K.K.
A.,
Sigh, As a mom I think one of my greatest challenges is when my children have hurt feelings. It breaks my heart for them.
I think one of the best things we can do for out little ones is to hav eour arms ready for them, listen to thier sorrow and affirm to them their value to us. Also, I found that my kids many times look to me to see if what they see as an injustice is right. They are looking at the world and discovering things, then they double check manytimes to see that what they see is correct. Like looking in oyr coffee cup saying coffee and looking at you to nod that they are correct in what they said. So when they come and share a situation that is hurtful as a mom we can encourage them by letting them know they called it correctly.
"It is not very nice the way the children spoke to you. They were no being kind were they? I bet that makes you feel sad and you may even want to cry. That is ok. I willl be here with you. I want you to remember this so that when you are playing with someone that you do not hurt their feelings too. If those little boys do not want you to play with them lets find some others that do want you to paly with them." Remember redirection can work wonders still at this age. I do think its good to help our kids know how to deal with these kinds of situations and to teach them to respect others requests...like the request that you leave me alone. Let your child know that maybe that kid is having a bad/grumpy day and just needs some space today. Its probably about the other kid and not about your son. Also, I found binging a snack to share can help too. I remember bringing snacks that would majically come out about that time that he could share with friends.
If you are standing by the kids when they speak rudely to your child it is ok to say something like " hey, I understand that you may not want John to play with you. You can ask him nicely to leave you alone."
It is not possible for us to protect our kids from all hurt. Really we do not want to do that because how could they grow to healthy adults without learning how to handle these situations. What we can do is love them, hold them and assure them of their value to us. We can teach them how to appropriatly express thier feelings as we talk to them about situations. In theend we help them learn to live in a workd that is not kind or fair.
I will say there have been times that I did not go to a playground or changed the time I went if there was a particular child that was being mean. That in it self helped take care of the situation. Or I would make arrangements with another mom to meet and go to the playgroud so we could be "going with jonny" and that is who my son could play with.
I hope this helps some. I was just telling my husband yesterday about my heart being torn when my 6 yr old cried because she did not understand why her big sister wanted a birthday party without her. My heart was broken for her yet I had to consider the feelings of both of my children. I just had to love on my 6 yr old and plan something for her. I know where you are coming from. It is so hard to see our kids feelings hurt.