Young Mother

My Mom was 19 when she had me and it was like that for her but now she glows with confidence when people ask if were sisters or ask if my baby is hers.... I love her and shes crazy. I love having a young MOm. My friends parents are all in their 50's or 60's and I feel like I have a better relationship with my Mom because shes young. Im 22 and I have a 10 month old and Im pregnant with my 2nd and I get some looks but you just have to shake it off.

I am a 25 year old mother of two and everyone thinks they can tell me how to raise my little ones cause they are more equipped! Ticks me off! I am a pretty darn good mother, I love my kids, Feed them, Clothe them, play with them, comfort them, and everything else that comes along with this job yet, everyone thinks they can do it better than me! Makes me quite bitter. Not to mention my old friends all treat me like a disease for "breeding" So yea make that two young mothers who get treated like idiots.

I have also been married since I was 17. Lost 3 babies before I actually had my son at age 22 though. So I didn't have it nearly as bad as you. Although, when i would lose a baby they would act like it was because i was partying or not taking care of myself while preggers. So it got to the point were I stopped telling people.

Everyone has a path to follow. I always wanted children and it took very long to have a child. I was 39 when I delivered. I now go to my son's preschool and everyone thinks I am his grandmother. I think being young you must have more energy than an older mom like myself. My strength is I am very relaxed. Good luck.

M. 43 son soon to be 4

HI!
I am a 39 yr old mother of a first grader, let me tell you, people look at me and question my parenting ability as well.My mother revels in making me feel like a bad parent. The Kindergarten teacher last year really had me upset most of the year making me feel that way- and she was younger than I. We had some real issues. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks, just do the best you can do, and love your kids all you can- they are the only ones who really matter.

S., don't worry about what others think...if you do you will only make yourself miserable. I had my little girl at 19 and had many people question my parenting. All you can do is stay strong and know you are raising your children the best way you know how. One thing I found out at an early age is...if you don't know something or are not sure..ASK and you will find out what you need to know..now all advise you get may not be to your liking but take it all in because you never know where you just may need that advise...But always go with your heart and gut on what you feel is right...Remember this we all make mistakes but we learn from them and no matter what we do are children will always love us..

You know what my friend made the comment that when she was pregnant she felt like people would be looking at her hands to see if there was a ring there. And there wasn't. So yeah I can somewhat understand were your coming from. I just had my first when I was 23 and I felt like people would judge me for not being married either or when I had to use WIC. People just need to understand that things happen no matter where you are in life. Keep your chin up!

Girl, DO NOT sweat those people's responses. You sound like a good mother, and so you need not worry about people who have doubt about your parenting skills. Of course, we learn and grow as mothers, but have faith in yourself and your husband that you will do right by your kids. People questioned the fact that I had my son while I was 23 doing my master's and my daughter 19 months later right before I started my Ph.D., but I don't care. My kids are by the same man; we are in love; and we love our kids more than anything in the world. We let our success speak for itself!

Keep your head up!

Hi S.. I know what your going through for I have been there myself. I have a 19, 18, 9 & 19 1/2 yr old. I lost one in '92 to SIDS. To escape a not so good home life I too was a young mother. I got married at 15 & had my first one at that age so you can imagine the judging I incurred. I stayed in school & got my high school diploma then went on to business college all while raising my kids & working. It has been a struggle, I won't lie to you about that, but keep doing what your doing & show confidence when your out in public (me & my oldest daughter would call this being a princess). Who cares what other people think as long as you & your children are happy. And also be thankful that your one of the youngest moms for your childrens class! I have another friend who had kids young & we were talking about how now we go into school with our kids & were not the young mothers anymore!! Just keep your head up & like I said "show confidence" A.

I have had similar situations as you have. I have 4 children with the same dad whom I have been married to for over 14 years and my first daughter was born when I was only 18 years old. I had graduated from high school and was attending college when she was born, but was not given the respect that I deserved. You have to fight for your children no matter how others treat you. My oldest daughter and son both required special help since they were learning disabled but some of their first teachers made me feel like it was my fault. Instead of letting them treat me that way, I researched their disabilities and became more involved in their education. Since I have confidence in myself and can communicate with them on their level, I no longer experience those types of problems. Now that my daughter is older (14 yrs old and taller than I am), I just find it kind of funny that they initially think that I am her sister. They always give me compliments and say that they would like to clone her since she is so respectful and well behaved. Young moms just have to show confidence in their abilities to parent and then others will come around. Have fun raising your 4 kids!

S.,
I have personally been there. I had my daugher at 19. I became pregnant with her just a few months after graduation. I look very young for my age so I used to get dirty looks every where I went at school functions for my daughter. Now that she is in high school, they assume I am her older sister until I tell them otherwise. When we are not right next to each other I am mistaken for a high school student all the time at her school. It is great for my ego at my age now. I am a good mother and I know it.

I agree, that for some, being pregnant makes you mature very quickly. I think that people in general link all pregnant young mothers with the ones that don't care for their children. I feel that because I had my daughter at a younger age, I am able to keep up with her better.

I had alot of people give me some really crazy advise. My advise (yes, here is some more), take all the advise you are given, but don't apply it unless you feel it is relevant to your situation and you feel it is right for your family. You are the mother in charge of your family. You suffer the consequences if the advise is bad. You get all the glory if it turns out ok too. So since you are the parent, you make all the final decisions, no matter how small. Don't let anyone bully you into using their ideas. Every family unit is different. Use your best judgement, and you will be just fine.
Hope this helps.
Hugs,
G.

I see this was posted a while ago, but I also know how you feel. I have been with my husband since I was 14 and we just had our first child 6 months ago ( i was 19) and I feel like people think I am a young and naive mother. And I feel like a very confident and loving mother, I may not know all the tricks of the trade but I take very good care of my daughter. And most of my slack has came from inlaws. And you know your a good mom and what they think doesnt amount to a hill of beans. The only peoples opinion that matters on your mothering is your four childrens. I know it bothers you, it does me too. But you are a good mom and thats all that matters!

I know the feeling I'm 22 and I had my daughter when I was 19 and my son this past Jan. My children have 2 different dads but I'm still with my sons dad and we're planning on getting married soon. But my point is that as long as your kids are taken care of then they should just stay out of it. I don't know how u do it with 4 though, I have 2 and have a heck of a time keeping up with them. But since I was pregnant with my daughter I have had the same problem with other peoples opinions. I think it's the fact that as younger mothers we do things differently then they do. Alot of people are scared of change. I hope that helps.

HI!! I am also 24...I have 2 kids. My son when I was 19 and my daughter almost 7 months ago. My husband is 19 (the father of my girl). We know exactly what you are talking about...we hate doing things that involve the other parents because we always go home feeling judged. I don't know if this is just something in our area or a universal deal but I definately know that what you are saying is no fun at all. I don't know how to change it but I wanted to let you know you're not alone!!

S.,
First of all, there is no perfect parent, regardless of age. I have a friend who is a single mother of 3 girls. She had her first at 16 and was married at the same age. Unfortunately, after 10 years of marriage, she was divorced, however, she is still one of the best moms I know - now age 29.
If you know in your heart that you love your children more than anything and that you do the best that you possibly can as a parent, then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. - Because you cannot do anything about it anyway.
Besides, just because a parent is older, that doesn't make them a better parent. It doesn't mean that they will stay married or necessarily that they will make all the right decisions. Age has nothing to do with it, so long as you are doing the best that you can.
Sorry to hear that you have to be judged. There are too many judgemental people in this world today who never take a step back to look at their self or their own flaws because nobody is perfect in every/any way.

Hello. I felt I was in the same situation as you. I was 18 when I had my first. As I have gotten older (I am 28 now) people didn't act the same way anymore. I have always looked very young to begin with, so when I was 18 I looked like a baby. I think with time, people don't even think about how old your child is, and how old you are. I know it makes you feel awful now, but think of it this way. Maybe they are all jealous. You have all of your kids early...they will move out early...you and your hubby will have so much time together before you are too old to do anything you want in life without being responsible for 4 little ones at home. I think this is a great plan!
I know it is hard to think positive about it though. Just give it some time. I bet everything will change when you get older. Good luck!

i also am a young mother. and i too have experienced things like this. while pregnant, i was at taco bell, and an older woman came over to me and yelled and preached at me because i was pregnant. but then again.. i am 25 and look 17.. so i know exactly what you are talking about...

S.,

I also have four children. First one was born when I was 17 and a junior in high school. I too finshed school and have gone on to have a sucessful life. However, when I was in my 20's especially, I feel like I wasn't taken seriously as a parent. I was just some "dumb kid". Now that I am older though~31 (my kids are 13, 11, 9, and 1) it isn't even an issue. As unfair as it is, I think that now because both myself and my husband are successful in our lives people do not even question the fact that I was so young when I started to have babies.

Now, the thing I hear the most is "wow, you don't look old enough to have a 13 yr old!". I just take it in stride and accept the compliment(they always think they are complimenting me.) I never tell them well, really I am not old enough to have a 13 yr old. It is none of their business.

So, I guess for the time being just stand your ground and demand the respect you deserve and Know that in a another few years the opinions that are hard to deal with now will have diminished.

I know what you're feeling. I am 24 with three children, I got pregnant with my first at 18. I found out I was pregnant a week before my wedding and my mother in law still told us we were putting the cart before the horse. Some young mothers are too immature to take care of their kids, but because some fail all young mothers are looked upon as inadequate. My husband and I had been dating since I was 14. I knew I wanted to be a mom as soon as we were married. It was the best choice we could have made. You just need to listen to your heart. You know if you are a good mom, so live life enjoying your kids and forget about what other people might think or say. Feel free to email me if you need support anytime.

I had my first son at 21...not in high school but still young and single. Our first daycare was great but when I had to move him I found daycare providers who liked to "help" me raise my son. Now that he is in school I find that the teachers are the same way. They seem to pat me on the back and tell me what to do rather than listening to my views and explanations. My son was found to be developementally delayed. One word of advice I did listen to from my daycare provider was this, "He is your son and you dictate what is to be done with him. Don't let them (the school system) keep him in special needs forever if he doesn't need it. Make sure they are aware that you have future plans for him and that it is you that is deciding that he is there or not." Make sure the teachers know that it is your son and it is your choice where he goes in life, at least until he is old enough to decide for himself. If you continue to let them "pat you on the back" then they will forever see you as a young mother.

You know just because you are young doen't mean that you are in idiot! I was 20 when I had my first and I feel the same way. I think that you just need to be yourself and know that you have nothing to prove to anyone. It's not like you are irresponsible and have 4 kids with different dads. If you and your husband think that you are doing the right thing for your kids then that is all that matters. Don't let people judge you, but on the other hand don't feel bad and like you have to explain yourself if they do. All that matters is that your kids and your husband think that you are a good mom! Nobody else should matter!!!

YES. I had my first daughter when I was 18. People don't do it so much anymore now that she's 11 and obviously has turned out to be an awesome little lady (I must've done something right...!) For many people it is a moral issue - someone who "gets themselves knocked up" certainly can't be a responsible parent, right? (Ha!)

Many of the BEST parents I know are younger parents. I LOVE being a young mom. I think the key is doing what you FEEL is right and not worrying what others think.

When my first daughter was born I have a couple of distinct instances where people treated me poorly or like I didn't know what I was doing as a mother. So, consequently, I, at times, did go into new situations assuming that people were going to treat me that same way - whether they were or not - so I went in defensively. This didn't do me any good, so I'd advise assuming the opposite.

Assume everyone is going to respect you the way they should and then if they DON'T, then you can deal with it. But, if you assume the best - then many times that positive attitude will influence those you encounter.

Just know that Mama knows best - no matter what age you are.

Take care - and God Bless.
-J.

i had my son at 17 also, so i know what u mean. I dealt with the same things when my son was smaller, and the only way that i could deal with it was say thank u for your advice, and smile and go on. The older you get, the easier it is for people to overlook the fact that you had children at a young age. good luck and keep doing a great job!

I am actually experiencing the same thing at this time. i was 22 when i had my daughter but she was taken from me by the state 5 yrs ago. Cuz of my ex and his friends and family. Just my opinion but dont worry about what others think as long as you and your husband are doing the best for your kids that is all that matters.

I had my son when I was 20, I'm not married and no longer with his father. Also, as a side note... with out any make up on I probably look about 16. lol... My son was born with severe acid reflux that went undiagnosed for weeks. His first pediatricain actually had the nerve to blame me for the fact that my son wouldn't eat. He went 36 hrs without eating when he was 2 months old b/c my doctor judged me and said I was too stressed out. I was turned away by him and the ER twice. They didn't think I knew by child. Even at two months you just know when something is very wrong. I just had too stay strong untill I found someone that would actually listen to my son's symptoms and figure out what the problem is. It's really hard when people don't take you seriously when we are probably more adult than they will ever be. My son was hospitalized for the weekend and finally got on the right medication to make him feel better. Needless to say we never went back to that pediatrician again.

don't let close minded stero typical poeple get to you. they are not worth it. just raise you kids the best you can. I had young parents...16 and 18...they were not perfect, but they tried. as long as you provide for kids and they know you love them, that is all that matters. as far as the parent/teacher thing...the teacher will ask about home life and how you go about things to get a feel for why a child behaves the way they do when they are at school. but is he/she is asking out right inapropiate things, being condescending in any way, then you should call her on it or speak to the princi[al,

Hello, my name is K.

Don't worry about what other people think. Be the best mom and the wife you know how to be. You, your children and your husband are the most important people in your life.

Continue doing what you are doing and everything will turn out for the best.

Good-Luck,
K.

When I had my oldest 10 years ago I wasn't married and in the hospital I had a nurse bring in my car seat and she threw all the stuff including the carseat on the floor didn't say a word and gave me a nasty look on her way out. I asked for a different nurse and never saw her again!!

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my 1st daughter and now I am 22 with 2 daughters! I love every minute of it. Sometimes I feel as though people judge me when me and my fiance take our kids out in public. (He is the father of both & we have been together for 5 years.) But, they dont know our sitsuation and I believe that only God can judge me. As long as you are the best momma you can be, dont worry about what others think. No matter what your age, everyone has different parenting skills. Just keep doing whatever works for you & love them babies!!

i to was a young mom. her dad got killed by a drunk driver the day she was born so that left me to raise her by myself. i also got remarks about my parenting skills since i was a single mom. but all you can do is smile, say thanks for the advice,(some will be helpful so use it but only if you think it is helpful) and continue on. only you and your husband knows whats best for your kids. my daughter is 22 now and people think we are sisters. i think her and i are closer because of me having her at a young age. besides it will help when you become a grandma. its easier to keep up with the grankids. lol im sure you and your husband are doing a fine job with your kids and the proof is in how happy your kids are. if the kids are happy then you must be doing something right. best of luck to you!

Hi S.,

I will echo everyone else and say, dont sweat this. However, I wouldnt ever let a teacher or daycare worker undermine me as a mother. If that is what they are doing, then you need to clearly let them know that that is unacceptable and you will have no tolerance for it. Infact, doing so may make them take you more seriously, because it seems as if right now, they arent, and that is unfortunate and unfair.
I have been on both sides of the coin and I completely know what you are talking about and you are very right when you say they are judging you, because they are. Again, unfortunate.
I got married at 17, my husband was in the military, and we had our first a year later when I was 18. I had 3 kids by age 22 and that was exactly what we wanted. I remember the parent teacher conferences and the patronizing way the teachers would speak to me, and I didnt like it one bit. I was lucky that my two oldest children were both academically advanced and they couldnt "pin" any school problems on my parenting, but that didnt stop them from acting like I didnt have a clue simply because I was young. We had our 4th when I was 29 and by the time he got to school I was 34. Oh wow, what a difference!! All of the sudden I was a peer of most of the school admin and low and behold suddenly had respect and admiration for being the mom of these 4 smart well behaved children. I went from being looked at as a nitwit to being looked at as super mom, simply because I had aged 10 yrs. lol. So, try not to feel too bad about it, it seems to be the concensus that it is just inevitable and if you have kids young, this is a bump in the road you have to deal with. Realize it is them and not you and just keep plugging along, someday you will get the respect you deserve. Best of luck to you :)

I wouldn't let what other people appear to think bother you if you are truly doing what you need to do to provide for and care for your kids. if they are happy, not hungry, well behaved...isn't that what we want. If you think about...100 years ago most moms started having kids at age 16 and by 25 had 4 or more kids. My gggrandmother married at 13 and had her first at 15 (8 children). That was very common. As 1920 and women's suffrage emerged, females desired to have more so what got pushed to the back burner...motherhood. And while some may disapprove, others may actually be jealous that you have it together to have 4 already and can support them well. Not that I promote having children at age 14, but times were different back then and usually by then most people were finished with school.

I can't say i can relate,, i was the other end of the spectrum. was 35 and 36 when i had my two. however,, i have a suggestion...don't let what others perceive of you or view you as, dictate to you how you view yourself. don't let it affect you. stand strong in your core beliefs on how you are raising your kids.
i don't view someone who has kids early in life as not knowing anything,, age doesn't dictate maturity or life experience.
there can be a young mother who is more secure in her mothering skills than a 35 year old.
just be secure with who you are and you won't even notice if and/or when anyone else makes a face or raises an eye brow about your age or how many kids you have.
good luck..