My Son Slaps to Express His Discontent

Hello A.,
At almost 2, my suggestion would be as soon as he slaps, or as soon as you see his hand starting to come up, take him by the hand, trot him right over to the time out chair. Strap him in if need be. Leave him there for 1-2 minutes. Don't discuss why you are taking him there. When the time is up and you are releasing him, that's when to tell him, "You may NOT hit and if you do, you will sit in the chair again." He may not get it the first time, at his young age, but that's the best way to handle.
You can't explain things to a child too young to understand reason (reason come at 4-5 years). He doesn't need a reason. He just needs to know that what he's doing is not allowed and that he can't hit people. He isn't impolite, he is misbehaving and he does not yet know that you don't hit when you are frustrated, so you must teach him. Good luck. Many kids go through something similar!

Babies come into this world not knowing about how to live in this world. Parents and care takers teach them how to behave. It's natural for him to slap when he's angry or frustrated because he doesn't yet have words to express his feelings. You just hold his hands and tell him something like we do not hit when we're frustrated. Repeat for him, "I know you're upset because you want to play with the batteries but I can't let you." Give him words for his feelings.

If you slap his hands when he's reaching for or playing with something you are teaching him that slapping is OK. If you do not want him to slap your hands then don't slap his.

His brain is still very immature. He doesn't understand the reason he can't play with the batteries. He doesn't need to understand the reason. He only needs to know that he cannot play with them. I suggest that if you give him something else to play with while you're taking the batteries away from him that he may not be as frustrated. Toddlers have a short attention span which allows them to change from batteries to a toy truck more easily than completely stopping playing.

Slapping and screaming are normal. It's up to you to teach him a better way. This takes time and patience.

Explaining doesn't work.
There are some things that are absolutes.
Playing with a battery is one of them.
Politeness comes later.
For now, you need to provide appropriate items to play with
and keep dangerous items away from him.
If he slaps, stop his hand.
Don't attempt to explain why he isn't allowed to play with the item.

A 20 month old doesn't know what poisonous means. He's not being impolite, he's being a 20 month old. My older son went through a phase, around this age, of slapping and hitting. We successfully used time outs to stop this. You might find success with the same technique. If he hit me (and it was always me for some reason) I would grab his arms firmly, say "no hitting" and put him in time out, which we did in his room since he would not stay in a chair. if you follow the time out guideline of one minute per year old, your child would be on time out for 90 seconds. My son would actually try to open the door, so even though I felt like a monster, I had to stand on the other side and hold the door closed while he screamed his head off. That was hard, and it took a little while, but it worked. He stopped hitting. I am happy to report that he is a very well behaved 15 year old young man now. :-) Good luck.

You're coming up on the terrible two's.
The next few years will be challenging.
When he hits, hold his hand, tell him "we don't hit(kick/push/etc)" then I use to sit with my son in our rocking chair for awhile.
It got to the point where when my son was upset over anything he'd ask me for some rocky baby time.
Repeat as necessary for about 1 1/2 to 2 years.
As difficult as the toddler years were, I wish bruised feelings were always that easy to fix. The rocking chair just doesn't work like it use to once they are teenagers.

I'm sorry but a 20 month old doesn't know the concept of impolite. It is just his way of expressing himself when he is anger...even if it's wrong. Try and be patent with him. I know it's hard, my daughter (21months) did the same thing a few months ago. We use time out on a chair. We use the rule 1 mintue for every year they are. If she would slap me I would put her (gently) in time out and tell her "you are in time out because ou hit mommy and that's not ok" I do not leave the room I just stand a few feet away from her and don't talk to her then when her time is up I kneel down and talk to her about why she was in time out again and that hitting isn't ok. I ask her to apologize to me and give me a hug. If your son won't stay on a chair sit on the chair with him in your lap and have him fold his arms he may cry and hit more but if you are consistent He'll eventually get the concept and stay on the chair himself. Also my daughter still does a warning raise of her arm when she is angry and we just say "soft, soft" and instead of hitting she rubs my face or shoulder instead. Hope this helps!

** Edit**
We have always explained to my daughter why she is in trouble and repeat ourselves often in the conversation. She DOES understand us now. And we CAN reason with her. But we have been doing this since the beginning. I think 20 month old kids can understand and be reasoned with if that is what they are used to. For us it works. :)

A.,

Another mom asked the same question recently and recieved a good amount of responses (I answered as well).

Click here to check it out:

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/15382031352371216385

It's really pretty normal for a 20 month old child - my DD would do the same thing once in a while. They are not being impolite, they just really don't have the words to express how frustrated they feel, and it doesn't matter how much explaining you try to do about the battery being poisonous - they still have no idea what you are talking about, they just think you are taking away their fun.

Whenever he does this, you can tell him NO very firmly, and keep your phrases very simple - "We don't hit." or "Hands are not for hitting." You can start giving him a time-out for a minute if you have to. You will probably have to do it several times before it sinks in. You can also find some useful tips and info in books like "Toddler 411" and "The Happiest Toddler on the Block".

Sounds like a boy needs a time out. You need to tell him that is not acceptable and it will not be tollerated. If he screams, or hits you or someone else then you need to tell him what he did wrong and why it isnt allowed, then show him to time out for two minutes. You need to be consistant with it, and do it every time he does it, or he wont learn. If he gets up, or runs away then you just have to keep putting him back until he stays. Its exhasting but again consistancy is the key.

Make a special spot in your house, where he can sit for time out. If you put him to his room then he will play with his toys and such so on a chair works, or something like that. Then when the two minutes is up then go to him and explain why you did it. Pretty soon he will get it.

"Polite" means nothing to a 20m old baby, LOL. They are only just barely starting to understand that others have feelings, and it will be a long time before they have much emotional control.

Even if he's verbal, hitting/slapping or other physical reactions to things that they don't like are very very common and to be expected, even for the next couple of years.

Here are some simple things you can try:
* Give him words for his feelings. "I know you're mad that you can't..."
* State your instructions or admonishments in a positive way. Instead of staying "Don't" say "Do"--like, Keep our hands down or Keep our hands to ourselves, not "Don't hit"---it's easy for a kid to DO something than NOT do something (they are people of action!, LOL).
* Give choices any time you can.
* Redirect. If you know that something is going to upset him, use distraction or redirection to avoid or cut off a meltdown.
* If he's really throwing a fit, and he is verbal, try this: Instead of saying "Stop!", say "I can't understand what you want/need when you're screaming (or hitting, etc.). Calm down so you can tell what's wrong."
* Set aside a safe place for tantrums. A place to cool off, with books, a lovey, a blanket, and/or pillow. Ask him if he needs to go to his quiet place, and ask nicely, with compassionate, not with judging.

Remember, try to keep your cool (and believe me, I struggle with this sometimes!). But keep in mind that if you're trying to help him figure out how to deep with his emotions, you losing your cool is going to teach the wrong way (not to mention maybe scare him).

our 17mnth old is going through a hitting phase too. when he does i hold his hands and say "no hitting, hitting hurts." if he does it again he gets a time out in his crib

take a look at the "1-2-3 Magic" video to learn how to discipline your child. It works miracles.

& discipline & instruction is what he needs. He's not impolite - he's a normal almost 2y.o.! As parents, it's up to us to teach how to properly respond to adults & adult intervention.....& for that matter, how to respond to all outside stimuli!!

Time to get your "game face" on.....the job just gets more challenging each day! & it's well-worth it.......parenting is the best job we can choose! Peace!