My Daughter has a Boyfriend, her first. It is my first, also, since she is my oldest. I love that it seems that they genuinely seem to like each other. My problem is that when I pick her up from school, they are literally cocooned in an embrace & won't let go of each other until she comes into the car. It makes me & some of their friends uncomfortable. I think they should untangle themselves from each other once they see me. Holding hands is fine. I told her I will ask the Mamas on Mamapedia on what I should do or tell her/them. What do you think?
Oh my goodness! Thank you all so much! I enjoyed reading all of your answers. I will send my daughter this link so she can read all your responses. I'm hoping she gets the message. She already knows how I feel & now she can read what others think. I hope the "velcro" comes loose! Thank you all again!
we call those 'velcro kids'...
try one of two things.
1. you and hubby go on a double date with them. you guys hang all over each other, like they do.
2. take her to a library, park, movie theater, where all of the kids hang out to get quiet time. Sit nearby.
M.
Hi mary jane-
This has only really happened with my now 17yo...and his 'young lady friend'...(my 'olders' seemed to not 'do' public displays of affection)...
Any how...I did make a HUGE point of bringing my SO to pick him up a year or so ago...And...SO and I stepped out of the car...and began 'exaggerated embracing' while WE were waiting for 'them' to...un clench?
We had a lengthy conversation on the way home (he was mortified...I shared 'I' was as well...having observed him...lol) We finally came up with some guidelines regarding 'PDA'...
So far...so good...
BUT...it is a 'new' young lady
*sigh*
michele/cat
It just occurred to me to tell you something one of my girls told me that sort of made me laugh......
She said her health teacher instructed the entire class to picture their parents having sex.
The whole class automatically said EWWWWWWWW!
He replied....."Ok, that is exactly how your parents feel about the idea of YOU having sex as well!"
Perhaps that visual can also be used to explain why you are uncomfortable with her and her new boyfriend's PDA! :)
Good luck!
Honey I would have put my foot down a long time ago, and daddy surely wouldn't have allowed it. I have an almost 16 year old, no way would she ever feel comfortable to be so touchy in front of me with her boyfriend. Her father has put the fear of God in her about boys already. So it makes my job a lot easier. Her father is not naive and knows how boys really think. They are hormone city.
I would have a long talk with the both of them. It's hard to put boundaries up after you have allowed it to happen. However, a deep talk about respect is needed. Not only respecting each other, but respecting you. Some men have problems with public affection, obviously this one doesn't.
I remember my mom explaining a truth to me. Those that have to "show" their love in public, are trying to prove it to themselves more than others,
A hand hold a nice hug, an arm around the waist, a sweet kiss is great, but being completely entangled in each other.. would not fool me. they are just trying to advertise their relationship..
Maybe take a video of their behavior and let he know.. No one wants to see that.
What would she think if you and your husband acted like that out in public?
Remember when you were a teen and had your first puppy love or even when you met your husband. The world around you didn't exist; only being with one another is all that mattered; but eventually it wears off. Its the first stages of them being totally into one another; just ensure that your daughter understands that you are happy she has a boyfriend that really likes her too, but not to let her grades slip, don't forget her girlfriends because she's wrapped up into him so deeply, and never ever get herself into a situation she can't get out of...such as sex, drinking or drugs. Let her know, a boy will wait if he truly cares and if they get to the point where they are thinking about sex then take all precautions to protect her from unwanted pregnancy or stds. Overall, it's puppy love...just remember this "only us phase" will end, but do have the talk because there are times where they need to understand that being so close is disrespectful to those around them; the words are moderation and respect for not only themselves but others.
I have a 15 year old daughter and I think your daughter's behavior is inappropriate. My 15 year old has friends that also act this way with their boyfriends and if she is around she will come right out and tell them to cut it out. You need to teach your daughter that there is a time and place for certain behaviors. What if you and your husband acted like this all the time in front of her? How would that make her feel?
I think that young love sometimes needs a gentle nudge in the right direction.
My 16 yr old stepdaughter and her boyfriend would park in our neighbor's driveway and talk. I didn't care that they were out there, but I did care that they blocked the use of a blind widow's driveway for 10, 15, 20 minutes. It was just rude. I told SD to tell her BF to please park in our driveway (when available) or on the street. As teenagers, I don't think they processed everything and actually thought they weren't being rude, but I pointed out that the neighbor's caregivers should not have to pull up to the curb and walk past them to get to her house. It was not an appropriate use of our very accommodating neighbor's space.
I would have a talk with her about excessive PDAs and how it makes other people feel. You're not telling her to break up, just give some space. Frankly, I think some space is good even when they aren't around YOU, especially if it bothers their friends. I'm all for puppy love but come up for air, so to speak.
Let them canoodle - they're not hurting anyone, and if other people don't want to see it, there are 359 other directions they can look.
Bleck, my 18 yo son has a GF, they've been together for almost 3 years. She live 3 hours away, and now that's he's away at school, they see each other even less. I'm am impressed that they've been able to hold it together in spite of the changes in their lives.
However, during school breaks she is here with us, and he just HANGS on her every second, the poor girl! She is loving and generous but gee wiz, thwe rest of us don't RREALLY need to see that!!
So I say, Geez James, let the girl BREATHE already! Ahem, uh, you know there ARE other people in the ROOM! Good Lord, gives us a BREAK!
You can use humor, they'll get the hint. It's a learned skill to control like any other behavior I think.
:)
Yes, they should stop when you are present. It is first a matter of respect because you are her mother. Secondly she is only 16yrs old, she should'nt be caccooned or hugged up with him anyway. Although, this is something you will not be able to stop when you are not there you can definitely stop it in your presence. Just be firm and supportive since you have allowed her to have a boyfriend. She just needs to know the line that is drawn between mother and daughter and that will cross that line of respect.
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I would let this one go. It makes you uncomfortable, but it's really not the end of the world. Now if they were passionately making-out and forcing you to sit and wait until they were done, different story.
It's young love, they don't understand boundaries yet and honestly this is a minor thing in the grand scheme. Have her friends said something to you? If so, have them say something to the happy couple. It will be better-received coming from their peers than from "mean old mom".
I totally agree with what Shauna said. Dont you remember the beginning of your relationship(s)? The beginning is always so intense and loveydovey. And when you are a teenager hormones only makes this feeling that much stronger. I say let her have this, it will pass in time. Just make sure that it stays PG and she will be fine.
Good Luck
I think I was your daughter in a past life. Best to just be up front with her about it being inappropriate to *always* be clinging to one another. The other option (which I don't recommend) is for her to wait until someone (say, a PE teacher) announces loudly that there should be daylight between us... er... them... at all times. Embarrassing, and once a teacher or other adult says something in front of one's peers, it will become the topic of conversation.
Well, you've doing something right: she feels comfortable being herself around you. Don't do anything to mess with that.
You should honk when you arrive so she can see you are there. At that time the embrace should end and they can hold hands as they walk to your car. She is probably like this with him tons of times during the day and she can stop a few minutes early to make her mother happy. Kids this age think only of what they want and they need to also be willing to compromise and do what others want as well. You are not wrong in your request.
I agree. Holding hands, fine, but being all over each, no way. I wouldn't even allow them to go on a date alone. They're not showing that they can be trusted not to get into trouble.
