Words from the Mouth of...husbands

HA I love number 3...mine will say the "s" word and refer to it as a "big Ol"

Something I get annoyed with is when we spend a weekend day together (which is rare since he works most weekends) he spends the day having to "run some errand", invites us knowning I will say no (because I dont feel like getting myself and the kid ready to run to home depot)...he is constantly running around doing these 'errands'...low and behold when the kid goes down for a nap, he is hanging out, chilling, or wanting a nooner. Baby gets up and he is out running errands again or working on something...What kills me is when he refers to the day about how great it was we were able to have a 'family day'...(seriously?)

My husband never rinses dishes and then when we go to wash them, he says "We have got to quit doing this, these are disgusting"...Im thinking who is this we person? This applies to pretty much anything...leaving clothes on the floor, shoes right inside the doorway, the list goes on :)

1. when he says "whatever the deal is between you and my mom" his mom flat out told me she was jealous of me. she continuly caused problems. husband only stuck up me for once regarding mil.
2. what do you do all day..I could do a better job

#3 must be 90% of men! Not sure he says poop but it's always forever and right when something needs to be done! Drives me insane.

What gets me is when he says something like "I cleaned up the kitchen tonight." Meanwhile I did the all dishes and he brought some plates over from the table...

Edit: This is the best post in awhile. I have tears in my eyes reading some of the posts. What is it w/ men and the bathroom!! So funny.

Mine refers to pooping as " I have to drop the kids off at the pool "......yes I know, gross huh?

Wow, where to start... the man drives me nuts but I love him!!

If I ask him to help do something, for example- change the babys diaper, he suffers from sudden, instantaneous memory loss. 'where are the diapers?'... in the basket where they have been the past 15 months... 'where's the basket?'... in the living room... 'do i have to change his clothes?'... why, are they wet?... 'no'... then no!!... With all the step by step explaining, I could have done it myself.

He also thinks I'm the keeper of his sh!t. 'Where are my keys?', 'where are my shoes?', 'have you seen my work pants'.... OMG DUDE, LOOK AROUND BEFORE YOU ASK ME!! I don't touch your stuff!! It's where ever YOU put it.

'What time is dinner?' (asked while playing xbox, yes, freaking XBOX).
ME: 'In about 15 minutes.'
HIM, 30 seconds later: 'Is dinner ready yet?'
(Then my face turns red and steam comes out of my ears).

He's literally worse than the kids most days... a real 'Peter Griffin' from Family Guy. [smacka!] I love him but omggg, get a clue man!!

Helene - so true about "cleaning up" the kitchen!!

This one is more funny than annoying...especially because he did it with both of our boys w/o any recollection of this conversation with our first son! Right after the 1 year mark I say, we can try peanut butter now. To which my husband replied "Oh he loves peanut butter". I say, "What do you mean, he isn't supposed to have PB before a year, when did you give it to him". "Oh, months ago, don't worry...I gave him creamy not chunky". **sigh**

Well lets see....I guess the number one thing that irritates me because it's just sooooo gross. He will blow his nose w/out a tissue!!!! He claims nothing ever comes out but come on!! I've asked him to not do that because you are spreading whatever all over the place! He doesn't do it that often but once is too many times, if you ask me...

Another thing he does is he will sit in his recliner and pick at his teeth with a toothpick forever!! While he is doing this he is making these sucking sounds through his teeth (if that makes sense). Beyond irritating! Especially for someone who has a problem with repititous noises - ME!

Oh, and he comes up with the most insane ideas.....the most recent one being that he wants to put the trash can that's in the kitchen in the garage b/c of our 19 mth old son who likes to take things out of it. I'm like, really?? So everytime we have to throw something away we have to walk through the laundry room, the office/guest b/r to get to the garage just to throw something away??? Right now I have the garbage can in the laundry room and we keep the door closed and locked so our son can't get to it and my husband can't even make it to there to throw something away....he leaves it on the kitchen counter!! So yeah the garage is a great idea! NOT.....I don't know where he gets these ideas and how they can make sense to him.

Those are just a few of the things that I find irritating. Lucky for him, his pros outweighs the cons.

Why does my husband have to spend so much time in the bathroom, anyway? I mean, I go in there, do my business, and leave. He takes a book, for pity's sake. A BOOK!? I am truly mystified.
This is truly nitpicky stuff, but my husband chews on his cuticles and it really gets to me. First of all, I think it's a nasty habit. Secondly, I can HEAR it...this little "nibble, nibble, crunch" sound. Argh.
And nobody on earth eats completely silently, but the sounds of people, including my husband, slurping, chewing, etc., makes me wants to scream. I actually have to leave the room sometimes.

My husband is great, too. But of course there are minor irritations that I don't even mention to him. Like...

1) He thinks he is SOOOO funny, and uses the same "lines" over and over and over. For instance, I'll ask someone else in the room a question like "do you want jelly on your toast?" and it's obvious I'm asking our son because he's standing right there, and DH will say "No, thanks, plain is fine". Or even "did you have a good day?" to our son, and DH will say "Mostly". He says "Viola!" instead of "Voila!". Every. Single. Time.... When I place his laundry, folded on his side of the bed, he says "Thanks for starting my laundry". And there are other "jokes" and funnyisms that he uses ALL THE TIME, which would be endearing if used SOMETIMES, but it's EVERY DAY....

2) Sometimes when I ask him a question, instead of answering "yes" or "yes, please" he will say "OK!" - and it just drives me crazy. Like - "Would you like some tea?" - DH - "OK!". Or "I'm getting some coffee, would you like a refill?" - DH - "OK!" That's totally stupid, but it does grate on my nerves.

3) and speaking of men and their long, drawn out bathroom habits. He sits SO LONG that his legs go to sleep. Then he gets up and limps around like he's about to fall, hanging on to the wall and furniture. I SWEAR that he's playing it up. Why sit so long? If it isn't ready to come out, get up and walk around and do something else for awhile.

Why do men have such poop issues? Seriously....

I’ll ask my husband to do things like get the oil changed or fix something around the house and he doesn’t and then I’ll say:
“Did you do <insert honey do item here> yet?”
and he will say:
“Not yet”
and what that really means is:
“I forgot but now that you reminded me it doesn’t matter because I will forget again until you threaten to do it yourself in about a week”
He blames it on his ADHD…but sometimes I think he uses that as an excuse.

Ah, yes the pooping thing... Why do they stay in there so long? And mine will take MY laptop with him sometimes! UGHH!

The scariest words I've heard from my hubby are "Babe, I did all your laundry today". I had just been shopping for some new clothes to make myself feel better, and he ruined almost all of it. I know he was trying to do a good thing, but sheesh! I kindly have asked him not to touch my clothes again :)

But, all in all, he's a great dad so I guess I can look past the minor annoyances!

LOL these are very funny!
The thing that used to gross me out the MOST with my ex was he would just fart out loud all the time! Like he's sitting next to you watching TV he lifts his but cheek by leaning over and just farts! he does it in front of everyone! His mom says it gross I said its gross! Yuck, now my 7year old does it too and she's a girl! really grosses me out! EX did it while we were dating so I should have known!
My fiance now I have Never heard him fart ever! and we joke with my kids that native american's don't fart (b/c he is native american) lol!

Ex used to also say he was babysitting and it used to piss me off, and he was a terrible babysitter! I told him too!! 1st you are baby sitting they r your kids! And i expect the father to do a better job than just someteenager watching the kids.. i would never let a babysiiter just watch their own TV shows all the time and never take kids to park...

As for the poop & book etc. sometimes you need to take a book or sometime else into bathroom to help you relax.. I really needed to after I had my 2nd child if you know what I mean..My stepmother used to dissappear into the bathroom for like 20 mins after dinner every night. She had a book in there- Now I suspect it was just her way of getting some alone time! =)

This made me laugh so hard! Mine always hands me the baby and says "Do you think he pooped?" Then I stupidly smell the baby's butt and YES of course he pooped! Now, I am holding the baby and thus am the one to change his diaper...that sneaky little devil!

My husband will be annoying me saying he is hungry by the time the meal is ready he is going to the restroom and spend thousands of minutes reading a magazine. coming out saying : "oops! honey I didn't know my meal was ready" drive me nuts!.
Or he will say: The kids aren't listening? maybe they will if you turn the TV off!
I'm so late and you haven't send me out the door! excuse me?

When my husband is sick or hurt it's like the entire world is ending. He never out right complains, but will moan and groan with every single move. He stands up and groans "uhhhhh" then he takes a step and moans "ooooohhhhh" and so on and so forth. Drives me freaking BATTY! Of course when I have the same life threatening cold, he wants to know why I want a nap.

I'm a horrible sleeper. I average about 3 hours most nights. He's always complaining about how tired he is. If I mention how crappy I sleep he says "it's different. You don't have to go to work." Yeah....I can't even touch that one with a 10 ft pole! LOL!!

He NEVER EVER remembers when we have plans. I could literally tattoo it on his hand where he would see it every day and he'd still forget.

He always leaves the dinner table before everyone else is done eating. I have to remind him every night that we don't leave the table until EVERYONE is finished.

But...he does a lot of wonderful things too :) He gives our girls their baths, he puts the oldest to bed. On a Saturday afternoon he can most often be found surrounded by all of our youngest daughter's board books patiently reading them over and over again.

My husband can "never find a thing" around the house even though he's "looked everywhere." It's a running joke now. Him: I can't find my basketball shoes. Did you put them somewhere? Me: They are in your closet. Him: No, they're not. Me: Yes, they are, look again. He: I'm telling you, I just looked and they're not there. Me: Ok, if I find them, then you owe me a full body massage, k? Him: Ummmmm.... Me: Here they are in the closet (producing the shoes in question) and I'll take a nice firm massage tonight, babe!

Go see your mom aka you have pooped your diaper

Yeah, the poop thing with mine too. I will go crazy trying to get my son and I ready to go out for the day with him and literally right as Im done, my husband says.. ''I have to go to the bathroom". REALLY!> Then I have to wait with my son screaming because he wants to out so bad while my husband spends like 10mins in the bathroom. UGHHHH. Its always right before we have to leave too! How many times we were late to church because of this, lol

My husband refers to the poop thing as "I have to build a ship"...Really?

When I say "could you help me with...?" and he replies "sure"...that means in a week when I ask again I will get another "sure" and so the process begins of nothing happening.

Your number 2...my husband always said "they hate me until their six months old" WTH does that mean?

The other day I got a call about our sons cloths and "he doens't have any clean pants" ...I said take the basket down to the laundry and wash them...they'll be clean then! Mind you husband works from home and while I know he's busy the laundry room is right next to his office and so he can easily throw a load in and help. But doesn't.

Wow this feels good to get this out! Husband is the most wonderful dad and hubs but I think we all have pet peeve issues with them...as they do us!

The "babysitting" thing drives me nutty....you don't babysit your own kids!!!

My husband said the baby sitting thing once, it was his first time watching our 1st daughter, he was laughed at so hard he'd never repeat it.........the other 2 things, no never

It is not necessarily what he says, though he sometimes says sweep and swiff and you cannot tell which is which or bathroom and bedroom and he gets mad when you don't wuite get it. He calls me if I am a little later than normal time. The other day I went to the store after work to pick up a few things. I am normally home at 5:50. It was 6:20,. I was a block away from home and he was calling to see where I was. He does it ALL the time. He called me yesterday at the time I normally literally step off the train to see where I was. He also does this if I run to Walgreens real quick to pick up something or return a Redbox DVD. It would be great if he was calling to see if I was okay but he is calling to see how fast I am going to get home.
And he has used the bit about babysitting.
Oh, also, when we are in my van and I am driving, he complains about anything. He will point out a car and say how much he hates that car and what an ugly color or something like that. Non stop talking. He gets mad if I do not look at the car to see what he is talking about. It's not his car. I could not care less if the person painted the car pink with orange stripes and purple polka dots. Last week was comments about a Mexican restaurant run by Chinese. It wouldn't be so bad if it was an occassional comment.

Thankfully... My husband does not say these things. He's never minded changing diapers, taking on the kids so I can have some time for me, or helping me clean around the house. He's also never referred to hanging with the kids as 'babysitting'.

As far as the poop thing goes, on occasion, mine will send me a text when we're at work, 'poop'. And that's all it says. lol. I do the same back to him.

This gave me a much needed laugh. I am lucky my husband does the dishes, does laundry, cleans and cooks but acutally when he comes in from work and starts cleaning instead of sitting down to eat it does make me want to scream! He doesn't seem to have #3 habit thank goodness.