3 Year Old Comments...

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I do not believe in punishing a child for expressing their feelings. It sends the wrong impression.

"I don't like you"..........."I'm sorry you don't like me that's pretty hurtful, but I do understand that you are upset with me."

"You don't look pretty"......"Well that wasn't a very nice thing to say, I love the way I look"

"Only I can have water, you can't"....."I can have water if I want, the water does not belong to you. Does it?"

That's it, nothing else needs to be said or done. In time they will get that a) you are not rising to the challenge. b) they do have a right to what they feel and c) they do hear you when you say something is hurtful. Social grace is a learned behavior it is not something we are born with...it's basically a little white lie. In time she will figure that out.

My go-to response is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." in a very matter of fact way. Then I walk away. The first time they say it, I give the benefit of the doubt and figure they're testing me.

The second time they do it, I say, "That's the second time you've said something hurtful. Sometimes it's better to keep hurtful words inside your head. If you say mean things on purpose, you'll have to _____."

If it happens a third time, I say, "That was your last chance. When you use your words to hurt people on purpose it can hurt worse than hitting them. If you're angry, it's better to say that you're angry than to say hurtful words like, 'I don't like you.' If you can't use words that help instead of hurt, you'll have to sit in a time out. After time out, I expect an apology."

Or you use whatever discipline method you use. It could be about losing a privilege.

Sorry, but the water comment was pretty funny. I usually just say, how would you like it if I talked to you like that?? My dd, also 3 says, I wouldnt like that mommy, then I say well then quit saying it to me. She usually stops.

My dd was following the dog around telling him to shut up (in our house you can only say shut up to the dog, not to other people), then she comes up to me and says 'I told Arvin to shut up, and when grandma comes over Im going to tell it to her!' priceless! And I did remind her that we never say shut up to people, then I went in the bathroom and almost peed myself laughing. Gotta love a 3 yr old.

I have said things like you do like "I'm sorry you feel that way but we don't talk to people that way. It hurts their feelings. Would you like it if I said .......?" They need to understand that are free to feel however they say, but that it's not the right thing to say, and also that it hurts feelings and try to help them relate to that. I doubt they've had their little feelings hurt much at this age so just try to help them understand by saying something that would upset them if someone else said it to them. Then just keep doing this until they learn and if necessary you may need to discipline them too if it continues.

I dont know whether your child is being the normal 3yr old that expresses himself and say those words because they don't know what else to say when they don't get approval or your child is in a permissive environment where there are no rules or discipline. If it is the latter, you should firmly sit the child down, look in her eyes and let her know those phrases are not acceptable. If it is the former, then do ignore if she is otherwise a respectful 3yr old who listens.

Hi, my son even though he couldnot speak fluently, he says he doesn't like my dress... Or if we eat anything he like it or if he doesn't eat... He tries to make us spit... by giving cute expression... But I just laugh and say if he doesn't like this dress, then get used to it and he is not wearing it, I am wearing... Well I just say little bit selfishly, like this is my dress, so go play.... That kid he wears his shirts or trousers, if he likes otherwise he stays naked... Very bratty.. So I had to be little selfish and say little mean things like this is mine, go and take urs... do not interfere.. They had to understand... Even if shouts, I just ignore.. Because if we listen to every order, then it will be the end for innocence, and become very big bully... That's not good... So we have to be strong on atleast these.. These days this kids is just kissing me and admiring me in any outfit... Not throwing tantrum and when ever I wear different than usual, just comes and gives me kiss.. So cute right... Well this took so much time for me to correct that behavior... So just work hard little.

Just because it's "age appropriate" doesn't mean it's ok, or a good thing. I would definitely not ignore. If my children ever did this, and it rarely happened more than once, they knew my displeasure. This is the time to start teaching respect. Those lessons will last their whole lives and make you both happier, healthier people. And make your job as a parent easier in the long run. I think my response would be "what? I don't like your tone of voice." then walk away and ignore anything except a sincere apology.

My 4yo DD says things to get my goat. I don't react. I will sit her down and talk if I think it's meant in a mean way. Usually, she does it to see how I react.

I was on my way out of the country 2 weeks ago, I went to kiss my daughter good-bye and she told me, "I hate you." I said, "Ok, I still love you."

We just ignore it. Sometimes my husband will say he will not play/talk until the child speaks more nicely, but other than that, they grow out of it and it's just a way to get a reaction to see how far they can push.