My beautiful 4 year old daughter has been lashing out lately. She is hitting and biting. She screams in my face. She always tells me how she hates me and that I am not her friend anymore. She has gotten so violent that I have to lock her in her room at night to keep her from hurting anyone or herself. I have called around to find her a therapist but noone around here will see her until she is at least 5 years old. Can anyone give me suggestions on what I can do to get this situation under control?
A.
I am having the same problems with my 4 year old son. I called his pediatrician and he referred to us to a group here in Hickory. The group is Bryan Hissman and Assoc. We see a lady there whose name is Susan. She is great and has helped us a lot.
If you have exhausted discipline options as far as spanking and taking away television priviledges, and she is not responding at all it could be something more serious than just bad behavior. I would check into her diet, and get her on a whole food, unprocessed, natural, no dyes, no preservatives diet. There have been tremedous studies on children who were diagnosed with ADHD and ODD(obsessive defiant disorder) who have been able to go off their medication just by having the diet controlled, and some were diagnosed incorrectly to start with and never had the disorders. Also I would check with family counselors who deal with children and family therapy, you may have some luck with a Christian counselor and a non for proffit ministry like Prasso Ministry. I do wish you the best, but to me it sounds like you child may either have severe diet related behavior, which can affect them in terrible ways, or she has ODD and if it is a true case of ODD she may need to be medicated to help control her rage. And in that case you might want to consult your doctor and have them run some tests. you are in my prayers.
A.,
I went through something similiar with my daughter which is now seven. What you are not understanding is she is feeding off of your emotions. The next time she goes into a fit try coming up from behind her grab her sit down indian style with her and rock back and forth like you used to do when she was a baby and keep repeating in her ear I'm sorry and I love you. She is feeling distance from you and the situation is not easy on you. You may not be acting angry towards her but she is feeling left out from your emotions. This is a way to get your attention wether it be positive or negative she is getting it. I no longer even raise my voice at Hailee. I count and step back and say you know what you need some space and so do I for a minute, go to your room and think about it. When you are ready come out and we will discuss what just happened. She and I seem to really be able to connect now. Don't get me wrong there are still issues but staying calm and not raising your voice makes a big differnce. Along with them knowing you do care and love them. Let me know! Good luck!! I am sorry you are going through this. It is hard but it does get better, it does noy go away, but it can get better. Oh and btw every situation is different. You lifestyle and others lifestyle may be differnt. There is nothing wrong with a child acting out in anger under the circumstances, divorce. Living with your parents, moving, loss. Give me a break people....just show her you love her A....that is what she is wanting. I know you are concerned or you would not be writing, but before counseling and doctors from one single mother to another please just try this way first and if it does not work then go the other route. Reading a book at night before bedtime and snuggling on the couch can do wonders compared to drugs!!!!!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, listen to the woman who said take your child to the hospital today and have her seen. My 5yr old did the same thing starting when she was old enough to talk full sentences which was about 2 1/2. I shrugged it off as terrible twos. When she was still doing it at 4 I asked her doctor what was going on and we did some discussing and some testing. She has been diagnosed with ADD and ODD(Obsessive Defiant Disorder). This little girl is extremely destructive and mean and even seems like there is someone else inside her little body at times. She can be super sweet and just fine one minute and the next she is throwing a fit like a 2yr old only she breaks things, punches herself and destroys anything that is in her path.
We've tried a round of Adderall XR at a very low dose and that did not work for her and her doctor wanted to introduce ritalin but I do not want any medication for my daughter. We have even tried adjusting her diet and I do not allow my kids to eat sweets on a regular basis. We are going to start psychiatric evaluation next. At 5yrs old, this little girl has a demon inside her that scares us all. I know what you are going through so if you need anything, even just someone to email or talk to back and forth, feel free to email me here and I will send you my email address.
Good Luck and get that help soon.
R.
Unfortunately, our kids go through break-ups with us. No matter how much we try to protect them from it. She doesn't know how else to express herself yet. And I'm guessing she was a daddy's girl. Then to top it off, her siblings are gone and she is left there. Her whole world is turned upside down right now. Sometimes we have to try and bring them on an adult level when explaining things. And don't try to be so protective over the situation. I've learned the hard way that they are so much smarter than we were at their age. And whatever you don't explain, she will think of her own explanation on her own
A.,
I read a book by Dr. James Dobson, The Strong Willed Child. It was very helpful for me in knowing what kind of discipline and why for my child. In there it explains that all children will test their parents, but some are more defiant than others and some just go through stages. I think that you know best whether your daughter's behavior is "normal" or not, and the book has lots of stories from mothers who have delt with extremely defiant children, some of them sounding very similar to yours. I strongly reccomend that book to any mom, defiant child or not.
Hope that helps.
K.
I agree with the woman who said to check her diet. My son at age 3 started with the same thing and we found out he has an allergic reaction to sugar. If he has too much sugar, he becomes wild and violent. He is now almost 11 and he has learned to tone down his temperament and can monitor his sugar intake. Try changing her drink to water and sugar free koolaid (with no dyes), letting her eat fruit and veggies and monitor this for a few weeks. Within two weeks of changing my son's diet, I noticed a completely different behavior. It is worth a shot. Good luck!!!
I agree with Sarah. Some children have trouble adjusting to change and may act out to get attention. She may in some ways feel anger towards you (even though it is not your fault by any means) for the divorce and all the changes you are going through. If she is unable to express her feelings, she will respond the only way she knows how. Anyway you can help her better express her feelings may help to calm down even if it requires help from a child psychologist. But if that doesn't work, medical intervention does need to be taken to rule out ADD, ADHD, ect. These are often misdiagnosed, so I would try anything possible before resorting to medication, which can also alter their behavior. And make sure you go to someone who specializes in these disorders if it comes down to needing medication. My nephew had to be put on them until he was old enough to control his impulses and was able to be slowly weaned off them. Hope this helps. Keeping you in my prayers.
Children's Behavioral Health at Children's hhospital will see her. You may need to call and schedule and appointment with them ###-###-####. If she get to the point where she is hurting herself or others then you may need to take her to Children's Emergency Department so that she can have an immediate psychiatric evaluation. I hope that help.
A.,
Hello. This is not normal behaivor for a four year old. Not to scare you, but something is definitely wrong.
1.) Seek help immediately. Starting with her pediatrician or primary care physician. Whoever can get you in ASAP. They can guide you where to go or refer you if your insurance requires you to do so.
2.) Keep a journal of behaivor. This will help whatever doctor you see with the proper diagnosis. Keep it with you everytime you see the doctor.
3.) A child psychologist will see a four year old. Most doctors won't put them on meds, but they will see them. I have never heard of this before. Your pediatrician will know someone who will see you. Don't quit pressing for answers!!! This is for your baby!!! Raise heck until you get someone to help you and your child!!!
***When my son was barely five years old, they needed to test him for adhd, they couldn't do all the tests, but they did what they could. And tested him more the next year. I am sure this is the case with any testing they do. Doctors can usually make it age appropriate.***
The divorce you are going through is surely a factor in the behaivor, however, sounds like something other than just the divorce is wrong with your child. Please take care. My prayers are with you. E-mail me for support if you'd like. I'm happy to listen! ____@____.com
~Lee
