3 Year Old Not About to Go Potty

Welcome to the 3 year old club. My daughter is doing the same but she won't poop at home. We finally gave up and told her that if she chooses to stay dry then she can wear panties but that since she was pooping in her pants that she would have to go back to diapers until she was ready because mommy didn't want to clean up the mess. It took one diaper and she changed her mind. We had just tried pullups but that didn't faze her one bit and got expensive quick. I used a similar method with a little boy at the daycare where I worked when he wouldn't stop peeing on the playground instead of the potty. These kids are smart and know their options. For them it's all about their choices and for us it's all about the choices we allow. I let my daughter choose how much and what she will eat but I don't allow her to choose what I serve. She gets to choose her clothes and shoes but if she doesn't choose the appropriate place to potty then I choose to not clean up the mess and insist on diapers. Not a popular choice for the girl who wants to be big but it stopped our battle as this issue, at least for us, was about her attitude and not about ability.

You are past the "being negative" stage and now it has become a battle of the wills. It isn't about forcing her, however it is about saying to her "I need you to try and go to the potty, until you can start letting me know yourself, this is what has to happen"..then setting her on the potty again every few hours. Do not give in, do not stress or be angry about it but tell her this is her choice, not yours. Ask her what it is about the toilets at home (more like power struggles I think), if it takes getting her a cool new squishy potty seat that is her very own to feel more comfy then go for it. If she told you before and has the ablility it is her testing you right now. Just tell her that when she can start going by herself again you will lay off, however right now it isn't okay for her to pee her pants at home period. If you ignore it, it could take a lot longer the second round, regression is normal but you have to empower her with how things go.

Has something changed like a move or something? sometimes that changes things. I am sorry I don't have any great advice but I know my first child was 3 1/2 before she was really ready to use the potty and she is a very smart child so I don't know. Maybe something scared her in the bathroom so she doesn't want to go in there anymore. I know when I pushed it she fought harder to not go.

sounds like a control issue. Is she wetting on the floor then? so teach her to clean up after herself. Get the Lysol wipes, show her where the laundry is for the soiled pants, and then to wash her hands with soap while singing her favorite song. then sit back and not say anything once you teach her. If she doesn't do it, then say: Seems you wet missed the toilet, you know what to do, we wil play when you are done. Stand over her military style only after that works.

Hey, my son is the same way. I don't usually take him to the potty, so much as tell him to go -- he can handle the whole process. But at home he cries, whines, etc., and says, "No, I don't need to go." Well, 20 minutes later he is wetting his pants. Here's what I decided his logic was. At home, it's really easy to then just run around pantless, or get a fresh pair. So why interrupt what he is doing to go potty? Now I actually stop, and take him myself, and while he whines, he usually goes and says, "Oh, I really did need to go." I've also heard of other parents who make wet pants inconvenient, like they actually have to bring them to the laundry room and soak them, or something. Then maybe its not so inconvenient by comparison to just go potty. Good luck.

Hi K.,

Here's a suggestion: could you have your daughter clean up after herself when she wets her pants? Don't get mad, just very matter-of-factly say, "Oh bummer. Okay, get the cleaning stuff and let's go clean it up." Of course, you'll have to teach her how to scrub the floor and rinse out her clothing and undies, wring them out, and put them in the laundry basket. I know from personal experience that a 3 year old can learn this process.

I hope this helps... good luck!

love, P.