14 Y/o Bullying Other Kids...

I'm thinking the first step might be to steer her toward a different group of friends. Get to know some of the other girls her age and maybe convince her to invite them over for social time or a movie. I do not think home schooling is going to change her habit of bulling. There are some videos that are helpful in showing kids the effects that bulling have on the recepient. As a last resort, I would not rule out counceling. Bulling is something that will follow her into adult life and make it hard to find jobs, have lasting relationships and cause her emotional pain for a long time. Best wishes.

Something is seriously wrong here. She needs help. She needs counseling, to help figure out why she is so insecure -- and so mean -- and she needs consequences. I agree with the other posters who said you should take a hard look at what goes on in your home. This cannot be allowed to continue.

Have her volunteer with disabled kids. That will teach her comapassion. The special olympics are a good place for that. Call the local hospitals and see if she can help with the young kids as a candystriper. I did that at 14 and it was a fantastic experience.

Homeschooling her certainly won't help her with social growth. She is obviously insecure and needs a self-esteem boost. Is she involved in after school activities? If you are involved in a church (or not) you can look into short term mission trips where you work on a project in a poor country. That's a life changing experience that will make her feel amazing. Once she's got a better story about her own life she'll stop hurting other people.

Good luck and I commend you for taking this seriously.

EDIT: Holy cow, I just read your response to another mom whose son was being bullied and you said to forget talking to the school and to break her nose. Wow. Maybe therapy is a good idea for the whole family. (the mom talked to the school and it worked out wonderfully.) Maybe you should get the school to intervene, too.

your advice to someone who's child was being bullied: "He needs to let all of those kids know that she's not worth it. He needs to give her a nice punch in the face and break her nose" sounds like you already know how to deal with a bully. are you now second guessing the advice you gave another mom because you would not want to see YOUR daughter come home with a broken nose? you need to stop her behavior immediately. how would she feel if the person she has been bullying decided one day to commit suicide? or come to school with a gun and a hit list? DO NOT take this lightly.

Interesting that your profile shows you answered a bullying question with a an answer that included "punching someone in the nose"..

Could it be that your household is a little aggressive?

Are you a competitive household where every one is always trying to be right or you all think it is a weakness to be wrong? Do you and your husband admit when you are wrong or have made mistakes? Do you talk about how no one is perfect and point out what your own weaknesses are?

Most bullies are insecure. They are trying to cover up their own insecurities to cover up what they feel are weaknesses.

They pick on people they either feel threatened by because of the other persons strengths or the worst, bullies the ones that pick on others that cannot fend for themselves because they are weaker..

Your daughter is lacking empathy. This is a character flaw. I would hope that when she behaves like this, you encourage her to apologize to that person and promise to never behave this way again..

I agree that doing lots of community service would help, but at some point it is going to take someone treating her the way she has treated others. by humiliating her and hurting her feelings or hurting someone she loves and cares for very much. .

I am sending you strength. You may want to consider sending her to a therapist if you do not know how to help her change her behaviors.

She really needs to learn sympathy. Perhaps encourage her to do some volunteer work and join a youth program would be helpful.

Homeschooling will just delay her bullying until she enters the workplace or college.

Ps, what does the school say about her bullying, surely there are tactics they do, I would speak with her guidance counselor.

EDIT:
I also read your response to Bully Bully, about breaking the bully's nose of a non-violent, yet bullying little girl. Maybe someone needs to break your daughter's nose and see if that will solve the problem?
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/11450217449090252801

Also, by your response, it sound like she learned hr bullying behavior and disdain of people from you. "Why would I need to feel sympathetic for fat people that don't take care of themselves?"

No you don't home school her, it isn't going to take care of the problem. You need to teach her to have compassion for others. She is probably doing this because it is a way to hide her own feelings of low self esteem. She probably doesn't feel she fits in so she takes the "I'll show you" attitude. Get her involved in volunteering at the VA hospital or in a homeless shelter or somewhere where she will work with those who are disabled, reading to patients or doing anything that will teach her to be compassionate to other people and show her a way to build her self esteem by treating people well and doing for others. She might bawlk at it at first but make it a family or a mom and daughter thing one day a week. I bet before long she will give up the bullying and look for others who treat people well. I wouldn't take the friends until you get your daughter to settle in so they won't be saying it is lame and belittling your efforts... but after she is enjoying it take one friend at a time to help teach them compassion also.

As for your answer to the bully/bully question, you are on the other side of the coin now. I am glad to see that you see that bullying is as bad as being bullied, but violence is never the answer. I would hate for someone to punch your daughter in the face and dislocate her nose. It could explain why she became the bully rather then be the bullied, she knows what happened to her brother. It seems that the whole family could use learning problem solving without violence. I also suggest going back and seeing the what happened answer is. It will show there is other ways of handling things now days then a punch in the nose. Back when my kids were small there wasn't any way to stop bullies rather then stand up to them and hit back if needed, but now days it is much better. Teach and learn compassion and remember Karma is when it comes back around, so if you do good, you will get good but if you do harm, you will get harmed in return.

By homeschooling her I am assuming that you are trying to take her out of situations where this is happening, but I don't know if this is going to get the root of the problem or teach her better behavior. Where has she gotten the idea that it is acceptable to make fun of people who are different from her? Is this a new behavior or is it more recent? Are there friends that are egging her on or being a bad influence? Have you talked to her about why she is doing this or made it clear that is not appropriate? How would she feel if someone was treating her this way? Who are her role models? Is there anyone in the family that behaves this way that she is emulating?

I would suggest she start doing some volunteer work that involves people with disabilites, i.e. Special Olympics or a children's hospital, and see if this starts getting her to change her tune. I would also make it very clear to her that if this behavior continues, there will be consequences, but it would be better if she did not engage it because she understands in her heart that it is wrong and she develops a better sense of values and morals.

I read about how you give her tons of attention and love, but that may not be the problem. Or it could be exactly the problem. Has she been indulged too much or allowed to get away with inappropriate behavior without any consequences? Have you made your expectations clear as to what you deem to be acceptable ways to behave and treat other people? Have you considered talking to one of her school counselers about this? Does your idea of love and attention equal spoiling her?

A brief comment. You said you don't live in an abusive household but yet you advised your son to tell a girl that he felt bullied by to threaten to break her nose. Sure sounds abusive to me. I suggest that if this is an indication of how you solve relationship issues, she is following your example. She is having difficulty with relationships and needs to learn non-violent ways of handling them.

I suggest she's lacking in social skills. I can't begin to know what she needs to learn but I do agree with you that beating up on people does not solve anything.

My daugher's and granddaughter's school has a friendship group run by the school counselor. I suggest calling the school to see how they can help.

I think I understood from your post about bullies that you don't think the school can be helpful but I have found, thru experience with a number of schools that they can be helpful and urge you to give that a try.

If that isn't helpful, I urge you to get her into counseling. I also urge you, in love, to take a close look at what you may be unwittingly teaching your children. I had anger issues for many years without realizing they were negatively affecting my friendships. Counseling helped me tremendously.

You should be sympathetic with fat people because they are people. Being fat is not a simple matter of eating less, even. No one is perfect. We are all people who need love and support. You took offense because you felt that some were critical of you. Your feelings towards those who didn't seem sympathetic to you are an illustration of how you're not sympathetic with fat people.

"Love does make the world go around." And "what goes around comes around." When we aren't sympathetic with others, others have difficulty being sympathetic with us. We create the environment in which we live. I hope that you will be able to teach your children to "love one another" while you're home schooling them. We are all human, make mistakes, but are still loveable in some way.

Later: If physical discipline works, why is your daughter acting like a bully? You're right, it's none of our business, how you discipline but you are asking for ideas and how you discipline does affect how your children behave. Spanking can be effective when administered in a calm and non-judgmental and loving way. However, the tone of this post and the one about someone bullying your son, sound quite angry. If you're angry when you physically discipline your kids, I suggest that they equate your discipline with appropriate behavior when angry. I'm sure that is not your intention.

I'm sure you feel defensive as you read these posts. I urge you to stop and consider what is actually happening in your home, without being judgmental of yourself and anyone else. Be as neutral as you can be and observe yourself and your children.

You advised someone at the beginning of the year for their child to "punch the bully in the face". It sounds like the fruit doesn't fall far the the bush in your family and you should have taught her to be kind a long time ago. That's fantastic that she only teases kids who want to fit in, obese children and the disabled as opposed to make up or clothing! Maybe she needs a little less attention and love and a ton more discipline.

She needs a wake up call. What are you doing for punishment?? Usually when a bully picks on others they are not to happy with themselves. She needs a little dose of what it feels like.

Could she volunteer to work at a nursing home or a youth facility.
At a nursing home yu could talk about how life and health affect people as they get older.How someday you will be that old person, and eventually she will be that older person.

Have her help at a youth facility (boys and girls club/YMCA working with youth that are very capable, maybe even more capable thatn she is. Talk about how they can do things well and dont rub it in her face.

Talk about "what would you say to yur child some day if they were being teased because they are heavier than the other kids"

Have general conversations in the what if type

Homeschooling
I home schooled
what are yu accomplishing if you pull her out of school
what other academic reasons whould you home school
what are the benefits for home schooling
are you wiling to devote yur time to the home schooling

No!! Tell her she's being an obnoxious brat and to cut it out!!! Obese people and disabled people? Are you kidding? There would be some SERIOUS consequences if I ever heard my kids teasing people like that.

I would have her up against a wall, with my finger in my face, asking her when she got the idea that she was so much better than everybody else. I would tell her if I ever heard of her picking on people again, she would be grounded for a month. Maybe I WOULD threaten her with homeschooling, but not the fun kind where you get together with homeschool groups, but the kind where it's just her and mom, all day long.

I think you're being too weak here.

my opinion-bully her back-give her a taste of her own medicine...

Try Karate or Tae Kwon Do for the agressive physical tendancies. Try counseling because most bullies have self esteem issues (has nothing to do with how much love or attention we give them), and try having her volunteer at handicap day camps, hospitals, etc., to get a better understanding, sympathy, and empathy of the difficulties others face. Pushing wheel chairs for elderly people in nursing homes, reading to them, playing games with them, etc., would be good for your daughter. Don't give her a choice at first, make volunteering or doing community work part of her responsibilities. If she refuses or doesn't cooperate, take away her privileges.