Go to your pediatrician and make a stand. You need to have some evaluations done, and if her vision has not yet been assessed, I would suggest that. Your gut is telling you that something is going on, and you should trust it. Quit trying to put a name on it. ONLY talk about what you see, do not mention ADD, ADHD, Autism, or any other diagnosis to a doctor, just tell them what you see and why you are worried, and that you do not think that she is behaving and developing in a typical way, and you want to start evaluating, period. The doctors need to hear you, and they will not hear you if you start suggesting a diagnosis, stress the issues, not your fear; let your fear go. Quit calling it hyer, that is a categorical conclusion. Tell the doctors about the squirming, such that she is a danger to herself, tell them that you are not exagerating when you say she NEVER stops this behavior. Tell them that she is not interested in human contact. Do not say that she is not bonding. Be OBJECTIVE about her behaviors, no conclusions, no categories, no "reasons" just exactly what she does. This, they will listen to, and if they seem to be dismissing you, stop them, and say that you know that this is not right, and you want to get to the bottom of it, and if (what ever) doctor is not the right one, then you want a referal today. My geuss is that they will suggest a pediatric neurologist or a Developmental Pedatrician or both, and that is one place to start.
Last...this is not your fault. Stop it. The whole "perfect Mom makes perfect baby, and your baby can read" movement is just a load of guilt ridden garbage. Children are hard wired, you get good prenatal care, you take care of yourself while you are pregnant, you nurture them, you take care of them, you give them good nutrition, you give them modern medical care, you love them, and you enrich their enviornments, and if they get this, they can reach their potential. Unless you have left your baby in a dark room all alone for 20 hours a day after she was born, or you drank and used drugs while you were pregnant, you have done what you needed to do for her. You canot manufacture potential, but you can intervene with more targeted enrichment and interventiion if that is what your baby needs to reach her potential, and not one of us has any control over what the potential is, not with a birth plan, not with organic foods, not with supplements, and not with avoiding toxic lifesaving vaccines. The probelm with the whole idea that we can control every outcome by doing the right thing backfires on every Mom with a child who has an issue, don't buy it, because it is not true. We get what we get, it has always been this way, and it will always be so. You did not do something wrong, not one thing wrong.
Call the doctor. Go in for a complexed appointment so that the doctor has time to talk to you. Take your husband or a firend to keep you on track, and make a list of the objective things that she is doing, then do not leave without a referal.
M.