4 Year Old Son Won't Play by Himself

God knows it can be tough to get things done with toddlers on the loose. But to be fair, cooking and computers are pretty darn interesting to a little person...

So you might try setting aside thirty minutes or so a day, when you aren't too busy making dinner or doing other things. Ask him to play quietly (steering him towards activities that won't become frustrating for him -- a coloring book vs. a blank sheet of paper, for instance). Meanwhile, sit in the same room and read a book. He'll be able to see you, and know that you're present, but don't interact with him. If he tries to engage you, tell him firmly "Mommy's reading right now, this is your own playtime (or this is our quiet time)." Knowing that you're right there might help him adjust, and as a bonus he'll see you reading for pleasure, which is likely to encourage his own interest in books and reading. Some calming music in the background is sometimes helpful too.

You might want to start the same routine with your 18-month-old, if you haven't already. I think, like most things, the earlier you ingrain the habit, the easier it is, and the sooner he'll develop confidence in his ability to entertain himself (which is one of the most important things you'll ever teach your children).

I knew that my daughter would be an only child, and therefore it would be crucial for her to learn to play alone, so I started doing this when she was about one. Just setting up a blanket and some toys where I could see and hear her, then picking up a book, and insisting that she play by herself for about an hour every day.

I realize that boys can be more energetic on the whole, so if it's nice out, maybe take him outside and let run around while you read.

Once he gets more comfortable playing without anyone's help, you might be able to get more accomplished while he's at it.

And if you absolutely have to get things done, you can always resort to a video. It doesn't have to be a cartoon. Most kids love nature shows (Planet Earth series, etc). If his TV time is limited to the times when you're cooking or working on something, he'll probably be thrilled -- and quiet. Best luck!

Hi, My son turned 4 in November 2009. He plays well with children his age, however he is the youngest of 4 children. My other children are ages 15, 19, and 21 yrs. I am home fulltime with my son, and loves to play videos games, paints, reading, computer games...ect.
However, he wants to know where I am every waking second. If I say son, I am going to start a load of laundry, he follows me down to the laundry room. He insists I stay with him while he plays video/computer games. When we do crafts...ect I must always be there. He is very bright, and has a great imagination. He wont do it alone!!!
This can become very frustrating for me......and I don't want to upset him.

I know how you feel because all three of my kids went through that to a certain extent - we have a house full of toys, I set them up playing with something and then get on with a job that needs doing, and the next thing, there they are, slopping them self over a chair just waiting for me to finish what I am doing and play with them. It's really irritating because for a start you can't get on with what you are trying to do properly, and also you are feeling guilty for not playing with them.

Maura and Leigh both gave some good advice. Try to involve them somehow even if it slows you down with what you are trying to do. I usually give them half an hour to an hour of TV per day and I use this time very carefully, doing things that I really need peace and quiet to get on with, like making phone calls. Also, when you do give them your attention, make sure it is your full attention (I know I am often guilty of not doing this myself sometimes) - turn off the phone, forget about the jobs that need to be done and just play with them.

At the end of the day, feel very honoured that you are your son's best buddy! It won't always be like that.

My 4 yr old daughter is the sameway. I can't leave the room to even to go to the bathroom without her calling for me & coming in the bathroom. I don't know what to do about it. My son was not like that.

R., I note from what you've written that you don't say you stick him in front of the TV to get your chores done. Good for you! I'm not anti-TV for kids, and I've certainly used it when truly in need (like making an important business phone call etc.) but I do believe in limiting it a lot for younger ones and not using it as a crutch to buy time off too often. The other person who posted below is right, if it's rarely used, it becomes a bigger treat and will hold his attention for sure when you really need time! Ideas for you: If you need to make a meal, can you involve him? Can he stir a batter, pour something from a measuring cup into a bowl, cut something soft with a plastic knife? Now, I know from experience that this does slow down mom's meal-making but sometimes it's great interaction. If you just can't involve him for that meal, try having him do his drawing or blocks right in the kitchen. If you have a kids' easel for painting, maybe put it in the kitchen and talk to him while he paints and you cook. E-mail is tougher --my daughter at 7 still wants to see what's up when I'm on the computer. If you get plenty of junk paper mail, have him open it while you're on the computer or cooking or doing laundry; make it his special big-boy-helper responsibility and teach him to sort it for you into letters versus "sale stuff" etc. (and don't call it "junk" in front of him, oh my!). Keep cheap, simple craft items around that fit into his imaginative play, like masks to color; since he's imaginative, if he's into playing zoo that day, for instance, you can pull out the paper tiger mask and crayons, and say, "Let's play tigers in the zoo after lunch! You color this while I (cook, clean, whatever) and when I'm done you put it on and I'll be your zookeeper!" You might want to try using a timer and saying, "It'll take me this long to (chore), so that's your special time to turn into a tiger for me! Don't let me see you -- surprise me when the bell rings," etc. (If you use a timer for disciplinary time-outs I wouldn't do this because he may view the ticking of any timer as meaning he's getting disciplined. That's what happened when my daughter was younger and I tried to use a timer for something positive--it upset her because she associated timers with time-out.) Anyway, all too soon he'll be wanting just to play with his buddies from kindergarten and school and won't want so much Mom time, alas! Good luck.