Willful Child

I could write pages here but my 2 year old won't let me. So quickly, I've found that having healthy snacks on hand help with transitions. Those all fruit snacks or dehydrated fruit crunchies are her favorites. I tell her she can have one when we get in the car or just give it to her right away if it can head off a tantrum. Don't underestimate the power of low blood sugar on a toddlers emotions.

Hi M.,
I just made a similar response to another frustrated Mom ...
Have you heard of the book, "1, 2, 3 Magic"? I purchased this book on the advice of my pediatrician, since I was going through just about what you are going through now. I can't tell you how well this has worked for us, and in really no time at all. Now, all I do is look at my son when his behavior is something I want "stopped" and say, "That's one." He pouts and stops what he's doing. I'm still amazed that the method works (and so quickly), but it really does. Give it a try ... at this point, you have nothing to lose. My only advice is, no matter how difficult it can be at times, stick to it, do not deviate from the book's suggestions, always follow through, and stand firm! It really is important to let any caretakers (Significan Others, Grandparents, daycare providers, babysitters, etc) know that you are doing this method. Consistency is key, and everyone should be on board. Good luck!
-T.

Its a phase-dont worry. With my son who hates laying down I actually change his diaper either with him sitting on my lap facing out or standing! Soon she'll be potty trained + all this will be over!

As for hitting, have u tried leaving her alone for a "time out" or pretend crying or taking away a toy or book? Threatening to or actualy taking away good things usually helps them understand!

While husband is away can u have your mom help you or arrange playdates and show how other kids act.

Or offer a present if ahe is good w diapers, like play a CD
Everytime.
Good luck.

I would give my son something to play with when I had to change his diaper, because he would scream. I'd sing a song - like Old MacDonald, and got to be quite quick at it. Your daughter may even be able to start using the potty if she prefers, as I've heard of toddlers starting at this age. It helps if you have a potty in your bathroom & let her mimick you basically, or ask her to use the potty about 30 minutes after she drinks.

For frustration, you may want to try baby signs, because often hitting is the symptom of frustration. It's amazing how much your 16 month old knows, but just doesn't yet have the tools to communicate to you, because speech development is beginning. The signs are done with hands & are often learned very quickly, especially when you start at this age. I used it with both my kids & I think I had a higher level of respect for their intelligence because they were able to communicate with me and I was amazed at what they knew & what they knew how to do!

Also hitting, if my son hit me, I would take his hand and gently stroke my face and tell him, we make gentle touches, or mama likes gentle touches...

Try not to see her hitting or crying as a me vs. you, but just a symptom of something else. If you can figure out what is bothering her, or what she's trying to tell you, it will help solve the issue vs. punishing which is mainly a band-aid and not a solution.

Good luck!

Hi M.,

I have a 21 mo. little girl and she is just as you describe your daughter only I stay home with her every day along with my 2 month old son... it is a challenge! Especially the transition times as you describe!!!

But she has improved a lot within the past month or 2. Hang in there. I agree with the other moms who talk about consistency. We can see that she is beginning to understand that she has consequences for her choices & actions.

We use time-out primarily and I like this because it gives her time to cool down. We walk away and then after a minute or 2 (or the crying stops) we try to talk about it, hug each other and try again. This has worked, but I am giving the 1, 2, 3 magic a try for the last couple of days and have seen results already!

On the opposite side of that though, we try to praise her just as consistently so that she feels good & recognizes what is good behavior as well.

Good luck!

Don't scream at her and be CONSISTANT at all times, no is no is no. Offer her a toy or distraction while you're changing her and maybe see in what way your mom does it differently.

Hi M.:

Children reflect their environment, parents. What's going on with you and/or your husband - emotionally, mentally? Feel free to set up a consult with my office to explore the core issue(s).

Be well,
N.
Holistic Healthcare Provider
www.wholecreations.com/wombfull.html
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M., she's at the typical age. I have had problems with that and I make it very stern in my voice, "No, you do not do that. I am going to change you. That's it." And my youngest is the hardest one yet and he knows by the tone of my voice, he's not to have a tantrum when doing his hair, brush his teeth or whatever it may be. You have to let her know that those actions are NOT acceptable. You ever heard of this phrase, "we hurt the ones we love the most"? Well, she is comfortable with you, loves you, TESTING you, so you have to be stern and have that look on your face that you mean it. Smiling won't tell her you're serious. They need boundaries and discipline. As much as she wants to have everything her way, she still needs discipline. Kids don't know where that boundary what are the disciplines, don't know where to stop so we as parents have to tell them, show them and teach them.

This will not solve your problem entirely, as this is just the start of the age of tantrums, and you will just learn how to handle each one as they continue to come. With that said, for the diaper changing, why don't you start potty training her? if you have a potty and have her sit on the potty when she needs to go and then after she has gone you can let her go without a diaper for a little bit. You won't have to change diapers as often, and she may become less resistant to the changing, and will also start learning to go potty on her own instead of the diaper.
In a few months, she can be out of diapers entirely and ware big girls underwear, which is a lot more exciting (at least that's what my 20 month old daughter thinks :))

good luck.

Hi M.,

First off let me commend you for taking care of your daughter while working full time! That's alot to handle and adding behavior problems ontop of everything else must be even more frustrating! I agree with the mother that said to give your daughter a heads up of what's to come. Children sometimes need a warning to be able to handle a transition. I would ask your day care what they do and how they transition from activity to activity. sometimes they use songs or give children a 5 min warning. your daughter is getting to the age where she is aware of everything! I may be way off base and if I am I do apologize but Her acting up may have something to do with the fact that your husband works alot and you work alot. She may just be looking for attention and the tantrums during diaper changing and hitting and bitting are her way of getting that. Good Luck with your daughter and hope that I was helpful!

Haha. I have to laugh. This sounds exactly like my 21 month old a few months ago. The best advice I have found...Let her have a fit as long as it is in a safe place let her go. Get down to her level and explain that she cannot have whatever it is she wants right now and offer the alternative. Eventually she will figure out that you mean what you say and the tantrums are not necessary. You will have to do it over and over but it works. The diaper change..same situation. We just let her scream until it was done and didn't give in to her. Eventually she will be good for again at diaper time. With the hitting and laughing at you...being consistent is key. She is not only testing boundaries with you but she is expressing the frustration she feels and cannot express. Every time my daughter continued to hit after being told it was not nice she was put in her time out spot. If she got up she went back until she could sit 2 minutes for 2 yrs old. Then I went and told her it hurt mommmy when she hit and asked her if she was sorry. We hugged and she could get up to play. This too was done over and over and now she knows Mommy means business. Keep with it. This too shall pass. Toddlers are learning boudaries and acceptable behaviors. It is our job to give them lots of guidance, hugs and TOUGH LOVE. Good luck. Let me know if any of this helps you.

Hi M.,

Here are 2 things that worked for us:
When transitioning to mealtime, we listen to music. My son is 2 & 1/2 and we still listen to a kiddie cd during EVERY meal. (I think I know every word to every Imagination Movers song!). Now I let him pick out the cd he wants to listen to and he's excited that he gets to help! I think the music helps "entertain" without having to actually bring toys to the dinner table. Also, on really rough nights, I have set up my laptop on the kitchen table and let him watch a slideshow on shutterfly - he loves seeing pictures of himself!
The other thing that worked for us is for changing time. I started keeping a few "novelty items" on the changing table that he could play with while I changed him. For a long time his favorite thing was a keychain flashlight that he would blink on and off. And it stayed on the changing table - it wasn't something that he played with all the time. Other times he is content to just hold a tube of lotion or a bottle of baby powder. Sometimes singing helps, too (although you can only sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider so many times before you lose your mind!!). Good luck with everything! Hopefully it is just a phase and she will grow out of it!!

Hi M., I actually put up a post that dealt with similar issues and the advice I got from moms was great and it worked! My post was "Saying hit makes him...hit?" posted a few weeks ago. Anyway, when it comes to the diaper situation, I find that giving choices really helps. It's good that you ask your daughter to pick a diaper - that already sets the precedent that she has some element of control. My son also won't lay on his back to get changed most of the time, and I've learned to try a little of bit of everything, but to vary it up a lot - I will give him a my phone to play with, or a difficult-to-open container (to buy time), or I will sing a song and ask him to sing with me. Sometimes, nothing works, and for that I've learned to change him standing up. To put the diaper back on, I open it up and velcro it together, as it it's already on, and then I invite him to put his "diaper pants" on. Works like a charm.

My son was not a big hitter or biter but he'll try to get on in every once in a while. As I learned from my last post - saying NO or NOT NICE or NO HIT did not work. Instead, I redirect and say "we play nicely." Actually, that phrase has helped tremendously with my son's anger. I ask, "are we going to play nicely?" and I stop whatever we are doing until he answers affirmatively. When he does, then I instruct on HOW we play nicely (we walk, we talk quietly, we hug, we touch like THIS, stroking my arm softly, etc) If he continues to hit/bite/or otherwise tantrum I use my 1-2-3 Magic techniques (that's a great book, by the way, although not so much geared for the younger ones, but it can be modified). If, at the end of three, he's still tantruming, then I call a "together time out" and I take him to the bed or a safe area and let him scream it out while I say occasionally, "yes, your'e mad! I know that you are mad! You want hug, feel better?" While I offer him my outstretched hands. Ultimately, I do find that he will calm down and go for the hug, even if he's still crying a bit. Then, as soon as he is calm, I move on and I don't mention the tantrum or, if he did something wrong, what he did wrong. I just move on. Let me just say, ALL of that was advice I got from the request I posted...thanks, moms! You're awesome!

In conclusion, I find that you have to be creative with the willful ones! If one thing does not work, try another, and don't get frustrated.

I must also add that, like the mom before me, music helps a lot. My current favorite is Laurie Berkner - it actually puts him to sleep! It definitely helps to "break" a tantrum when I've run out of ideas.

Some kids have a terrible time with transitions. We had a rough time with our son until he got older. I had to make a point of always giving him several warnings that we were going to do something else in 5 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1minute and then I would say no we are going to do whatever else was in the plan so the change didn't seem so abrupt. Tantrums need to be eradicated immediately unless you want to deal with this for a long time. As soon as it starts, take a no nonsense approach by making sure you daughter is safe but by not engaging her or trying to entertain. In other words-ignore it until it's over. If you are in a store and this happens, drop everything. Leave the store and go in the car, put her in the car seat and sit there until she calms down. Do not say anything just wait. It may be hard but if she realizes that this behavior won't get her what she wants she WILL stop. Hope this helps. Good luck