2 1/2 Year Old OUT of Control!!!!!!!!!

My daughter (now 3 1/2) has gone through several phases like this. She was definitely testing me. The good news is, once you do take action it should only happen a few more times. When my daughter knew that I meant business she just gradually stopped the behavior. I use similar punishments as the others, time-outs in her room, etc. but I also added that every time she had a major fit there was no more tv that day.

Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy!

Welcome to the age. Terrible twos is not necessarily because the kids are rotten but because the parents are thrown for a loop trying to understand the newfound independence your child is trying for. Stay consistant, firm, and calm. I know at 22 weeks it is hard (I'm at 32 weeks-it gets worse to hold in) but you need to give them room enough to be independent and learn but still have rules. Offer 2 choices that you can live with and let them feel like they are part of the decision making process. Time out shouldn't start until they are calm, and you do need to get down to her level and try to talk with her when she is calm, not when you are trying to talk over her. My son will be 2 1/2 in a month and is also doing this and it seems like making sure he is well fed and rested puts a big chunk of his attitude to bed so to speak. Correct her when she says "No" and say "You mean yes mommy". This always deflates my sons tantrum. Get down on her level and tell her when she hits it hurts mommy and encourage her to say she's sorry.
Hold in there-
She will come around, it's just a new phase for you to master.
C.

S.-

First of all, good career choice... I have worked in forensics. On to the tantrums. Stand your ground. I know that talking to a 2 year old is hard (my oldest is 2 1/2) but when she isn't freaking out, ask her why she's been such a naughty girl lately and tell her that you really don't like it when she's that way, you like the sweet little girl that she used to be. Then go on to tell her that when she's naughty like that (give examples: the screaming, the hitting, etc.) that she is going to be put in a time out in her room and the longer that she misbehaves (screaming after you put her in the room) the longer her time out will be. {I've always been told 1 minute for their age.} The next time that she misbehaves, and you have to put her in her room, when she finally stops screaming, start the 2 minute time out. After she is done being punished, calmly talk to her and explain to her why she was punished, ask for an apology, give her a hug, tell her that you love her and ask her not to do it again. Guaranteed, she will do it again, but if you are consistent, the times should become fewer and further between until you have your little girl back. I started this with my 2 1/2 year old and although he still has meltdowns, the are much, much fewer. Good luck.

If you have done all that you can, and time out is not working for her nor you, than the next step is to gain respect from your daughter that you are the parent and she is the child, and you are not tolerating anymore disrespect. Stern discipline is your next step to bring control, and love back into the picture. Otherwise, you may end of getting physically hurt, or she may build up her anger toward the newborn when he arrives, since your daughter is being physically disrespectful toward you. I'm quite sure that you could not have gotten away with that type of behavior when you were her age, so what has changed? At some point, time out becomes a game for some children, and they will retaliate more just to get back at you. Your daughter loves you, but she is only doing what you will allow, and she knows better, because you said she does not act out around her father or others.

Hi S.,
I think she is probably testing you. My son did the same thing at about the same age. My biggest advice is stay consistant. If she thinks she can get away with things she'll continue the tantrums. I also did what one of the moms said to do. When my son was calm I would ask him why he was throwing his tantrum. Sometimes he just couldn't get what he wanted out right and so he was frusterated because I didn't understand him. He finally got over that phase and is a nice polite boy again. It took probably 3 or 4 months though. It was a stressful time. Good luck.
Chris

Hi S.,

My guess is Marianna (great name, by the way)knows about her little sister coming. I bet this is a jealousy stunt. Kids know more than we give them credit for. Try to talk to her about her sister coming. Hope this helps.

J.

Hi S.~
I doubt the problem has anything to do with the baby coming; that is just making it harder on you. Just when I thought the terrible 2's were over, this happened to us, too. Angela has good, solid advice. Remember YOU are the parent! Stay calm, be firm and consistent. Get down on her level and talk to her when she is NOT acting that way. I was surprised at just what my 2 1/2 year old could understand about behavior and consequences. Tell her how her behavior makes you feel. Be sure to tell her after the screaming ends that since she chose to scream, the time out would begin when she chooses to stay quiet, and that every time she screams again, it will start over. She WILL get it if you keep control of the situation (easier said than done, I know). Be patient and calm and you'll get your sweetheart back!
~L.

S.,
Your child is normal. This age is often referred to as "The Terrible Two's. They are discovering their own autonomy and testing the boundaries. This is the part of parenting that helps to build character. You must understand this age group. Get some Child Development books and read about this stage of development. It is your responsibility to continually keep them safe and out of harms way and that includes themselves. You must appropriately discipline, such as letting them know the rules, define right from wrong, establish appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and start talking about consequences. The good old "time out" chair still works at this age. It is perfectly OK to take away certain toys or privileges until they understand the correct behavior. Consistency is the key. Pretty soon they catch on. Watch the TV program the "Nanny" you will be able to gleen lots of good pointers from her recommnedations that you can use on your child. Be proactive and don't let your kid rule you. Take Charge while they are 2 1/2 yrs old. Things will turn out OK for you. I have two daughters. One will turn 24 in December and my youngest has just turned 22 in September. Trust me, it pays off. You can never start teaching common respect, self-respect and good manners too early. Your daughter will be fine and you will have a beautiful relationship with her as she matures. Good Luck and stay healthy.
Lora