hope it helps! :)
~J.

In my experience it should be only the invited child and one parent. I have had situations where I did not have another option for the un-invited sibling. In those times I'll call the parent of the birthday child and ask before bringing the extra child. When in doubt - just call. It would be better to have the comfort of knowing you can bring the extra people rather than put the hosts and your family in an awkward situation. Have fun at the party!

As a single mom with no family living near by, I can't exactly go to a party for my 4 y/o without taking my three year old with me too. There's just simply no way to leave her behind.

Think about the people you are inviting and the families and take into consideration that not every family has a built in baby sitter. However if you make an exception for one family, be prepared to hear it from other people.

It's up to you personally, and I think it's up to you who gets extended invites and who doesn't.

I could answer this both ways. I think the question should fall back to you. How many extra siblings would there be? When my oldest daughter started to get invited to parties my husband and I went and brought along her younger sister (2 years apart). We didn't even call ahead we just figured it was what everyone would do. I was shocked to see no other parents were there. But the parents were very nice and acted happy to have us all stay. That was just at a house. We went to one party at a paid funtion and we, of course, paid for our other daughter to come along, after we called ahead of time.

Now that we have another child we haven't been all going to parties anymore. My son is 2 and wild. So it's a lot of work for me and just a lot of unneeded extra noice during the party. But on the other hand there was one day my husband was working and so I called the parents and asked if I could bring all my kids and they said of course.

So my main point is, just ask. And if you bring your other kids just pay for them and explain they may not get everything that the invited child gets, birthday hat, goody bag, etc.

Hope this helps. Good luck.