Would You Take Your Preteens to a Baby Shower? WWYD

Are they invited?

If so (this is their cousin, right?) I'd let them attend WITH a little talk about the "proper order of things" as you see it.

Take them to the shower but make them watch "Teen Mom" on MTV. They'll see she's going to have a hard time being 19 years old and having a baby.

Being 39 years old was no picnic for me and I'm married!

It's unlikely that your girls will even think about the age of your niece. Just continue to let them know that school and college are their focus during their teen years...but I'd not make a point of bringing it up before the shower (unless you are prepared to become red-faced if your 7 year old accidentally says something inappropriate!).

If you really feel it necessary, you could have a light discussion AFTER the party on the way home about how you hope they will wait until they've finished college, are happily married and financially secure before they decide to have children...how important it is to plan...

Good luck!

Maybe you could incorporate it into a learning lesson.

No judgement against your neice, things like this happen and I wish her the best.

We've had wide open communication lines with our daughter from day 1. We've talked about teen pregnancy, STD's what would she do?, etc....

My daughter has a friend who's 18yr old sister has a 2 yr old. She sees that new mom is not participating in everything she could be due to being with her adorable baby.

My daughter has said to me... i don't want to risk not being able to have my dream college and experience just because I decide on a night of fun and sex.

When your daughter's see you support your neice, it also sends a message that mom will support them as well. It could be a positive thing.

I say you are waaayyyy over analyzing this. It's a baby shower, not a commentary on a way of life. I doubt seriously that your daughters will even think about it, but if they do, one thought they shouldn't have is that the family is embarassed and the person should be kept in the closet. Like you said, you were in the same boat. Did any family members treat you like you that? Do you think your having baby out of wedlock at a young age influenced anyone else in the family to do that same? What makes you think this is any different. "Treat others as you would have them treat you!"

If they are invited, of course! Being generous and supportive to a teen mom does NOT send the message that being a teen mom is the preferred choice over school and college.

Attending a shower is not condoning the way the pregnancy happened. It's acknowledging the fact that a baby is entering the world and providing support for the new mom and her baby. Attendance says nothing about how the mom became pregnant. It's part of the many ways in which we show love and provide the support that all new mom's need.

Love and support is what I'd focus on. Your daughters know your dreams for their future. They know your stand on unwed pregnancy and how you don't want that for them. Continue to teach them your values. Take them to the shower.

For that reason I wouldn't talk about her unwed status unless they bring it up. Make it about sharing the joy of a new life and being there for your niece, loving her, even tho you'd rather she'd waited until marriage.

I think it is a good idea, and may give rise to many good questions and answers.

Of course they should go! It opens the door for a great discussion about how it is important to celebrate all babies, support all moms, and to make better choices to make life easier at that age.

If they were invited then yes.

I don't understand how this would change anything you have taught them so far. You are going to a baby shower for someone you love. You have taught them unconditional love so far right?

You say you have no judgement to pass but passing judgement you are.. how do you think that would make your niece feel if she knew your reservations? How do you think a 19 year old you would have felt if family members were pondering keeping their young kids away from your baby shower because they don't want their kids following in your footsteps? You'd do better by your girls by showing them you support family regardless and people take different paths in life, granted your nieces path could be a harder one you seemed to turn out okay. Are you planning on hiding your past from them? Just because they see it by no means will they even consider it for themselves.. promise.

Seems like a chat with your girls beforehand is in order - and you'd need to do this whether you take them along or not (unless they have never met this niece and never will...). I believe its important to have open communication with your children, especially considering your expectations of their future behavior...

Being 19, pregnant and unmarried is a conversation you should have with your girls whether they go to the shower or not. I'm sure they are old enough to do the math that you too were young when you had your oldest. And as far as the shower goes, are they even invited? If not, then it isn't an issue. But if they do go, it would just be an opportunity to have a conversation with them but you should have it anyway even if they don't go. Good luck.

I think you are just showing them you are supportive. Just because you are there for someone doesn't mean you agree with their choices.And I'd explain that to them. I was a young un-wed mom too. We make mistakes, we are human. But we can learn from others mistakes.

If they were invited then I would take them. If their names were not on the invite, I wouldn't.

The issue that your niece, their cousin I'm assuming, is pregnant at 19, not married, etc. should be a separate discussion, which doesn't have to do with the shower.

Call and ask whoever is throwing the shower whether or not you should bring your girls. When I had my shower I just wanted it to be adults.
As for what your daughters think. I would just make sure to have the conversation about how hard it's going to be, how hard it was for you, and what your hopes are for them.
L.

Considering she also could have flushed the pregnancy down the sink...I think it is best to show support, and love, and like all other posts, use this as a teaching moment to discuss the difficulties she'll be facing as a young mother. It will probably be good birth control for your girls.

Oh, I don't think you were over thinking this one at all....there was a time in our own history when baby showers were reserved for only married women. And adoptions were hidden. These are difficult decisions. Rather than condemn like our society used to do so quickly, you can choose to teach.

If they are invited take them. Also take them to see her after the baby is born so that they can see that having a baby is not all presents and cake.

If they are not invited, than it doesn't really matter. And it might occur to the 12 year old that her cousin is only 7 years older and already having a baby and she might find that a little strange and unsettling (at least when I was 12 I would have!). If she or her sister ask you questions about anything, answer them honestly and let them know that it will probably be harder for their cousin to raise a child at her age than if she had waited until she was older and married, but let them know that we can all welcome new babies into the world without condeming how they got there. And maybe that you hope they will make different choices for themselves.

Showers are wonderful opportunities for girls of all ages to be socialized into the "female culture". I'm sure you're transmitting your values to your girls all the time so I wouldn't worry about that. On the way home in the car, you can talk to your girls about the importance of waiting for marriage and how that's so much better for the baby, or however you want to say that. I'd do it after so they don't say something at the shower.

If it was for a 14 year old then no... but for an older girl who is family then yes.