2 Kids, 2 Different Bedtimes, and Mom Flying Solo - Help!

Can big sis help by picking out the stories, or singing songs with you? Maybe Kaedyn can "read" her own story while you are with Danica. If you make post Danica time special mommy & Kaedyn time I would expect her to wait with eager anticipation. Does she get a snack? Does she have a task... like organizing stuffed animals or helping to put away toys? Maybe some of that can be done while you are with Danica. I know Charlotte (3yr) liked to help with Duncan's (11mo) naptime, but always got kind of bored. She loved being part of the story and song time... but would go off and play by herself while I finished putting him down. Good luck.

My kids are around the same age difference. I let my daughter watch cartoons while I put brother to bed. I explain to her that mommy needs special time with brother and when I am done she will get special time too. When my hubby is home he reads her a story while I read brother one then we switch rooms and then its lights out for both, but when he is out of town, my daughter gets to stay up a little later as long as she is quiet...If you dont want to let her watch cartoons, then maybe have a special coloring book or activity (a quiet one) that she can do while you put baby to bed, or better yet, if she has a baby you could teach her how to put her baby to bed while mommy puts sister to bed. There are endless possiblilities, the important thing is to give her something she can do quietly and reassure her that she will get her special time also. Good luck!

Hi N. - Ok, quick question... do the girls share the same room? That may pose an issue with bedtime too if they are.

My boys are just over 2 years apart and I have had to deal with a similar issue when they were that age. My husband was deployed or if he was at home was working swing/nights so yep that left me with nighttime. We get up early too so we have bedtime for both set at 7pm (even today and the boys are 5.5 & 8 yrs old) and we don't move from that. We also made it "quiet" in the house after 7pm. When they were little I would try to have older brother help me with younger and he was learning that he had to help be quiet so baby brother would sleep good. I also worked it around that I would sometimes put the older to bed first with directions about being quiet, this helped the younger one doze off better too.

One of the things that might help you since your little one likes it quiet would be get a white noise machine or a fan, that will help drown out any noise from the house or even outside and it is not "loud" so it wont hurt their ears it provides soothing constant sound. Another idea for older sis is to have her quietly look at books and start picking out the one she wants to read with you when ready. Or you could also try like we did and put the older to bed first and give her a reward/sticker chart for if she is able to go to bed and stay quiet and not bother sis. Hopefully you will be able to find something that will work for all of you. God Bless

N.,
We had the same scenario with our boys. Our youngest liked it dark with the door closed and our oldest liked it with the hall light on and the door cracked. They still like it that way, but since we changed the way our house is heated, the door must remain open in order to keep their room warm at night.

My husband; back then, was working swing, and this was how I put them to bed:

The youngest was put into bed with the door closed and dark, while the oldest sat on the couch in the living room with only one light on; which is on a dimmer switch, and down really low. With the lights off, it helped our oldests' body to realize that it was quiet time and time to transition to sleep.

It worked for me and when my husband was home on the weekends, we found that at bedtime turning all the lights off in the house helped the boys go to sleep. It made them think that we were going to sleep as well and once they were asleep, we would turn the TV back on, radio or video games and only the dimmer light.

Our boys are now 8-1/2 and 6yrs and the lights off still works.

Best wishes to you. I know what it's like to be the "solo" parent at night. ;0)

I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 week old, so I am sure I am not far behind you! Can your older one read a few books by herself while you are nursing the baby? Or maybe get her pjs on? Otherwise, maybe just let her play quietly ro do a puzzle...stickers, something she can do unsupervised.

Hi, i have same problem- 3 yo and 8 mo old, and my husband works nights. Here's what I do-

We all go upstairs and my older daughter "helps" me get baby ready (hands me diapers, picks out her pajamas, etc.) Then when i turn out the lights and rock baby, older one quietly looks at books with a flashlight, eats a snack, makes flashlight shadows on the wall, whispers things to herself, etc. Then when I put the baby down we sneak away.

It took a while before my older one would actually be quiet during this time- several frustrating nights where she would purposely try to wake baby up and I would get angry, causing more tantrum, etc. Talking to her about it a lot helped, and once she realized that I would just keep rocking the baby if she was being loud made her finally understand that she gets more Mommy time if she just stays quiet and lets me get the baby to sleep! (And having a snack to keep her occupied definitely helped too)

Good luck!

My youngest was the very same way, So I started playing a relaxation or mozart cd when i put him to bed, and it plays all night long. It helps give him a constant noise so he doesnt wake up when i put his big brother to bed or have to put away laundry etc. He now sleeps like a rock and doesnt wake up if the fire alarm goes off...lol.
Maybe let your older daughter watch cartoons or read a book, or play quietly with her toys in her room (if they dont share, maybe your room if they do?)

my 1yr old goes down for a nap first and bed @ 8pm while my 2 1/2 year old reads the books we just read to her dolly. If she's quiet and stays on the couch we have some special snuggle time just the two of us before her bedtime 830-845. It took a week or so for her to learn to sit quitely but now she loves the special time we get after brother is in bed. Another option is a movie, but i found it was harder to get her to sleep after a movie. We don't watch much TV.

Good Luck!

I would do one of three things.
1. Allow her to watch TV while you put the baby to bed and explain to her that it is a privilege that she gets because she is older, but that if she does not obey and stay put and be quiet, that she will lose that privilege and will have to go to bed earlier.
2. Put the older one to bed first, but allow her to take a pile of books with her. Turn on a dim lamp and let her have reading time in bed while you put the older one to bed. Basically, just make her think that she is being put to bed at normal time, but that you are now allowing her to have extra reading time before falling asleep. When baby is out, just tell the older one that it is lights out time.
or 3. Teach your baby to put herself to sleep so you can get into the routine of jammies, nursing, brushing teeth, reading story, and lay her down to fall asleep on her own. Flying solo, this will in the short term be the hardest option, but will in the long run make your life TONS easier.

I Have the same bed time situation. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 15m old, and my husband often works late. What I do is after dinner, baths ect.. we get everyone ready for bed then I tell my daughter (the 3 yr old) that she gets to have her special big girl treat and stay up a little later then brother and watch one of her shows, I get her all set up on the couch with her show and a drink and tell her that she needs to be a big girl and stay while I go put the baby to bed. It usually works pretty good, it only takes me anbout 10 to 15 mins to put her brother to bed, and she is usually into her cartoon and being a good girl because we really make it seem like its her special treat for being such a big girl. There are times that she insists on being in the room with us, so when that happends I try to make it very clear that it is bed time so if she is going to be in the room while I rock him and put him to bed then she has to lay down with her blankie and pillow and there is no talking. We do our best, bed time usually goes pretty smooth. hope this helps

You may try letting the infant fall asleep on her own -nurse her, put her in bed, leave to go deal with big sister even if she isn't asleep. Then big sister can be around during that time anyway? The 10 month old will most likely benefit from being able to go to sleep on her own, anyway.

Can big sister 'help' you put the baby to bed somehow?

Or herself? At 3 she may be old enough to put on pajamas that you have laid out for her, or color something for a while?

Would the older one listen to books on tape?

My kids are 3 yrs and 6 months, so we're in a similar boat. At naptime, my older son thinks it's his sworn duty to keep his brother from falling asleep. I use the TV as a distraction in the mornings and snack or lunch as a distraction in the afternoons. At bedtime, my solution has been to put my older son down early - we start bedtime at about 5:30 - potty, change clothes, brush teeth, read a few books. The little guy doesn't get to participate much, but it gets him accustomed to a routine, and I don't have to repeat it all again later. We usually have the lights out at 6. My older son doesn't nap, so he's generally tired enough to fall asleep at this point. I only stay in the room for a couple minutes after lights out. As soon as I leave, it's time to do a final diaper change and nurse the baby. Baby is asleep before 6:30 most days.

Good luck!

We have faced a similar situation. What worked for us was to have "table time" at night after jammies, vitamin, brushed teeth. I would set the older child up with coloring, play dough or something they were able to do independently. Sometimes I would put on a movie, or CD so he wouldn't get scared or lonely by himself. I would tell him it was table time, set him up, then go and nurse the baby to sleep. I would have to remind him what I was doing and to not come to me, but I would come back after baby was asleep. Then I would spend some time doing table work with him until story time.

It didn't work every time, especially in the beginning, but he eventually looked forward to table time and it gave me some sanity :) I hope it helps.