18 Month Old Being Very Mean

At that age, she doesn't have much if any emotional control (this is normal) and no way to express her feelings. Use positive statements like ("we keep our hands to ourselves" or "we keep our hands down" instead of "no hitting" because they can more easily do a positive thing than stop doing a negative thing). Walk away, and/or put her toys in time out if she throws them. Redirect her with something else. And most importantly, give her words: "I know you're angry because you want to keep playing." "I know you're frustrated you can't make your toy work the right way." "I know you're mad at mommy." Then explain "but we keep our hands to ourselves" or "hitting hurts people/throwing toys can hurt people."

Sometimes, I get up and walk away from it (for my sake and to take away the attention). I do try to redirect to more positive play/action. And sometimes I say, after giving her words for what she's feeling, "Mommy and X are both upset. How about a hug?" or "How about we sit and read your favorite book?" etc.

My dh went through at the same age (26 mo now). It is a phase. The way I looked at it is that they can comprehend so much, they understand when you speak to them but they can't communicate what they are thinking, needing, feeling. Think about how you may feel if say you were thirsty and you couldn't get a drink or tell someone you needed a drink? Little ones at this age are frustrated! They have so much to say but can't. Just keep reinforcing positively saying "we need to keep our hands to ourselves" etc. Try to veer away from always saying "no this or no that". And certainly as you know don't slap her hand, you can't teach not hitting by hitting.

It was a fairly short phase for my dh and I hope it is for her too!

sounds like our default mode. We don't like something and we don't know what else to do about it - so we do waht we can. For someone who has been on the earth for not even 2 yrs, with limited communication and cognitive abililites it seems pretty standard. That's where momm dad & discipline come it. Time out works wonderfully. Don't warn, don't cajole. When she slaps just pick her up and put her away from the fun - in a chair away from everything she wants to do. Make sure she understands she's in time out becuase she slapped you, or threw something. Get her to use her words - offer her options. "Seems like you do not like tommy to play with your blocks. Do you feel mad or sad? It's OK to feel _____ - but it's not OK to hit or throw the blocks. When you're ready to stop hitting / throwing then we can talk about you coming back to play and you have to let tommy play with your blocks too."

Thier job is to try out new things and see what works - our job is to let them learn that actions have consequences - either good or bad.

~Time out is good.
~also walk away and say"Icant play with girls that hit"
~FAKE cry let her know that hurt and its not nice
~Tell her use your words"no, my trun, please"

Most of all do not let it get to you! you are a good mom. know you are stay in control and this too will pass!

A. Harrison
Children's House Montessori Pre-School
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http://www.freewebs.com/montessorihomedaycare/