Wwyd???

Updated on July 29, 2009
N.E. asks from Kaneohe, HI
6 answers

Ok i have a weird situation and i was wondering WWYD? My father and I have never had a close relationship. He's one of those oh i promise you i'll watch your game, and never show up kinda "dads." Anyway he hit my last nerve a few months before DH and I got married by basically insulting him (thats a whole nother story!). He is also the finance manager at Nissan. DH and I are looking to buy a new car at the beginning of next year. DH doesnt want anything to do with him and wants to pay outright, while im contemplating the discount. That's a good $10,000 plus we could get off. WWYD-suck it up and take the discount help (and he can easily say somthing like we were only able to buy it because of him), or put our pride first and just buy it full price.
We can afford it outright, but could really use the price reduction (who couldnt?)

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So What Happened?

Last night we talked about it more. I showed him what mamasource had to say and another forum group and he kinda softened up. Just because its A LOT of money. I totally told him that we didnt have to go that route if he didnt want to, that i respect his decision if he wanted to pay outright.
I was also thinking about the fact that he would have my credit info. I dont feel comfortable with anyone having credit information of mine. But I dont think he would take the risk of doing that. Actually, I know he wouldnt take the risk-he has too much to lose.
We dont need the discount, but really could use it and i know it is a substantial amount. DH said that he would be willing to go that route, but he will not be there. That's fair enough for me.

We havent spoken for a few months..how do i initiate contact lol? I was thinking of emailing him at his job email. Only because his bitch wife reads his personal emails and intercepts letters I write. I dont feel comfortable talking with him on the phone yet. Its something I wanna do slowly so email is perfect for me. What do you think??

More Answers

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R.J.

answers from San Diego on

This is honestly tricky.

IF you can manage to convince your husband that your dad owes you big time and to consider this a down payment in payback...and that none of the 'strings' that come along with accepting 'money from family' -like the idea that they then have a right to x,y,z (aka the string will be there, but you're going to cut them...GO FOR IT!!! :) Durn straight.

HOWEVER...

I received some very good advice a long time ago: "If you're going to kick a man in the balls, physically or metaphorically, you'd better be planning on killing him next."

If you can't convince your DH that your dad owes you far far more than a discount he already would be receiving...pay up. It's not worth your DH's self respect, if that is what would be given in trade. Not to keep your father from being able to be snide, but to allow your husband to keep his manhood. Never emasculate any man that you don't despise.

With fingers crossed for you! Hope you can get that discount :)
R

1 mom found this helpful
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T.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would try for the discount, don't push too hard with your husband, but give it a good try (maybe there is something he has wanted and with the money you save he can get it??). My husband's brother in law was a finance maanager for Ford awhile back and we got a huge discount. I am not sure how Nissan works their employee discounts; however, bro-in-law just gave us a pin # that we had to use when we found the car we wanted (he actually told us not to tell the dealer that we were using employee discount until we found a car). Didn't have to use his dealership, talk to him or anything when we bought the car (can't say for sure but I don't think he had access to our credit report...). Obviously the situation is a little different than with your dad, we didn't have any "issues" (or insults) that we had to deal with. I am kind of on the side of one of the other posters who said that use this as a "down payment" to help make up for all the other times he said he was going to do something and didn't. I don't think that $10k or whatever the discount ends up being will make up for all the times he wasn't there, but it could be a good start? Let us know how everything works out, you are definately in my thoughts and prayers to help resolve a tough situation!

1 mom found this helpful
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W.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Heck, remember all those time he "alomst" helped you out? Take this opportunity, it may be the only time he can do something good and useful for you.
I'm not trying to sound cold or anything, but if no REAL harm will come of it, you and DH will have a nice, new car, a smaller loan to pay back (or a smaller hole in your bank acct) and Dad finally did right by you.

Good luck!
W.

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R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I wouldn't give my father access to my credit info if I knew he didn't like my husband. I would hope that he wouldn't do anything to mess with our credit, but there seems to be a possibility of that...
There are lots of great car deals out there. I don't know that you need to go through your dad, unless you really really want a nissan...
Good luck
R.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi Nahes,
You have to live with what you do, as your dad must live with his choices as well. I can tell you, my father and I had a disagreement prior to his death and the best we did before his passing was shake hands. So be careful with how angry you get with him and learn how to cope with his wrong doings on a level that will not ever leave you in a regretful situation.

As for the discount, I don't know that the discount can be an actual $10K. Do you know this for sure? My husband works for dealerships and we don't get $10K discounted from what anyone else would pay. We may get a good deal and know what to accept and what not to accept, but I don't see $10K out of it.

When you are working with family and money, be careful. You will have to complete a credit application, your credit will be pulled and exposed to your father. This is your husbands information as well. Don't put yourself in a situation that your father is able to put you down for a missed payment or see how much you have in savings. Once your family knows you have money, they may come to you for a loan because they know you have it. Car people need money too.

I refinanced my house through my Brother in law and loaned him $700 about a month later. Just be careful and think everything through carefully.

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Take the discount.. make one payment after that in the full amount and call it a day! WIN on both sides :)

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