3Yr Old Terror

First of all, L., if you work full-time, then your life cannot be dedicated to your boys. YOU work! It sounds to me that your 3 yr old is experiencing some difficult times and expressing his emotions in ways you disapprove. The child is 3 yrs old, still a baby in many ways. He has separated parents, the main parent working full-time leaving little time for showing him affection, a new baby brother sucking up alot of mom's love and attention, and a myriad of other changes going on around him no doubt. He is behaving normally for a child his age. Although his behavior cannot be acceptable it is a 3 yr old way of expressing oneself.

He's saying, "HEY somebody notice me! My life is in a shambles! I don't understand it. HELP!

You must be consistent in whatever method of discipline you use. I know you arrive home tired from working all day. I know you are sometimes, maybe all the time, feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility facing you each night. I've been there and done that. The only difference in my situation was that I felt truly alone. I didn't have the connection with my ex-husband that would have been helpful to our children. Also, we lived in separate states 3 hours apart. Therefore, I was raising three (3) by myself with the oldest being 9 yrs old when we split! The youngest was 4 and the only girl. Talk about chaos, ill feelings, overwhelming sensation to yell out for a Calgon bath!

You must discipline all unacceptable behavior and be consistent as to what is unacceptable. I used a chair for all kids who stomped, kicked, yelled, screamed, hit, etc. You must remain in that chair for as long as the bad behavior persists. Even excessive crying for the sake of getting what you want, deserves the Chair! Sometimes it takes more than an hour of replacing the stubborn child in the chair. You can accomplish nothing else because you must be persistant. BUt you do whatever it takes to make your point clear.

The point is: There are better ways to handle ones angers without all the yelling, kicking, etc. Let him know you will gladly give him the attention he needs AFTER he stops the bad behavior. Then be sure to follow through and give your undivided attention to share in whatever he wants of you after the crying and tantrums stops.
I had only one who threw tantrums. Initially I walked away, out of the room and continued on with what I was doing. If the tantrum became abusing a sibling, then I felt other measures of discipline were required. I followed through on what I said I would do.

Never make threats knowing you will not follow through. Eventually those fall on deaf ears.

BE CONSISTENT! And consider this baby is going through alot and has no way of expressing his feelings other than to do what he's doing to get your attention. Take a step back, deep breath, and show some loving attention before resorting to more drastic measures. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS your little ones & you!

This is your Mother,I agree with DMaria B !

Love ya!!!

Oklahoma Healthcare Authority on nw 23rd & Kelley (in OKC) has a great child counselor you can talk to, her name is Lois P. She can help you determine if any of his behavior should cause concern. I took both my girls there for school problems, there is no cost. My oldest grew out of it, but her sister had to graduate to a psychiatrist for a Dx of ADD and a medical regimine.

Who keeps him when you are working? Maybe he needs someone different.

Sounds like a toddler :) But on top of that, your children are both dealing with the stress of having Dad come and go. Be aware that changes in family situation can have an enormous effect on a child, even if you don't see a direct cause-effect, as in, Dad goes home from visiting and Caid throws a tantrum. The effects could show up hours or days later, or ahead of visits or other events that can set him off.

I highly recommend Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Baily (Bailey?). In fact, a friend of mine recently followed the advice in this book and is having great success with his son!

Baily says that conflict is a learning opportunity, and that it is essential for children's development. Work with them through it, rather than trying to suppress it.

Then she gives some fantastic examples for most common discipline problems, and what to say and do to get a child to want to cooperate. As she says, misbehavior is a sign that a child doesn't know how to get what s/he wants or needs in a situation (or may not even know what s/he wants or needs, like security, reassurance, routine, whatever). What you can do is try to intuit what's going on in the child's mind, and be specific about what you want from the child (don't focus on what you don't want), and to show the child how to get what s/he wants or needs, or how to compromise and accept that not everything is here and now. But the starting point is where your child is at emotionally and intellectually, rather than just getting the child to mimic the behavior that you want. The child still ends up obeying you, but is much happier about it and you don't have to fight. Her specific advice is really amazing.

Check it out from your local library, give it a good flip-through, and breathe a sigh of relief :)

L.

L. honey, I'm a stay at home with my 2 1/2 year old and she's still a terror. A lot of friends have said she's just angry about her baby sister... who is now 13 months too, but I feel that it's more than that. It just goes to show that SOME children need a lil bit more affection and attention than others do.

Even though I'm home with her, I find myself not really giving her that "one-on-one" time with mom. When this is done, her mood swings tend to not swing too drastically. Her favorite thing to do is grocery shop with me -Just the two of us.

Since your a single mom, it may be a lil bit more challenging to create this time, but here's some ideas: Instead of picking up both of them from the sitter, ask to see if you can just get Caid and leave the lil one for an additional hour or so. OR, if possible, have Daddy do a special weekend with Caid or vise versa. If there still is no time for these.... GIRL, IT'S TIME TO CALL IN YOUR GIRLFRIENDS. Let them know what you are trying to accomplish with your son. I'm sure they too will agree that he's just needing his mama (alone).

Another thing that we worked on greatly when my hubby and I were going through a Divorce... (yep, twice, and then we got back together) was a set schedule. During that time we only had our son and he was 3 years and I think 4 months... so just about your lil guy's age. Our son's world was ROCKED HARD. He started with the uncontrollable outbreaks, but it was the counselor that assisted us in making the transition work. I was working FULL TIME and was taking care of Noah 80% of the time since my husband decided he needed to be a boy again. SOOOOO, like yourself, I know how struggling this time feels like. It sucks! I remember wanting to come home from a 10 hour day to love on my baby, BUT he was sooooo bad and I had to constantly discipline him. It was very tiring and sad, however, with the consistency that I provided with a set schedule… he finally made some sense of what was supposed to happen (like how to behave) and turned into a lovely young boy. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen over night. I do remember that it wasn't until my (then) soon to be ex-husband and his family started to pitch in and help with the schedule that Noah's attitude changed. I prayed a lot and took a lil time to myself to re-coop. Remember to take good care of yourself during this time to take better care of those boys. In this day and age I can only imagine what it's like to be a single mom.

You know, there’s a saying and I know this probably isn’t exactly correct but, If there’s a will there’s a way, work on them young and they’ll become brilliant some day!

Girl I wish ya the best of luck. I really do hope that you have an awesome support group around ya cuz you are going to need it. And their Daddy…hopefully he’s playing a big part in that! I’ll pray for you that the Lord will provide you direction. God Bless!

I have the same problem! My 3 1/2 yr old twin boys are holy terrors! Not all the time, but alot of the time. They constantly fight over toys and fight w/ each other. They are mean to their baby sister. They do not listen and it drives my hubby and I crazy! Boys have so much energy. I find that it helps to let them play outside and constantly have activities going on. I also think they are at the age where they are getting ready to give up naps, so they are getting less sleep and this does not help! I also posted a list of house rules w/ pictures attached to each rule.... like No Hitting, No Yelling and they do know what the rules say because of the pictures, but they don't always remember them!!! So, I don't really have any advice but I do feel your pain!

Hi L.! I am a fan of taking the Privilages away. This includes toys, tv, video games, and computer. I feel like these things are extra and my kids only get them when they bahave. Choose your battles. I was a single parent for 9 years with my daughter and I felt like the bad guy all the time! It helped when I picked the things that were important and stuck to them. Be CONSISTANT. I always get eye contact with my kids before I ask them to do things. REWARD and PRAISE them when they are good! I hope this helps. If you are ever looking for a oppurtunity to work from home and set your own hours feel free to contact me to find out more!