My ex and I have three boys. He is currently living with his fiance and her two boys. They have our boys every other weekend and one evening a week. My question is this. Her youngest son just turned six and they decided to have a birthday party for him at a swimming pool. Everyone is expected to pay their own way. They think because it is my weekend with our boys that I should cover the expenses for them to attend the party. I say that it should be their responsibility because it is a party for their "brother". At the very least, I feel that we should split the expense. I would love to hear your take on this.
I really appreciate all of the responses. I know some of you felt that I was being petty over this but money is extremely tight for me and my boys. I am a full time student and we live on a very small income so even though it may seem petty to argue over what will amount to about $17, that is money that I would rather use to provide my boys with the things they need. If this were a party for a friend of the boys, we would not be attending due to the cost. Also, I noticed some concern about our arguing in front of the children over this petty stuff. We do not argue in front of the children and over all we have a pretty good relationship. We really don't have any big issues, just the little things that come up (mostly started by his fiance). There is a complicated history between all of us and she forgets that I am not a step mother to her children though she is one to mine (she used to be one of my best friends and I was there when both of her children were born). I am glad to know that I am not the only one that feels that he should incure the expense and will stick to my guns on this one! Thanks again!
Doesn't it only cost like $4 or $5 to get into a pool? This seems a little petty, it's not like it's a $50 amusement park. I'd just pay their way in and be done with it, unless you really want to have an arguement.
The most common sense answer in my mind is that HE invited HIS children to their "Brother's" party.
HE should pay AND provide whatever birthday gifts for the "brother".
DO not pay. HE is the Father and should pay up!!
I can't believe they are having a party at a pool and then telling guests that they have to pay their own way! That's amazing to me!! I hope for the 6 year old's sake that some friends come, I'm not sure my kids would be attending if we had to pay for them to go.
Anyway to answer your question I think they should be paying the whole thing but it's big of you to offer to split it with them.
Good luck,
K.
I can't believe the pettiness. Must have been a lovely divorce. Bless your heart for having to deal with such nonsense. Good luck on dealing with him.
AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:
Dear J.,
Former husband and best friend?
I applaud you for being able to have a good relationship with you former husband and friend. With the history the three of you have shared I have to say if I were in your shoes I would feel very hurt, betrayed and frustrated to even deal with either of them.
I probably would be tempted to see as little of them as possible and have a third party take care of the transportation when your kids visit. Unless your boys want to attend the party on a non-visit weekend, I would make plans as usual.
You sound like a great mom and a forgiving person.
Blessings…..
Take the high road and do what's best for the children. It sounds like a bit of a stand off between you and your former husband....which should have nothing to do with your children's happiness.
If you really can't afford it...keep your boys home and bbq hambergers.
Blessings.....
They are his siblings....who ever has them that weekend should pay. Is it really that expensive per kid?
I do think he should pay.......BUT, don't let the kids suffer or know this has become an argument. If he isn't willing to pay you don't want your kids to miss out. In that case just pay in an effort to have a peace for your kids.
Would he trade weekends with you?
Oh my gosh - I agree with everyone else. HE should pay for all of it, and it is very generous of you to offer to pay half. He is being ridiculous.
I think the father should be paying, I think it's ridiculous that he is charging his own children to attend a party he is throwing.
ummm yeah! These are HIS kids too right??? Then he should pay for them to attend the party for his soon to be step-brothers. Why are people so petty? This is something that my step-sons mother would pull. i feel for you! Good luck.
This is crazy! They should have to pay for it, and why is this even an issue. Their father should just pay for it. Why would he assume it's your responsibility. Sounds like your ex needs to grow up and be a FATHER! I'm surprised your ex would even ask for your money on this!
All I can say is "IS HE KIDDING ME!!!!" It is his choice to take the boys on your weekend so he should pay. He has some nerve even asking in my opinion.
I think he should pay...and maybe an easy way to address this would be to offer to switch weekends with him. That way the party would fall on his weekend, he would already have your son with him and the paying would be in his court-so to speak. We always just swap weekends for siblings/parents/grandparents b-days...works out best all the way around.
Hope this helps. I would never ask the ex to pay for my stepchild to come to my son's b-day party...that's absurd!
Are you kidding me....this is what you fight about. I hope you argue in private, I would hate to think that your boys would have to listen to such immature conversations.
With that said. HE SHOULD PAY!!! never should have even been a discussion.
D.
I agree with you - at the least, the expense should be split. Honestly, I think your ex should pay for all of his kids to attend the party!
That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard, he can't be serious! HE pays, end of story. Guys don't THINK.
You're right, your ex should pay.... However, he is not inclined to. So, it appears you have 2 options:
1.) You pay the cost and tell them that, even though you think it is petty and weird, its not worth rocking the boat over... And by the way, there will not be an additional birthday present (since you paying for your sons to participate in the party is the gift).
2.) You don't have to let the boys attend the party. If they want to infringe on your weekend with the boys, then they should cover the cost of the imposition. However, since they are not inclined to, you and the boys will do something else that weekend.
Decide if this is something you really want to fight over. Is it worth it? Are there weekends that you tend to need their leniency? Because if you make a stink, that may impact how lenient they are to your future requests.
Have to ask: Is there a separate money disagreement going on between you and your ex? Like, is this a way to get you to cough up some money that they think you owe the boys, etc.?
Who has a birthday party and has the guests pay for themselves? Weird. If he can't afford to cover the expense of ALL of the guests, he shouldn't be having a pool party in the first place.
I think it's crazy and RUDE to expect "guests" to pay to attend a birthday party. No, you should not pay. This isn't a party for a friend, it is for a relative on ex's side of the family. It's no differrent than if the boys were going to a party for you ex's niece or nephew or cousin's kid, he should pay for things pertaining to his side of the family, just like you should pay if it was for a family member on your side even if it was not your weekend. If he insists that you need to pay, tell him your boys don't need to go to parties for his side of the family on your weekends. You shouldnt split the expense at all, this is a family event, for his family.
I think the expense should be split. And I know divorce is tough, but as the child of divorce I speak from experience - the two of you need to be civil as possible with each other, and also with each other's Significant Other's for the sake of the kids. Unless the cost is unusually high and/or you're financially challenged, this seems kinda petty. If you have a decent relationship with him, perhaps do some blended family counseling and make it a HUGE family. It's "wierd", and different, but possible - we once went on a family vacation when I was a teenager with my divorced dad & mom, me and my sis, my mom's boyfriend and HIS daughter. It was fun - a very positive experience and I think everyone was great for making it happen.
Do whatever you can, and enlist your ex and his fiance to do what they can to make lemonade out of the lemons of this situation.
I'd tell him to reschedule the party for the next weekend when it was his weekend!
That is crazy!!! He should pay! It should NEVER have been a question. He should be thankful that you are willing to let the boys attend the party on your weekend.
The ex should pay not you. Its sad for him to even ask
