"Mommy Doesn't Play with Us"........

It is great for kids to learn to entertain themselves and not expect an adult to always entertain them, so you are NOT a bad mom. Choose what you do like doing with them. My hubby likes playing tag, hide and seek, video games with kids. I do not. I like reading with him, singing with him, baking with him, arts and crafts and board games. Choose what appeals to you most and dont stress everything else

Ouch. I would find what the sister's answer was to be more important.

Love Rae and Michelle's answers. I would suggest scheduling some play time in between those chores to just "play"... And thanks for the reminder that I need to go do the same.

My mother-in-law NEVER says ANYTHING about parenting BUT she did say once she regretted spending so much time cleaning. She wished she spent more time just hanging out with the kids.

I always think of that when my son asks me to do something. He'll come into the kitchen and say "moooooom, do you HAVE to clean the dishes?????" In the most PATHETIC voice. Those dishes can wait, he wants mommy time.

I bust my butt running around keeing up with things just so we can go do fun stuff. I do like playing with him. When we go to the park I actually PLAY with him unlike many parents who opt to spend time on their PHONES the entire time. THAT makes me mad because I can hear their conversation and they are FAR from being "important."

Eventually my son will be older and not want mom hoovering around so until that happens those dishes can wait a little longer...

I think this is a "sign of the times." My Mom didn't "play" with us. We played with our toys or each other or our friends. We played outside. My Mom wasn't even in the YARD. My Mom would tell us "get out of here and stop bugging me."

But now, I feel there is more pressure to be engaged. I guess its a good thing... but you are not a BAD mother... please! Was your Mom a bad mother? Of course the most important thing is balance, which is tough to find.

Not sure if you have a park nearby, but that's a great way to get out of the house and away from the chores. Or head out to the library and spend some time picking out books and reading them. Another great place you won't be thinking about the chores.

I wish you the best.

I think moms really need to make a conscious effort to "play" -- even if you don't feel like it. Even an hour or two per day will be "noticed" by your kids!
Take them out--go to the park, library, biking or walking/hiking. That way you'll "feel" like YOU are doing something too.
Sometimes we get too caught up in the "should do's" and forget about the "MUST do's". Your kids are getting older and the years where they want you to play are going fast.
Just make time every day. An hour. They'll love it!

Oh man, I have so struggled with this too! I'm so happy to see I'm not alone! I had a breakthrough thought about this a few years back. Have you ever heard of or read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It's an insightful read about how we give and receive love to one another. My love language is "acts of service" like cleaning, organizing, cooking, seeing what needs to be done and doing it. I also feel loved when my husband and children do this for me. My children's love languages are "quality time" which is time spent just with them doing their very favorite things, like playing games, cars, listening to their silly stories, etc.

Needless to say, I was loving on them with my "gifts" of service and they weren't feeling the love like I thought they would! They feel most loved by me sitting with them and giving them my 100% attention. So now I try to give them love how they RECEIVE love, not just loving them in MY love language. And, boy, is it hard!!! I have to be very purposeful in it. And I still really don't relish in it, but I relish in filling their little hearts up with love. So I do it, and sometimes I don't. But at least I know why it's so hard and why my gifts just don't fill the "hole". Best wishes!

My 4yr old son said the same thing to his father the other day, but he added that I only play with his baby brother, for an added level of guilt! I felt so bad and had to take a look at it from his perspective. I dont necessarily play more with my youngest, I actually have to kind of stay close to him a lot because he is very "busy" and a daredevil (climbs everything, trys to jump off the couch, into every cabinet). So for safety reasons, I need to keep a close eye on him always! But the comment didnt fall on deaf ears, I have been trying to make changes to give my oldest more attention and mommy time when I can. We bought some games and play them when my youngest goes to sleep. I have tried to include him in the kitchen with the cooking but he doesnt have much of an interest in that. We both enjoy music, so we spend sometime now turning on the music and dancing and being silly, something we can all do together so both boys get a little attention...this actually has been a great release for me as well, who knew?! We try to get out everyday, weather permiting, even if for just a short walk or trip to the park and play a little " I spy" or something along those lines. I love the art project ideas, but so far I havent gotten too creative (work in progress).Everyone seems to like the library so we try to visit there when we can.
Im like you tho, I do find myself falling into the same patterns if I dont make a plan in my head first thing in the morning (or the evening before).
Now I usually try to do my computer time/emails ect in the morning, at naptime (thankfully my 4yr old still naps) and after the kids are in bed. Now sometimes the chores get pushed off till later, and thats just how it is for now. There'll be plenty of time to clean when my kids are bigger. ;)
Oh, and I do try to take one night a week to just get out of the house on my own. My husband agrees that it resets my mood and so he is all on board. Sometimes I just drive and crank the tunes in the car, sometimes I go to the library by myself. Sometimes I sit at a starbucks and talk with a friend, just something to feel like a grown up again! It really helps me.

You are not a bad mom. You sound like you have very bright children.

I do think and wish parents,, moms and dads could find time each day to play with their children, but in reality that is not always possible.

When we played with our daughter it was games, puzzles, bath time, she loved Barbies so she would do fashion shows and we were the audience.. We did sometimes also dress up the Barbies and leave them in funny places around the house.

When outside we had lots of neighbors with children the same ages, we would all play Simon Says, Red light, Green Light. It was pretty funny when we would have a child calling and we parents were playing..

When we were in the car we called out puns, we called out rhyming words. we played I spy. The Question ball. We would read Joke books.Read short mystery books.

When we were eating out we had a box with colors and paper so we could color. Or play some games quietly on the paper. We had a few small Hot Wheel cars we could draw roads and drive the cars on the roads we had drawn.

Do not get me wrong, this was not all of the time, but we were willing.

Does a clean house trump time spent with your children? Not in my life.. But a messy house, some dishes in the sink, unmade beds.. are not and have never been my priority. I know for others it would freak them out.

Be yourself with your children. But do notice when they play well with each other. Or when you hear clever ideas while they play..At least they will know you are interested and aware of what they are doing..

you're not a bad mom....but your kids are needing more. Sooo what's more important?

In the long run, what do you want their memories of you to be? & what do you want your memories to be? They've given you the wake-up call....run with it!

Start with walking with them, exploring the world around you. Don't make it a workout for you, make it an adventure. Make a nature scavenger hunt list & help them find the items. This is a project which can be done over the course of several walks....& will help you re-engage with your kids. After each walk, set up a display of their treasures & you'll be amazed at how much it perks everybody up!

Start a collage project: put together a couple of poster boards, draw a fall scene with a variety of elements.....& each day let the kids complete a section using different art method - 1 day let them paint on it (watercolors work great for the backdrop), markers for the details, crayons for the larger elements, glue for dried grasses/seeds/beans.....lots of options! (I also do this project for winter, adding in cotton balls for snow/snowmen!)

Start taking touristy trips around your area. Take the time to get them interested in history & nature! A simple picnic lunch could round out the day. Almost zero cost in this one....

Hope some of this helps.....Peace.

My kids are teens...
We used to do things together -- cooking, arts and crafts, games, etc -- during the day. I didn't spend every minute entertaining them, but I did spend time with them. Sometimes we read books. Sometimes we played lego. Sometimes I made playdough and we did that at the kitchen table for a while. A lot of the time, we played educational games... they were learning, but they thought they were playing. :-)
I did my computer work and reading and such when they were asleep at night.
LBC

We have ALL been there. Do not beat yourself up just yet. You have noticed it and feel awful, now, you can do something about it. I remember the EXACT SAME THING about my own mother.

I will never forget when my 94 year old grandmother said to me "Things are just not how they used to be." "I see you and your kids and am so happy you spend time with them and play with them. When I was a mom, I was too busy cooking and cleaning to play."

Now, granted, she had NINE kids! But, what she said really stuck with me.

I never regret not doing the dishes and playing with my kids. But I do regret the alternative. Every single time.

There has to be balance - of course dishes need to get done and dinners have to be made. But don't overdo it every night. Not everything has to be done before bed. Find the best way to manage your time. Check out flylady.net for tips. It really helps.

Now, to your last question. Probably nothing you are playing at home is going to "erase" your thoughts about that laundry piling up. The key is to RECOGNIZE it is there, then PUSH IT ASIDE. It works, trust me! I do it every day.

What also helped me is to stop trying to be super woman and ASK FOR HELP - ask your kids to help, make cleaning fun. Ask your hubby for help. Ask your in laws to bring food over once a month. Anything you can do to get some relief will help.

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!

I'd rather my kids say 'mommy doesn't play with us', than 'mommy doesn't feed or bathe us'... sorry kids, sometime's mommy-o has chores and stuff to do!! Being a SAHM is hard, I WAH, I get it. Just remember it's the QUALITY of time you spend with your children, not the quantity :)

First you are not a "bad" mom, your focus is just on something else. I think it is hard for some adults to enjoy kid play because of their childhood or because they have losted touched with their inner child.

My mother-in-law, like someone else's, also mentioned how wonderful it was that I spent so much time playing with my daughter because she was so focused on a spotless house that she hardly played with her two kids. Cleaning, chores, laundry take a back seat with me... of course we do not live in filth but I do not spend my day cleaning, I spend my time doing things with my daughter. I have to say HALF the time I really have to force myself to focus on playing with my daughter, as you said the mind starts thinking of a million other things you could be doing instead.

I pick activities that I enjoy, like art and being outside. We color, paint, play with playdoh, sidewalk chalk together... these are things I could do even if I was not doing it with my child so easier for me to ignore that little voice reminding me of things that can be done later. As far as being outside we kick the ball around, bike, sidewalk chalk, walk to the park, play tag, garden and go to the beach/pool. We love to play board games and put puzzles together, activities that she really likes to do with me is play barbies, build with legos and play house (these are a little harder for me to keep doing BUT I remind myself that in a few years she will not want to play with me). I make sure that at least an hour a day I play with my daughter, ignoring all other things that need to be done.

I used to love playing way more than doing housework. Just turn yourself into a 5 yr old for a few hours a day, it's not hard. We start growing old when we stop playing.
I bought my last pair of roller skates when I was in my 20's and used to skate around the block all the time with my kiddos, they loved it. Bike rides are another form of play.
Getting on the floor and playing board games or having tickle tortures is also fun.

Maybe you can set aside a block or two of time each day to play with your kids. Even if it is 15 minutes twice a day. Do what THEY want to do. Let them show you how they are exploring their toys, and teach them other ways to use the things they have -- like building a racetrack or ramp with their blocks, making a family of Lego robots, doing art projects they can't do alone. Watch them show you how they make their own things -- they will surprise you with their creativity and that should make you feel rewarded. Ask them questions about what they are doing ("Why did you put that car on top of the building? Where is that Matchbox car going? Do you think he can fly? Let's see what happens if we add wings to your teddy bear" etc.)

We play a lot of games and do crafts but they are also can entertain themselves. Can you set aside in half an hour after dinner to pay a board game with them or some type of craft.

Last night we put great music on that I loved and I danced around with my three boys. They just love it! I like the water pistol idea too. My kids like to do a performance for me, so maybe you could ask your's to set up a little performance and you could be the audience. Also, take 15 minutes out and get some exercise by kicking a soccer ball around with them, or practicing catching and throwing. Follow the leader is good too. That way, you can go around picking up while playing with your children.

You are not a bad mom. Don't feel guilty. I never liked to play (barbies, cars,games, etc...) but I spent time with my kids doing other things such as baking, watching a movie together, going for a walk or bike ride, etc...But as far as sitting on the floor and play, I never had the patience for that. You can spend quality time with your kids and it does not have to be playing with barbies or other games.
When my kids pestered me to play games or other things, I told them that I am the mom not a playmate and that I had to do mom things. They were fine. They are 10 and 13 now and they are fine. I have good, loving kids that know they are loved.

Let's not label you as "bad."

However, if you don't force yourself to play with them now, you will regret it later.

Take 1/2 hour every day and just stop the cleaning and play with them. You can definitely find 1/2 hour somewhere in your day. The cleaning can wait. This is the voice of experience speaking here. Play with them while you can.

Half an hour.

Plan an evening each week, it can be which ever one you all have free. Set it aside to pay games, have a movie night, cook together and then eat a huge meal, do some activity together, something everyone has some say in and gets to participate in planning.

Sit the kids down at the table and dump cool pudding on it. I make mine with water if we are using paper, when it dries with milk in it it stinks. Let them finger-paint to their hearts content.Plus if some gets on the clothes it washes out. That green kind, Pistachio, it has nuts crumbs in it, a totally different texture to finger paint with too.
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I am adding some Family Home Evening sites that I have used in the past to plan family nights. They do have some religious themes but you can take them as intended, suggestions for activities.

Even if you are atheist these ideas can spark your creativity.

I love some of these ideas, how fun would it be to create a play and go perform it for a nursing home, going for a hike, doing a collage of one child's life or working on some scrapbooks for each of them, they can add to it as they grow up, and even learning sign language. There are many many ideas that will fit every families dynamics.
http://www.mormonshare.com/fhe/100-fhe-ideas.php

How fun was it to sit in the dark and listen to scary stories when we were kids, plant a tree, do puzzles, so many things to consider.
http://lds.about.com/library/bl/fhe/blfheactivities.htm

Google family fun nights for even more sites not religiously affiliated too.

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Just a thought too, don't feel bad about your role, you are their most loved person in the world.

You aren't their playmate, you're their mom. It takes time to provide a healthy home with clean food and clean laundry. So for now do what you can to spend the time with them and enjoy them but don't feel bad you can't sit and play with them every day.

You are not a bad mother. Sometimes DH has to remind me that our LO won't remember or think to thank or appreciate the cleaning/cooking, but he will remember that I played with him, and laughed with him and colored with him.

Not every mom likes to play with her kids. My mom had 5 kids and didn't have too much time to play with us, really. But she read to us, and made sure to connect with us as we got older by doing special things with us, like taking us one-on-one to lunch or a movie or etc. And all of us kids love & appreciate our mom and have good relationships with her (and also Dad who didn't play with us much after we got into school but always went to the boys' games & often sports practices, too)

So, if you don't like to play, or have a hard time with it, try some other things, like:
Instituting a family game night once per week,
Or a "create your own pizza night" where you help the kids build their own pizzas.
Or how about a crafting night for your daughter and a build-a-kit (like build a racecar or something) with your son?
Or try something like geocaching, or a scavenger hunt for the family?

You don't have to get on the floor and push cars around or pretend to be a princess--there are lots more things you can do that are fun (or at least more fun for you and fun for the kids). :)

You just described me exactly. Even down to the ages of my kids. I also have a two year old. When I was younger I babysat and I played All the time with my nieces and nephews, they would tell me I was more fun than their mama, because I played with them. I just assumed that when I finally had my own kids, I would be the fun mom. As it turns out, I was wrong. I really don't Play with my kids. I'm always cleaning, even though you could never tell by looking at my house. It's sad. I try to more now and clean less, but my kids still think that I dont play with them. They hardly ask me to any more. It's sad.

Don't worry, I am the same way too. I have always been jealous of moms who can get down on the floor and play with their kids for hours. My husband is one of those people too... he loves to play with the kids, thank goodness. I've done like other people suggested and set aside times where the kids come first. So far the most successful thing we've done is pizza night/game night on Fridays. Every Friday we order or make our own pizza and then when the baby goes to sleep we play whatever games my daughter wants to play-- from Candy Land to Bingo. She absolutely loves it and asks me every day "how many more days until Friday?" It has relieved some of my guilt, helped her learn new things, and provided dedicated time for us to spend as a family. Good luck and try not to feel too bad.

My son loves planes, cars, and looking for bugs. I can't stand bugs, and am not into planes, cars,etc. He often would get sad when I wouldn't play planes with him,etc. I would tell him that I am not very good with playing planes, and that we should find something else to do. I enjoy art, drawing, crafts, beading,etc. He has also developed an artistic side, so it has been something that is meaningful , fulfilling, and fun for us both. It has brought us closer, and has made him feel important, and I make sure that our time is special.

Instead of playing with planes, we both enjoy photography, and will go take pictures of planes,etc. It makes him feel that I am taking an interest in what he likes, and he also likes teaching me about planes, and what kind of plane it is,etc.
I have found that it is so important to play, as well as show an interest in what your child likes. It builds their self esteem, self worth, as well as their imagination and creativity.

My mom played with me all the time growing up, I think bc her mom didn't play with her. We played a lot of games like yahtzee and uno etc. She plays games with my oldest son all the time as well. She was single and worked often graveyard shifts in a plant and still played with me and my sister all the time. Seriously as a parent now, I have no idea how she pulled it off!! I am at home too and sometimes have a hard time in this area too. What I do when I get bogged down is do a tickle fest, they love it, it's not hard, just 15 minutes of laughing tickling goes so far! I chase my kids around the house sometimes too and tell them I'm gonna get them! They love it. I will sing to them while I cook or dance around with them when the theme song of a show they were watching comes on. I find if I grab a few minutes here and there along the way it works better for me than a big block of time. Anyway, good luck, it is hard to find a balance for sure, but no your aren't a terrible mom at all! I think just find a few minutes throughout the day to be silly and you are good to go! I try to have one thing a week that is super fun for them and the rest of the days I sprinkle the fun in little spurts. Take care :)

Me too... Thanks for asking this and for reminding me how important it is. Thank you moms, for all of your suggestions & motivation! :)

I'm not really big on that either--they always ask to play and I am always making dinner, etc. I work during the week, so there's not much time, but in the summers I'm a SAHM for almost 3 months.

I've found that I enjoy board games more than some of the other play, and your kids can do that at their age. I get less bored playing Uno with my kids than playing house or playing trucks. That's something to try. Reading to them also keeps me interested. Baking or decorating cookies works well with me. When I'm home with them a lot like in the summer, we go a lot of places. My son loves it. My daughter would prefer to stay home, but sometimes I need to go out for my own sanity!

When I do make time to spend time with them, it does mean that the house doesn't get clean. Something has to give.

Good luck!

My daughter just turned 4 and sometimes this is an issue for us too. If she had her way I would just play with her all the time, all day long, and not do anything else (she is an only child too so she doesn't have any siblings at home to play with either). I am trying to strike that balance between giving her positive one-on-one attention and happy memories of Mommy, with also being an adult who is her mom and not her playmate. I usually try to let her know that once I am done with XYZ, then I can play with her - I try to get dishes done, laundry put away, etc. then do what she wants to do with me. My house may never be perfect but I don't care. Some things are more fun for me than others. I don't mind playing board games (although I confess to manipulating the cards in Candy Land to make the game go faster!), I don't mind finding stickers in her sticker book, or doing some play-doh or building something with blocks. Sometimes I will have her help me bake bread or make cookies. Outside we will draw with sidewalk chalk, play catch, kick a soccer ball around, ride bikes. But I usually won't do tag or hide-and-seek - that's just not fun for me, I figure she can do that with kids her own age. Or just sitting and having to watch her play with her bath tub toys just because she wants me to see everything she does. I figure as she gets older, it will get easier because we'll be able to do more games together, read more complicated stories, and she'll be better able to entertain herself otherwise. You can certainly tell your kids that Mom has work to do if it really is work that needs to get done around the house - but if I find myself just wanting to waste time on the computer, I make myself do something fun with my daughter instead, then give myself a break afterwards. I take DD out a lot too, to the park and the library so she has some time with Mommy that isn't just running errands and she can burn some energy off and play with other kids. We can't wait for preschool to start because DD loves it there and it gives me more of a break too!

Just be in the moment with them. If you're a stay at home mom, you've got plenty of time to DO the laundry and why do you need to check your e-mail more than 4 times a day???? The computer will suck your time and your childrens' childhood away!! If you're not spending time with them, you're missing your chance to mold who they become and what they believe. The teachable moments usually happened when I was spending lots of time, playing games, looking for bugs, taking them to the zoo, walking around the neighborhood, playing with playdough or coloring. ENJOY them - you don't have long!! Change your routine and change your thought pattern. The kids are the reason to BE a stay at home mom. My Mom was like yours. When I found out I was pregnant, my Mom told me not to be like her. She missed our childhood and she's sooooo very sorry for it. So, if the toilets don't get cleaned or the beds don't get made - who cares????? Your kids and their memories are what matter - BE in the moment with them!!!

Well, don't beat yourself up and think you're a bad mom...instead use this as a wake up call. Playing with your kids can be anything from sitting down and doing a puzzle or playing a quick dice game. I have found over the years if I "play" with my kids for 15 to 30 minutes they kinda just let me do my other stuff. Also, when my kids we younger like yours I would figure out something to cook. A big mess yes, but they had a blast!

Good luck,
DH

I think that if you care enough to ask if you are a bad mom, more than likely you are not a bad mom. I would recommend finding some activity though that you can tolerate that your children also enjoy so that you can spend quality time with them…at least 30 minutes per day. I am a working mom and only have about 4 waking hours per day M-F with my son (12 waking hrs/ day Sat & Sun). Sat and Sun are his days... We go to amusement parks, playgrounds, zoo etc. We play in the yard, we play in his playroom, we color or paint. Something/ Anything. I will take an hour or so to cook on the weekends but all cleaning is done at night after he is in bed. Yes, your house is most likely way better looking than mine :-) During the week, we watch a thirty min show together every am cuddled on the couch as he eats his breakfast snack. Then we play for almost an hour before I take him to school. In the evening, after dinner, we only get to play maybe 30 minutes before bath time. Bath time involves some play…mostly me talking as he plays with letters, boats etc in the tub (he is 3). Then its bedtime / two stories before bed and I pat his back for few minutes and we talk before saying goodnight. Sometimes I feel so sad that I am a working mom, not a SAHM. I tell my husband about all the horrible things some posters write about working moms. His mother was a SAHM and he once said something that made me feel better for at least a moment. He says that I spend more quality time with our son in one day than he probably spent with his mother in several months. Growing up, their house was always spotless. She sent them to play in the yard or with the neighbors etc. You mentioned you don’t play because you are trying to spend time “filling your hole.” Do you think you would be happier working outside of the house? Perhaps if you worked outside the home you would feel more fulfilled and you would then enjoy your children more when you are home. Just a thought. Although I work, I think I would love to be a SAHM, but since I was only home 3 months for maternity leave, I don’t know for sure. I know there are many great working mom’s out there that are happier being working moms because they had goals to fill outside of their home/children. Good luck with whatever you decide. Obviously you love your children and want to make them feel better.

Well, I am reading lots of good advice about playing with your children, but everyone seems to be skipping over the filling in your "hole" part. You need to do something for yourself. There are lots of ways to do that whether it be working full-time, part-time, starting a hobby, joining a community group, or maybe taking a class. My mother always put us first but once we all got out of the house, she went through this very bitter period in her life, and it was because she had no identity beyond her husband and children. She came through it and has some interests of her own now, but that part of her life really struck home with me. Your life cannot completely revolve around your children; it's unhealthy. Now, 95% of it will probably revolve around them, especially when they are younger, but you have to foster that 5% of you that isn't a mommy - or a wife, just you. Take care of yourself and then make sure you set aside some time to play with your kids. Everybody will be happier. And you are a great mom, btw.

I suppose some moms see it as an obligation to play with their children, especially if they have just one child. I have an only child and so I feel obligated to play with him to fill the gap of not having a sibling to play with. Having sait that though, I actually do enjoy playing with him most of the time. BUT I sometimes have to put myself in the mindset or mood. How I do that is I literally try to put myself in my child's shoes. I try to mentally transport myself back in time so I can remember my childhood, how I thought/felt/acted/etc. I can then put myself in character for it and play with him for 30 minutes to an hour, depending on my other obligations.
Your children are old enough for you to play some easy boardgames with them, such as Clue, Candyland, Twister, etc. Why not make one night out of the week a game night with your kids? You can pop popcorn, make koolaid, and everyone plays together for an hour or so. You'll be amazed at the memories that y'all can make as a family. While you may start out faking happy, you could end up making happy actually happen.

I have the same issue. If I sit on the floor and play, I feel like I am wasting time that could be better spent cleaning, catching up, etc. But that's just what my mom did...she never, EVER played with me.

So what I've done is set aside special time each day for play. I play with my young one in the morning for at least an hour and a half while my older one is working on schoolwork that she can do independently.

My older one (who is six) plays very well by herself, plays with children outside, etc...so our time together is more reserved for reading. I also let her stay up late on Fridays after his sister goes to bed, and we do whatever she wants...crafts, board game, play with toys, etc. We both look forward to it.

I do have to remind myself that they are only young once. :) I don't want it to pass me by!!! I remember when I first had this revelation, when my eldest was a baby...I'd always park her somewhere with toys, etc...and then one day I just sat down and started playing a little WITH her and the way she immediately interacted with me made me want to cry. WHY HADN'T I DONE THIS BEFORE?!? So I definitely haven't made the same mistake with my youngest.

So, even though I feel like I should be getting work done, now I save it for nap time and after they go to bed. :)

I haven't read the other posts, but I'm the same way... I just don't enjoy playing. I feel bad b/c I am single parent and he is my only kiddo, so a lot of the times he has no play mate at all. When he really seems like he is hard up for a play mate I will see if the neighbor girl wants to come over!

Now that he is getting older, this is a bit easier. I don't sit in his room and play trucks or whatever. I do play board games with him, read books to him, we go on outings together, etc. So I've stopped feeling bad that I don't play with him.

You're not a bad mother at all!!! Who can blame you for wanting to act your age and not act like a 6 year old boy?! I'm sure that the other moms have given you GREAT suggestions, but there are many ways to interact w/your child that don't involve being stuck with Barbies and trucks. Good luck Mommy!! You're doing great!

I feel the same way - I too am a SAHM, and mostly I don't feel like playing with my kids, and I feel so guilty about it. Then I think back, and my mother didn't play much with me either - but I knew she loved me very much, and I felt safe and wanted and loved.
I do "force" and that is a horrible thing to say, but I do force myself to play with each kid, a little each day - or read a book to them, watch a short movie and laugh and comment on it, play a computer game - or usually watch them play a computer game, and ask them about it.
That is as good as "playing"

When my daughter was 4 and learning to ride a bike, she asked me why I don't have one. I hadn't ridden a bike since I was 14! (I was 40 when she asked). I asked my husband to take her and buy me a bike for Mother's Day (which I picked out in advance, but my daughter still thinks she did LOL).

Guess what? I enjoy riding bikes together and it gets me and my daughter out of the house and a little exercise. She took her training wheels off when she turned 5 and she doesn't understand why other kids her age on the block can't ride their bikes. She's 7 now and there are older kids on our street who don't know how to ride bikes.

The weather has been too hot most of the summer, but the evenings will start cooling off in a month and I hope we can return to riding around the neighborhood.

I admit though, that I don't play that much with my daughter and now she doesn't want me to. I have a 6 month old baby boy and know I'll have to work harder at trying to play with him. I read once that if you only spend 15 -30 min a day playing whatever they want to, it will go along way in your relationship with kids, but I understand how hard it is if you don't want to play.

Things I like to do: make cards, cookies, take walks. I invite my daughter to do those things with me. She gets to choose if she walks or rides her bike or scooter alongside me when I walk.

I am the same way. I have no energy to play after household chores. I have a 7 year old daughter and an almost 2 son. We have found that board games work nicely as it appeals to the kid in me, also. We do word games that we make up because I can do that while I do other things. I make time to take the kids for ice cream, and we read stories at night. There are certain times of the day that the kids know I have that time dedicated to them, such as getting on the bus in the morning, reading to each separately at bedtimes, right when my daughter comes home from school ( I act like I haven't seen her in days and beg her to tell me about her adventures at school). I play games where I can lie down (doc/patient, monster in wait, climbing stone lol). They know that unless it's late fall or winter, I'm probably not going to run around outside. Frisbee is a good game, not too active.
You are just going to have to set time aside to bow to their requests. Part of being a mom. My mom was a busy SAHM too, and rarely played with us. I know the feeling.

I'm in the same boat. I don't enjoy most of it, although I guess I do like board games, coloring, and building the train set with him, but even then I am frustrated with how he is doing it, because I know I can do it better and make a really cool track! Sounds horrible, I know!
I still force myself to play, but I am happy for any interruption [phone, dinnertime, etc], and get into a pattern of having 'no time right now' when in fact I do have time. It's really tough and I feel so guilty.
Also, I tend to go out and do things with him instead, where we are together, but not engaged. The park, a movie, going for a walk, sitting in the yard while he plays, the zoo, etc. I am not engaging and playing with him directly in those scenarios.
One thing I do, for one-on-one time with him, is we talk for probably 20 minutes every night when he goes to bed. I tuck him in, kneel down by him, and we just talk about the day and what we did, and sometimes we play the 'don't laugh' staring game, or I try to give him extra kisses and he tries to stop me. That is when we are engaged and truly enjoying each other.
It's hard, but I don't know why we feel so guilty. My parents didn't play with me! I played by myself or with friends. The major memories I have with my parents from childhood are ones where we went somewhere [camping, the badlands, drive-in movies, eating out] where we were not engaging with each other. Honestly I think that is the norm anyway.

You are NOT a bad a mother! Maybe try doing something that involves planning and thinking.... like a art project. Something that you can research (on-line) gather supplies and do along side of your child. I love doing art projects because I can get creative with the project as well and it takes your mind off of other things. Art projects can be theraputic for the children AND parents as well! And you can display them around the house, give them as gifts, ect. Also, as a side note, I have memories of my mom not playing with us. I am a mother of two now and I never thought about it until I had kids of my own. But I can honestly say that I don't have any memories of her getting down and playing with us. She was always busy doing something (cleaning, organzing, etc.). My mother was (and is!) a GREAT mom and I had a great childhood, but once I became a mom it made me think that my mom never really played with us and I have decided I didn't want to do this to my kids. Its tough for me because, like you, I can ALWAYS find something to do! But sometimes I stop myself and say, "no it can wait." There are times I have to say to my kids "Mommy needs to get something done" because it really does need to get done, but I make sure that I make time for playtime too. At the end of the day it just comes down to balancing everything out. And thats tough, I know. Hang in there and please remember you are not a bad mother!! Best wishes :)

I have always been a working, single Mom, so finding time to just play was always challenging. Do I play, or do laundry? kinda' dilemma. So, I tried to schedule play time - oh, my son didn't realize I was scheduling it, he thought it was impromptu, but I did have to plan it into my days.

One easy way for me was a dinner time. We would eat and play board games, or cards, or sing silly songs - whatever. He got one on one time, I got him fed - win win.

I made a point to spend some amount of time with him each day - if only 20 minutes - to roll toy cars around the floor, play chase down the hallway, or have a pillow fight. Because I could just do the laundry after he went to bed, and the world wasn't going to end if I used paper plates to speed up clean up time.

I didn't always want to play every time we did play. I would have to force myself, and I was thinking about the other things I had to be doing. But, again, he didn't know that.

What he knows now, at 15, is a Mom who had time for him, was there when he needed her, and even now, a Mom who he can play with. All of that scheduling and forcing myself to play taught me how to have fun with my son.

Please try it.
The laundry can wait.
Your kids are going to grow up fast and play time will be over.

God Bless

Like you said, you became your mother. We do what seems normal to us. Thankfully, your son has given you the amazing opportunity to see yourself and realize it is not ideal. Hopefully there are others out there that will also "see" themselves. Thank you for your honesty and for posting!

Even though my kids are grown, do I "play" with my husband? That is what I got from your post - the realization that I should spend less time doing other "worthwhile" things when he is home and spend more time with him. When I do watch TV and unwind with him, I am a better person. When I am always working and doing, I get overtired, frustrated easily, etc.

So, no, you are not a bad mother unless you make the decision now that your kids' desires are not that important and your cleaning or whatever comes before them. When in doubt, be sure to "err" on the side of your kids.

The more you hang out with them and see what they like to do, the more fun you will have as a SAHM. So many moms don't get the privilege of seeing those happy faces, squeals of delight, looks of determination when figuring out something, the surprise looks of discovery, etc. on a regular basis. The more you look for those and take pictures of them, the more you will long to get more. When thoughts of work pop into your head, just replace them with those faces!

Enjoy! You can google things like "fun things to do at home with kids" or whatever pops into your head. Then show these ideas to your kids. They will let you know what sounds like fun.

I feel the same way, there are not many play activities I enjoy doing with my girls and I feel bad about it, too. But I just try to do the things I do enjoy with them on a more frequent basis, and make a conscious effort to do things I don't like sometimes. I never really thought about whether or not my mom played with us until I read your post, and I don't remember that she ever did. I remember more playing with my brothers and she said she took us to playgroups to play with other kids, but I don't remember that. Good luck!

I second the "Five Love Languages" - the things you do for your kids, you wouldn't do if you didn't love them! They DO recognize that, even if you aren't Supermom.

I didn't read all the responses, but I would cut yourself a little slack - you didn't exactly have a role model to emulate play. I *did*, and I still don't play with my kids. I would rather have a root canal than play cars on the floor for hours on end. BUT....I did find something that works for everyone. Do something YOU love and include them in on it. I love scrapbooking, so my kids have their own tools and photos and work stations. If I'm gardening, they're helping. I can usually do what I want to or need to and find some way to include them in on it that they find enjoyable. It may not be "traditional" play, but as long as everyone is having fun, does it matter?

I have a hard time playing with my boys too. Mostly because I don't want to play wrestlers or guns..I do enjoy playing with a baby and toddler though. I try to play board games with my kids, I will play catch(wich gets old real quick since I can't throw),we color(in the winter),sometimes I will buy some kind of painting craft and we do that but they aren't craft making kids,I do help them create tents,forts,or obsticle courses and then time them as they run through.
Days go by and I don't play with them and not because I am too busy cleaning I just don't feel like it and I am very busy chasing my 17 month old around and I too feel like a bad mom. My mom always did stuff with my sisters and I and I have great memories of that. I just force myself to get involved with what they're doing if they want me to. Sometimes they are fine without me and sometimes they want my attention.

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I have a hard time playing with my boys too. Mostly because I don't want to play wrestlers or guns..I do enjoy playing with a baby and toddler though. I try to play board games with my kids, I will play catch(wich gets old real quick since I can't throw),we color(in the winter),sometimes I will buy some kind of painting craft and we do that but they aren't craft making kids,I do help them create tents,forts,or obsticle courses and then time them as they run through.
Days go by and I don't play with them and not because I am too busy cleaning I just don't feel like it and I am very busy chasing my 17 month old around and I too feel like a bad mom. My mom always did stuff with my sisters and I and I have great memories of that. I just force myself to get involved with what they're doing if they want me to. Sometimes they are fine without me and sometimes they want my attention.

Playing just isn't as fun now as it was when we were their ages... but I think you may be jumping to a conclusion here. Your son was asking a question, but depending on the tone in his voice, it may have been a question, not a complaint.

You don't need to be your children's entertainment, but they do need to see a playful side to you. You're not a bad mother, you're just like the rest of us- trying to find time to get it all done. The other night, my husband came into the kitchen and told me to leave the dishes and go play with my son. My husband is a better "player" than I am, but my son needs time with both of us- so throw on the cape and pretend to be a superhero once in a while!

I know it sounds difficult, but spend 15-20 minutes with your children and just do what they want! It doesn't have to fullfill you- it needs to fullfil their need to spend time with you! Playdoh, crafts, cooking, reading, making a fort out of pillows, running around outside, making an obstacle course.... all take just a few minutes but will keep you all busy and engaged!

I have been like this. I am trying to get better though. I usually put a bigger focus on my house being clean. It drives me nuts to have a messy house. My husband is the opposite. He could care less about a messy house, and would rather spend all of his time with his kids. I have started setting a timer for 60 min, and all the cleaning gets done in that timeframe, and when time is up, so is the cleaning. I spend the rest of my free time with my kids. Very soon they will all be in school, and then you will have tons of time to do whatever you want.

I don't know that I "played" that much with my kids, but I facilitated them playing neat things. I helped them get blankets and stuff to make a fort, or I helped them line up the chairs to make a train, or I put the paint on the table on the porch so they could paint etc, etc, and then I did stuff I enjoyed like buying a cheap sewing machine and teaching myself to quilt, or studying and reading stuff I was interested in and gardening and landscaping which I am also interested in. I am so glad that there was no such thing as computers and email, facebook when my kids were little. I think it is a big time suck. Think through what you want to be said when your kids are grown (which is happening fast) and make it happen. My kids remember a mom who enjoyed them and enjoyed herself those 6 years that I got to stay home with them. It was the best time of my life and went by way too fast. Do not "erase" your thoughts of doing something else, give yourself a certain amount of time each day to develop your something else while you also give them a great childhood. It does not have to be either or...

A little late but just now catching up on old emails. Wait until your teen tells you you don't spend time with her!! My DD said this last week in a family meeting! And I was the Girl Scout leader, 4H leader, PTA officer and school volunteer!! Realized I was not "WITH HER".
Changing some of our routine to include doing stuff she is interested in. So just remember playing with them as kids but being "with them" as teens!!! Seems we always have mommy guilt and glad to hear other mom's boost each other up and remind us we are not horrible moms-just need little reminders!

I've been struggling w/ this myself. I love to play with my kids, actually, but I am typically a serious multi-tasker so it takes a really big effort of will to quiet my to-do list and focus on toys.

We're starting to find some balance. I try really hard to stop what I'm doing if I notice the kids hovering around me. This is their way of telling me they want some mommy time. If I can't include my older baby in what I'm doing, I either get to a stopping place or just stop right then. Usually, she only wants a few minutes of my attention before she's off on her own again.

My baby is harder. She's learning to walk and since she can't do it herself yet she wants my CONSTANT attention right now. It's a real struggle. But we're making progress.

I vote you just let them know where you're at: "Mommy's finishing up these dishes and we'll read that book" or "I'm going to hang laundry outside, do you want to kick the ball around while I do that?" And then do it. I had the bad habit when my older one was little of saying "just this last dish" and then getting wrapped up in the counter-cleaning that naturally follows dishes.

Mommy is a hard worker and we all want to know that our "adult" selves are still relevant. Don't worry too much about it. My stepmother wasn't really big on playing but from watching her over the years, I now put a priority on being there for my kids even if it's not always on the floor with them. That's a big deal, too.