I am a newly single (recently seperated) mom of 2 awesome kids. My "husband" lives on the other side of the country so he rarely sees our children. I have always been a SAHM since my son was born but have recently had to go back to work part time (from 10 - 3) to supplement my income. My son stays with my best friend while I am at work. We have also had to move because we could not afford to keep our other house, we only moved a mile away but a move none the less. I mention all of these things because this issue may be related to these big changes in our family.
Now, on to the issue at hand. My 2 1/2 year old has now decided that bedtime no longer applies to him. I just spent the past hour and a half getting him to sleep. Here is our routine: bath, breathing treatment (he has to take meds from a nebulizer every day) while reading a book, prayers, sing a song (a calming song, not "If your happy and you know it" :) and then it is lights out. This has been our routine for quite a while, even before dad left. My son now gets up every couple of minutes and comes out of his room. He wants me to lay with him (He never slept with us as a "baby") or pat his back until he falls asleep, not just lay there a couple of minutes... he has to be sound asleep. This has become an every night thing. Sometimes he will even get up in the middle of the night and come climb in the bed with me.
I am almost certain this is because of the upheaval that has occured in his little life but this has got to stop. Anyone have any suggestions??? Please, help.
We use a gate across my son's room's door and tough love. For about a week, I had to sleep in the hall beyond the gate. It's hard, but worth it.
Dear K.,
I am so sorry that you've been going through so much rough stuff recently. It will smooth out, but it will take a while.
I'm assuming that the daily nebulizer treatment is Pulmicort (steroid). However, if it's Xopenex or Albuterol - those are both stimulants that might keep him awake. Maybe the treatment could be administered earlier in the day, before dinner, for instance.
Your children have lost much more than you have in all this upheaval. I say that because YOU understand why Dad is gone. YOU understand why Mom is gone (during the day). YOU understand why the old house is gone and all of the changes occured. They don't understand. They don't know that you will be there tomorrow.
I repeat: They don't know that you will be there tomorrow.
So, call me a wimp and a pushover, but I would let both kids sleep in my bed for the next several months to increase their sense of security.
Then, after a few months, ask us about getting them out of your bed.
Good luck!
Hi K.,
My daughter is a little over 2 and does almost the same things every night. I've taken it that she is just going through a phase and is needing a little extra love right now. We have to stay w/her until she falls asleep and she comes into our room about 60% of the time in the middle of the night. To me, it's not worth the trouble of staying awake and I just cuddle with her.
I doubt it is b/c of the other things going on in your life. I've spoken to A LOT of moms w/children this age and it's very common. I hope this helps...
I completely understand what you are going through. My son (at age 2 1/2) started doing the exact same thing. He'd just open the door and come right out (at nap time and bedtime). For a few days I let him just sleep wherever he wanted, thinking that sleep was more important than not sleeping. Once he got the message that it wasn't a big deal, he was ready to be shifted back to his normal routine. So for a few days I'd stay in his room sitting in the chair until he fell asleep (reading a book or something for myself, just being quiet). Then I told him that I'd be right outside his door. That solved the "going to sleep" problem (but it took a few weeks of this).
Unfortunately, he still came into my room all night. So I set up a blanket on the floor next to my bed and told him he could climb into the blanket bed but he had to be "shhh" so no talking. We set up a digital clock in his room and taped over the last two numbers so he could just see the first one. Then we told him he couldn't come out of his room until he saw the number "5" and then he could come into the little bed in our room. Talking time wasn't until the clocks started with a "7". Believe it or not, this bizzare rule worked.
Good luck, it takes a few weeks, but this too shall pass!
Yes it because of the upheavel.He doenst understand what is goin on.Dad left why isnt he coming back or here?If one parent can leave maybe the other one will if I dont know where she is all the time or am close.Depending how long you have been seperated and how long this as been goin on I would just go with it for awhile longer.Then slowly weaned him from you.Right now he needs to know mom is there for him.He is used to having you around 24/7 and now your working part time..dads gone..its a big change for him too..good luck..
S. B
K.
I'm sorry to hear about the upheaval in your life; you are wise to recognize that it is impacting your children, too. My humble opinion is that your son is trying to exert some control over his environment as well as make certain that things are not going to change even more when he's asleep.
My now 4-year old son went through a similar phase while his father was deployed (I'm a Christian and a military mom). We'd follow our set routine but he would get up and want me to lay down with him until he was sound asleep, then I'd sneak away. Unfortunately, when he would wake up in the night, because I wasn't there, he would get up to come look for me. I learned that in order for him to put himself back to sleep, things needed to be the same...in other words, he had to go "start" to go to sleep by himself so that he could do it on his own when he woke up in the wee early hours.
So...what worked for me was this (and it was HARD): I put him down to sleep after a regular routine (bath, book, prayers, tuck-in, lights out). I told him I would come back to check on him in 2 minutes, and in 2 minutes, I was there. The next "check" was a few minutes longer and later. I merely patted him and gave him a kiss...no chatter. If he got out of his bed, I would silently take him back, tuck him in, and walk away. It took about 4 nights of this constant 'method' to get him to go to sleep. The second night just about did me in...there was crying and carrying on and all sorts of madness. But I prayed and persevered and it has all worked itself out. It might work for you, too.
Just so you know, we still do the "2-minute check." It is part of the routine, and has become a very sweet moment for us.
Take care
Daddy is no longer around and maybe he is afraid mommy is leaving. Reassure him you are not going anywhere. Tell him you will be there in the morning. My husband is gone a lot because he is in the army. He was just home a couple of months ago for his R & R and now the kids are confused. I have 2 14yr old girls, a 5 yr old girl and a 4 yr old boy. It affects the 2 little ones the most. My little boy went from sleeping all night in his own bed to getting in bed with me every night. Change affects them also.
This probably sounds terrible to some people, but we turned the doorknob around on our kids' door, and if they won't stay in their room at night, we lock it. I am not a bit interested in playing catch and release for hours at night. I unlock it before I go to bed. He needs to learn to go to sleep on his own, even with the trauma he's suffered with all the recent changes. Give him plenty of love and security during the day, but at night it's his job to go to sleep. Does he have a security animal or blanket to keep him company? Has he outgrown naps? Maybe he's not tired at bedtime if he has. Good luck!
Is there any way he can take his breathing treatments earlier in the evenings? The medication is a stimulator and causes sleeplessness. Ask your dr if he can take them earlier. It may help stop the waking in the middle of the night.
Hi. When I read your post the one thing that really stuck out was the nebulizer. Yes, kids will go through a stage of not wanting to sleep. But, that nebulizer could be playing a major part in your dilemma. The medicine causes a racing heart, tremors, and insomnia for a while after using it. It eventually goes away but it takes. It might be good give it 1 or 2 hours earlier so the side effects will be out of his system by bed time.
Other than that, my son is 6 and still wants me to lay with him for a while. It's the time that he sees as just me and him. It does get frustrating because I have other things to do but I know that soon he won't want me in there so i better enjoy it while I can.
God Bless~
You have two choices to get this to stop -- one is to be firm and follow the suggestions other people have suggested below (it won't be easy, but it will work eventually, as long as you're consistent); the other is to let your son share your bed and not make it a big deal that he's not in his own bed. Many people have a "family bed" and it's no big deal. If you do this, be prepared to have it last a while (until your son is no longer insecure), although your son may just need a couple of nights of this before he realizes that you aren't going to disappear like his daddy did. If you don't want to do this, that's fine -- just be consistent on making your son stay in bed.
Dear K.
It sounds like he is afraid of you leaving him. Just show him your undying love.
You are a good Mother.
I hope all gets better for you and your loving family.
have a good day today
Vicki W.
I am sure it is all the change and it is hard on him. Even if he does not know why he is feeling this way. I would get a chair and sit next to his bed, not lay with him. We used to tell our son, we will "stand" but we will not sit or lay. He would argue and we would say, "then we won't do either, goodnight" and he would say, "ok, stand" then we would stand for about 3 mins until he got drowsy. As he got older, like his next bday, a milestone to them, we said, "now that you are an older boy, we will give you a kiss and stand one minute and leave" and he agreed. When he was younger and all of this did not work, we got a doorknob lock. The kind that you put on medicine closets/linen closets that the knob fits over your doorknob and it just spins unless you pinch it just right. We put it on his bdrm door and told him that we would take it off when he started to stay in bed. There were two nights were he cried and cried. It was very hard but the third night, we had the knob on his dresser and only had to point to it. :o) Start a new routine with him, maybe he needs a little change up to make things different. Like, now that we are in our new house, we are going to read, sing, etc and we are NOT going to get out of bed. Bribe him for every night he stays in bed. Whatever he likes, you decide. Bribery works and is not harmful if it is not bad things! :o)
W.
Hey K., I don't know if I can offer any help but it sounds like your son is suffering from separation anxiety. I am not an expert but I had issues of separation anxiety when my parents divorced.I was 3 when my parents separated and divorced when I was 4. You might could reassure him by saying to him before the lights go out that you'll see him in the morning and you're not going any where without him. Maybe you could and I'm sure you do let him know that you love him and you'll be there no matter what. I hope this helps some what. Good luck and God bless you all. J. A.
my son wh turns 3 tomorrow does the same thing but his dad works out of town alot and i have a new son too which is when it all started changes may be affected by it sorry i couldnt help
Don't do the breathing treatment right before bedtime. It makes your heart race, it acted as a stimulant in my son.
Try just after dinner/2 hours before bed.
Also try planning time to hold or rock him before bedtime. Give it a good 20 minutes. He may just be having a clingy phase. Understandable if his world is changing. Undivided attention if possible.
Best of luck.
He is probably afraid that you will leave also. Try to be patient and reassure him that you are not leaving. As for the bedtime, tell him that you will only pat his back for 10 minutes because you have other things that you need to get finished. If he adjust to this then cut down on the minutes until he is able to sleep.
