my 10 year old has recentlly been doing things really out of the ordinary. He has always been a pretty good kid. (of course there are some issues, he is a boy). He has been stealing things from our house, not big items or anything, little things, then got cought stealing from school then was suspended, then the next day after he came back he brouhgt my nail clippers to school that has a pocket knife on and was suspened again. What do I do with him. He has gone thru some tuff things in the last 6 months, we had a new baby, then she got really sick and was in the ICU for 2 months at only 8 days old, we moved during that time (he still goes to the same school), he had to live with my sister while we stayed at the hospital with the baby, now that the baby is home she needs extra attention, so he gets less. I don't want to make excuses, but has it just been to much for him to take?
K., Maybe Daddy should spend some quality time with him having some fun. Sounds like he wants attention. Daddy should be able to do that. A good talk with him would be great for him to know how important he is to you and the whole family. Encourage him and allow him to help out. Try out some team sports, maybe. I know you are big on prayer, so he will be fine. Make some special time with him.
Love Ya,
E
I'm sorry to hear about all of the difficulties with your baby. My sense is that your son probably is feeling a little jealous of your attention, and now, he's getting attention elsewhere -- even though it's negative attention. As you know, boys have A LOT of energy and it needs to be directed somewhere constructive, or they just use it to get attention in any way they can. I have three suggestions: #1 - Put him in a sport that he is interested in and that will direct and use up a lot of that energy in a positive way, #2 - Schedule in some one-on-one time, not necessarily to talk but to go play miniature golf or something where you two can have fun together, and #3 - Try to stay focused on all of the good in him. It's tempting to only feel frustration when your child is getting into trouble, but if you focus on all of the good choices he makes and praise him for them (no matter how small -- thanks for bringing your dishes to the counter, thanks for staying quiet while I was on the phone, thanks for helping me out with your siblings or for being so patient with all of the new changes), you'll be amazed at how he'll begin doing more of the same for that praise.
Yes, I think all the stress on the family was too much to take and he is acting out as a response. I don't think you are making excuses for him by recognizing the affect those life changes had on him. A baby in the hospital can be so hard on all members of the family. I'm sure as the oldest of a big family he is often expected to sort of take care of himself and roll with all the punches... he has had to deal with a lot, and watch other family members needs be put first. He is responding to that by becoming "needy" himself. He needs some TLC.
It seems like he is really seeking attention- the only reason a 10 y/o would take nail clippers to school would be to test the boundaries (of school, and ultimately you- how you respond to it when he gets found out and you get notified). The fact that he chose nail clippers (and not a more serious "weapon") shows that he was doing just enough to see what happens, and get everyone's attention turned on him. It doesn't seem truly rebellious or deviant, simply attention-seeking.
Your son's world feels very out of his control right now (he has no say in the move, and his siblings illness is out of everyones hands). He CAN control his behavior, and he is choosing to exert that control in a very negative way.
Talk to him. Maybe find an outside party he can talk with consistently (counselor, therapist, mentor of some sort) during these times. It will help him process what he's been through and also be a time for him to get one on one attention.
Be open with him about the stress everyone has been under and show your understanding for what he is going through from his perspective.
Thats my theory, and my advice- good luck, you will get through it. Take care.
Hi K.: I'm a mother of two grown sons,and now a Grandson.And I felt compelled to answer your request.You mentioned that your son,was always a pretty good kid,and I believe he still is.You may have hit the nail on the head,when you mentioned all the turmoil that you're family has endured these last 6 months.I say (Family) because,he to has suffered right along with you and your husband. I don't want to sound critical,about your leaving him with your sister, but thats probably where it all started. You were bedside with a very sick baby,and You did that with his best interest in mind i'm sure. Now that things are getting back to normal so to speak,you need to understand,that your son,most likely went through alot of sleepless nights during your absense,and has undoubtedly suffered alot of heartbreak not knowing wether his new little sister would be alright.You've moved into a new house,and while that may have been a (good move) for your family,it may have made your son feel more insecure.It sounds to me,like he is trying (anything) he can,to get attention from you and your husband.He doesn't want to be bad,or get in trouble....(But) if it will get him much needed attention,he isn't picky about how he gets it.I know its hard,to spread yourself around,with all that you have had to endure recently,but you and your husband need to take some alone time with your son. Have your hubby take him to go throw hoops for an hour.Maybe you could have someone take over long enough for you to take your son for a (sundae) and just sit and chat.If you have to have someone come stay for a short time with the baby,it would be worth it.He needs to know, that you haven't forgotten him,in all this excitement.He could continue down this road,and you don't want that for him.The very best to you and your son,and that sweet new baby of yours.
