These are all really questions that you'll have to answer for yourself. Everyone's opinions will be very different on this topic...mostly because no one's value system and homelife is the same.
With that said, for me, I found that staying home full-time made the most sense both financially and for the overall well-being of myself and my family.
I really, really enjoyed being a career person. I would be lying if I said I don't miss it. But when I compared what I contributed to the family, especially the children when I worked to when I was home full-time, for us, being a SAHM was the best move...hands down!
In the beginning, we first went the route of having my mother watch our children while I worked part-time in the office, and the rest of the time from home (telecommutting). But those 20 or so hours might have well been 40 for my mother (so she said)! She refused to get paid, since it was "her grandchildren" but in a very short amount of time, she became resentful because juggling two kids (a toddler and an infant) was too much for her. She really was only interested in doing the "grandma thing" and not the being a "mommy" all over again thing.
She didn't have the nerve to tell us it wasn't working for her. In the end, she created a reason for a disagreement, and unbeknownst to me, I somehow wound up having a huge fight with her over "how" she was feeding the baby "her way" vs. "my way" . I didn't get it until later, but she ultimately got her way...out of taking care of the kids while saving face.
So after much chaos, I eventually wound up sending the kids to daycare anyway, and my mother and I barely spoke to each other for over 7 months...until Thanksgiving, when she was ready to be a happy family again and not the nanny. In hindsight...not worth it going the relative route. While it may save money, and give some peace of mind that you know your child is being cared for, it really is an imposition on the kindness of that relative. I mean really, there aren't too many grandmas that will say "no", if if they really want to. So if you want to save yourself that headache, just look for a good daycare right away.
When we finally did go the daycare route, anything worth sending our children to for the day, either near our work or home was way too expensive. Especially since it was for two children. I still had to put up with the kids being cared for in ways I didn't necessarily like, but at least I knew they were being cared for. After a few months of this, and doing the math, I discovered I was working to pay for daycare. The cost almost took my entire check...and the scary part was, I made a pretty darn good sized check as an "executive."
That discovery combined with the fact that I was seeing other friends who did leave their jobs enjoying milestone moments with their kids...and I wasn't. I tried to keep up breastfeeding, but with the type of work I did, it was impossible to find time to pump, though where I worked provided everything that was needed to do this.
After work, I was too tired to spend time with the kids...and sometimes had work that needed to be done at home, so even though I was with the kids my attention was divided.
I didn't even get into how much my hubby felt neglected..and to be honest, probably was being neglected the most, because I was putting everything else first.
For us, it just made more sense to me to just pick one career, instead of trying to juggle two. I picked being home with the kids and haven't looked back since. I have no regrets, especially when I get to be there for those milestone moments, and I have a much happier hubby.
We have less money, but in the end was a wash for us, because of the cost of daycare. With a little tweeking here and there with the budget, we're living quite contentedly.
I may go back to work...but for now, when I get that urge to be "social" or to sharpen my "skills" in the work world, I volunteer for projects in the community and at church. It's great, and I do manage to keep my "contact" files and resume up to date with this.