Working Mom.... - Lexington Park,MD

Not for me....dropping my kids at daycare is still the hardest thing I do every day. My boys are 7 and almost 3.
I focus on the time I do have and try my best to make it quality time.

I'm good with it. My kids are 4 and 5 and they are having a blast. It gives us a chance to miss each other. We spend a lot of time doing fun stuff together inthe evening and on weekends. I don't feel like I'm missing out. The only thing that gets me is when my husband is staying home with them. Everone is sleeping and cozy and I have to leave for work. No fair!

It does get better.

I went back to work when my son was 14 weeks old. I literally had to pull the car over twice b/c I was sobbing so hard. The first few months were really tough and it was very mixed when my son took his first steps at "baby school" (as we called it). Our provider was great and made it seem like he had been "practicing all day just to show me", which did help.

He's almost 3 now and LOVES being in school. I think about him all day long and miss him terribly. However, (as our sugar mama) I make significantly more than my husband does and staying at home is simply not an option for me and at some point I just accepted that.

Just a couple of suggestions:
- Take a day off here-and-there to just stay home and be a "mom"... no errands, no appointments, no nothing. Just hang out with your little one. I try to do this once a month and it has helped.
- Keep in mind that your child is gaining valuable social experiences (peers, connecting with others and learning to self-soothe) while she's at baby school, so she's working too!
- Stop moping around... seriously. You are dwelling on this and making a huge issue out of something that can't change right now which means that your husband is feeling guilty and your child is picking-up on the stress. It's not good for any of you.
- Your child knows who her mother and father are. Period. You talk to her differently, interact with her differently and cuddle her differently. There's nothing wrong with her feeling comfortable where she is during the day (it's actually a good thing), but she knows where "home" is.

Get yourself into some talk therapy (NOT medication-based) and figure out some ways to accept the situation for what it is.

It will go away when you stop working.

I can't sugarcoat this for you, being in the situation you are in. I actually do like my work, it was my choice to work, and I really miss my son when I'm at work. I have the luxury of having work that is meaningful to me, and I am sorry you don't have that feeling to balance things out.

What you are being is a great mom. You are making sure your family is being taken care of right now. Your daughter will always know home is home, because YOU are her home, and that's where she spends time with you.

Just to play devil's advocate here... consider that the grass is always greener on the other side! Yes, it's hard to be away from our little ones (especially when yours was only 7 weeks when she started daycare). But it's also very hard to be a FT SAHM. Personally, I love going to work!! It's much easier for me than entertaining and caring for a 2-yr old and 4-yr old all day. (But, then again, I was lucky enough to stay home for the first 8 months of each of their lives. Also, I happen to like my job.)

Try to look at the positives... you have a wonderful baby daughter, an understanding husband, a steady job. Maybe you can look for a new job that would be closer to home or have a more flexible schedule?

I send you my best wishes.

I am the sugar momma too. Working full time, hubby's in grad school full time. little guy gets taken care of by grandparents while we are at work/ school. Personally I had a very hard time staying at home. I love my little one to pieces, but being at work, having adult interraction, and bringing home the bacon make me very happy. Little guy rewards us with smiles and hugs and kisses upon our return.

Just be careful, to the extent that you can, not to communicate how much you hate work to your little one, either verbally or otherwise. One day they will have to join the workforce, might as well color it as a positive experience, as best you can.

I guess I never felt the pain. In part that's probably because I always *had to* work - I was a single mother so my choices were work and welfare and I had no reason to use welfare because had enough family support to work and support myself and my son, so that's just what I did.

Fast forward 13 years and 3 more kids and I would never not work. I am the breadwinner (my husband also works FT and likes his work but it doesn't pay well), I hold our benefits, and I love my job. Things got better when I negotiated some work at home days after my last child was born, but before that I managed FT work and cobbled together FT childcare and the kids thrived. There were definitely some tough days (when the kids got sick, daycare was closed for a holiday, etc.) when the balancing act was super hard but it gets easier as they get older.

I subscribe to Working Mother magazine and I really enjoy it. It's nice to see articles that focus on working motherhood as perfectly normal and something that most of us deal with. It really helped me to realize that work is something I freely choose - even if I married rich and could stay home, I wouldn't and that's OK. It's OK to like your job. It's OK to be good at what you do. Maybe if there were some positives to your job you would feel better about working - try to focus on what you like about your job and be proactive about seeking out opportunities in your company that allow you to get some flexibility or include things that make you enjoy work a bit more. We have all been in the same roles at my company forever, but I still manage to add things to my job that make it more fun - I moderate a web forum that we set up to discuss a certain project and I'm heavily involved in our women's network, leading our weekly walking lunches and participating in our book club. These fringe activities make work more interesting and engaging - see if there is anything you can do to make work more enjoyable and it may help you feel that your time away from your baby isn't a total waste.

I don't think so. I work (I work PT) wth women with kids that have been in childcare since they were 6 wks old and I think many still regret it--some have had personality changes--like they are ticked off all the time. Many are in a situation where THEIR job covers health benefits (husbands are self-employed, etc). I think a lot of them (and their kids) are "used" to it.
I know times are hard and a lot of times it DOES take two FT incomes to make ends meet.
BUT all I could advise is to think about what can/might change to get to the end you're looking for...job change for husband? PT position for you? Cutting out luxuries so that you CAN stay home, IF you want to.
Your child is small. All I'm saying is don't let the tail wag the dog--financially--if you know what I mean.
Best of luck to you!

Nope! But you have to make your time with your children precious. I drop my kids off at 6am my spouse picks them up at 5pm. We get 3 hrs to pack in as much as we can before they go to bed. My 3 y/o loves to help me cook dinner, we eat & talk about our day, walk to the park when its nice, play in the tub singing , pointing out colors, drawing (yes they now have bathtub crayons) ect. Make cleaning up the toys into a game before laying the 1 y/o down for the night. My 3 y/o gets to spend ½ hr more with us alone before story time and bed. I am fortunate if my 17 y/o comes up from her room after dinner as she is engrossed in school work. Time flies and even though the economy dictates you need to work remember that its not about quantity its about quality.

I don't know how you get past that . . . I never could.

To this day, when I put on "work" clothes (pant suit or skirt) I can almost feel my kids cringe. They remember it too, even if it's somewhat subconscious.

Somehow I was able to stop when they were about 6 & 3 - best thing I ever did.

Is there any way that your husband could stay home? That might make you feel a bit better, just knowing that she's with someone who loves her as much as you do.

Good luck - my heart breaks for you.

awww, bless your heart. all mothering situations are hard, i think, but it def doesn't make it easier when the daycare mentions their milestones that you missed...or like my son's daycare, emphasize how they're w/him more than i am. yeah, well, i gotta pay rent, lights, gas, etc.
it totally sucks. but the way i look at it every single day is (i'm a single mom) that i HAVE to do this for my family (me, my 2.5 yr old boy, our dog) b/c i HAVE to take care of us, nobody else will. i don't feel bad anymore b/c i KNOW if i had my choice about it i'd be a SAHM, i'd be married, etc., etc., but i'm doing what i have to do.
it shows a lot of strength, good work ethic, and a good role model b/c sometimes my son doesn't wanna go to school, but i show him by modeling that i have to go to work too, can't just hang out all day. (that's the verbage i use w/him, i'm not saying a thing bad w/SAHM - wish i were one!)
i'm just sayin, it gets better. you get the GOOD time w/her. you're doing what HAS to be done. :)
strong mama.

It doesn't entirely go away but I do think it gets a bit better in a way. I suppose I'm justifying but I look at it this way - do you remember when you were 2 or 3 years old? I don't... Of course a child needs to feel loved, safe and secure at that age but that can be achieved other ways than the mom being home. Until world war II, most women didn't stay home and focus on their kids. Once the kids are older, they kind of understand that mom goes to work and WILL COME HOME. And I think now if my mom had worked because she had to or some other good reason when I was a kid, would I feel horrible about it as an adult? No, I'd understand and therefore not have any negative emotional issues. Studies say there is no negative impact on children from their mothers working if they are in GOOD childcare and the mother is involved and focused on the child when she gets home. Not to say I won't stay home someday bc I did love having my mom around as a kid but I know people whose mothers worked and they're just fine and enjoyed their childhoods. And I know people whose mothers didn't work and they're messed up and didn't have happy childhoods. So just keep focusing on these types of thoughts... And read The Feminine Mistake.

Everyone is different. I had a hard time when I first went back to work after both of my kids, but I don't remember it being horrible & I figure if it was I would remember it. My best girlfriend's oldest daughter is 2 1/2 & her youngest is 8 months & she battles like you do on a daily basis. I don't understand that at all, but I'm sure it's because I never went through it. She does however battle depression & always has. Baby blues & post partum depression are 2 different things & the more intense lingering type of depression it sounds like you're talking about most certainly could have started as post partum & eventually turned into full blown depression. I understand that you love your provider, but it may be time to try someone else out if you're not getting the help you need to be able to function at the highest level you're capable of for your family.

I think it will get better when she is a little older.

I think that you should go see a therapist if you are feeling down. Talking on a regular basis helps SO MUCH.

I often feel the same way.. everyday when my DD is looking out at me when i drop her off... i just know she wants to go back home with me.

right now with the economy im not making money. my whole checks are paying day care and gas to get back n forth.

hubbys away on military active duty- so i really dont have a choice but to work.
i know DD likes it at day care and i like my job-but if i could.... id be home with my daughter! (shes 3).

I dont think the pain ever goes away- but its life and sometimes we just do what we have to do to survive, and good things will come. and life will fall into place..

I love my work, and being a working mom makes me a better mother. I am more patient with my children and spend better quality time with them. I feel fulfilled. Staying at home just didn't work for me, financially or otherwise. I am lucky, my husband works nights so he is able to be with littlies quite a bit during the day. Is there any way you could find work closer to home to cut the commute? One of the ways I cope is by having special quality time every Thursday - I take the kids swimming and we all have a wonderful time. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

Dear BW - I feel your pain, and am so sorry that you have to work. It may take a mental adjustment. It is what it is, so if you can make yourself accept it, and focus only on the positives, it may help......i.e. you love your provider, your daughter is happy there, you earn good money at your job, etc. If, however, you'd like to change your circumstances, please be in touch. That is exactly what I do - help moms to be able to stay at home with their kids. I'll hope to hear from you. Good luck and Happy Mother's Day!

My oldest is 11 and I still am sorry that I have to leave her everyday. I know she has to go to school so it isn't that bad during the school months, but during the summer it is really hard on me. I have even thought about asking my employer if I can take the summer off or just work part time to help out.

It is hard =(
I started working when my son was 3 weeks and my husband was a stay at home dad for a while. It is really hard but if you absolutely need the money, you can't afford to not work. It does suck missing out on stuff that she is doing during the day, no prescription takes that away. Just know that you are setting yourself up (and your family) to have financial security. Hopefully one day soon your husband can make more and you can stay home more.

Hi, I work out of my house which allows me to work around my son's schedule which wasn't the case when I work in the corporate world. I really wanted to spend more time with him. That was the main reason I looked for opportunities to work from home. Let me know if you are interested... http://www.GoGreenBHealthy.com

having to work??just be thankful you live in a place where you can work, in alot of countries women are not allowed to work.you dont need a shrink, you need to look at things differently. i work part time and take my toddler with me, is it easy, no, but, i would die of either starvation or boredom if i didnt work at all.sure you are missing out on alot with your child, but in return, they have a roof over their head, a full tummy and clothes on them.sure you dont care alot about your job, who does ??
K. h.