3-Year-old Having Difficulty with Transition from Grandma to Mom

Do you have him everyday? If so, it sounds like you are really "mommy" to him. He needs his mom, perhaps you two should sit down and have a talk about that. You can't blame the 3 year old in that situation.

My daughter is 3 1/2 and still does this to me. She is with her grandma 2 days a week and when I pick her up she will sometimes throw a fit. But hey grandmas is too much fun! I usually just hug her a tell her things like I need her help to cook or if we cheer up and leave we will have enough time before bed to watch a tv show. Just stay positive and don't stress it because they pick up on it. It's totally normal for them to react like this even though it hurts mommys heart.

This could happen anywhere, with anyone, so please let them know it is not because he favors Grandma over mom, it is a phase. I have watched my own children clutching their caregiver (and God bless you my mother never watched my children a day in her life) anyway, it will pass. He is probably tired also at the end of the day. And of course he loves you, but he could also not want to leave the neighbor's house, his aunts, you get the picture...

I am not sure what people expect when they have someone else looking after their kids all day long. That person becomes their main caregiver and source of security and safety. I'd have a hard time leaving too. If you are taking care of him full time, maybe Mom could try and work part time to spend more time with her child. It's a hard situation, especially with this economy, but it is doable, we are living proof.
Good luck

When my nephew was about that age my MIL was over there so much that he thought she lived in the basement. He had the hardest time whenever she left. I think he eventually just grew out of it, knowing that she'd be back soon and having a better understanding of the situation.

My son often had problems with transitions as well so here are some suggestions:
Talk about Mom and Dad coming to get him about 30 minutes before so he has time to start getting used to the idea. Really talk up how fun it will be to see them.
Help him think of something that he'd like to show them when they get there, or something he can look forward to once he gets to his own house.
Start a "wind-down" ritual at the end of the day so he knows what to expect every day and you're not doing anything really fun that he has to stop doing in order to go with his parents. Read some books until they arrive or have him help tidy up.
You could also have a special spot that you sit to wait for them. Sometimes when I get my son from my mom's he's looking out the window of the sunroom for my car. Make looking for them a fun game, like, "Is that Mommy's car? No, it's a dog!"
Reassure him that you'll see him the next time, whenever that is, and maybe even talk about something special that you'll get to do then, but only if he goes home without a fuss.
Good luck!

That is not an unusual response from your grandson. I'm a Grandma, also, and have seen this happen before in day care. It's your grandchild's way of handling the anxiety & change of routine when he sees his parents. Some kids don't adapt to changes as well as others. I'd suggest that about 15 minutes before Mom or Dad arrive (have them call) that you let him know they are coming, and you help him find a "gift" to give them when they arrive. The gift can be a picture he made for them, a cookie, something he found outdoors (precious rock, leaves, etc.), craft project (play dough, finger paints, etc.). That way he will have a little time to transition if he knows they will soon arrive, and he has something special to give them. He will eventually outgrow this stage, but the schedule transition (not seeing Mom & Dad) is stressful right now and he hasn't learned to adjust yet or how to show his emotions properly. You can also "play act" with stuffed animals, and have "Teddy" give "Mom & Dad" bears a hug when they pick up their little boy bear at Grandma bears house after work. Show him how to handle his anxiety and emotions.

We've had trouble with this, but it is after "sleepovers" at grandmas. From Grandma's side, it has helped us when she tells the kids that we're coming, and starts to settle them down or do something with them that is pretty mellow (looking out the window at birds/I spy/read books). Calming them down and not having all of the "fun" stuff (special treats/toys/movies, etc) of grandmas seems to help them get ready to come home. If you watch them daily, try to come up with a routine that you start maybe 1/2 hour before parents come to get him. Still play/pay attention to him, but settle down and nothing too wild or overly exciting.

Another idea that has worked well for our kids is writing a little book for them about their day. It goes something like this: You wake up and get ready to go to grandmas. When you are at grandmas house, you will play toys, read books, and eat lunch. After lunch you will play toys and do a puzzle with grandma. Grandma will tell you we are coming to get you and you will clean up your puzzle and get ready to come home. When you come home happy with mom and dad, we will have a fun night playing together! We love you very much!

Basically you are prepping your grandson for having a more positive experience. Make the story short, you can even add pictures or take pictures of him and print them off, making alittle photobook of him doing these things. Customize to your situation. This works for alot of little things that kids sometimes get in a negative spin about. It helps them to refocus and prepare positively for their life!

Finally, I would say to the parents, from one to another - it could be worse! I used to get frustrated that my kids wanted to go to their grandparents all of the time and it felt like they didn't like me, but then I talked to a friend whose parents would never play with their grandchildren or give them any attention when they came over, and I changed my attitude! Now I'm grateful that my kids have loving and caring grandparents, and that my kids like to go there! I sure wouldn't want it the other way! Good luck!

I would think the child needs more time with mommy. He should not be allowed to scream at his mother, or tell her to go away, that is very disrespectful and hurtful. I have been a mother for 27 years, and my children never acted this way, normal? don't know, but is is disrespectful. J.

This is completely normal behavior for a three year old. It's certainly not disrespectful -- he is expressing himself in the only way he can at that time of day, in that situation -- and it should not be taken as hurtful, either.

Young children often behave this way at the end of the day. There are two things going on. One is that they have been saving up their emotions and feelings all day for the person they love best (Mommy), and when they see her, everything spills out at once. The other is that they are busy having fun, and it can be hard to transition calmly to stopping their fun and going home.

Be patient with him. Understand that this is normal. Understand that he is having a tough time with the transition -- which is normal -- and give him time, calmly and patiently, to switch gears.

And don't take it personally! Kids are quite a challenge, but this little one loves his mommy, no matter what he acts like sometimes.

I know my granddaughter also would get upset and be cranky for her mom when she would go home. I sat with her when she was here and cuddled with her then explained that grandma is fun because she gets to visit, not so fun if she had to live with me. I told her that her place is with mommy and that I love her and miss her too when she isn't here and then tell her how many nights until she gets to come back. It helps for her to know that she will sleep 4 or 5 nights with mommy then gets to come back and spend 2 nights with grandma. She tells me "when I am at home grandma, I think about you all the time" I tell her that I think about her a lot when she is at her house too and I always look forward to when she comes back to visit. It helps her to know I don't just go on and not think of her... she is 4 now and so she understands a bit more then she did when she was 3. Letting her know when the parents are coming will help but be prepared for tears to start a little at first. Following parents house rules at your house could help also if you don't. I don't go against anything parents want or don't want, even if I disagree. I think with my granddaughter, the fighting between parents bothered her a lot at home while at my house it was calm and quiet and she had full attention.

you dont say what you guys have tried, so if anything ive said doesnt work, just skip it LOL

first of all, it sounds like a kid who just needs help transitioning. try starting an hour before pickup time. start talking about mom and dad (whomever) and that they are coming soon, you can even start talking about the time. when the little hand is here, and the big hand is here.... get a toy clock or something and put it next to a real one so he can watch when it matches. (hopefully mom and/or dad are there at the same time every day, or else, arent late? - if time varies, just make sure to start the transition as soon as you know how long until they get there).

this is also a time for mom and or dad NOT to stop for gas, groceries or etc on their way. keep on schedule.

anyway, start picking up toys at a certain time (however long it takes him to clean up), and make sure that you feel meals and snacks at regular intervals so that hes not too hungry or even too tired.

it is important that you make sure that even a 3 year old gets a rest time, or even better, a nap time. some kids have trouble sleeping anywhere but home, so this throws into my next suggestion....;

if its possible for you to watch your grandson at HIS house, that will help a LOT i think. he will have his own toys, he wont have to worry about getting ready to leave, all he has to worry about is saying goodbye to you. also, then mom and or dad can keep him on schedule with naps, meals, etc. everything will be the same; he can nap in his own room in his own bed. my son has a HORRIBLE time at his grandmas with napping. he will nap here at home, but not there. one problem is that theres no bedroom with a bed, hes on the couch resting, but that doesnt help him go to sleep. so trying it out in their home would be an easier route to take in my experience.

anyway, just try to prepare him as best you can, no matter which way you do it. some kids have a HORRIBLE time transitioning, especially if they are hungry or tired. so do your best to make sure that you parent the way they do, meals and snacks at regular intervals, and rest!