3 Year Old Birthday. How Do I Ask People Not to Get Her Clothes?

I have more clothes than barbie,
Though I think she's really neat.
And to wear all the shoes I own,
I really need twenty more feet.

My favorite show is ____________
And I love to play with ________
But the thing most important to me
Is for you to be at my party.

I agree with Jenifer W. It would be rude to mention Gifts at all in an invitation unless it was 1)No Gifts 2)In Lieu of Gifts we ask that you make a donation to XYZ Charity 3)In Lieu of gifts bring a canned food for the local food pantry, ect.

Gifts are the person's way of showing their fondness for the receiver. It is rude to dictate how that person should express that. If you get items you do not need, then simply exchange them, donate them, or take them to a resale shop. There really is no sense in making a big deal out of it and risk hurting someones feelings.

D.
SAHM of two(18 and 5). Home Baker and Candy Maker. Married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 years.

You cannot. Gifts are not required to attend a party, so putting limitations (even polite requests) on gifts infers that you are expecting people to bring them. It is poor manners to expect gifts at all.

However, you can put that you would like no presents, which is commenadble in our trying economic times. Most children have more than they need or want, and could do without the commercialism of it all anyway. When my daughter turned 1 in Feb, we put "Your presence is Evie's favorite gift." to be clear that we did not need or want any gifts.
Only 5 out of 30 invitees still brought gifts anyway. So I think it got the message across, some people are just stubborn.

Another great alternative is to have all the gifts donated. You can be clear on the invite that you are collecting items for a certain shelter (the women's shelters are always in desperated need) or organization, and if attendees care to contribute children's toys, clothes, or other items your cause may need. It is a wonderful lesson to give you children an early philathropic start.

Good Luck!

Hillary,

We just celebrated my son's 4th birthday this last weekend, and we typicaly run into the same situation as you. My son is autistic, so there are lots of things he wont wear because of the fit (notmaly too tight, too scratchy or what ever, so we ask that every one please remember recipts/gift recipts "becuase he is in between sizes" which he is, so it is not a total lie, but most people dont understand the other stuff and it is just easier to not offend any one when he doesnt wear their outfit.

We also let everyone know what he is "in to" at the moment. Like this last birthday, he wanted everything for camping, so we let every one know that. Every one said it was helpfull to know what he would be excited about. Last year we redid his room and asked every one to help out with that and let them know that they would be helping him have a "big boy room".

I like the idea of donating things to a shelter, but I dont think it is fair to do that with ALL of her gifts if every one brings clothing. And they will if you dont give them other options.

I found it was better for everyone if I just gave a few suggestions of what my son would like. Friends and family will appreciate it. As long as you say it politely like "here are a few suggestions" or "we would love your help with. . . ." then there shouldnt be any offence.

What about saying in leiu of gifts, please bring canned food for the shelter,something for the pet shelters or a stuffed animal for the Childrens Hospital?

That way everyone makes a nice contribution to something that is needed right now.

My daughter's birthday falls in January. For Christmas she got every toy under the sun, so for her first birthday I did a book themed party. I did a book shaped cake and read books as a part of the activity. Therefor most people brought her books. She loves them and wil "read" books any day over toys. It worked out great!

You don't. There is no polite way to tell people what to buy your child unless they ask. What a good opportunity to show your daughter how to be gracious even if you are not excited about the gift.

Frankly, there's not way to put this politely on an invite. It would be pretty tacky to tell people on an invitation. You could tell relatives or anyone else you're close too in person; however, don't be surprised if they are a little put off by it or go ahead in any case to get her clothing. What you might consider for the party is foregoing gifts in the first place in favor of a book exchange or contribution to some charitable cause. It's sort of a win-win then -- especially if you do a book exchange (no gift bags to hassle with).

Look, you are inviting your family and friends to the party. They know you they know your child. They are not going to be offended if you put on the invitation, Suzie needs toys, but we're good on clothes. Or, my best suggestion, have your daughter make a list of what she wants for her birthday. She is old enough to name off some things. Print off the list and stick it in the invitation. The least offensive way to do it if you are concerned, take your daughter to Target, go to the customer service department and tell them you want to register a wishlist for her birthday. Give her the gun, let her scan items that she wants from the toy department, book department, movie department, whatever. Include in the invitation that she registered at Target and they can find her wishlist there. I think a lot of people would love to get her what she wants. they just have no way of knowing. I love when people put on the invitation what they want. I hate picking something out and then they aren't even happy with it, I would much rather buy what they want.

There is only one answer to this question. You don't ask people for gifts. If they want to give clothes, you thank them with a note, then you find a charity in need of your discards and donate them. It is best to just be thankful for the thought. Of course, if someone asks for suggestions, you can feel free to say "not clothes."

Gifts are a kindness brought by the guests. To expect them or put limitations on them is rude. Just be thankful that you have so many people who love you and your daughter. I am sure if you really don't like something, the tags will give you a clue as to where to return it to. Either that, or what a more wonderful things in these times is to give it to someone who needs it more.

Probably the only way to really do it is to ask for no gifts at all. "Your presence is present enough."

I received an invitation with the wording " we are getting jimmy the large G.I. Joe central command post, can you help out with other G. I. Joe accesaries? They can be found at Target and Walmart, thanks in advance for your help, we know he will love this!"
I am always wondering what to get a child for a party, and if you tell me to by a barbie with pink hair and blue dress, I will do it, you are the mom, you know her best! So, I really don't see anything wrong with telling people you are geting the little people village, can they help out with accesories...Or whatever it is that you think she would like. I have also had invites that told me, thanks to Aunt Susie and her 12 daughters, Amber will not need any more clothes until she is married! I thought this was a discreet way to let me know, clothes were not an option. This is turning out long winded, hope it helped!

You don't ask people that or request certain things that you want her to receive. If she receives clothes, return them if possible otherwise donate them to someone who is in need. Remember, it's not about the gifts, this should be the biggest lesson you're teaching your child....to be grateful for whatever gift she receives.

Here's my honest opinion: I understand what you are trying to do; however, I agree, it's forward to make mention of gifts in an invite unless it's no gifts at all. If gifts truly don't matter, then donating them should be no big deal. If she loves the new clothes, then take some of the old clothes to donate. I understand the idea behind registering, I agree with the "uppity" comment there.
Good luck.

This is just my opinion... you should not tell people anything, unless they ask. If you really feel like you must put something on the invitation, the only polite way of dealing with that is to say "NO gifts, please."

I often wish my kids wouldn't get certain things for birthdays, but that's just the way it goes. People have to shop in their budget and sometimes a cute shirt from the clearance rack is all they can afford. If you have too many clothes and she gets more, I suggest giving some of her older stuff to charity and count your blessings.

yeah...when it comes to a 3-yr-old's birthday party invite, if you're going to put any mention of gifts on there it should be "no gifts please." anything else just wouldn't be cool, imho. if the invited guests are all that close such that mentioning the clothes issue would fly, then invitations wouldn't even be necessary, would they?

I guess, if it's people you know well, you could just be honest. My son has never been given clothes for a bday. That is unusual. If you do get them, you could always return them.

When my daughter got clothes, I would let her decide if she wanted to wear them or not. If she did, then we kept them. If she didn't, then the brand new clothes went to salvation army.

I'll be interested to see if anyone has a polite way to address this. My first thought was just to put no presents - or book only party or something like that. Something like you are going to collect items to give to a shelter or something, but then that means NO presents for her.

Hi Hillary-
I find it very odd that family and friends would just by her clothes on her B-day? I would never think of that for a 3 year old. I could see the grandparents buying her clothes, but a toy to open too. I dont see why anyone would think a 3 year old ( or 2 year at the time, since you mentioned that is what she got before) would be excited to find clothes in thier present. LOL anyhow, with my experience, everyone always asked me what they were into and then I would give them ideas, or they just bought whatever they thought would be a good age related toy.Family and friends still ask me for ideas and my kids are 12 and 7.At her age, they are pretty happy opening anything that is fun to play with. Not clothes though! I don't really think it would be rude to put something on the invitation if you wanted. I've never recieved an invite like that. But if you do, I wouldnt mention no clothes, but give ideas as to what she is into.

I don't think it's proper etiquette to tell people what to or not to buy for your daughter. Just say thank you and return them for store credit if you don't like them. Otherwise you are going to alienate people and you may lose friends. If people ask you what your daughter would like then it would be appropriate to make your request for no clothing.

For our daughter's birthday, I included a note asking them for gift receipts IF they decided to bring a gift. That would allow me to easily return duplicate gifts or clothes that were the wrong size, etc. You could do that and then return/exchange the clothes or your could donate them. As someone else said, if people specifically ask you what they can get then you could suggest something else.

We went to a child's birthday party last year and they included a note in the invitation that asked guests to bring items that could be donated to Habitat for Humanity in the child's name instead of bringing gifts for the child.

I think that the best way to be to ask your parents to relay the message if anyone asks. People usually call parents and grandparents for gift ideas. Just let your parents and anyone who calls know that she has so many clothes you don't think she could wear them all. I would not take offense to that at all if someone told me that. I would much rather give something that they could use or would like.

I would not put it on the invitation, that might be a little to forward. If you need invitation I would be happy to help www.WorksofaWink.com

My daughter is turning 3 in May. I know people will ask what my daughter wants and I can never think of anything (even though I've given it thought and put a list together at home just in case people ask)....so I'm considering doing a password protected webpage for her this year and saying something like "All about Me: www.xxxxx.com Password: xxx" on the invitation. It will be sort of like an online baby book type thing, only starting right now and I'll go back and fill in "the early years" later if I like it. ;) And I think I'll add a discrete link on the left or right side that's a "link to my wish lists" or something like that. I'm still putting this together in my head but I think it will be cute. I think I'm also going to have the grandparents contribute to a gym membership for her (maybe WinKids or Little Gym or similar).

As a side note...I've received 1 invitation from someone with a note "no stuffed animals or clothes please, we have more than we can use" or something like that. I have to say it struck me as odd, but honestly the person that gave us the invite is always a bit pushy so that may be why I felt weird about it.

If she doesn't need clothes and still receives them, why not dontate them to a local charity? If someone wants to buy her a gift who are you to dicate what they buy? You can't pick and choose what people buy her so either donate the clothes are write "no gifts" on the invitations.

The only polite thing to do really is to say "No gifts please". Or, as someone else already suggested, in lieu of gifts ask folks to donate to local women's shelter, pet shelter, etc. You could perhaps register at Target or something, but that's a little uppity for a 3 year old birthday party IMHO.

Hi Hillary,

IMHO it is very difficult to buy gifts for a child that I don't know that well. My son was invited to two birthday parties this last month and I had to email the parents to see what their kids would like. Personally, I would have found it helpful if they had put some personal likes on the invitation. So, when I made my son's invites, I put some gift ideas on it. He's 5 now, so it was things like super hero action figures, outdoor play, etc. I made it very broad so the parent could let their child decide and they could buy from virtually any price range. I had a good response from the kids that did show and the parents didn't seem offended that I had suggested gifts. Good luck and happy birthday to your little one. =)

M.

You would probably have to suggest something else than all the lovely clothes that generous friends and relatives have gotten her all these years. How about a savings bond or a contribution to a college fund? I bet there are only so many toys she needs either. You could suggest they write an IOU for a movie together or the zoo when the weather is nice along with a token small toy. You could be generous and suggest they make a contribution to a food bank or some other charity in her name. Good Luck

eek... tough one. I don't know if there is really a polite way to do that. However, maybe you could have a themed party - i.e. books, princess theme, etc. At the bottom of the invitation you could mention "in honor of the themed party please bring your favorite toy for a the birthday princess"! Just an idea. Good luck!!

Hillary,

Absolutely nothing wrong with saying on the invitation..no clothes please..or just no gifts at all!! I am doing a themed party for my daughter who will be 2..I am asking that everyone bring her a book. We love to read and we welcome any literature or creative toy..like puzzles or crayons and paper. I can't stand all the plastic electronic junk that children get given. I think..a nice card a big hug and kiss for baby and a glass of champagne with Mom and Dad is the way to go!!!

I would simply state: Please no gifts. We did this at my son's party, and most people honored this request. Close friends and family who wanted to get something anyway, they asked and I was able to give them some ideas.

My son is turning 5 in July and he cant wait to have party so he can get gifts! I remember wanting to throw parties for the fun and the cake and the ballooons...Gone are those wonderful days!

Please enough with this culture. Let us atleast teach our children to accept all gifts graciously and donate atleast one toy/ clothes to a needy child on their birthdays.

The whole idea of baby shower, bridal shower, etc. is a greedy gimmick. And now the birthdays are getting obnoxious. Sorry, some things are just not right in terms of personal growth. Good luck with your decision.

The birthday wishlist is a great idea. But other than that, I don't think you should say anything. Instead, consider donating the unwanted clothes.

Trust me, I'm the same way. I have definite ideas about my children's clothing and I know the things they like/dislike, but if they receive a gift of clothes we are always gracious about it.

Write on the invitation "no clothes please, she is in-between sizes and is hard to fit...thank you" .
That should say it all. Nice, simple, and not rude.

I have honestly never heard of someone not asking for clothing. We were always dreading all of the new toys. You cant really your guests what to buy. I have a friend that always request "no gifts" and we always buy their children gifts because the child doesnt understand. If you dont need the clothing, you could always donate them to Mission Arlington or another charity.

You can politely say in the card what your daugher really likes this year. Whether it's princesses or spiders or whatever. But to say don't give us something specific sounds hurtful. Why not just thank them for the gift and donate what you don't need to someone who does. Take the opportunity to teach your daughter about giving.

Unfortunately, unless you have a back up plan, then no you can't. It's a gift not required, and people are going to buy what they want. Now if you have a plan of action then maybe the gift could help a goal. For example: One birthday and Christmas we had our families donate money towards a wooden playset. We also have a college fund account that family member deposit money into. It works because He is 4 and already has a few thousand dollars. We have a college plan for him and that is almost paid so this other account will pay for room and board when he goes into school. And if he doesn't go into school we'll put the money to be paid out to him after 25 years of age.

I would tell friends and family members in conversation well she has so many out fits etc. Maybe you could say that and then ask other ideas that are approriate for a three year old, like you are not sure what to get her. I think you can also register for birthdays at walmart.

Who's invited to the party? Your Friends and family since she is still so young? If so you can get away with hinting that your daughter loves X, X, and X. One birthday my family and friends called asking what my daughter was into... so family wound up helping her get horseback riding and friends got her arts & craft stuff. Everyone did what was in their budget, but they were happy that she loved everything from everyone.

We have been teaching our daughter to thank everyone graciously... even if she doesn't love the gift. We teach her the gift means that someone cared enough about you to try to get you something you would like... it would make them feel bad if you don't thank them and love on them. (Kind of like you don't love the person instead of the gift. She gets that since she is big on empathy.)

She got some clothes from Grandpa in addition to a gift. He is a chronic no-receipt clothing giver. If it doesn't fit or won't ever fit, we give it away. (You will have those relatives who will give clothes not matter what.)

As she gets older, she'll have school friends and you won't politely be able to be so blatant except with the no gifts or donations to X charity preferred.

Have u tried putting suggestions of what to get or what she likes on the invited? That may help.

Hi Hillary,

Lots of stores like Target, WalMart and Toys R Us have birthday wishlists. I would go online and set up a registry and pick some toy items for her or even with her. In her invitation you can mention that she has created a wishlist at xyz store(s). You can also say gift cards are welcome. Good luck.

Toys R Us offers a birthday registry now. Just register for the things she wants and included in on the party invitation. It should help with not getting as many clothes as well as she will get the toys she really wants!

Good Luck!
G.

I agree with Erica---I wouldn't take offense if someone said lightly "oh, she's got more clothes than she could ever wear", or even make it a theme party to give people a hint as to what she's into these days. Don't put it on the actual invitation though. When asked, be prepared with some ideas.
I personally would never think to buy clothes for a 3 year old unless I was her grandma, lol.
If you're going to do the in leiu of gifts, donate to whatever thing, PLEASE at least make it something that your child could get excited about. A women's shelter, etc are worthy causes but have nothing to do with a little child's world. A pet shelter, maybe...if she were a little older there'd be tons of options but I think she's too young to understand that, in my personal opinion.

maake sure yoiu list pleanty of ideas as to what she might like then as a side coment just let eerone know that she is growing soo quickly so if they are going to get her clothes please leave the tags on and the recipt with you... also DONT put her size in the invite. then when they call just say "jokingly" every body wants to get her clothers.

Easy... just include a "wish list" with the invite. Write it from her perspective-- make it sound like she wrote it.

You should accept a gift graciously. Also, you should be teaching your daughter to accept gifts graciously. If you don't need clothes, donate them to a worthy cause. If someone asks for a suggestion, of course, you could then suggest a toy, book, etc.