3.5 Year Old Having Trouble Listening in Preschool

My son is 3.5 and I am due in April (another boy). We just had a lovely vacation together and then his pre-school was closed for the holidays - so he was out of his routine, plus all the baby talk. His teachers say that he refuses to do any "work" at school or listen and he has been the same way at home. We were moaning at him all the time - well all the time being 2 weeks :-). Then we started a rewards system. We give him little jobs to do, or tell him when he brings work home from school, he gets a sticker. He has a sticker board in his room and once he fills a line he gets a present (usually a $1 toy from the Target $1 section) - it has been working like a charm and he is slowly gaining that confidence back and now is proud of doing his little jobs again - at work and school, both of his teachers have seen a difference and we have at home too. Hope this helps.

I am curious about the school she is in. how old is her teacher? how many kids in the class her age and other ages? Has the school implied that something may be wrong with her? i ask these questions because i went through it with 2 of my kids already. My son at 3 was told by his school that he needed to see a psychologist for his lack of listening. after spending thousands of dollars on a shrink we were told by him that our son is fascinating to watch but there is nothing clinically wrong with him. He is just independent. He suggested we change schools. we did and it made all the difference in the world. He had a teacher who was 86 years young! she was the most incredible teacher in the world. Very patient with all the kids and really got to know each one on an individual basis. she really made a big difference in his life. My daughter was enrolled in the first school I told you about too. they booted her out because she too didn;t listen at age 2 and threw her food on the floor when she was done eating. We enrolled her in the same school as my son went to and it was disasterous. she had a very inexperienced teacher who did not communicate with anyone. they called in a psychologist to evaluate her which is a different story and described her a s a wild banchee. We changed schools and all was great! she made a few friends and did what the other kids did in school. Trust your instincts. You are her mom. if you think there is a problem with your daughter then address it but maybe it is her environment at school and at home. Having a sick sibling must be hard on a 3 year old. that is alot for her to carry on her little shoulders. i know it is hard but try and find some time everyday just for her. Try not to take away story time because she really needs that time with you. find another punishment. Look into someother schools too. you can visit them before pulling her out to see what goes on there. it sounds like your child is bored and also needs mom a bit more. pay attention. If you live in the torrance or south bay area I can give you some school suggestions to visit.

good luck!

If you haven't figured it out by now, the 3's are WAY harder than the 2's!! I don't know why this seems to be one of those secrets of parenthood that nobody seems to tell anyone. So, I read this book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka which helped me and my daughter alot. Also, your preschool should have consequences and coping strategies for your daughter - you may want to visit a few schools and see how they handle defiant children. Hang out for a while to observe and find a child who acts like your daughter (believe me, there is at least one in every crowd) and see how they correct the child. Good Luck

H.,

You may already know the answer to your question. You said it yourself that a lot of your focus and attention is going to your son. Kids are very in tune to their surroundings and when things change, they know and change themselves. It may simply be that she isn't getting the attention she used to have and she is acting out in school to get that attention. Another thing could be she is just hitting that next stage in life. One of my daughters hit her terrible two's when she was 3. She wanted everything her way or no way. My husband was on deployment and it was very difficult for me to do it alone. I was exhausted and at my wits end when she would throw her fits. I quickly learned that she needed to realize her fits were unacceptable and that things she enjoyed to do were being taken away or she would have to go to bed early, etc. And I realized that I had to be consistent and stick to my decision. After she calms down, I would always give in and that is where my mistake was. Once I stopped that, her fits stopped since she knew I meant business.

So it could be a couple of things but don't give up hope. It will work out in the end. Just keep trying things until you find what works with her. Good luck.

Hi, it seems to me that your daughter is having a hard time adjusting to her new brother and she is really craving special attention. Maybe set a time to just be with her and show her that she is special too. Maybe your husband can bring her to the park or you and her can color together while baby is sleeping? If the extra time together doesn't work, maybe it's just the change of everything in your life that has her off schedule and when that gets back together so will she.

Maybe not listening is her way of controlling things. She is 3, and that is suppose to be the age where they want to control everything. Give her special time every day before and after school and see how it helps.

It could be as simple as she gets more one-on-one attention when she's being disciplined. Any attention is attention, even if it's negative. It could also be more subtle...have you had her hearing checked. You might think she is ignoring people, but I'd get a hearing test done. When my daughter was 3, we found out she was practically deaf in one ear. It didn't change anything that we knew (there's nothing we can do about this particular issue), but it sure did make us more sensitive and compassionate about her situation. No one can tell that she's 90% deaf in one ear, unless she tells them. She does have to sit on the left side of people so her good ear is next to them. She still gets straight As in school, etc. We only found out because when she was about that age and her grandma wanted to talk to her on the phone, she kept switching the phone to the opposite ear. I guess I'm saying to rule out everything physical, then deal with all of the emotional reasons she could be doing this. If you have a very ill son, you can contact the your local Regency Center for extra help with daycare for your son and daughter. They will send people even if you want some time to just go to the grocery store by yourself and have a break from all the stress. Perhaps you can volunteer in her classroom when the babysitter comes too. You'd show your daughter you're there and also see how things are in her current classroom.

Dear H.,

Your daughter is mourning the loss of her past time and her feeling insecure with the baby being so ill. Involve her in his care, give her back her lovely book and bed time routine. It is important not to punish, but to reassure her that all is well with the love that she has for you and Dad. No more punishment. Tell her that the teacher loves children of her age, or she would not be there in the classroom.

Have her bake cookies and take a few to the teacher, try making a bridge between the two of them. One of the reasons that preschool was invented was to develop an understand inside the child that a teacher is someone that you can trust, that you need to pay attention to and to listen to and to do what the teacher says for the class members to do. No kidding, it is not to learn colors, or to say the ABCs, or to learn to 'read'. It is to learn to cooperate with people outside their immediate family circle and to be happy and comfortable in a classroom and with their peers. Um huh, it is. Do not let anyone tell you any different.

So, you have a big job ahead of you. and you need to be successful. This is one of the most important things that you can do for your daughter in her life. Remember, I said ONE of the most important things.

Get your battle plan ready along with Dad and go for it. She is worth this extra thinking and planning and doing.

Sincerely and Good Luck, C. N.