Why Does It Bother Me If Others Don't View Me as Tradtional Smart?

I believe the Good Lord gave us all different talents and opportunities. Then He gave us the abilities and disabilities we have to deal with in our life time. All you can expect to do is the best you have with what you were given.

"There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home." Be a good wife and mother. You may not become famous or rich in the money you can deposit in a bank, but if your husband loves and adores you and your children do the same and look up to you and want their children to grow up to be like you, you will be truely rich and very successful in the things that really matter.

FYI: Albert Einstein was proclaimed to be the most intelligent person in the world. He was asked by a reporter how it felt to have to work with people so much less intelligent than he was. Einstein replied, "We are all ignorant, just in different subjects." I did something today that Einstein never learned to do. I tied my own shoes.

Good luck to you and yours.

School is one type of learning. it doesn't measure every type of intelligence by any means. I think it's strength is in the recall and recognition type of intelligence. i.e., Can you tell them what they are asking for.

There are lots of other types of intelligence that are hard to measure with school. Creativity, resourcefulness, integrity and especially social skills. Being able to get along with people is really important.

I know people who are book smart but live in poverty, who don't have a job, whose house is a wreck, etc. I also know people who didn't do well in school but they are happy and earning great incomes. I know people who also didn't finish college but are still leaders in their fields. School isn't the end-all-be-all.

I would look to find a way to accept yourself the way you are and being able to let go of whatever stereotypes you are giving yourself. You sound like a great person!

First of all recognize that you are NOT alone, and that your experience is quite common for people with learning disabilities! Of course you would resist further schooling . . . not many of us would go do something day in and day out that was extremely difficult, and where we were made to feel WAY less than adequate.

My mother-in-law seems to have the same issues. Somewhere along the way someone convinced her she was not smart. I suspect she has similar visual deficits that my son has (her grandson). Do you know she has more money saved than I ever could in her shoes (fixed income)? She is great with decorating, and is a wonderful cook. I admire her so much (and I have a graduate degree).

You grew up in a time when people did not understand these issues like we do today. Go easy on yourself . . . celebrate the essence of who you are and what you do well. You have great value in this world.

Take a few courses at the local community college and see if you feel confident to get back to school! Schools are VERY different now and many will provide you with accommodations if you can document a learning disability. Give it a try and see!

**The name of the book Kari is referencing is "Multiple Intelligences" by Howard Gardner.

Well, you may want to rethink college or classes. I don't know what your specific disabilities are, but in this day and age there is a good bit of help in traditional colleges and out there in the world for many learning problems. You could also take some courses in subjects that interest you and audit them -meaning you wouldn't be graded or working toward a degree, but you would learn new information.

Even if you don't do that -you can certainly write an intelligible post as you did here, which is more than I can say for a lot of people! Everyone has strengths to play up as well as weaknesses. It sounds like you've made a very nice home for your family, and that's not the easiest thing to do. Many people do NOT do that easily or well! Scrapbooking also takes time and some skill. I, for one, cannot STAND to do it because it requires to much patience and detail on my part, but you enjoy it and probably produce some really nice end results that can be family mementos.

I wish we would get away from our idea in society that EVERYONE must go to college and EVERYONE must do something at a certain level to be considered successful or smart. There are many professions and callings that don't require a college education or degree and many successful people who don't have one. I believe in encouraging people to further their education, but everyone needs to realistically look at their situation. Don't beat yourself up or feel like a failure. Enjoy the fact that you're really good at what you're doing now! You don't owe anyone disclosure or an explanation for not finishing college. When you run into old acquaintances, just say that you've chosen to be a SAHM and give them some info about your kids. If it ever really comes up, just kind of laughingly say, "You know -I did what they tell you not to do and took a break from school and never went back! Maybe someday when I get 5 spare minutes!" Don't beat yourself up!

Congratulations at making it to 42, a competent adult with a good husband,
even with some of the learning problems you had as a child.

I think it would be helpful for you to get some counseling,
perhaps on a college campus, to give you some tools
to eradicate, or at least suppress, some of the old scripts
you have playing in your head about your intelligence and worth.
These old scripts are so "normal" to you,
that it's hard or impossible for you to question the validity of their content.
With help, you will probably be able to tear them apart, one or two misconceptions at a time.
After some period of helpful counseling, you may wish to try
taking ONE college course, to see how that feels.
Good luck.
===================================
I appreciated almost everything that Michelle said.
If you take her advice, you'll be just fine.
Of course, I think you are just fine already
but you probably know what I mean.

However, even though a Liberal Arts degree
may not be useful regarding gainful employment,
it is a good thing to have, for those who choose to pursue one,
because you learn a lot about life, about culture, about history, etc.
I think a lot that is wrong with our society today
is, at least in part, because the people
who are (supposedly) "in charge"
did NOT get a liberal arts education.
ymmv.

Everyone has their own set of strength and weaknesses. You've outlined your weaknesses, but what are your strengths? You've got nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. If you want to finish that degree--go do it!

Otherwise, embrace YOUR strengths and don't worry about what anyone else thinks! I'll bet they envy you for other things. Only you have to be comfortable in your own skin.

C.,
It doesn't sound like others are judging you---but that you are hard on yourself. I have four kids. Each and every one of them is gifted in a different way. One is book smart---the other is athletically gifted, one is so quick-witted it's unbelievable and the other has a gift of socialization (like the Pied Piper). So--we aren't all book-smart or school smart. There is a book---not sure of the name--but it talks about Emotional Intelligence. I think it discusses all the different types of intelligences that people have that are not specifically book-smarts. Things such as organizational abilities, artistic, spacial, etc.. I'm thankful all of my kids aren't the same. I just try to lead them to do their best at what they're good at! Don't be so tough on yourself. You sound like a great wife and mom! That is one of the toughest jobs on the planet!!

Go back to school! There's no rule on how old you should be. Take one class at a time and do it at your own pace. These days there are many resources out there that can help students. And you'd be surprised how many older people go back to school, especially in this economy! I'm 45 and am doing just that. It's actually easier now that I'm older because I have more patience and have learned over the years better organization and the importance of an education.

With that said, college educated people are not always the "smartest" people. I know many people who are book smart but have no clue about anything else! It's sad, really. Some of the most intelligent peope I've known over the years have never gone to college.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
events and chat within 2 hour radius

I would sit down with a counslor and talk it out. We all have great things to offer to the table. Look at your husband tonight and remember he loves you for you and the very special things you have to offer.

If you feel like you would finish your college education, it is never too late! Both my husband and I dropped out of college as young adults, not because of learning diabilities, but because we had other priorities at that time.
My husband went back to school and graduate just shy of his 40th bday and I am going back to school next year to finish the degree I have always wanted.
As I said, it's never too late... and some people, like myself, do way better in school in their 30ies and 40ies than they would have done in their 20ies.
Good luck!

It sounds like you have a very fulfilling, wonderful life. If you had a degree, you might feel pressure to need to use it, and then you would have to trade some of the things you enjoy accomplishing to be able to do that. I am the primary (near sole) breadwinner in my family and I have to miss many of the "little" things you describe. Also, my husband has a lot less patience than I do, or doesn't prioritize what I see as the "needs" of our daughter, so there are never a housefull of kids, or really even playdates. Be very happy that you can give your family such important things as family dinners and a safe happy place to thrive in, I miss being able to provide more in those areas.

That being said, if you feel it is important for your self-esteem or for keeping up with your relatives to earn a degree, Go For It! My girlfriend is 44 and is halfway through her return to college and she is raising 5 kids. She has a wonderful supportive husband and a good network of friends and neighbors, but all the motivation and drive are hers alone. No one can tell you you should do this and no one should convince you not to. The choice is yours, you know what life has on your plate, you know what your learning disability is - and therefor, there should be techniques that help you learn around it, whether you get this from a college specialized for ld's or some kind of counselor that teaches you study tricks. If you think you would enjoy pursuing a degree, whether toward a career or just for the sake of knowledge and accomplishment, if you can afford it, go for it! But don't feel that you need this to "define" who you are, it sounds like you provide a great environment for your family to grow in and a piece of paper does not define who we are (no matter what our ego's say).

C.,

I really like what Julie B. said.

Your post hit home with me b/c I also have a learning disability. However, my parents were not proatice like yours. They never took me to the appropriate people to have me tested, or got private tutors for me, or enrolled me in a different kind of a school for people who learn differently. They did nothing and I suffered b/c of it. I never even knew I had a learning disability until 4 years ago when I was 34. I went to a psychologist who specializes in testing adults for learning disabilities and sure enough, I got a LD diagnosis.

Don't worry about all of the brilliant people you know. I'm sure they are flawed in other ways. Everyone has flaws.

School was also a constant struggle for me, and an extremely verbally abusive mother didn't help matters for me. I quit college for 3 years, had various jobs, and then decided to finish college. I was going for a P.E. Degree, however, decided to get my Liberal Arts Degree instead in order to get out of the house and away from my verbally abusive mother. Otherwise, I would have had 2 more years left of living at home and going to college. I just couldn't take it anymore.

Anyway, a Liberal Arts Degree is useless and I never had a professional career. I was an Admin. Asst., flight attendant, ticket agent at the airport. and customer service rep. I didn't like any of those jobs. My problem was that I could never find my true calling. Well, at 38, I finally figured out what I want to do! I want to be a home health aide. When my 3.5 year old is in kindergarten, I will obtain my CNA (certified nurse aide) certificate. My point - I have a college degree (even though it's kind of useless), but I am choosing to have a job that does not require one. My advice to you - if you want or need to work, then choose a job/career that will make you happy! There is more to life than making lots of money. If you love what you do, you will be happy. Please don't worry about getting your college degree. There are so many things you can do without it. There are so many programs (medical administrative assistant, CNA, occupational assistant aide, physical therapy aide, medical billing and coding, etc. etc. etc.

You said you like to exercise. What about becoming an aerobics instructor or a personal trainer? Contact your local health club and ask about how to obtain certification. Brainstorm, and don't worry about finishing college. It won't make you a better person or who you are. YOU will make you who you are and YOU will make you a better person. We might not be the most academically intelligent people around, but I bet we have more common sense and street smarts than all of these brainiacs put together! Please be VERY proud of yourself, have lots of self esteem and have another wonderful 42 years! All the best.

Easier said than done, but you HAVE to stop caring about what other people think, AND they probably don't even think it. No one you meet knows you didnt' finish college. And it doesn't matter. Lots of people didn't finish college and go into advanced intellectual careers. Myself included. I never give it a second thought. Forgive yourself and dont' compare yourself to other people, you're making yourself feel bad. Even if these people think you're "dumber than them" (which they DON'T) They love you for who you are. People don't really think that way. Do you go around analyzing who's slightly smarter than who, asking if they finished college and liking only the smartest people? No. Neither does anyone else. Everyone loves NICE, GOOD people, and you are a nice and good person! (and smart too)

Hi, C.:
What is your definition of smart?
Just want to know. D.

Hard work beats talent when talent does not work. IF you really WANT to achieve a goal--go for it:) For some of us, myself included, it is not our abilities that help us achieve our goals, it is our drive that gets us there. If we choose to embark on a journey to achieve a goal, we must remain open to new ideas on how to achieve our goal and we must be committed. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. We must be patient and in control of our emotions. You can learn so much about your strengths, weaknesses, and triumphs when you set out to fulfill a goal. The journey itself is the most rewarding--the goal is just the icing on the cake. We learn that we CAN overcome any obstacle IF we WANT something bad enough. We may have to take another path for instance, a more unconventional path, but we CAN achieve our goals. When there is a WILL, there is a way.

I've been there, done that. Go for it:)

M.

M.