Should a Three Year Old Play by Themselves?

He knows tyou will give in and play with him. He has to learn to self entertain and you are just going to have to say no and tell him you have things you need to do. Resist giving in to him or he will never learn to entertain himself.

Hi S.,
My 3 yr. old son is the same way! He NEVER played by himself, and is always by my side, doing whatever I'm doing. I started "toy time" with him. He plays in the toy room for about 30-45 min. all alone. He is not allowed to ask for help with anything. He can only leave to go to the bathroom, then must go right back to playing. This allows me time to get some things done in the morning, and feed my other son, 1 yrs. He is doing great with it. His imagination has blossomed and his behavior all day long has also improved!!

Most 3 yr olds can occupy themselves for periods of time by now. It's definateley a skill you should encourage him to learn. Like others, I also suggest setting a timer for about 10 minutes or so & tell him that he needs to play alone until it dings & then you can play together. Slowly increase the length of time you set it for & before you know it, he'll be playing alone for longer stretches of time. Maybe in the beginning, set out a few things for him to do but as the time goes by, do that less so that he finds ways to occupy himself as this is also a skill he should learn. If he needs you to entertain him at parks, as well, I suggest you do this same sort of thing there. Maybe don't bring the timer but just keep track on your watch. He's at a good age to start developing his personality separate from you so that as he gets older, he will be an independent little guy. Good luck & hope this helps!

Hi S.,
My son is 3.5 and is the same way. It is really hard to get anything done. He is also an only child, so it is even harder. I have started telling him I will play a game with him after he plays by himself for 10 minutes. I set the timer and when it goes off he gets to play with mommy. I will be gradually increasing this time. He will play in his room for about 20 minutes while I clean upstairs sometimes. He is perfectly content to watch a cartoon, but I don't want him doing that too much. He just started preschool today, so I will be curious to see if it changes now. Hope this helps, you definitely are not alone!

It depends on the child. My older daughter would play by herself for 30 minutes or more. My younger daughter - we're lucky if she amuses herself for 10 minutes! And if she is by herself for longer than that, she is invariably doing something incredibly destructive like filling my shoes with conditioner, or putting crayons in the dryer. Some kids just need a lot of supervision! Will your 9 year old play with him for a while so you can get things done? I'm not sure when they grow out of this - my little one will be 3 next week and she is a total loose cannon.

My 4 and a half year old is the same way. Even when I send him outside to play, he is at the back door calling me every ten minutes to show me something or ask if I want to play something with him. Luckily, he does much better when he has someone else to play with, and now that his sister is two, she occupies him for longer stretches for me. I have always chalked it up to the difference between boys and girls, even at two, my daughter will play independently for hours if no one interupts her. I find if I get him actively involved in something he will have at it for longer stretches. For example, I will set up a craft or art project for him, get him started or at least talk about some different ways he can do it, and then walk away. He does better if I stay in the room or the next room where he can call out to me. Also in the afternoon he has an hour of quiet time in his room, and he knows he can't get up until the timer goes off. He does manage on most days to follow the rules and stay in his room and play quietly while his sister is napping. Blocks are another activity that are easy to start and walk away to let him finish. When it is really necessary for me to have a block of uninterrupted time, I can always put in a movie, but I hate to do that. Somedays though, that is the only way I can get a shower without bringing the kids in with me. I am hoping by the time he gets to kindergarten (he still has another year of preschool) that this gets better, but in the meantime I give him lots of praise anytime he gets involved in an activity on his own and plays independently. He has actually started to take the iniative on his own lately and will set up his dinosaurs to create a whole world of them and then play with them. So it is getting better, I think the key is finding something he is really interested in and encouraging that. Also, he just recently received a gift that is a "computer" that has a whole bunch of interactive games, and he has played on that for quite a while a few times now. It gives him the feedback that he craves. I know it is frustrating not to be able to get anything done, but I know in a few years he won't want to play with me anymore and I will miss all the one on one time we had, so I remind myself of that often.

My son at 3 years old was just like that. He always wanted to hang out with Mom (me). Well he is 29 years old now and has tons of friends, married and is out going. I just think some kids like to stay in doors and play and be entertained and others like my younger son who is now 26 was outgoing from the get go and still is. They survive and it is nothing to worry about. Let him be who he is. He will be fine. :)

R.

I have a three year-old that is similar, and it has gotten much worse since I started full-time work in January. The two things I have found that help the most: assure him that you WILL come play with him after you do ________ (usually 10 to 15 minutes away); the other is to create parallel play for him nearby. For example, we bought him a minture kitchen to put in our kitchen, so that he can play at cooking while either my husband or I am actually cooking. I can also do laundry if I include him in the process. He likes to "help" by picking up socks off the floor, handing me clothes to put into the washer, shoving clothes into the dryer, etc. And yes, like many moms here,I can resort to a video if I am desperate for a larger chunk of time, but I am not happy about it either.
I also agree with many here that this is a personality type, and I don't think it would be good for his development to try to squash it either.
When I get impatient, I also remind myself that this time will be gone so quickly. I have a 15 year-old who doesn't want to do things with his parents, and is way to big to cuddle. This is a special time that can't be retreived once its gone.

Hi S.,
I have a almost 3 yr old (in July) daughter who has ALWAYS played well by herself. Just today she sat on the couch with a bunch of her books and read out loud for at least 30 mins while I cleaned the kitchen. I have always tried to get her started on something and then step back and give her space. She will also go in her room and play alone. I think not only does it have to do with personality types but also whether they are boys or girls. My daughter isn't as physical as our neighbor's boys but they don't have the attention span Paige does. We do alot of crafts, painting and Playdoh to get her engaged. I also work from home so I tell her that I have to work but will play with her in 10-15 mins. She is starting to become interested in telling time so we use the clock and she will tell me "It's time Mommy!" Just keep encouraging him to play by himself and when you need to get something done, explain to him that he will have to wait until your done.
Sincerely,
L.

As you probably know, all children are different! My oldest was fine playing by herself and my youngest was attached to my leg for the first 2 years. Is it you specifically he wants to play with, or will he play with other children or siblings?

My son is almost 4 and he doesn't play by himself for more than 15 minutes at a time either. So, my advice is to lower your standards of housekeeping and not expect to get a lot done while you are taking care of him. Yes, your house will be a wreck and you'll have laundry, etc. to do after his bedtime, but right now he needs your attention. He won't be this young forever! If he isn't in some sort of daycare or preschool, you might also consider enrolling him, so that you do have a little time for yourself during the day.

My advice would be GET USED TO IT. My oldest son was the same way and he still is and he's 6 1/2 now. On the other hand, my 3 year old son plays for hours by himself. It's just a personality type I guess. Be glad that your son wants your company and enjoy him!

Three year olds can play with themselves if they have to. My son has gotten pretty good at it, although he prefers that I play with him. He has a 10 mo. old puppy to play with too that helps. Being a work at home mom I have had to schedule kid time and mommy time. Like with the timer idea, I draw a picture of 10:00 and put it next to the clock in the living room. I give William a few ideas for play and tell him mommy needs to work until the clocks look the same. For awhile he would interupt me to see if it was time yet, but he does prety good waiting now. As the only one who can really tell time, I need to watch the time and take my break with him. AS long as he knows you will play with him soon it should be easier for him to learn to play by himself.

Hi S.,

I would say that we have the same child but my son is already 4 1/2 and still won't play alone. We really try to encourage play time alone but he has always required attention and seems to still be going down that path. He is very funny and energetic but MUST have constant attention and someone to play with (namely me) at all times.

I hate to tell you this but it doesn't get any better. I think it might just be their personalities. I just know on the days that he is home with me and not at preschool that I won't be getting anything done around the house. I'm trying to just enjoy spending time with him and know that one day they will be ducking in the car as we drive by their friends. ha I feel your pain because it can be extremely draining some days and I have played Hot Wheels and trucks one too many times.

Have him play along side you while you work. Talk to him as he plays. You can engage him without sitting on the floor next to him. He probably just wants your company more than anything.
Also, kids at that age LOVE to help with chores. Give him his own rags and a little spray bottle with diluted windex. He can "help" mommy fold clothes, etc. I used to give my son (now 15) envelopes to lick and put stamps on when I was paying bills...he loved it! There are all kinds of ways kids can play while you work. Get creative and have fun, because believe me, it won't last!

I have a 5 1/2 year old that is the same way. He has always been this way. I think it's a personality thing. Makes me crazy sometimes. The good news is he's starting to interact much more with his 4 year old brother which allows me time to get stuff done. Hopefully if you haven't done so already - enrolling him in a preschool will give him social time with kids his age. Good luck. In the end - if the bills are paid, food is in the refrigerator and the bathrooms clean - everything else can wait!

S.,

I would just encourage play-time and tell him you are going to set the timer and he has to play by himself for 15 minutes. Tell him you need some mommy time- and then show him the timer and have him help you set it- get him set up in his room or play area and then leave the room. He may not like it at first, but his imagination will come out and he will figure out what to do and what to play with!

Molly

I don't think my daughter played by herself at 3 either. I think it all depends on the individual. I think I used the tv and her nap time to give myself time to shower, cook, clean, and do email when she was 3. I know other moms who do the same.

I noticed my daughter played by herself more as she got older when she played imaginary games with her dolls or when she wanted to make something for her friends (drawing, stickers...), so it's probably tied to their ability to do those things and their motivation.

My youngest is like that, and it really was a pain. But on the upside he's extremely bright. Don't know if the two are related, but...

Don't worry about your son -- it's just his personality. My other two played just fine by themselves. My youngest wasn't really into toys, but he would also do anything you wanted him to do as long as you did it with him, workbooks, museums, you name it. This translated well in school when he was always the one at the front of the class paying furious attention to the teacher.

hi S.,

i have a 3 year old son too who is very much like yours. i too am in the same situation as you where i cannot get much done in the house as he wants me to be involved in his activities or play. the only time he does something by himself is when he's painting [i give him tempera paints, some thick construction paper and brushes] or playing with play dough. Ofcourse when there are other children around he doesn't need me. But i must say that i have seen him "improve" over the last year, so now he plays independently for slightly longer periods of time than he used to.

I'm no expert, but i've put this down to his personality. He's a "join me" type i think, not a "watch me do it". He's also social and doesn't like to be alone, always wants to go meet his friends. Maybe that has something to do with it. Whereas, my cousin's 3.5 year old has always been capable of independent play, he was not very social when he was younger, maybe that's why he learnt to play by himself, and he seems more confident in some ways than my son.

So, i think it's the personality, but i also think they will outgrow it as they are exposed to school and having to do projects and tasks by themselves.

Hope that helps. I live in South san jose near oakridge mall, so if you live nearby maybe we could take the kids together to a park or somewhere they can play together.

-B..