4 Year Old Anger Issues

I wouldn't say anything to your sister because she will just be defensive. Instead I would just tell her you don't feel comfortable with your kids being around him and that maybe you two could get together for lunch or coffee instead of everyone getting together. She will be hurt but most people respond to action rather then words and when it starts affecting her life and she sees he is not being invited places, she will stop the denial and get help. My first thought is autism or severe ADHD but only a doctor can diagnose and if you say either of those she will be upset with you. You must protect your children and that's what you can tell her. Say I love you and I love him but I have to do what is best for my kids, you understand right because I know you would want to do what is best for your son. Also tell this quarenteen isnt permanant but just until things change with him. She may not talk to you for a while but just keep reaching out to her and assuring her that you love her and him. Good luck

From your description, this does not sound like normal "boy" behavior to me (no matter how much "sugar" he's had or how "overstimulated" he is). You can't diagnose his issues, or tell his parents what to do. The only thing you can do is make sure your children and pets are safe. If this means not allowing your nephew to visit, or not taking part in family events where he is present, then so be it. You being up front about why this needs to be, not making other excuses but saying clearly "we are not comfortable that our baby or dog is safe around your son", may help your sister understand that this is serious, or it may not. You may end up "on the outs" with the rest of your family, or it may encourage other family members to express the same concern. (Wow, if any kid, relative or not, choked my daughter, that would be the last time...)

You need to talk to your sister and bil about this as soon as possible so that they can talk to your nephew's doctor. It sounds like your nephew needs more help than his loving family can provide which I know is scary. He may not be able to control it, it could be something he isn't even aware of the fact that he is hurting people. I wish you and your family all the best of luck and I hope he figures it out soon.

I think Jessica M. is right. Your sister is in some degree of denial, possibly reinforced by her husband's attitudes. Unfortunately, there is probably very little you can do about her choices; they are her business. And if you push too hard for her to get help for her son, she may simply resist harder. People sometimes do this when they feel helpless.

What you CAN do is describe a couple of your nephew's behaviors in clear, simple, unexaggerated detail, and tell her you are frightened for the children and animals he interacts with, and for the boy himself. If you are unwilling to have your baby or dog around this boy, say so clearly. Keep the language strictly about your feelings, with no blame suggested: "I am anxious about…, I was frightened when I saw…, I'm scared to leave my baby within reach when…, I suffer for my nieces when they…."

Then you might follow with an offer like, "Your poor son. This problem seems to be growing worse over time. Is there anything I can do to help you deal with it?" This approach may, or may not, be enough of a wake-up jolt to get your sister serious about her son's problem, and there is almost certainly a problem. But even if it doesn't, it might be the first of however many jolts it takes.

Take care of yourself and your needs. Be clear and don't waffle. Don't blame, and don't apologize for your feelings – feelings are hard to argue with, because they are spontaneous, not conceptual. Your sister will deal with her own problems however she must, and that could include avoiding you in the future. But your honesty will eventually become part of this family addressing their son's dysfunction, whatever it is.

Good luck; this is hard for everyone connected with this child. I know another young boy like this. Poor little guy – his parents have not yet acknowledged that his behavior is outside the range of normal.

I really think you should talk to your sister about it. I think some children don't develop empathy at the same time as other children and it might be one of those things that it would make a huge difference if it's treated early. Empathy is one of those milestones that can't be developed as a grown up. If it's an anger/discipline issue, it's much easier to control and correct as a young child. Can you control an angry teenager? So if there are any issues, this is the perfect time to work on them. Your sister might have thoughts about it but she might not know how to ask for help or how to bring it up. As you know, moms don't like to as for help even when they're desperate!!! If your sister is in denial of this behavior, then I would highly recommend to keep kids and animals at your sight at all times. And if you feel like this is getting out of control, just use a camcorder and show your sister how is his behavior when she is not around. Good luck :)

I have a three year old with similar issues. The best advice I have gotten was to have him evaluated by the early childhood people at the school district. Whichever school district your sister lives in will have one, it is state mandated. I brought my son to many specialists to try and figure out why he is aggressive, and although I still have no answer for it, my son is in a great preschool with extra help, therapy (occupational therapy, physical therapy). For my son, the problem is related to sensory issues and sleep issues but there are no easy ways to fix these things. I hope this helps. I would be happy to answer more questions about my son or share any other resources I have. M.

I agree with Reverend Ruby. Autism is also a thought I had. I don't want to come across as saying that all children with autism are violent. That couldn't be further from the truth, but some of his behaviors sound like autism could be a part of this. If not that, I would think there is something going on that should be checked out by a medical professional. While disciplining him would help and would play a key role in all of this (whether he has some type of disorder or not) it doesn't sound like that is the only problem he has. I have no advice how to bring this up, but for HIS sake, they really should speak to their pediatrician about this. Something needs to be done for him and everyone else around him.

Here's a suggestion: YOU parent YOUR child and let your sister parent HER child. If you are afraid to leave your baby (or dog) with the boy.... then don't. If your brother is afraid the boy will hurt his girls, then he should (calmly) remove his girls from the situation. You cannot control the actions of others, you can only control the circumstances that lead up to those actions (or make sure they don't).

No offense, but considering the fact that you only see your nephew a few times per month I don't think you can base your judgments of his behavior on these instances, especially since you are describing family get-togethers... which we all know can be over-stimulating for children and stressful for parents. The last couple times we have gotten together with my in-laws, grandma filled our daughter up with SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR ALL DAY LONG and let her get away with NO NAP (even when she was asking for one) so she could PLAY PLAY PLAY with grandma and her cousins. Sure enough, the cousins ended up in a fight and everyone was commenting on how out-of-control our child was. I have to just shake my head, because this is a classic situation where the poor child is set up for failure.

He absolutely needs help, as does the entire family. I would suggest that Mom AND Dad talk to the pediatrician to get the doctor's take on it. I doubt it would be the whole reason, but sometimes medical issues can cause misbehavior problems (hearing problems, chronic ear infections, allergies, gastric problems brought on by anxiety). The next stop would be a famliy counselor, for the whole family, with special sessions for your nephew. Everyone needs to know how to deal with this behavior and how to deal with what this behavior has done to the family. It would also help everyone know how to support better behavior.
Frankly, to let this go any further would be child neglect in my book. The kid deserves a much better life than the one he's heading for now. Best of luck and please let us know of any progress!

he needs help right away.. the older he gets.. the stronger and meaner he will be. Hopefully the school - when he gets there.. will make his parents do something.. talk to your sister.. tell her your afraid of him and what he does. it's not right to not do something... she may get mad at you.. but hopefully she will get help for him. i wouldn't have him over anymore.. and tell your sister that you wont have him over until she gets him some help.

wow, yes I think this kid needs major help as do the parents. They need professional counseling and parenting classes! And I agree to first have the kid checked by a doctor to make sure there aren't any medical issues causing some of it or ADHD or something. However to be perfectly honest with you, if there are no issues like that and this kid is perfectly healthy - than I don't think this is just a matter of discipline. Some of the things you described would really worry me - like him trying to hurt animals and the kind of violence you described toward other children shows he has no value for life and enjoys violence. This is serious to me - these are signs of future criminal and/or sociopathic behavior beginning in this child. I don't say that to condemn or scare you - but to urge you to not let this go out of fear of offending your sister. This child needs help fast and someone needs to have the guts to step up and get that help for him before it's too late! (Imagine what bahaviors this child will exibit in the teenage years if this is left unchecked.) If your sister won't, than care enough about the child to do it yourself. And in the meantime, I would not allow him to EVER be alone with any of your children or animals. I hope this situation turns out ok and this child gets help to change. But I definitly don't think that kind of behavior should be taken lightly or blown off as just a discipline issue.

I agree with some of the posters--heavy metal toxicity will cause all of your nephew's symptoms, as well as any food allergies or intolerances.

My daughter is on the Autism Spectrum; after I started buying fresh, organic produce for the family because of my own health problems, we noticed a remarkable change in my daughter. Her anger and agression disappeared, she stopped hitting herself or banging her head against the wall. By buying organic and cutting out processed food, we took away pesticides, chemicals, additives, colorings, etc. By deleting cow's milk from our diet (my hubby and I are casein allergic) and using goat and sheep products, rice milk, coconut products, etc., cutting out gluten (wheat, rye, barley) and soy, and generally, detoxifying her body, it made a tremendous difference. I also had my daughter tested for heavy metals after I tested severe myself. She chelated 3x; that did a world of good.

Your sister needs to take your nephew to a Naturopathic Doctor; allopathic doctors DO NOT test or treat for any of these problems (heavy metals, food allergies, food intolerances). If she wants her son to be better, she has to take him to a Naturopathic Doctor and help him herself.

No child should ever be that angry!! From what you describe, your nephew has something severely imbalanced. If it's not fixed now, it will ONLY get worse. Can you imagine trying to control him when he gets bigger and stronger? I pray your sister will listen to you and get her son the help he's desparately screaming for. There won't be a school anywhere who will allow him to act like that in the classroom or out on the playground. In fact, I can guarantee you that the school will medicate him in order to keep him in line. And boy, giving prescription drugs to a child; you're just asking for even MORE problems down the road. One child we knew who was on Ritalin developed diabetes at the age of 10 from taking the med and now has to take insulin daily.

Please, try to get your sister to take your nephew to a Naturopathic Doctor and get him tested. Your nephew will thank you.

He may have a food allergy or a chemical imbalance. Just imagine what you would be like if you had 10 cups of coffee every day--it's possible that it feels that way for him. Have him checked. Love him, be nonjudgmental, and help those around him find ways to be safe.

Has he been tested for Autisim?
Advise your sister to take MSG and yorgurt out of his diet for about a month and see if his behavior changes. Austistic children crave yorgurt and it makes them violent. MSG also effects behavior in autistics. He needs to be seen by a doctor and evaluated. Something is going on with this child.
You might also want to tell your sister that both Bill Gates and Donald Trump have Assbergers (sp) Syndrom, a form of Autisim.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said; "His parents have trouble disciplining him so sometimes they just don’t because he doesn’t listen anyway" and "Her husband thinks he’s just being a stubborn boy, sometimes laughs at what he does, and my sister doesn’t say anything."

They dropped the ball,and aren't willing to parent. Unless they step up to the plate there isn't much you can do. You have nothing to reinforce because he isn't learning anything that can be reinforced. His parents need to educate themselves. See a child psychologist maybe. It really starts with the mom and dad. They need to take a proactive approach in raising their son. If they don't it will only get worse as he gets older. In his own little way your nephew is well aware that his parents won't do anything, which is why he continues to do what he does. Because he can. He doesn't have any consequences. He's just a little boy and doesn't know any better and he isn't being taught. It's really very sad.

I would definately mention to your sister that she may want to take him in to be tested for behavioral disorders. There is more than likely something going on internally and it is possible that your sister and brother in law are in denial about it. They should have him checked for his own safety not to mention that of everyone else.