My wonderful 21 month old daughter sleeps with me and is BF. At night, she is waking up 3-5 times. When putting her to sleep I do BF but then have her fall asleep on her own while I am next to her. She can sleep for 7 hours. That is her longest. I believe she has teeth coming in. I am trying to stop the night feedings. I give her water or talk to her. Between the hours of 230 and 6, if I do not give her milk, she will ask for milk for HOURS and cry. If I do give her milk she will go back to sleep and then wake up often.
I do not want to slop co-sleeping, I just want more sleep. I think not sleeping for almost 2 years is getting to me and my body.
It sounds like night weaning would really help- Dr. Jay Gordon's article sounds like it was written for you:
http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
It's important that nursing and cosleeping works for everyone involved. Your need for sleep is important and real, and if that means change needs to happen, then change needs to happen. Hope it goes smoothly for all of you!
I night-weaned my first at that same age. Do you have a partner/spouse who can help? I went to the other room for a few nights. When my son woke up, my husband comforted him and said "babas" would be back when the sun came up. I thought it would be disastrous, but it actually went smoothly. I came back a few nights later, and he accepted no pretty easily.
Good luck...I know how tired you are!
What time are you putting her to bed. If there is no reason she needs to be up early in the morning, I would try putting her to bed at 10-11 pm. Then when she wakes for a feeding it will be at a human hour. You can the feed and either get up or go back to sleep for an hour or two and it will be morning. My son went to sleep when we did (11 pm - 12 am) for his first year of life. We only changed to a 'traditional' 8 - 9 pm bedtime then because he no longer got a morning nap at daycare once he turned a year.
I have been where you are! The joys of co-sleeping are that you can BF all night. The downside of co-sleeping is that they want to BF all night.
TO save your sanity, just feed her. She wants the comfort and closeness and they are not this age forever. This was the age that I weaned my youngest over night. My hubs took the week off, we sent the older kids to their grandparents, and I slept in the guest room while my husband dealt with a screaming baby for 2 nights. Then it was done. He still slept with us, but he didn't feed all night. She is obviously not ready to give up her nighttime feedings, either by habit or she just needs you right now. You have to decide what is right for you.
You'll have to bite the bullet and just say no. Turn over and don't let her near your breasts. Tell her that mommy doesn't nurse in the middle of the night anymore. If you simply refuse, and I really mean refuse, she will eventually stop waking up.
There is nothing you can do other than stop night nursing. It will cost you sleep, but you're already losing sleep. Time to night-wean.
Dawn
It sounds like you need to night-wean. She may be waking bc of your movement and then in turn wants to nurse to go back to sleep. Basically using you as a pacifier. If she is waking because she's hungry then try adding in cereal for dinner. I began mixing cereal with BM before my son's would go to bed and they would sleep through the night but I also didn't co-sleep. I was too afraid I would roll over on them by accident. It's def safer for them to sleep in their own bed. You could even make it a reward or a present for a birthday. Letting her pick out her own toddler bed etc. I thought moving to a toddler bed would be difficult and both of my older boys were so excited I was the one in my room wanting to constantly check on them or see if they needed me. The first few nights she may cry herself to sleep but you have to be strong. She is becoming totally dependent on you for comfort instead of learning how to comfort herself. If you wait too long then one day you'll wake up and she'll be 11 and still sleeping with you. This happened to one of my friends who wanted her daughter to still want to be close to her. By that time her daughter couldn't wait to get her own bed.
At this age, you can choose to say "sorry, there's none left" - be sure to wear a shirt (pajama shirt) that keeps you covered at night.
Breastfeeding is how she has been getting her "me&Mom" time, lots of reassurance and her chance to touch you. I have found that it is good to offer some snuggle time to replace the bf'ing time. When you talk to her, be sure you also cradle her in your arms or give her a tummy rub.
Mine were very responsive to going to sleep while I brushed back his hair with my hand. I also had good results from putting my hand on his back if he started to wake up - and he would go back to sleep.
When you say "she will ask for milk for HOURS and cry" what do you do? Maybe give her the choice of a sip of water or that she sit in her play pen. Be sure to unemotionally respond with something like "it isn't time for "milk", go back to sleep" and "you can go back to sleep and get a drink when the sun comes up". Right now you are not teaching her when it is "day" and when it is "night". Take a sincere look at your reactions and see if you can make them more open, plain (at her level) and not something up for negotiations.
Do let us know how you are doing!!
Sending hugs!!
