3 Y/o, Constantly Interupting a Conversation.

Wow... my husband was the first to pick up on this at our house too. He made sure to explain it as a respect issue... not just rudeness. If two adults are having a conversation, then the child needs to wait for the adults to finish (or at least pause) before saying "excuse me" and getting permission to interrupt-- barring an explosion/flames or a situation involving spurting blood.

It is disrespectful for the child to behave as if their desire to talk is more important than the adults' ongoing conversation.

It is something that must be enforced constantly at first... over time as you can see the child approach, pause and think about what to do, and then wait.. but eventually lose patience and interrupt anyway.. you can be a little less stern about it. :)

Maybe talk to your wife about the disrespect angle... she may not realize that she interrupts often too, but whether she does or not, she will be able to see your daughter being disrespectful of you/her when SHE interrupts.

I wouldn't say anything to your wife about HER interrupting habit. At least not during the conversation about your daughter. That will be perceived as an attack (and denigrating her mothering skills as to what she is teaching your daughter) and you will get LESS cooperation about your daughter's issue. You might get lucky, though, and as she becomes more aware of your daughter's interrupting, she may curtail her own as well...

Good luck.
:)

I'm readdressing this with my children right now. The best technique that I've seen friends teach their children, and have tried to do myself, is having a child who'd like your attention, quietly put her hand on your shoulder and wait to be acknowledged. You can show that you know she's there by nodding or putting up a "wait a minute" finger. Then break off your conversation for a moment by politely saying to the person you are talking to, "If you'll excuse me for a moment, acknowledge daughter (don't get drawn into something long and drawn out.) Listen and take care of it quickly, unless an emergency and then its important for child to barge in. Then try to get back to your main conversation as best as possible.
Perhaps your wife doesn't consider it interrupting as much as "piggybacking," building on what you are saying, and trying to add to your conversation. Perhaps pausing and listening to her, and then continuing with your thoughts would be the best way to handle the situation. Perhaps she is excited to talk with you. What a nice thought...so much better than silence in a marriage. Maybe instead of trying to correct her "rude behavior," it would be better to embrace her, let the topic play itself out. Model listening and then continuing the conversation, so she knows that if she lets you say what you want, she'll still get a chance to say what she wants.
In some families everyone talking at once to each other adds energy to the home. If we somehow can listen the same way, the most amazing relationships ensue.

Yes, you daughter can learn this social skill, and more than likely already has. Children are very jealous creatures. She is probably jealous of the relationship between her mom and dad.

You can put your hand on her head or her shoulder to let her know that you know she is there. When it is her turn to talk, remove your hand. She IS seeking attention and this will help give her that.

As a person wo is prone to interrupting myself, it is often hard to get a word in edgewise in some conversations. I am working on not being an interruptor, but it is very difficult. Give your wife some understanding. She probably grew up in a house where she had to fight for every word! I did.

Perhaps if you keep pointing out the need to say, "Excuse me", Mommy will also realize that it's a problem.

Sometimes, my husband and I have to point our annoying character traits out to one another because we just don't realize we're doing them.

It only took us a few weeks to get our kids to recognize that they need to say, "Excuse me". Our 3.5 year old is very good at it, but if you don't acknowledge him immediately, he keeps doing it.

She can definitely learn this skill - my only advice is to be consistent in impressing that manner upon her, and verbally reward her with praise and commendation when she does it to reinforce the positive behavior.

Hi Crusty,

I was a preschool teacher before I had my own children and I taught the 3 year old age group for several years.

First of all, are you off you're rocker? - No way! - she is definitely old enough to learn.

With your 3 year old, I would ignore her at all costs. Even if this causes yelling. In my classroom, I would ignore. If I was speaking with another child, or an adult, it didn't matter. When people are in conversation it is rude to interject in the middle of someone else's sentence. I got quite a few tantrums on my hands for this - but each learned that if they interrupted, they would be ignored, and then if they threw a fit, they would have to sit in a time out.

So, ignore, then time out if a tantrum begins. If she just raises her voice, even if it is yelling - don't look at her! No eye contact, no correcting, until it becomes a disciplinary point for you (such as putting her in timeout because she's yelling like crazy or something...) You get the idea. It might take a while, but you can do it! She will learn quickly. Children learn how to get what they want. Once she sees that interrupting doesn't get your attention, and then that yelling only gets a time out - she'll figure it out.

As for you wife, try explaining to her that this is a big deal to you. If she doesn't see it as a social problem (which it is)... the maybe she can respect it as a pet peeve of yours and do as you wish because it bothers you.

Until your wife is on board though - it will take twice as long with your daughter. Your wife needs to see how strongly she affects her child.

Best of luck to you guys!

You are not off your rocker to think she can learn not to interrupt. She is 3 years old and can be taught. You've gotten good advise here on techniques I would just encourage you to start now and be consistent.

Children are never too young to learn the right way to do things & you are definitly on the right track. I have the same issue, I tend to interrupt although I don't mean to, sometimes if I don't say something right then, I'll forget what I was going to say & then it may take me a long time to remember or may not remember at all. I think it's just a bad habit ppl get into. I'd continue correcting your daughter & continue letting your wife know not to interrupt. My hubby has even started doing the same to me, don't know if it's b/c to 'show me what I'm doing' or if he's starting the habit. I think we also get so enthused at what we want to talk about, we get too excited to let our hubby's know what we wanna say. For your wife, try saying something like "are you finished?" and then "may I finish please?" after she quits talking & say immediatly if she says 'yes', tell her "ya know I really don't appreciate it when you interrupt me" & just keep saying it to her over & over again. For your daughter, what you say already sounds good. Just keep reminding her that "although mommy thinks it's okay to interrupt, it's not the right thing to do". Just tell your daughter that mommy has gotten into a habit to interrupt & it's hard for her to stop but that doesn't give her (your daugher) the 'okay' to do it. The hard part is you, as parents, not losing y'alls temper over it starting an arugment. That's going to take a bit of effort. I've really had to wk on me not interrupting others but I still catch myself doing it. I just try harder to remember what I wanted to say before I forget. Hope this helps, good luck!

Yes, I believe you do need to correct this bad behavior, before she gets older. I heard of a mom once who had the same issue with her son talking to her while she was on the phone. To correct the problem she had her son call his grandmother on the phone and then she got in his face and kept trying to talk to him while he was trying to talk to grandma. He finally got really upset and then she was able to sit down and tell him that this was what it feels like when you constantly interrupt someone. He got the picture and it was no longer a problem.
You're daughter may still be a bit young for that...but you could try the same situation with her just trying to tell your wife a story or something like that.

I don't have any advice to add about teaching your daughter, but in regard to your wife, realize that people have different conversation styles - you don't need to convince her that what she is doing is rude - just let her know how it makes you feel and ask her respectfully if she can handle those moments in a different way. Good luck!

Teach her that she needs to raise her hand to speak or have a turn.... and then, just like in school... she need to wait her turn. Just a few seconds of waiting. And do that repeatedly... because kids learn by repetition.

Sure, she is young, this is what they do... and many kids do that at that age.
But you also need to teach her manners.

When my kids do that... we tell them "wait your turn... Mommy & Daddy are talking now..." we say it in a firm way... not baby-talk way. Just plain and direct. Then we look them in the eye for a few seconds... then continue with our conversation. Then, we say "Okay your turn..."
Or, we tell our kids to raise their hand or taught them to say "excuse me" first.... and when they are talking, and if we want to talk... we also "raise" our hand... for our turn. Or we say "excuse me, when you are done, I want to say something too..."

What my Husband also does.. is he teaches our kids, that there is "adult time" TOO. So that the kids do not think that EVERYTHING revolves around them. To respect adults. His thinking is that, otherwise, kids think that everything and anything revolves around them. And that kids should learn that Adults, have priority too. His parents did that... so that is his tack on it.

I sometimes talk/interrupt my husband too... it irks him too. So he even tells me to raise my hand first... so he can finish what he is saying. I tend to talk quickly and fast and as I think of something... which is what MANY women do. So... you have to tell her too... its rude. And it is... I admit that myself. You are not wrong.

All the best,
Susan

You are not off your rocker---3 yr. olds can start to learn to wait to speak. They won't get it all the time...but it'll be a start.

Here's something I wrote about a few weeks ago to the same question:

Use "the talking doll" or bear...or something.....it'll work like a game and will teach daughter and wife something.

We did this in college in dorm meetings, but the principle is the same. (Imagine 100 females in a college dorm getting together for a meeting.)
The dorm director brought this goofy stuffed bear. She started the meeting and was holding the bear. She then passed the bear to the RA's who had a chance to speak. If someone raised their hand with a question, pertinent to the issue at hand, the bear got passed to them and that girl had the floor to ask her question.

It really worked! It was very hard for some girls, b/c they came from a background where they could blurt out and interrupt whenever they wanted, but the "who has the floor" object was a great tool! Let your daughter pick the item...she has to be willing to hand it to someone else when they are talking though.

Your daughter needs to learn all manners just like she will need to learn potty training. Interupting is rude.

You and your wife need to come to an agreement that your daughter must learn to say, "excuse me" before interrupting a conversation or phone calls.

Your daughter is 3 so she has about 3 minutes worth of self control. Let her know, "Thank you fro saying excuse me, we are having a conversation. As soon as we are finished we will be with you".

Remember to praise her when she does this on her own.

If she talks louder, remind her, "we can hear you, please use your regular voice, we will be with you when we are finished talking.Thank you for your patience."

I had a friend that when interrupted by her kids "Is someone bleeding?" If the answer was no, she would tell them, "sit here till I am finished and then we can talk."

FYI., You could also video tape your wife and daughter and let your wife see how rude it is to others."

You and Mom need to get on the same page. Talk to your wife about the best way to handle this. This will be a problem once your daughter starts school or preschool and it will be much easier for her to learn this skill by being taught by both parents.

With my son we have him say excuse me and then wait until we finish talking. Each child is different so you may have to try a few things before you find what works for you. She is definitely not too young to learn. When explaining things to her get down t her level and look eye to eye.

Good luck!

I do this myself. Nobody has ever told me I do this. I have figured it out on my own. It is very hard to stop myself from interrupting people no matter how hard I try. I have to do it once then I realize what I have done and tell myself to "wait, wait, wait". I am in college and somewhere along the line I found out listening was important to hear what people are saying. They are teaching us to "listen to children" to know their needs. I can't do that if I'm just flapping my mouth right over them.

I think it is a very important social skill but they can't begin to change until they accept that. Maybe if you just end the conversation and walk away when your wife starts talking over you that will get her attention. She will ask where you are going. You can tell her your not going to talk if she is not going to "listen".She can't be listening if she is talking so. Our kids will only pick up modeled behavior so that is why I'm learning at 24!

You've gotten some great advice in dealing with your daughter. Both your daughter and your wife can learn that they need to consider other people's feelings before their own.

For your wife, I would just quietly put up one finger to her, as if to say, "Wait just one minute so I can finish what I was saying," and then finish your thought. If you do it without any discouragement on your face, it might go over easily and she will see how often she is interrupting. Then be sure to ask her what she wanted to add so she can say that you are not just shutting her up completely. (Sometimes we can get so emotional and take things too far the other way.) It has obviously become a habit that she doesn't see is occurring way too often.

its annoying when kids do this. at three you can begin teaching them this skill. by five they should completely have this one down. its rude and if you dont start teaching her she will continue to do it as an adult. and thats is very rude

u did the right thing by letting them know is rude to interupt someone when their are speaking, especially a young child sometime u need to be a little hard with them by tapping them on the bottom telling them dont do that daddy and mom is talking., if you dont stopped know she will do it to someone else and that person will react differently, please save her wild she is still a baby.good luck.

Be careful what you say in front of your child because she will copy what you say and do. Try not to discuss adult conversations in front of her. Unfortunately, she has picked up her mother's bad habit. At her age, she loves attention; so make sure you take time to talk to her and her alone.

My son, at about 3, started doing the same thing. They are pretty egocentric little beings at that age, thinking the whole world revolves around them... anyhow, we taught my son, through repitition, that interrupting when people are talking is rude. Either wait your turn, or say "Excuse me."

Well now, he simply interrupts by repeatedly saying, "Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!" until you acknowledge him. LOL

It's a work in progress... :)

Your daughter is TOTALLY teachable, but if your wife does the same thing , she is probably following her example, so it may take a while to teach her. Although it's a touchy subject with your wife teaching your daughter to stop interupting will go much smoother if your wife models with her as well. Im a teacher and you may want to focus on the fact then when she goes to school she's not going to be allowed to interrupt all the time , therefore you're saving yourself the trouble of parent teacher conferences later ;0) Good Luck!

It is interesting that I should see your question when I have recently asked myself the same kind of question. This book I found mentions that children misbehave because they are discouraged. "They do not believe they can belong in useful ways. Therefore, they seek to belong through misbehavior."

Ask yourself, is your child not getting the attention she needs? Have you taken specific time to have fun with her? or with her and your wife (maybe doing a fun family activity)? Have you shown her the respect of not interrupting her? Have you communicated that you love your daughter and not just assume that she remembers it as a fact? Saying "I love you" should be included with non-verbal signs like smiles and hugs.

Being patient about this is going to be your best ally. It is hard for me to be patient but I tell myself I should keep trying.

Good luck to you all!
D.

I have a three year old and am trying to teach her not to interrupt...it makes me CRAZY when adults do it...as a matter of fact, I'll usually make it known (as nicely as possible) What I do when my daughter comes (and she ALWAYS does) talking in the midst of a conversation is...I will touch her or pull her close to me with my arm around her and DO NOT STOP TALKING. Then as soon as I get to the end of my sentence or to a stopping point I will turn my attention to her. ..and when she has started to comply...when I get to the end of my sentence I get very excited AT her...kudos, high pitched voice and all that. I do not allow her to interrupt. As long as everyone is on the same page it works pretty well.
This is the same technique I used with my boys and they are much older...and do NOT interrupt!
I don't know if this will work on your wife ;) JK! Good to see a Dad on here...