Work Trip for a Week in Midst of Toddler Separation Anxiety?

My husband traveled all the time. I worked full time. I did the morning routine, the evening routine and the night routine. Was it hard? Sure but you know what? You do what you have to do. Your husband will be fine and so will the kids.

I would go on the business trip.

This is a stage in your toddler and it will pass. I'm sure your husband is more than capable of handling things while you are gone. My mom raised 5 kids (all about 2 years apart from the next) while my dad was deployed (retired Navy pilot). It's dorable. You just do it. The house might not be clean when you come home, they might live on pizza and happy meals, but they will all be fine.

So I say you go...but that's me.

You being home or not is not going to change anything with regard to the separation anxiety.
It just has to run it's course - and it could take years.
Life has to go on - he'll out grow it sooner or later.
Go on your business trip and let Dad handle daycare drop off while you are away.
Your manager is more understanding than most - but taking advantage of it too often could hurt your career - they'll Mommy-track you and you'll be passed up for promotions.

I say go. And not just for your job. Also for your family. Your kiddo will learn that when you leave, he is okay, and then you return. Your kiddos will also learn that mommies can have jobs or lives that don't always include them, which I think is important.

You need to focus on work. You'll little on is going to be fine. If you can get the director to take him when you walk in the door it will even be better. If he asks why you don't walk him back anymore tell him it's because he's upset and they won't let you go with him when he's like that.

I bet you see a different kiddo in a few days.

But all in all he will be fine and you need to work. It's a job not a choice. If you want to keep your employers respect and support for working at home then you need to do your job and this month that means traveling for a week.

I would say, go on the business trip. Let hubby take care of the kids. It might be hubby who puts an end to the temper tantrums. They will be fine. They need to learn to live with daddy only and by his rules no matter what they are that are not yours.

You need to learn how to compartmentalize your life. When you are at work you are at work. When you are at home you are at home. You don't worry about what the other part of your life is doing. You have to learn to think like a man in that respect. When you get out of work you think about what is for dinner or the laundry or the groceries not while at work. You are lucky your boss is this caring as others are not.

Enjoy the trip and learn new things to help you with the raises down the line.

the other S.

PS I have worked both sides of the fence and I can see why a boss does not want to have a mom in the workforce in a crucial role. I have seen bosses who bend over backwards to keep that person in their midst. It is up to you what you want to do with your life.

I work at home and have traveled for business a few times. Its hard on the parent staying home because it involves a change in routine. But changing up your routine and touching base in real time with others is really important too. I'd say go to the meeting and let your hubby deal with the kids. You may come home to a wreck or things may be perfect. Either way as long as he's a capable parent then things will be fine.

Go! Everyone will do fine.

Whether you go or not, it will not change your son's anxiety.
My kids had it SEVERELY...so much so that I sought professional help (PS: There is not one single thing you can do to ease it, turns out) at 2 separate points in their lives. My kids were terrible with this as toddlers, and then horrible as 4yr olds.

So...go on the trip and focus on your career. Your family will be fine, and you will get a break. I understand the rotten feeling you get from having to peel them off of you and walk away while they are screaming. But, it's going to keep going on, and it will not get "worse" by you not being there. If anything it may get better by changing things up. I found that it was better when I was not around, actually. My anxiety about the situation seemed to make things worse. They would pick up on it.

So go on your trip. When you get home, you'll pick right up where you left off.

So your manager said you can just catch up with the team later? Then I wouldn't go. If this isn't required to keep your job (not that they'd fire you on the spot necessarily but it would be a big deal to not go), I wouldn't. I've worked FT all my kids' lives but I've tried to offset it by being home almost every minute I'm not working and rarely traveling. If I do, it's been maybe 2 days a year. I think it's been worth it. I feel like maybe it's a bit of a middle ground. I've also been put on the "mommy track" probably but that's fine with me. I don't believe we can have it all. Your husband would be fine - tired and all but he'll live. And your son too won't remember it but I always wonder what it does to their deep seeded sense of security or lack thereof when these things happen. He's obviously struggling now. Going to daycare every day is probably hard enough. There are moms who say they would never let another care for their child. I can see their point even if I didn't live by it. But again, I try to take a middle ground. So if I didn't have to go, I wouldn't. If you think you may lose your job over it and you need to work, then I guess I would.

I say go on the business trip. It will be good to be seen as a team player and will help you professionally. Being mommy tracked is not something you want to happen to you. Also I can almost guarantee your son won’t get markedly worse while you are away. It is a phase and it will carry on until he is ready for it to be done. Perhaps by leaving your husband to handle it alone, your son will actually be better. More than once my husband and I have noticed our kids are easier when the other parent is not around.

Our youngest has gone in and out of the anxiety thing as well. At almost two now he's settling back down again but it is tough while the phase lasts. First of all stop feeding the monster. Let him get all wound on his own. When our youngest starts in, my husband and I back off, ignore the shenanigans and carry on with the routine. Sometimes it helps if one of us takes charge, mushing him through the routine with the occasional "two minutes until we put on shoes", "two minutes until we leave"... The other person stays out of it until it is clear the other person needs help. Kids can't tell time so it's not like we really time it. We just give him a bit of advance warning. It could be one minute or ten minutes. The point is to prep for the inevitable.

Also never state things as questions if they aren’t really questions. My husband is notorious for saying, ‘Who’s ready to go to school?” When the answer from the kids is a resounding “no”, now what? Instead he has learned to say, “It’s time for school. Let’s go to the car.” Some things are choices and some are facts. Be clear because it is easier on the kids.

As for daycare drop off be quick, matter of fact and consistent. My husband takes our youngest to his classroom and sets him on the floor where he clings, cries and carries on. My husband gives him a quick kiss on the head, says “I love you and will see you this afternoon.” After repeating this over and over again, eventually the crying jags get shorter and shorter. His teacher now tells us for the most part he’s over the whole crying thing within five minutes.

At all times maintain a calm voice and calm approach. We have had some real firestorms in our house because toddlers are good at that. However, never once has a bad situation gotten better when we the adults cannot maintain our calm.

Good luck. This is just a phase no matter how exhausting it may seem.

Maybe a change in routine (Dad dropping him off at school) will help your son get past the tantrum stage. I think I would go on this trip but try to make sure that your have done lots of advance planning to help your husband while you are gone. (Although he can probably handle things in your absence) You could go grocery shopping and stock up on all the necessities and plan things for lunch and dinner. You could prepare and freeze a few favorites that he can cook quickly. Check and make sure there is a week's worth of clean clothes for everyone before you go. Make sure he has a complete schedule for the week of where everyone needs to be. Convince yourself that this will work, and remember you will only be a phone call away if hubby has a question.

I have had to go away for work and leave my three year old for four days. I face timed her and called often but it was very diffcult for her. She kept asking if I was still at the airport, where her and daddy dropped me off. When I got home she was a bit stand offish for a couple of hours. All that to say, five days is a long time to a little one. If there is any chance you can avoid leaving him for that long I would say don't do it.
But good luck to you. I know this is not an easy descison for a working mom.

Take the trip. It will be good for all of you.

Single or job-separated parents do it alone every day. My husband has always left for work very early, before the rest of us are awake, so I've always done weekday mornings on my own. My husband handles the evening activities with the kids on his own. By circumstance and choice, these things are one-parent in my house. If you think your husband is a capable adult father, then don't worry about this part.