3Rd Baby??? - Lewisville,TX

Updated on February 07, 2011
K.K. asks from Lewisville, TX
25 answers

My kids are 5 and 6 and I've been wanting to have another baby for a few years now. We've had some ups and downs with jobs(my husband was laid off twice in 2 years) and we had been without health insurance for almost 2 years until this past November. Now my husband has a stable job and we have good health insurance. But now I worry that the age gap will be too big for them to be close, or that baby #3 will feel left out or like an only child. And as much as I've been wanting another baby, a small part of me is scared at how our "comfortable" life will change. I'm just needing some encouraging words, I guess. Has anyone out there felt this way?

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K.A.

answers from San Diego on

My first 2 were 8 & 5 when my third was born. They do great together! Having a third never slowed us down, in fact I think we're more active and out and about and "into trouble" now then we were before LOL
My daughters first trip to Disneyland was when she was 17 days old ;)
It can be done :)

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I had baby #3 when my kids were 5 and 6 :) Then 2 yrs after that baby #4 to keep her company....lol! They are now 15, 14, 9 and 6. I love the two age groups.

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

My sister had her 3rd child when her older ones were 9 and 6. They all get along wonderfully and the two older are amazing little helpers. The youngest adores her big sisters. She's now 14 months old and when they go to the park they argue over who will take her to play. Wouldn't that be nice!?! I just say go for it! More baby to love!!

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M.L.

answers from Seattle on

Hello, I am not in exactly your shoes however I would like to offer some encouragment. I have a 13 year old Step Daughter, my husband and I have two small little ones together now, 3 and 18 mos. I am amazed how the 13 year old plays with the little ones. I was worried she would resent having to care for them when I need help but that isn't the case at all, she gets right down on the floor with them and plays barbies, house, or whatever game they decide to play. I feel like it has abled our 13 year old to stay young and be a kid still since her friends don't play barbies anymore if you know what I mean. I truly believe the age gap will not be an issue, family is family, and we teach our kids how to treat each other so I am sure your kids won't leave the baby out as she/he gets older, they will just have fun being kids again playing with all their old toys.
Hope this helps. Follow your heart and what is suppose to happen will.
Good luck :-)

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A.P.

answers from Eugene on

My brother and I were 71/2 and 6 when my sister was born and she is the best part of our family--we all adore her--she is an amazing aunt to our children and our family would be completely different without her presence. Having a young, hip aunt is such a wonderful thing for my kids; she has unlimited patience and time for them and that's something I don't think anyone mentions when they think of much younger siblings.

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

I have that third child. Except the age gap is ten and seven years. Since she is only 17 months old right now I can't tell you how she feels about things but she is a happy, gregarious child who goes with us where ever her brothers go. She has spent a lot of time at the hockey ice rink, at boy scout events and on the school's playground before and after school.

Your comfortable life will change because the dynamics of your family will change. In some ways, it is easier because you can recruit the older ones to help you with the baby but some ways it is harder. (Getting up in the middle of the night and needing to drive the boys to school early is a good example).

But with all of the changes and work a child brings into your life, I would not change it for the world. She is exactly the child I dreamt of having. It is literally like God said to himself, "Okay, there's the red hair she wants, the perky personality, and it's a girl."

So go for it if you really want that third. You are an experienced mom and you will make your family work. By the way, my brother is six years younger than me and we have a great relationship.

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A.C.

answers from Dallas on

Of course, there's always the option of having baby #3, then about 18 months later, popping out baby #4 so that baby #3 won't feel like an only child! =)

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L.C.

answers from Raleigh on

We had our 3rd almost 4 months ago, our boys are 4 and 6. Yes our life changed, back to diapers , diapper bags , baby gear and waking up 2 times at night, but gosh i would not have any other way. It is wonderful. With 1st one baby stage was stressful since we had no idea what we were doing, with 2nd one it was a blur, since they were less than 2 years apart, this time i am really enjoing it!!!!!!!!

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K.W.

answers from Youngstown on

I always wanted 3 or 4 kids but due to financial reasons we stopped with 2. We were done with our two and happy with our family. Then to our surprise I found out just before Christmas #3 is on the way. My kids will be almost 4 and 6 when this baby comes. My husband is concerned about the age gap as our two are very close but I don't think it will really matter. Families come in all ways and age differences can be overcome and siblings can be great friends no matter how far apart they are.

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D.S.

answers from Dallas on

I'll start by saying everyone experiences life differently from one another. My experience may not be relevant to yours.

I was that 3rd child. My parents wanted to wait until they had their own house (as opposed to a small apartment) to have another child. My sisters are only 16 months apart, but there is more than 6 years between me and my next sibling. When I was young I was always the 5th wheel. I was always odd man out. As I grew it was like having 2 sets of parents. Everyone in the house was always telling me what to do.

Then from the age of 12 it was like being an only child. My sisters each went off to college and moved away. Not that it's bad to be an only. I was not close to my sisters. My eldest sister was the 1st to have children, and her children ended up being only 13 months apart. She asked me to come nanny the summer after her 2nd was born (I was 19). I was surprised to find that she and my other sister spoke on the phone on a regular basis. Neither of them ever called me out of the blue. I did not know until then that I was still odd man out. It remained that way until we all had children.

Fortunately, I became pregnant shortly after my middle sister. That is when our relationship began. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I was 28 years old.

I understand you are looking for encouragement, which is why I said it is only my experience. Of course I am glad my parents decided to have a 3rd child- if they wouldn't have I wouldn't be here! It is only my experience, but I hope it helps you.

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T.R.

answers from Daytona Beach on

My son is 6 and he is an only child. I want another baby soo bad but it hasn't happend yet. I worry about the age too. God is probably waiting for the perfect time you never no what he has pland. But i do understand though they wouldn't feel left out it would be cool because they can both help you out. You can teach them responsiblitys at a young age on how to be a big brother or sister. They might enjoy it just make sure to give them all equal love. Wish you the best of luck :)

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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

I think I'm more of a realist when it comes to a 3rd. We have two and are pretty well off financially. We could easily afford to have a 3rd but I just don't want to do it. There's always a risk that the baby could be premature or have any number of medical issues that would take away some or all of our savings. I want to do private school and that's pretty managable with 2 but no chance with 3 (or we could but no vacations then). And I want to vacation and have my kids get to have a family vacation once a year (something I never had growing up) and that would be a lot harder to add another person. For me I'm loving just having two and looking forward for them to travel. There is a small part of me that still wants a large family though. My plan is to foster parent at some point and perhaps adopt a school-aged child when mine are school-aged if we can still afford to at the time. I know most will say do it or you'll regret it but I don't buy that. I think you need to do what makes most financial sense to your whole family as well ad way too many people overlook the financial aspect when deciding (I know I'm probably sounding like I'm all about money but it should be a huge factor imo to having a baby). I know too many that have a 3rd when they can't even, or barely, are getting by with 2. By age 35-40, you should have $40k per person (so $80k) in your retirement to have a decent retirement by the time you are ready. Those are things to really think about too imo. Good luck deciding and I hope you really think about all the factors and not just what your "heart" wants...

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

I was on the fence about a 3rd child for a long time.My husband didn't really like the idea but said it was up to me....I wanted a 3rd but wasn't sure about all the work involved & my kids were already 6 & 5 at the time.,Life had just become a lot easier......then surprise....along he came. My reaction was mixed throughout alot of my pregnancy but the day he was born....LOVE! Now my husband & I panic when we think we might not have had him if we had gone thru with the vasectomy. The best part....his 2 older siblings are amazing with him. They can't keep their hands off him, helping with everything & laughing at everything he does.(9mths old now) We haven't come across much we can't do with the baby....I'm much more relaxed about his schedule & he gets dragged along to everything but he's a very happy baby.

I don't think you'll every regret having a 3rd child but you might alway regret NOT having one.
btw...my oldest sisters are 7&8 yrs older than me....we are best friends.

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A.H.

answers from Dallas on

Hey K.,
My girls were 5 & 6 when I got pregnant with my 3rd daughter, they are now 24, 23 & 18...my only regret is that I did not have a fourth, the gap is not the problem, it's the little personalities that I love and wished I could have had another one to enjoy...My oldest was & still is very girlie (cheerleader, prom dresses), my middle & youngest both played soccer but easily switched to prom dresses. I truely have been blessed with really great kids...they are best of friends, it seems that the youngest two actually get along better with each other, than they do the oldest. The oldest seemed to become more of the "mother hen" symbol for them. They are all three so close friendship-wise the age really doesn't matter. As far as your comfortable life, I think you'll be too busy enjoying that third baby and interacting with your oldest two! So if you really want another, and this is your only reservation, then I say go for it! Good luck on your decision, but it really HAS to be yours, I know I would definately do it all over again!

L.L.

answers from Rochester on

I think now is a great time to try if you want to. My daughter was five when daughter number two was born, and they are both such a blessing to us and to each other! They really make each other happy...now, they are 9 months and almost 6 years old, and they adore each other...honestly.

But yes, comfortable life will change. My biggest problem is that I am left out of a lot now that I am taking care of and nursing a baby...you know, older daughter and husband get to go do things and because of weather or circumstances, I have had to stay home. You have to make sure you won't resent it...because last year, I missed the parade, the fireworks, the fair, a trip the Big Island Rendezvous (hard to explain, but a yearly tradition we all really love), swimming at the pool, parks, riding bikes, and now I am (gratefully, on this one) missing sledding. I don't resent it...much. I do miss alone time with my older one, and I miss how things used to be some, but I wouldn't change it for the world. And I know as baby gets older, things will go back to what they used to be like, just with another happy child.

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E.L.

answers from Dallas on

We just had our fourth baby two weeks ago. Our older two are 5 and 6 (we also have a 2 1/2 year old) and they LOVE their baby brother. It's been so much fun for me to see them interact with him. I also have been impressed with how much help my 6 (7 in two weeks) year old has been. I would say go for it!

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

My sister and I are 16 months apart, and my brother is 5 years younger than me. I've always had a close bond with my brother. I've also always been like his second mom. Yes, he was spoiled and probably felt like an only child especially once my sister and I were off to college, but I'm pretty sure he liked it. lol My mom babied my brother so much that it affected his independence though. She would have my sister and I do things for him all the time that he could do himself. Needless to say, he wasn't quite ready to move out and be independent like we were, so that would be my only advice. Make sure you don't hinder your 3rd baby's independence.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I'm much younger than my older sibilings and while we're not close like kids who grew up close in age, we've formed our own bond over the years. Our relationship is different from the one I share with a close-in-age younger brother, but that's just life. You'll never regret it!

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L.C.

answers from Dallas on

We have 3 boys, the older 2 were almost 8 & 10 when the youngest was born. His life was definitely different from their's - not better or worse, just different. It did create a few vacation problems along the way in that what 12 & 14 years olds want to do and what a 4 year old can do is vastly different. He was basically an only child from 10 on when his second brother left for college. They always got along pretty well and at 30, 28 and 20 are all friends now. The 28 and 20 year olds are the closest because their personalities line up more. Our 20 year old was a surprise, but one that we have never regretted.

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L.E.

answers from Dallas on

My husband and I each had a daughter from previous marriages when we got married. We then had two together and are now expecting our third, but fifth in all ;^) They are 16, 12, 7(son) and 6(daughter). The two older ones had quite a bit of adjustment as they were 7 and almost 4 when we got married, but now get along quite well. The two younger ones are always playing and fighting with each other. The sisters favor their little sister over their brother, and are not as excited knowing it will be diaper time again. The younger two are excited and my son says it's because he has prayed and asked God for a little brother. We don't know that's what it will be, but it's nice he thinks of it that way ;^)

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M.C.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Hi K.!
Go for it! As an older mom (my children are in their 20's), I can honestly say that my children bring my my greatest joys in life. I wish I had had more. I have 2 boys and my 3rd is a girl...she was 4 - 1/2 years younger. He has brought me great joy, as have my boys. I never think you will be sorry. Blessings to you!

www.mycmsite.com/marycluley

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L.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I sure felt that way a couple of years back. I have 4 children(13, 10, 2, and 8 mths). I thought I would never have anymore children after my 2nd...and then...when my 10 year was 8 years old...I was pregnant again. It seemed like I was having my FIRST child again. So many changes, everything was just different. I also thought about..great..our 3rd child will feel left out or my two older boys who were 12 and 8 then..how different things will be and how they will be effected.

I was a bit surprised because they wanted another sibling and wished and asked Santa for a sister..and they got their wish! They love her! Then I got pregnant again with our 4th(THAT'S IT, FOR ME) and everyone gets along great. We just make sure to involve EVERYONE.

My 2 older boys actually enjoy watching,caring, playing for their 2 younger siblings because they get to see how they were when they were younger. I always get asked, Was I doing that Mama? Did I do that too? My 2 older boys are great babysitters too. So, no worries...you two older children might be great helpers! Good luck!

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

My older kids were 6 & 7 when my baby was born 3 years ago. Yes, your life will change. It was REALLY hard for me to go from having freedom to do things around the house to being back in baby mode...not being able to leave the room, etc. It's also harder now having activities for the older 2 that the little one has to be lugged to (obviously with the first 2, we didn't have activities yet!) Anyway, all that being said, it's fun. It's nice having 1 little one to watch after instead of 2. It's nice that the older kids can play and entertain him and even help watch him! Sometimes if I have something I REALLY need to finish at home, I'll offer to pay one of the older kids $2.00 per hour to keep an eye on him (of course, that was when he was 2 and now 3, not as an infant). They are great. They play games, and really enjoy him. I now realize when my youngest starts kindergarten, my middle one will be in Middle school, and my oldest will be in high school...YIKES! I do consider them the oldest and him the little one. I do feel like we won't have that "middle child" problem b/c it's like 2 families almost. The youngest will be more of an only child/first child personality and the middle will have more of the youngest child personality. I can tell you that he is growing up a lot quicker than the other two as well! He spoke early, walked early, is fearless, and is just altogether more grown up. If you want another, don't let the age difference scare you, they are always a blessing!

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R.P.

answers from Cleveland on

i think if you want to try wait maybe another 6 months to see what is going to happen with his jobs. my sister and i are almost 8 years apart and we really were not close as kids but now we are pretty close my mom and her youngest sibling is 13 years apart

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R.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My first two are 14 mos apart, and my 3rd is 4 years from them. I thought the same thing, but it is awesome. They are all very close. All of my husbands siblings are 5 years from the next and they are all super close. Your "comfortable" life WILL change, and it will be difficult at times, but think of that extra little face at your dinner table. I say go for it :)

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