Wonderful 4Th Grade Boy Now Acting Up

Hi K.!

Got to say I agree with ann H. on this...

One other thing to consider...is to have him 'tested/evaluated' for giftedness...NOT something I ordinarlly would suggest...but it was about this age that my second eldest son had behavioral issues in public school...and turns out he was 'off the scale' with IQ...

We worked with public school system to provide him with 'other learning opportunities'...and he has done well (junior in college now).

Just something to consider...

Take Care!
Michele/cat

I used to work as Paraprofessional in an elementary school. Inoticed it was about 4th grade that the boys especially started acting, trying to fit in etc. Sometimes if the work is getting harder behaviors come out becuase of frustration or things like that. I am curious if the Teacher has some insight.The solution really depends on the problem. I would think they would be trying to find some solutions. If the work is getting harder, maybe he needs help. If it is just trying to fit in, just to keep talking to him about how those behaviors don't really make him fit in. try to get him to talk to you about how he is feeling. D.

Sounds like your son is hitting puberty! You'll start seeing many changes very fast. Your best bet is to have a sit down with him. Tell him what will happen, what will not happen, and the consequences for his poor behavior, but also for his good behavior. Keep it short and sweet. Keep to the point. There's no discussions as boys going through puberty learn quickly to become the great manipulaters, lol! They also become the great makers of excuses and it's always someone else's fault.

Example, "Why did you shoot spit balls in class?"

"Well, Timmy was making fun of me first and then the teacher yelled at me like I was a criminal and hurt my feelings, and all I did was shoot one spitball, but Timmy shot three but she didn't see it so I got in trouble but it's not really my fault because the teacher doesn't like me anyway!"

Mom's response: "Are you suppose to shoot spitballs?"

"Well, no but.... "

"Are you suppose to shoot spitballs? Yes or no."

"No."

"End of discussion. You broke a rule, and now you get punished."

And then they always want to drag out fairness and what should they do if someone starts it and so on. Then give simple answers and move on. When he comes home with no problems, let him know you're glad you got no poor reports today! That's the kind of great behavior you want to see!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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My question would be this:

What has changed for HIM... either at school or at home?

Perhaps before jumping the gun about 'fixing' the behavior, it would be well worth your time to sit down in a non-confrontational way to see what is going on from his point of view. Make sure you do not judge him, as this should be a 'safe' conversation to see why he is behaving this way, and be sure you make it very clear, if you can help~ you will.

Sometimes parents have to walk a mile in their child's shoes, to recall life back from those days. Peer pressure truly picks up at this time and one desires to fit in with the crowd. If this is the case, it would be wise to teach your child that being an individual is not a bad thing.

Yes, he broke a rule~ but I am sure you as a child did as well. In my book, my son gets his chances to redo it without judgment from me.

As for the previous poster... I am not sure I care for the 'end of discussion' as this sounds to me like she does not intend to hear her child out. What was the reason? Everything we do, we do it for a reason... even if at that time of action, we don't have it right in front of us. ;)

But a drastic change to me indicates a problem or a stress event in your son's life that he is trying to compensate for~ not so much puberty.

Seems his attention is possibly wandering or turning to other things? Do you feel he is ebing challenged enough in his classes?
I don't know if this is puberty at, what, 10?
But I do think he may be feeling more peer pressure at school. To be like everyone else, etc.
True, he is old enough to know right from wrong, but he is also young enough to be directly asked what the heck is going on. He may think he's "grown up" but a 10 yo will still respond to a genuine conversation started by mom and/or dad. Because he has done some "bad" things does not mean he IS or IS DESTINED to be a "bad" kid. make sure he knows that. I agree with the PP who said to stress individuality and uniqueness.

Good job in addressing this situation quickly with his teacher before things get out of hand for him and more difficult to sort through. As a teacher, I know how difficult it is to navigate through situations like this, and understand your concern and request for help.

Is he hanging around new friends or a group of new friends? If a change this drastic happened as quickly as you say, it may be possible that a change in his life, or change with people in his life is occurring. How is his classwork? Is he currently struggling with new material? You say he got all A's the first semester, but you don't mention his current work and grades. After the holidays, curriculum tends to ramp up to harder and more challenging work Perhaps he's masking his fears of the new material with these behaviors or is trying to impress his peers by showing indifference to it.

People (young and old) do not change that drastically without something else causing the change. Punishments will not work in modifying the behavior until you find out what is causing the behavior. There could be something going on at school that is stressing him or pressuring him to react and behave negatively, especially when you say he was making another child feel bad about himself. When children bully or ridicule others, chances are they are being bullied or pressured in some way, or are dealing with some self-esteem issues, which brings me back to how is he doing in his studies now, and who is he hanging around with?

Regardless of the reasons, it is inappropriate school behavior and not your son's usual personality. His actions do need to be addressed and HIS input needs to be in on the process. Puberty, peer pressure, being "gifted" or bored with regular class work etc. is not an excuse to hurt others or be disrespectful to others. Try to find out what is the reasons behind it. Even if the reasons may seem trivial to us as adults, they are life-changing for young people, and important to find a solution. A school counselor or private counselor may need to be called in if you are not able to get to the bottom of it all. Good luck with it, and keep your chin up. He's just trying to find his way and needs some help.