"Why Would You Want So Many Kids?"

I only have 3 kids, but most of my family has extremely large broods from 7 to 12 kids each! They are such amazing families and doing such a great job raising their kids, and there is so much love and closeness involved, I'm almost jealous! We're super lucky to have so many cousins and they are all so lucky to have so many loved ones. When I tell other people "my step sister has 9 kids" I see those shocked disapproving looks and hear those comments. WHATEVER! These people do a better job raising 9 kids than some people do raising one kid. It's nobody's business how many kids anyone has. You can't change those silly responses, but you can DEFINITELY ignore them or say something sort of rude-ish back to them. Or you can just say, "Oh, I see you don't approve, why is that? Do you feel we're not doing well with the ones we have?" or something.

While I am a huge supporter of the idea of financial responsibility, I am APPALLED that anyone would connect the dots between "being on public assistance" and the personal right to bear children!

Ask with a blank face "Why do you want to know?" That should shut them up.

I ran into that with my 4th. I don't understand what gives people the idea that it's appropriate in any way to ask that question. It's so personal!!!

As long as you are not on public assistance - have as many as you want!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! We wanted a big family - or what is considered a big family - 4 kids - but God had other plans for us....I'm VERY happy with the blessings I have right now....

don't let the bad apples bring you down...if you are supporting the kids on your own without public assistance, YOU GO GIRL!!!

, "babies smell like sugar cookies"

"im working towards my very own... (basketball team, folk singing group, circus performers, cheerleader pyramid)

"im trying to get my husband to buy a bigger house"

"im going for a world record"

lol...id be a sarcastic biotch to the rude people, but "because i like being a mom", or because 'thats the plan i have for my family"

should suffice

I am a mom of 1 (and I am more than fine with that) & I think I get where they're coming from. I get a headache just thinking about how parents of 3+ kids manage. We just cannot fathom having more than 1 or maybe 2 kids. I do think to myself, "Why in the heck would you want so many of them?" "Are you crazy?" "When do you think/eat/sleep/breath/pee/even have time to have sex?!" If you can effectively parent & manage that many kids financially, emotionally, & physically, kudos to you, because I am so NOT that person!

Congrats!

Congratulations on the newest baby! Babies are wonderful gifts from God! Who wouldn't want God to bless them?

I would never dare say something like the negative comments you have encountered but I must admit, I stand in complete awe of mothers like you. I want to learn from your stamina, patience, cooking, budgeting and time management skills. You and all the other mothers out there with large families amaze me!

EDIT: I foolishly left out the DADS. Let's not forget them especially on the eve of Father's Day! Dads rock!

Hi, I feel for you. We had 8 kids, 6 boys and 2 girls. The question we got was, "Don't you know what causes that?" When we were pregnant with our 4th I found the perfect answer, "Its not that we don't know what causes that, its just that WE never forgot." That stopped all the negative comments. AND there are a lot of people that asked that, whose husband or wife jabbed them in the ribs and laughed at them. Those times were perfect.

We only had 8 kids because my wife watched too much TV. She said "Eight is Enough". ;-)) ((TV program by that title for those that don't know.))

I love my kids. The youngest is now 22. We have 20 grandkids and number 21 is on the way and will arrive in December. I love it. The kids are good friends because I raised them to be that way. The grandkids love playing with their cousins and are all good friends.

All my working life, I've been within $25 to $50 a month of being eligible for some sort of public assistance, until my kids started getting married and leaving home. And while making those wages we 100% paid for our new cars, paid our home off and became free and clear of debt. All of my kids graduated from high school, most with very good grades (one made validictorian, 1 made salutitorian [#2 graduate]) and all of them have either graduated college or have some college. My number 3 son just became a doctor/phamacist.

We raised our kids to be honest, caring and respectful and polite. All of my kids started living with their spouses on their wedding night. None of them have had any trouble with the law. We were married on the 28th of July. My wife and I have always been loving to each other and wish each other "Happy Anniversary" on the 28th of each month. My kids liked this so much 6 of my 8 kids got married on the 28th. One even asked if my wife and I minded if he shared our anniversary with us. Of course, we were delighted!

When it comes down to it, I feel sorry those with only one or two kids. They will never know what they will miss. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, grandkids . . . OH, those wonderful family times that make my wife and me feel so rich because of our kids and grand kids that love us so much.

Good luck to you and yours.

"Why do you care?"
Then let them squirm.
I am from a family of 5 children, my husband from 6. His MOM is one of 17! GOOD LORD! I think his dad is one of 9.
The only issue is for your kids....I can't tell you how many times I got asked "WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU!? Don't your parents know about birth control?" BLEH! Who wants to think of their parents having sex!? I didn't come up with a good answer until highschool. I would say, "we don't have a TV" and let them figure it out. You may want to sit down with your kids and help them come up with a retort if anyone picks on them.
Congrats on your 7 kid!
L.

I think people are incredulous because...

1. It IS unusual to have so many children

2. They are so overwhelmed w/their own situation that they can't understand how others can make it work (emotionally, physically, financially) with so much more on their plate

3. They are envious. I know when I suffered a pregnancy loss, I had such resentment for people who "popped out kids" like it was nothing - it seemed so easy for them and so hard for me. It was very difficult to bear, but I wouldn't have said anything like that to them.

4. For many women who grew up with the women's lib ideas that we can be "so much more than just housewives / mothers" it seems like a retrograde move that some would actually desire to be that.

I'm sure there are other reasons, but in any case, it isn't nice to dampen someone else's joy by being condescending, especially when this is a life we're talking about it and each one deserves to be celebrated.

Congrats to you and your family!

I just wrote a long Facebook note responding to people who ask rude questions or make rude comments about our family. Our situation is a little different in that we only have 1 biological child but we are also foster parents for up to 3 more children at a time. Right now we have a full house with 4 kids ages 4 and under, 3 of which are in diapers. We love what we do but for some reason people think we are nuts and they feel it is their right to tell us that. I have to laugh at the looks I get in the store because my fosters are sometimes a different ethnicity than me and when I get those looks and questions about all of our kids I want to tell them that all my kids have different dads and then not tell them that I'm not the mom.

When someone close to me makes a rude comment, I just remind them that we have a heart for kids and we love what we do. Our normal is different from their normal and that is ok.

I have 4 & would love to have had more, but I cannot stand being pregnant, so I had to stop.

I absolutely will connect the dots between 'public assitance & personal right to bear children'........so if your NOT on assistance then tell them that this is a happy pregnancy not an uh-oh time to go back down to the welfare office to up my public aide

I have a good acquaintance that has 6 beautiful children that I am helping to support (she's on public aide). So every time I hear she is blessed again, I just cringe.

Congrats on your newest miracle

We have 4 children.
With each one, I saw attitude from some family and friends.
That made me mad.

I even had one family member say " oh no! "
I had a friend say " AGAIN! " ~ She is not my friend anymore.
I had another family member say " NO, ARE KIDDING RIGHT ! "

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS. ~ WE ARE VERY HAPPY TOGETHER.
WE ARE NOT ON ANY GOVERMENT HELP! AND WE HAVE NEVER BEEN ON ANY GOVERMENT HELP!
WE PAY FOR ALL OF OUR THINGS!
WE HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR MONEY - FROM ANYONE!
WE WATCH AND TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN CHILDREN.

I can't imagine why people can't be happy for those that are being blessed with a new bundle of joy.

CHILDREN ARE A GIFT FROM THE LORD.

I say to you " CONGRAT'S. "
May the Lord Bless you ALL. = )

I only have two daughters but that's what God gave us. My best friend has ten. She recieved the same condescending comments even when she wasn't pregnant.....as if she was going to get rid of two or three just to make the person in line behind her at the grocery store more comfortable, lol. the Bible says blessed is the man whose quiver is full. I believe a quiver is six...Is a twelve a double blessing? I really do believe that children are a blessing. If I could have had 10 I would have. People don't understand because they don't understand how you care for them, pay for them and juggle all the day to day issues. It takes an unselfish person to continue to have children. It is a calling higher than all others and I think it's great.

Don't let those that are confused even cause you to ponder this.

Congratulations on number seven...

M.

We have four... but we do get comments here and there. Honestly, I'm so darn proud of my family AND the fact that we have four, that it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I tell myself they are jealous. LOL:)

If we didn't have limited funds, my husband would not have gotten a vasectomy three years ago... my husband and I have said that we would have wanted more kids. He has even said "10, if we could afford it!" But, alas, we cannot afford more, so that's that. Gladly, I'm perfectly fine with my four:)

Congrats on the pregnancy! That's terrific! How awesome to have 7!

[May I go off on a limb here and say that family and children just aren't a lot of people's goals now? I love my family. My kids are everything to me. I have a kid-centered life, and that's the way it should be- I just think that other things are more important to other* people- (*the kind of people that feel the need to say something borderline offensive to you about the kids you have). They just haven't seen the light yet- and the joy of raising children and putting family first.]

If I was feeling smart, I'd say, "The hospital told us that if we have one more there, we get a set of steak knives." Otherwise, I'd just smile politely and look puzzled that they could be being so rude.

I have to agree with the other moms, people who make comments like this do so from a place of insecurity about their own parenting. I have one, and feel like I have nothing left for myself, let alone another kid (I'm writing this after having gotten up at 5:15 with said child, despite the fact that I am sick as a dog, since it is Father's Day, and dh is sleeping-- what would I do with a baby too?!?!?!?) But some people (like you, obviously) have a gift for having and rearing children. Naturally skinny people get picked on too (or so I've heard, not that I would know from experience, lol). Enjoy your gifts, and don't worry about what other people say.

I started having this problem when I got pregnant with #3. I now have 5. My hubby would always say "4 down, 4 to go!" or "How many more kids can we fit in our Suburban?"

I am a foster parent, and I love having kids in my house all the time! We have one child who is staying with us permanently without being adopted, another who we are probably adopting within the year, and I am nowhere near done! My goal is that we continue to love and care for children until our house is too small to fit anymore, and then we will either build on or move so we can have some more! Good for you! I feel if you have the love and the means, continue to bless the world with great kids!

I only have one, never wanted another, and I got asked, "So when are you going to get married and have another?" I responded that whether or not I ever got married, I had no intentions of ever having another. I was told that I was doing my child a disservice by not supplying her with siblings. I told people that if they wanted my child to have siblings, they should feel free to have and raise the little darlings themselves.

People should have as many kids as they both want and can afford to raise. If your family size makes you happy, that's what matters.

When people ask why you would want another, tell them that you've always wanted to have your own sports team.
Tell them, "We keep trying for a goat, but getting babies. But we're not giving up."
Or just ignore the question entirely and respond with "So, how about them Tigers?"

LOL I am going to say EVERYONE who has had many children has run into this problem! I only have one child and I when I see people with lots of kids all I can think is, "That has to be one tough lady". I did over hear one lady with a lot of kids asked this question, and it wasn't asked very nicely. With a dead pan stare she said, "We want to be able to have our own baseball team." Totally made me laugh. :) I get the flip question, "What your only going to have ONE?" One person even told me I was mean not give my daughter siblings. Some people are just stupid that way. Congrats on the new baby.

People tend to apply their own opinions on what they would or wouldn't do when talking to others. But it is a valid question for those who have more than the norm. Doesn't mean it isn't hurtful or annoying. Many will wonder due to finances, especially in this economy. Some ask due to wondering how you can spread yourself out physically and emotionally to so many children. It is a valid question but not one that necessarily needs to be asked, especially by strangers or associates.

I have 5 children. We have 5 children because my last pregnancy was triplets. We only wanted 3. We're nuts but we're glad we have all 5, lol. But even back when we said we wanted a third people thought we were crazy. Well, it was our choice.

I know there are some who do not appreciate the Duggar family who have 19 children. I wouldn't have that many children, personally, but it's their choice. I will not complain about their situation mainly due to the fact that they have never been on public assistance and refuse to ever do so. That is one issue that I have with those who have any children at all. If you cannot afford your children's upbringing why keep having more? I've always found that frustrating. I feel those who go on assistance because they need to for a while, that's ok. But to be a career welfare family and keep having kids I do not agree with at all, because then I'm paying for your family and I have enough on my own plate to pay for.

But yes, we have had this question to us. Ours is mainly due to the fact that we have triplets. We've gotten curled lips as if we have cancer ridden puppies and should throw them in a river or something. People assume they know our situation due to TV shows. And quite frankly it's no one's business how they were conceived, how early they were born, whether or not we plan on having more, how much they weighed when they were born, and so on.

When I read your post I thought, wow! 7 kids is a lot. I think my first concern was your body and mind. Next was the cost. But that is your business. You're happy, I'm happy! LOL Back in the old days women pumped kids out left and right, raised healthy and well behaved children and survived! Now if a woman has more than one or two kids they're crazy? I think we've become a softer society.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Ditto to Cheryl!! But seriously, you sound like an amazingly nice women. So I think you should learn how to say Nunya. None of your damn business. Of course you don't actually have to say Nunya or None of your damn business, but your own variation of it. It seriously is none of their business why you want so many kids! It between you and your husband. Maybe God too if your religious.
Be excited and learn how to brush the nelly negatives away!
p.s. Move to Utah, and 7 wont be a big number lol! We have so many large families here!!!

I would never say it condescendingly to a mother who has a lot of kids, my neighbor has 8 kids, and they are the most respectful lovely children you could meet. BUT, I personally could not mentally or physically cope with that many kids, and I don't know how she, or you, or anyone else copes with it. I mean you must just NEVER get any time to yourself, and be permanently frazzled trying to split yourself that many ways!
Maybe people with lots of kids, must have easy kids. If I had 6 of mine, I would truly have to mive to a desert island.

OMGosh!!! How wonderful!!! I have a friend who is pregnant with number 8. You'll have to change yourself to momof7miracles
Just tell them as serious as possible that you are trying to repopulate the world. Or that you are trying to keep up with the Duggars and have what, 12 more to go.
I got comments with number 4, "you know they have pills for that" "YOu know they found out how to stop that sort of thing."
It was really annoying.

Why not! I dont have a large family (yet) but I am the oldest of 5 ( plus a half sibling) and being a kid in a large family rocks! Sure money can get a little tighter and no matter where you live it feels cozy but that makes growing up more fun. Its never dull, theres always someone to play with or to blame for something, and as you get older there is always someone out there to talk to, trade babysitting with and so on. I only have 2 kiddos now but since I have a son & a daughter, I get a lot of oh you got it all over with at once and dont need to have anymore kids.. Its fun to tell people who say stupid things like that, that you want more kids than the Duggars.

Well, I am happy for your family to be expecting so CONGRATULATIONS! :)

Being LDS almost all of my friends have more than you...lol. One has 10 and another has 9. My BFF from jr. high and high school is one of 12. I loved her big family and how there was always someone to talk to or hang with. I wish I had been able to have more.

Congrats on the new addition.

I have an friend with seven kids. When people ask how many he's got, he says "only 7." He told me that when he says it that way, people stop for a minute and think about what he said, and realize that it's not "so many" to him.

I'm preg with #4 right now. Haven't had many say anything about it, but I think that's because here (Utah) big families are much more the norm.

I have 5 (and wish for more :) and do get a reaction sometimes like "why would you want so many" so I can imagine that with 7 what the reaction could be. But I truly wish I was able to have more, so maybe -- as hard as if may be -- ignore the comments and be happy to be able to have 7 without issues (or more :) I have great difficulty having children, and without that medical issue, would have many more.

I really find that people who do not desire big families will never "get" why people want many kids -- and yet I never understand why people do not want a dozen!!

Good luck!

People will always have something to say about everything, and some comments will always be dumb. I'm one of 6 (5 bio, 1 adopted), my son is #28 out of 30 grand/great-grandkids. We planned on having 8, four bio + four adopted, in any order. But life happened a LOT differently. We have 1 bio and are waiting on our 1 adopted.

People with more than 1 child are asking/saying these things: "Why can't you just be happy with what you have?" "Why isn't 1 good enough for you?" "But at least you have ____." "Ohhhhh, so you just have the ONE!"

Sometimes I smile and walk away. Sometimes I retort with, "yeah, because I see how stopping with 1 worked for you", or "yes, my one child somehow erases the 5 losses I mourn each day".

Good luck and congrats!

I know that you have gotten a ton of responses already but I was curious about your post so I read it. My first reaction was such happiness for you that I got tears in my eyes. I picture you and your husband in your old age sitting and looking out over your grown children and grandchildren. What that must feel like to know that this large, wonderful family is all because you and your husband loved each other!! My second reaction was sadness, because you are excited but it is tempered because of others reactions. If I were you, I just wouldn't willingly share the news with anyone you know will give a negative reaction. I only have two, a 19 month old son and a 3 yr old daughter, and I am so done! I always wanted three, but my son is so unbelievably high maintenance and difficult that I don't have it in me to have another one. I just want to be the best mom I can and I feel that if I have a third, I wouldn't be a very good mom. I'm just not mentally ready to take on another baby. Who knows though, maybe in a few I'll decide I want another. Congratulations to you and God Bless!

I like Elizabeth's "steak knives" answer. But honestly, it's a rude question. I would turn it back on them politely and say "why do you ask?" Let the try to explain their rudeness. Obviously, it's because you want to and you have the love to give them, and the financial ability to take care of their needs. DUH - some people are stupid.

Congrats!!! And I also agree with Cheryl!

I will say though, a guy I work with has 8 kids, with one on the way right now. The kids range in age from 19yrs old to 2yrs old. I've asked him before whyyyyyyyyyyyy so many. In a joking, non rude way. I guess I am asking, because I am curious. I personally would be waaaaaay to scared to have more then one child lol, I can barely handle her. My only worry with having one or more then one is because of the economy and the way society is. I can teach my daughter to be nice, polite, etc...but that doesn't mean society and other ppl are gonna be the same as her and it's scary.

i only have 3 kids and i still have people comment. i just tell them i am blessed and i would have more if i could. move on and enjoy :)

Well, I often ask how do people manage more than one simply because as a new mom I found it to be rewarding, demanding, challenging, exhausting, fulfilling, all sorts of emotions can describe parenthood. However, I do know that I don't want to start from infancy again. I prefer them to arrive walking and I know that's not possible so I will look into foster care for a boy or a girl to give my child comany and someone else a chance at life.

The more the merrier if it makes you happy. :o)

I love large families and if we had money for a big enough house, i am sure i would have more or adopt a few more, one day i might. My sister married a man who is the oldest of 12 and i adore their family. Its just not for me! I would ignore them and have as many as i want!

I was an only child, (not by my parents choice) and I ask myself often why can't I be happy with the two I have now. I try not to judge anyone, though. Especially, because of my own bias (which I feel everyone has). I wish you the best with your family. Have what you and your husband want, because that's what matters. Good luck.

I also got rude inquiries when I told people I was having #3!!! We have two girls and just found out that the next one is a boy. So, now people assume we will be done having kids since we will have each gender and are shocked and bewildered when I say, "Nope, we will be shooting for 4!" I think, like others have stated, that they have their hands full with whatever number of children they have and can't understand how someone else is not equally as overwhelmed as they. Too many people out there are quite self centered. (BTW I have no problems with any number of children people choose to have...every person has to do what is right for them) Congrats on #7 and wishing all the joy to you and your family that you deserve!

Man people really need to get a life!! Go you, I mean you are the one having and caring for your children, you are happy, why would anyone else care? It is like children are offensive today or something, so crazy. God says that whoever has lots of kids is a happy person, so that is who I believe! We are having our third and have had remarks like "don't you know what causes this?" etc. We laugh it off, we wanted three, we are having three, we are happy you know. Congrats on your new baby!! :D

If you are happy and can manage that many then it's your choice. I don't think I could not manage much more than the 2 I've got and do as good a job as I would like. I also had labor complications that make more babies a bad idea medically.

Hi,

Congrats to you and your family!!! I think that EVERY baby is a blessing and if you are able to have children and are able to take care of them, you should have as many children as you want! In my experience, I have found that some people have No boundaries or knowledge of proper rules because they like to think it is ok to impose their thoughts and beliefs on reproductive freedom on someone else. The way I handle the questions:

Are you going to try for a girl? No, we are happy with whatever God gives us.
Why would you want to have another??? We love kids and this is how we choose to grow our family.

When are you gonna stop having kids? Don't you know what it takes to make babies?? Uhhhh, Why is this your business? And obviously we do or we wouldn't be PURPOSELY PREGNANT~

Those were just some examples.---let the comments roll off of you and don't let it effect you. People are jealous and rude. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for bringing another precious life into this world!!! You don't owe anyone any explaination or apology!!!! Its between you, your husband and your doctor. NO one else. GL

M

I don't think it's really any of their business. It's your family, not theirs. If you want alot of kids and can afford it, then why not? And why should you answer to anyone? Two people who love each other in a strong marriage should do what they want and not worry about other people's opinions.

Congratulations and enjoy this precious, miraculous addition to your family!

rude rude rude! they are just jealous. Don't listen to them, do me a favor, rub it in their faces every chance u get...I know, how immature right, but really, they're being immature with that question, sounds like a 5 yr old question to me. Congrats! and I wish I had your enthusiasm and attitude. Unfortunately for me, I can barley handle my toddler right now. But kudos to you! God bless you all and best of luck.

I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS!

There's a part of me that wishes I would have had a large family. I have a 5 year old son, and one on the way. I'm 38, so we're thinking this may be the last. I don't know though... ;)

We have four children and I absolutely love them! I would love more, but for us, I know that financially we are already are struggling. Each child I believe is a blessing, but at the same time, I know we must be responsible and be able to properly feed and provide for the ones we have.

I think many people today are concerned about the financial implications of a large family. In our economy, it is very difficult to raise a family of even just one or two children. If I could have more, I certainly would and would love to. I just know that for us, it would not be the right thing. I even work out of my home and home school our children.

If you are able to provide nutritious meals for them and provide in other ways that are essential, I would by all means encourage you/others to have a large family. Unfortunately, I just know of too many families that are taking advantage of our government when having larger families. They are also not feeding their children properly. Those are the only times that it makes me sad to see families having a number of children that they can not be responsible for. I've cloth diapered all my children (which helps financially) and nursed (healthier for mom and baby and also a better choice financially) each one for a long time to also give them the best start on life.

People are strange...Ignore them. IF you can support and love them all equally and carve out 1:1 time for each one plus have a strong healthy marriage great. I do hope that you are a SAHM LOL...Seems like you have your hands full.

Congratulations and God Bless!

Personally I think big families are amazing. If you can run it and everyone gets their fair share of time with one or both adults, and there is now stress on money...the more the merrier.

I would love to have like three more. I just know that is not in the cards for us. I have had my tubs tied too...so, I leave the rest up to god.

IF I were to get pregnant even after being fixed...It would not surprise me. My mom and dad both were fixed and when I was seven...I got the little sister I never knew I always wanted...So, that is proof enough for me that miracles can happen:)

I think the majority of people have 1 to 3 kids and feel they have their handful already, so they ask "how the heck can you do it?" because they are truly facinated that you can. So you probably just tell the truth.. "I love lots of kids in the house." that would be the simple, honest answer, right?

i only have four kids and people ask me this. i tell them that its really not that many kids at all and in turn ask them why the hell WOULDNT you want more kids? THOSE people are the ones that should feel embarrassed, not us!

i have to give you props though. 7 kids!! wow. i mean, we are totally done at 4, but not really giving it up completely, we just have to see how things pan out after grad school. i can understand having a lot of kids and i think that it takes a special kind of person to be able to handle them all successfully!
good for you!