15 Month Old with a Bad Temper!!

Children OFTEN get a bad temper with teething. There is a homeopathic remedy called "Chamomilla". Try this, it helps the teething pain go away, and also gets rid of the terrible mood.

Sounds pretty normal to me. I think the biggest challenge at that age is that they have a lot of drive to explore, but not a lot of ability to moderate their behavior and are easily frustrated but have trouble verbalizing it. I found the book "happiest toddler on the block" to be really helpful.

Toddlers get frustrated and angry and have temper tantrums. They also have almost no impulsive control. I disagree with your Mom who says this is "just the boy in him" in part because all toddler act like this to some degree, but also because it tends to excuse bad behavior. (I've heard the excuse "boys will be boys" to explain outrageous behavior in older children. Boys don't have to be rude, obnoxious, aggressive little heathens!)

Anyway, when my oldest went through this stage, my hubby and I tried to be VERY consistent: If he threw any toy in anger, the toy went into toy time out immediately. If he hit or kicked a person or pet in anger (and it didn't matter if it was a hard punch or kick, or a gentle swipe), he received one swat on his bottom. If he had a temper tantrum in public, I just stood there quietly and patiently watching him until he was done. A lot of the other behavior, I ignored or tried to distract him out of . . . like grabbing at the keyboard.

I would suggest that you figure out what specific behaviors are unacceptable and come up with a plan to deal with those behaviors every time you see them. I also recommend that you pick your battles. He's a toddler and he's trying so hard to be independent - it's no fun to be yelled at and punished for every little thing! In my house, physical aggression was the behavior we refused to tolerate. So, any type of hitting, kicking or throwing items were automatic get-into-trouble behaviors. By two years old, my son was no longer physically aggressive when he was angry no matter how mad he got.

(And please update us with the story about your cousin when HER child becomes a toddler! Because if she thinks she's about to give birth to the most angelic child on the planet she is in for SUCH a rude awakening!)

I don't have a ton of advice about changing the behavior, but I have to say that for someone who is just pregnant to say her kids will "never" do something - you need to pass some advice back to her. She doesn't know what she's going to get - not every child is compliant and cooperative. And all the nurture in the world can't change a child's nature. I'm sure at some point in her child's life she'll be stumped too. So, keep working on it and its great that your willing to ask for help. But, don't let comments like your cousin's get to you.

Hey A.,

Please remember that the advice you got came from a woman pregnant with her first child. Trust me, she has NO idea what she's talking about. I am not trying to be disrespectul towards her -- NONE of us knew what we were talking about until our sweet, little babies became toddlers.

Children's temperments vary widely and it sounds like your little guy has a strong, rambunctious personality. This is not a bad thing at all. But it can be challenging for the mom. The advice already given is great -- be consistent, step in the moment something happens (don't keep saying, no, no, no until you feel like exploding -- if he doesn't get it after the first no, remove him from the temptation and give him something else to play with.)

If he throws a fit, some things that have worked with my daughter are:

Ignore it, but don't leave him alone at this age (ie. don't leave him alone in a room). The moment he stops acting up, talk to him in a cheerful voice and introduce some new activity or toy. Act like the fit never happened.

Some children at his age (age one) do well if you hold them through the fit. My daughter is this way. However, some children HATE being held while they through a fit, so just follow his lead.

If he's REALLY into the fit, you can sit down next to him and try to copy his every move and cry. This stops my daughter in her tracks and it always makes her smile. Once she's smiling, I direct her towards a new activity.

And here's my last tip - Let's say I'm cooking and she wants to touch the knife I'm using or get up close to the stove to see what I'm doing. I look her in the eye and say, "don't touch" or "Not for Rachel." She then starts to throw a fit. While she's throwing a fit, I give a job to do -- I tell her to pick up a toy she's dropped or I give her something like a napkin to take to the table. If she grabs the napkin and throw it on the ground, I calmly tell her to pick it up. I don't yell, but I get on her level and keep telling her what I want her to do. Eventually, she picks up the toy or the napkin or whatever and gives it to me. When she does, I smile and tell her what a great helper she is. I then give her another job to do. She's usually excited to do this second job and I'll again brag about what a good helper she is. From then on, she'll be in a good mood.

Don't know if this will work with your son, but thought I'd share it.

Best of luck -- sounds like you've got a delightful little boy!

M.

HA HA ...Hakuna Matada...my son acted the same way ...he is an only child right ...and is he particular when he is playing with his toys...likes things a certain way ....definately the teeth are makin him more irratable....like we get when we have a toothache and try to do the rest of the day ...with nagging tooth pain ..and molars are deep pain....like adult wisdom teeth to us...but all in all ...he sounds particular...let him be who he is and give him hard things like pretzels and Jello..is what I did...and threw fits like him ...and then helped him work out the prollem...BUT....attention spans on children that age is SHORT...so try the "try sumthin different" approach ....change the point of focus....and tell your friend...who called your kid a spoiled brat....to just wait til she has walked in YOUR shoes...and THEN and only THEN can she judge....her child will be outspoken too...just like MOM....and at the end of the day when you want to pull your hair out ....sit back in your fav spot and think of all the things your child has done that day to make you laugh or smile ....makes it all worth it .....Have a Great Day!!...and OMG....WATCH OUT FOR THE HEAD BUTT....ha ha ...

I would really analyze what you are doing and saying to him. Make sure you are very very consistent on your discipline and what he allowed to do and what he is not. That way he isn't confused. If he throws a fit do not give him what he wants, wait till the next day. Otherwise he is going to throw a fit every time because he knows it works!
No one said parenting was easy!

although i have 3 children i returned to worked with all but my last my 15 mo old and the well paid babysitter did an excellent job. however my 15 mo old is a girl and she acts the same way,that may be because she has an 8y bro 5 sis and a very active 2y boy cousin.she i think might just be worse she hits??? i dont hit any of my children an do not know where she picked this up . anyhow tickling works for me when she raises her to hit i tell the soon to be victim to quickly thickly under her arms and laugh, it works every time .it also works on mostly all of her tantrums ,now long term im just trying to work out the kink as i go along ,smile laugh and thickly try it.......

I went through that too. If you don't want people to refer to your child as the "Brat and Spoiled One" start setting boundries now. If he is throwing a wallied fit place him in his room or someplace safe. Tell him in a quiet tone that that behavior will not be tolerated, and when he is done he can come back to play. I found that if I yell, my child just tunes out. If you talk soft, they have to queit down to hear. I will say it does not work 100% of the time, but with consistancy if works well. Don't give in, he will get tired of screaming :-)

Hmmm...sounds to me like you have a normal 15-month old. Please don't take to heart comments made by non-parents (your pg cousin). I used to think stuff like that before I had my son. I'd see a child having a tantrum in the grocery store and think, "My child will never act like that." Well, guess what? Your child is his own person and you can't control every aspect of his personality. Just do the best you can, be consistent, and remind yourself that everything's a phase. He'll grow out of it.

I just have to say that my daughter is the same way. She's 14 months old and lately has started being such a brat sometimes. :) She also hates it when I won't let her touch the keyboard (or tell her no for any reason for that matter) and starts crying and throws herself on the ground. I just think it's normal at this age for kids to want to start doing stuff that they want to do and get really frustrated when they are told no. I have found that the way to get her to stop is to distract her. I know that this is a common remedy for most tantrum-like behavior, but (for us at least) it works. I just have to stop what I'm doing and go play with her. Then she's happy. I don't think it's a matter of them being spoiled, I think that they want and need a lot of attention at this age and get grumpy when they aren't getting it. It's hard on us moms though, because we have to be "on" constantly and it is very tiring. I try to get out of the house as much as possible and do my computer stuff while she's napping (like now :) ).

I hope this helps and just know that your cousin will be going through the same thing in about 15 months and calling you to complain, and hopfully say she's sorry. ;)

Hi A.! I think it's pretty normal, my little guy is 17 mo and has the same kind of tantrums when he doens't get what he wants. I have found that it's really just a battle of wills, and you have to stand your ground in order to teach him. If a toy is stuck or something I try to show him how to solve the problem and if just does it again right after I'll take it away and tell him that he can't talk to me that way, so he'll lose his toy. Other times like if he is playing with the printer and I tell him it's not a toy, don't touch, he'll have a fit and scream. I make sure I have eye contact and tell him again it's not a toy, you can't play with it, also warn him about his screaming. Next time, I put him in his time out chair for 1 minute. He fought me on that for a while, but if you are persistant and hold your ground, he'll learn that you are the boss. Like I said, it's a battle of wills, and you have to make the comittment not to give in and it means being willing to let him scream and cry for a while - it kills ya sometimes, but you just have to wait it out. And don't worry about what your cousin says, chances are she'll be eating crow in a year or so. Parenting is not easy, and the fact that no two children are alike doens't help!
Hope this helps a little!
E.

Congratulations, you have just entered the life of a tot. I am a mom to 6 kids and 4 grandbabies. My youngest is just over three, my oldest just turned 26. I just want you to know that every child behaves in this order from the time they start walking. Some kids take longer and harder to get through this stage.
At this age kids get frustrated because they cant communicate with use or like you observe with your son trying to do something. This is where you need to teach your child the appropriate behavior. Let them know it is ok to get upset, time out for there behavior. If they want something and is having a hard time telling you and has a tantrum, I would do time out then set down and figure with your child. Then figure out what they are trying to telling you. Lets say he is wanting a drink then give it to him or a toy have him ask for the toy the right way.
Yes some kids have a total melt down, that is when I would remove the child from the environment to quite time.
I hope this info helps, and for your cousin let her know that when her baby behaves this way you will say she/he is spoiled.
Oh and remember this can be a trying time for Mom. so take time out when you feel then need.
Good luck

first of this is soooo normal it is just frustration he wants to do what you are doing and can't he wants to solve problems that are beyond him at the moment and it will continue even as he gets older. your cousin has nooooo idea what her child will be like when he/she is that age and she will continue to think this way until her kid gets to the toddler age and acts up because he/she gets frustrated over something small. so just brush of what she says and listen to your mom she knows much better what it is like to have kids then someone who doesn't yet.

I would be interested to read an update on this post. Your cousin certainly must have a rowdy toddler on her hands by now and I'm sure if you jokingly reminded her of her comment she would feel both sheepish and sorry.

My son did this for the longest time, and still does at times. I learned in parenting class to put him in a safe place where he cant hurt himself and let him have his tempertantrum. Completly ignore him unless he is doing something dangerous. It make take a few times for him to get the idea, but eventually he will understand that fits are not the way to get what you want or need.

Wow....he sounds pretty typical to me! Mine is 17 months and has his moments too. When he gets told no (the exact same thing happens at our computer...usually he just wants my attention) he will stomp his feet or throw himself on the floor. My older son did the same. I am guessing your cousin is pregnant with her first. My experience has been that first time pregnant moms think they know by reading books and thinking you can control it all if you just do the "right thing" and then they get it one day. It is not that easy and each has their own little quirks and mysteries aobut them and some is all about typical development stages. My advice is not to worry and just wait. Your cousin will have her challenges later!

Same things as other people wrote, my daughter did this before she could talk more, she was a headbanger though too! It's getting better but she still has meltdowns at 2 and a half, see my entry farther down the page for tantrums! I cannot believe your cousin would call your child a brat, that's not a good friend to me. There are times where I think that someone thinks my daughter's a brat, but I think they know better than to say so. Like everyone else said, she will see! You're doing the best you can, hang in there and don't be discouraged by other people who have no part in raising your child!

I wanted to say that Your Son sounds "Normal". My son is 16 mos. He is now really starting to rear his head backwards and stomp his feet when I tell him "NO". Especially if it is something he's wants (things he shouldn't be playing with) and I take it away from him. Boy howdy. But He has yet to throw himself on the floor.
As for the temper with getting a toy stuck, well of course your son's gonna get frustrated. A lot of the temper and screaming and such is a way of communicating. Think of your dad or someone working on a car....Something is stuck and won't move. What do you do? He can't say a lot of words to release what he is trying to say. What happens when something doesn't go YOUR way? Don't you get a little aggitated? You would have some words of your own to say about the subject. I agree with your mom boys will be boys. Boys tend to have A LOT more energy compared to girls. Sometimes a little more aggressive.
That is frustrating and very hurtful have someone telling you that your angel is a "Spoiled Brat". Whatever....She will know one day what "Spoiled Brat" means. Every kid is different and parenting is very challenging. You KNOW YOUR child. Your cousin doesn't KNOW YOUR child. You are doing just fine - there is nothing wrong with your son. I wouldn't say that he has a bad temper. It's called being a toddler and heading into the Terrible Two's and threes and sixteen and eighteen. Good luck. Smiles, T.

He sounds normal to me. Your cousin, however, really needs some manners. Maybe you can forgive her considering she is about ready to give birth and that can make anyone a little edgy. She'll learn soon enough that children are not to be controlled but guided and nurtured and that is a life long process. Your son is behaving normally as a boy his age would and for her to think differently will one day be a rude awakening for her. Keep being the best mom you can and don't stifle your child because of your cousin.

Hi A.,

It sounds to me like your son is just being a very NORMAL 15 month old. My son is 13 months and acts the same way. I don't feel like he's spoiled at all, he just is a baby and babies don't really understand the concept of "no" yet and are figureing out their independence. Since they can't communicate their wants and needs with words, throwing fits and tantrums is the only way they know how to let you know how angry/frusterated/sad/confused/upset/etc. they are.

My nephew is 10 months older than my son, and I remember thinking too that "my son will never act like that!" But when it comes down to it, that's just the way babies are. They have to learn patience, which is an incredibly difficult trait to learn. As your baby gets older, he will learn how to communicate better and his tantrums will lessen. But this may take years! Just take comfort in knowing that you are doing the best you can as a mom, and you can't control the way your child behaves. You can only influence him at best by setting examples and showing you understand his feelings.

When your cousin's baby gets older, she'll probably realize that all babies throw fits and your son is in fact not the spoiled brat she made him out to be.

Regards,
A.

It will be great to see what kind of toddler your cousin has! Everyone thinks they're the perfect parent until they have a child. Just pick what behaviors are really important to you and be consistant (something I'm really working on myself). You really can't expect much from a 15 month old.

I think your cousin is awful to say such a thing to you. Sounds like she is the one who could use some manners. My 15 month old son is the same way. Some times he drives me crazy, but as my mom pointed out, "It can be difficult to intellectualize with a one year old." Just remember, soon he will be old enough to understand consequesnces better and his behavior should improve.

Hi, my name is J. and i have a son whom is 3 1/2. i know there is an age difference but i remember my son at that age. he had a temper then and still has his moments to this day. i wouldn't doubt that teething was part of him being cranky for the most part. i know he may not be able to talk to well at the time, but i may suggest using words to describe how he may feel. you will need to get onto his level and let him know he has your attention. i encouraged my son to use words instead of throwing a fit or screaming. i would also tell him how his actions made me feel. a lot of this communication came from my facial expressions as well since it is easier for them to understand that then most words. if you want to get a moment to yourself while you are typing i think it would be a good idea to give him something to do for the time. or you could even sneak in your computer time while he is sleeping or have a snack. i understand, any time you can get, take it. well i hope this has given you an idea. good luck.

Hi A.,

MINE TOO!! My 15 month old daughter just started doing the same thing. Most of the time she is the sweetest little thing but when she does not get her own way she throws a complete fit! We have decided it's early onset "Terrible Two's" When she starts throwing a fit I make sure it's not because of hunger, or nap time, or a wet diaper. If I have taken care of all the above then she is just being difficult. I tell her no and I let her fuss. (I save my computer time for her naps because she does the same thing as your son.)Her pediatrician said to set boundries and ignore her outbursts. So far that has worked. She usually stops relatively quickly. But I am not above putting her in her crib if she continues to carry on!! Good luck!!