X-mas Presents from X's Who Aren't in Kids Lives?

I have also had a very difficult time with my ex. I have learned that it comes down to the idea that my children will remember the times that I kept him from them. I have issues with him however it doesnt have to extend to the children. When they are old enough to see him for what he is then it will be different. She might not even realize they are from him. It is an emotional tug a war to do the right thing and there are times when you have to smile even when you are so mad you could scream. Thats my opinion. Give him the rope and eventually he will hang himself.

If this man is truly her father, then why take that away from her. The hell with him, you don't want to be back with him and keep that clear, but his daughter is his daughter.

Now before you start jumping down my throat, lol, hear me out.

As much animosity I have for my daughter's father, I let him see her and spend time with her as much as he wants, on my schedule, not his. my daughter is 8 now soon to be 9, and let her see the her father for who he is. As much as he's an A*****E she learned that one on her own.

What I'm saying is, let her make the decision to dislike her father, not you. You can't change who her father is, and yes I know how bad you want it to be someoen other than him, I had that wish many times myself LOL, but let her have her father. You don't want her growing up hating you for not knowing him, or giving him the higher ground in saying negative things about you to her when she gets older.

My daughter';s father is a prick, and yes no matter how much he loves her, my daughter has seen for herslf who of a prick he can be. So, she deals with him appropiately, completely out of my hands. Something I had warned him about over the years.

And, keep your family out of your business!!! It's your decision to make, not theirs. If you keep listening to them now, you will be listening to them forever. Don't set yourself up! You may regret a few things but that's ok, that's life, but don't let them tell you what to do. Do this on your own! Ask for advice but let the final decision be your own, not theirs, and don't let anyone persuade you to do what you don't to do.

Let your daughter enjoy her Christmas or if you feel that strongly about him, then call him and have him come back and pick up his gifts to her. Don't play yourself and keep them but never give them to her. Be true to your feelings and have him take them back. Show him that you don't want him around, don't fake it.

Hi M. o
well if your fisrt feeeling is always the right one, Been their
trust in experience. !) Why did we get the court order if you were going thu this action. Domestic violence is no joke. It can leave your child with emotional problems,and you with a trust of men. Your child is the one who will suffer. Lets be real.The presents are a roos. for if you let the man back in your lives and he doesn't get any therapy for violence.Do you know what a broken collar bone fells like.How about your daughter caught up in the fight? If he truley wants to be a family than true commitment is needed. How about you sit and taLK ABOUT HOW CAN WE MAKE IT WITHOUT VIOLENCE ON THE PHONE FOR A START! Don't take him back just cause your lonely or don't want your daughter to have a father. Think what will change IF HE COMES BACK? He says he loves you and her but what does l0ve have to do with it when you are scared for yourself?Who will protect your daughter. Strong woman think about the choices you make NOW. Y ou need time alone or a support group like us to help. woman listen to all i have written and take time out for yourself! Is this hard to face but yet is some thurth to it too? Selfesteem is important and if you have this.
You have a life. It will be hard without him at first> but sometimes you might be better off. M. in your heart of heart do you really SEE REALLY SEE ANY DIFFRENCES YET.SEPT TO
KNOW? IT'S CHRISTMAS! iS HE SANTA HOW. WHO WILL HE BE LATER?
"M." If this is your first christmas without him enjoy it with her sit open toys play, sing and enjoy a breakfast just you and her and talk to her. Even though she doesn't understand. But to look in her face and see joy on it, than see no joy which is better? Try this hug and kiss her because she is the woman of tomorrow and we must be strong. cause we love hard and thats our weakness when we are young an in love with the bad boys.I am sorry to be blunt about it but,You are the only one who can decide your fate . I am just someone who will advice and listen. As for her get some other mom together and have a play group with her. It's time for you to live girl. Merry christmas and Happy New Year and give her a big hug and kiss for me. L.

Hey there M.,
My ex hasn't been around for any holiday, birthday, not a single event what-so-ever...not even in between. You could go ahead and give her the gifts, but it is up to you to decide if you tell her who they are from. My ex hasn't even tried to make the attempt for gifts, let alone even a simple stop by or phone call, but my oldest (3 in feb) kinda knows who he is. "Daddy" is more of a name for my ex, rather than a relation to a father. Go ahead and let you little one have the fun of enjoying the presents. She doesn't deserve not to get the presents just because they came from a stranger.

If I were you I would give them to her. She is still young and won't know who they are from anyways.Just keep it documented when he does stop by or call,so that when she is older and asks you have direct answers and times,it is hard for girls to grow up without their fathers and sometimes don't want to beleive you.So just document everythingin a notebook of what he got her,he is her father and she may chose someday to have him in her life. good luck with everyting I hope this helps.I am the mother of two girls ages 5&8 and their father is a big part of their life even though I don't agree with him alot or his girl,he is their father and always will be. R.
Merry Christmas

This is a really hard one. Being in that situatio many years ago. The father was always trying to get to my son through me. Really had no interest in my son. You say you have/had an order of protection. How violent was he? I think only you can have this answer being in the situation. Trust your own intincts (?). If you do give the present to her I wouldn't make a big deal as to where there from. Just tell her they're from santa. Domestic violence is a very serious thing, please be careful and first and farmost make sure your child is safe.God bless you and stay safe. Merry Christmas!

i'd give her the gifts. i have a nephew whose father really never bothered with him & now at 22 he hates him. at least he's trying.

hi M..
i would still give them to her despite the facts that he hasn't been a father at all to her. just don't make a big deal out of him giving them to her. like say these are from your father or take the name of and say their from santa claus if he doesn't come around then he wont know. i was in the same situation at one time minus the order of protection. he doesn't see her by his own choice and the only way she knows her father is by a picture she has of the three of us. the last time she saw her father was when she was 3 and she's now 11. but even though he was a jerk and other things i cant say i still gave her the presents because i felt that even though we don't get along and he's a:well i cant say what he is but i felt that by not giving her the presents i would be punishing her for something that he did to me. i told her these were from her father and she made no big deal about it she cared more for the presents than from the fact they came from her father who she didn't know. hope this helped.

I can totally relate to your problem, and I do agree that he is doing this to keep the link between you going. It isn't your daughter he is't interested in being linked to though it is you. If it were my choice I would donate the gifts because she isn't really missing him if she doesn't remember him so she really isn't loosing out on anything. She has you in her life and that's what counts. Also if it were me I would stop him altogether from coming to your house. It sounds like alot of confusion for your little girl that she doesn't need, and more stress for you that you don't need.

Hello,

i think it is important that you recognize the signs. respect the orsder of protection, its there for a reason. If he should wanna give his child anything it should be thru an objective third party. remmeber, you child is still young. that will save you and your child the drama. if he wants to see her let it be thru that third party and/or court. I have a simuliar situation. the important thing is that you using your resources not to be around him.

My Question is does he even know how old your daughter is? 2 yrs old and 18 months is a big diffence in size.. I feel that there is no reason not to give her the gifts.. She will not know who it is from unless you tell her. It is difficult situation you are in but at the end of the day that is you and his child if he is making a attempt to see her then make sure someone is with you if you allow him to visit her in your home. My daughther is now 16 months I hope that I don't have to go throught anything like what you have because I went throught if with my mom. I know how hard it is but be strong.

Hello M. O.;

I understand your concern with your baby's father. he may be looking for a chance to interact with your baby, but his efforts are not a lot if he just stopped by for a minute. I may tell you if you want, just wait to see if he happens to want to see the baby and then you will know for sure if he is serious enough.

I wish you good luck and that everything goes well.

Take care!

i had that problem with my son cause my daughters knew already that there father would buy them things out of obligation and not cause he wanted to, but what i did was just say that santa brought them and that he hopes that he would like them. my daughters are now 14-13-and 12 and to be honest they say they couldnt care less casue he hasnt owned there respect anymore. but with my son i just stick with that story and he is 9 years old now. but sooner or later my son will find out the truth about his father. there father has no contact with them, he dont call or visit or anything.