5 Yr Old Wanting to Live with Her Daddy

There is no gifted and talented program in kindergarten!

The quality of trolls here have been lacking as of late.

Lord have mercy. The fact that you'd even consider trying to let a 5 year old "see what it is really like" tells me that you shouldn't be the primary parent. Yes, let her live with her daddy. She needs an actual parent who isn't letting a 5 year old run the house while she's sleeping with every man who gives her attention. The reason she is acting out is that she's lacking in consistency. She doesn't need therapy, she needs stability and a mother who isn't sleeping around and bringing a "new daddy" into the house every season.

YOU need therapy.

What are you missing? You're missing a plausible story. G/T programs do not begin at 5 years old. And your sentence makes no sense: "with the same behavior" (same as what? spreading her legs and making babies with multiple daddies? that's the only behavior you've mentioned to that point) "except she is in the gifted and talented" (which is impossible at five, but okay - what does that have to do with anything?)

Since you're a troll and/or you're going to flounce…
"Have a daughter and she has a sister by another daddy and now I am having another baby by a different daddy
My little one has been giving me problems with aggressiveness and acting out in school with the same behavior except she is in the gifted and talented. I believe she is wanting attention. She says she wants to live with her daddy. He's the fun parent and gets her every other week. I want to say yes and let her see what it is really like. I love her but I am afriad she will hurt the baby cause we have puppies and she try's to hurt them. What am I missing
Her daddy says she doesn't need therapy but I believe she does."

What everyone said below. I hope this is a troll, because if you can't see that the fact that your 3 children each have different fathers isn't part of the issue, I don't even know what to say.

If this is real, get her help. Get her counseling. Get some counseling for YOURSELF. Get on birth control as soon as you have baby #3. Stop thinking of yourself, stop looking for the "right" guy, and think of your children.

ETA1: So she wants to go live with her dead daddy? Or do you have an older child from that man?? Now do you see how confusing this is?

ETA: Darn it Veruca!! YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!! LOL!!

R.,

Welcome to mamapedia!! I'm gonna call troll. As it's a truly interesting first question...

How old is she?
Did you stop to think that your sleeping around with various men and getting pregnant by various men is attributing to your daughter's behavior?

IF by chance this is real AND your daughter is hurting puppies? She needs help. And by help, I mean professional help. You need help too. You need to stop having babies with various men. Keep your legs closed and focus on your children. Giving them a loving and stable environment. When they are off to college?? Then you can date. Otherwise? Put an aspirin between your knees to keep from getting pregnant. Stop sleeping around and focus on your children!!

Good luck!

On the off chance that this is a real post, and Please God I hope you are a troll for the sake of the children.....

You have 3 children by 3 baby daddies and you wonder why your oldest is acting out? Really?

You ALL need therapy and you need to learn to keep your legs crossed. Be a parent.... You made the children, parent them or put them up for adoption so they have a chance at some stability and normalcy.

Good grief..... This has to be a troll....

A 5 yr old in the talented and gifted program? I'm calling troll on this one.

send her to live with her daddy, if you can remember which one he is.
get spayed.
khairete
S.

Why can't you find something/anything else to do but troll on the internet?
Put down the computer and go read a book.

Your post is a little all over the place, so I want to make sure I have this right.

Are you pregnant with your third child, and all three of these kids have different fathers? I'm asking, not to judge, but to be clear. If, in fact, their are three different fathers, then I can understand why your 5 year old might want to hold on to her father a little tighter. It's very possible that in her eyes, fathers are easily replaced. She might be worried that she will lose him.

Keep in mind that she is 5. She doesn't know what she wants. She might really think that she wants to live with her father. But you are her mother. You need to do what's best for her, not just what she wants. And allowing her to live with her father with the idea of "I'll show her ... " isn't going to help the situation. She's 5. She's not going to be able to learn the lesson you want her to learn.

She needs you. She does need to spend time with her father, but she really, really needs you. She needs to know that she is important, that she matters, that she is not going to be replaced by this baby on the way. She is seeking attention. Children need attention, and they will find ways to get it, even if it's negative.

She may be acting out for attention. There could be other reasons as well. Work with her teacher(s). And make sure she gets plenty of positive attention.

If you think she needs therapy, that's fine. Talk to your ped. He/she should be able to point you in the right direction.

Just remember, she needs you. Make sure you give her lots of love.

Lots of spaying and neutering necessary here!

IF this is real: No child this young should be spending one week with one parent and one week with the other parent. It's more usual for one parent to have primary custody while the other has the child for, for instance, one night each week and every other weekend -- not a full week at a time unless they are on a vacation together. That's another indication to me that you're possibly a troll and not for real. Yes, a court could order an alternate-weeks schedule or parents could agree to it outside court, but it is a recipe to jerk a young kid's mind around. I've absolutely seen it done with older kids but not with kindergarten-aged ones.

If she is in kindergarten, please see the school counselor immediately and tell the counselor about all this. Ask the counselor to see her one on one and more than once and to help you determine if she needs counseling or therapy. You need to involve a professional here. Be aware that if your child knows you are pregnant, she also knows what happens next -- she loses more of your attention to another sibling when that baby comes, so of course she's acting out now to get all your attention. She knows that aggressiveness and acting out will get mommy to look at her and not her sister and to stop thinking about that new baby, and she knows that threatening to run to daddy will also get mommy's attention. You seem unable to see that, and you need help working with her -- please involve the school counselor ASAP and also ask your pediatrician for a referral to a counselor experienced with kids this age. You ask, "What am I missing" and frankly I think you just don't understand young kids very well and need professional backup before she acts out more.

If this is real and she says she wants to live with daddy, maybe she needs to live with daddy so YOU can focus on your other child and the baby who is coming, and so you can focus on getting therapy to determine why you have kids with multiple men in a five-year span. I'm not being snarky, I really do think you could examine why you have gone through three men in five years and gotten pregnant by each--is it about attention, feeling you are worthwhile only if you're having a baby, or loving infants but not being able to find a man who will stick around and raise them with you? Seriously, these are things to explore with a counselor immediately so you can focus on being a parent to the three you have. If you are with daddy number three, is he sticking around for the new baby AND is he willing to be a parent to the other two girls? If so--good, but get both of you into couples and parenting counseling now. If not--all the more urgent reason to get yourself help including a promise to yourself to stop dating anyone at all until you understand yourself better.

If you feel you can't afford counseling please look up "women's center" for your area--these organizations can point you toward low-cost or sliding-scale fee counselors. Or contact your county or city's health department's mental health division for referrals, or talk to you doctor about a referral that might be covered by insurance.

Perhaps her dad is not the fun parent but the responsible one. You are more concerned about the baby to come than the child you have? I hope you are a troll. Otherwise I feel very sad for your children. Please get her therapy and take some parenting classes.

I hope this is a real post because it really doesn't make too much sense. Hopefully you have just left out some details.

It's perfectly normal for a child to align with the parent who is not the daily disciplinarian and who just offers "party time" every other weekend.

If your child is acting out in kindergarten as well as at home, then you and her father sit down with the teacher and the school psychologist to develop a disciplinary plan that works with aggressive kids. I have no idea what kind of school puts a 5 year old in a "Gifted and Talented" program - I'm shocked that there even is one. Get her properly evaluated and out of anything that has already labeled her as "special".

You don't use a 5 year old, or a 10 year old, as a ping pong ball and move them to a new home just to "see what it is really like." Where a child lives is the result of a thoughtful and honest discussion between the 2 parents.

You think she wants attention? Of course she does! She has had a series of men in her (your) life, she has sibling and another one on the way, and you also have puppies? You are entirely too distracted and too pulled in many directions. Too much going on and too much to take care of.

I don't know what kind of talk therapy you think you are going to put a 5 year old in. I think parenting classes and therapy for the 2 parents would make the most sense, so you have a consistency between the 2 houses and and greater ability to "read" what she is telling you, which is that there is too much uncertainty and too many relationships going on. What are you missing? You are missing that a completely different style of parenting and discipline is absolutely necessary. She's not the problem - she is the result of the problem.

Oh come on now. This is just ridiculous. You all need therapy. For sure. 😳

She may be having jealousy issues with the new baby coming, I would consider counseling.

I call troll too, but just in case it isn't, here's my advice;

Stop having babies by different men, and focus on the ones you already have. (The babies, not the men.)

I think you need to look at this objectively and not from a punishment POV. You and her father need to consider all factors, and if she (being 5) is simply acting out because there is competition on the way, then you need to take her comments with a grain of salt. My SD wanted to change houses, too, and my DH said that he would only consider it if it was legal (none of this handshake business, go to court, make a modification) and if her mother was willing to step up and address things that were reasons the sks lived with us. Nothing came of it because ultimately SD's desires were about wanting more time with her mother vs really wanting to live there. You can say "That's for the court to decide, honey" Or "Do you really mean you miss your dad? Would you like to call him?" Try to get to the whys of the behavior vs just the behavior.

Also, if you think she needs counseling, look for someone. If your ex needs convincing, run the idea past the school counselor or the pediatrician for additional expert advice. If she already hurts the puppies, then something needs to change - sending her to a home with a baby in residence is not going to help.

I am sorry for your losses and difficult times. I have no answer as the best thing to do, however, therapy is one direction I would look towards and try, if "daddy says no or not". The second thing that I can say is to "forgive" those NASTY, JUDGEMENTAL people who call themselves Christians. They are worse than the actions that they thought you were taking. Unfortunately many in the North Texas & DFW area do NOT practice what they learn in church 2 hours every Sunday.

Hi R.. I am lost. Sorry. Could you explain what the last 3-4 sentences mean please, for some reason they're just not making sense to me.

What "I" am getting out of it when I read them is this:

She likes going to her dad's and gets to play a lot so she wants to go live with him. Okay, that's sort of a joint decision between you and daddy. He might not want her to come live with him. He might not want to have that responsibility full time, the getting her up for school, the child care before and after school if he works hours when school isn't in session, the sick days he'd have to take off work when she can't go, the whole thing that men don't often think about or experience because the wife is often the one that does all that.

She will quickly find out that dad's house is a lot like mom's house and she'll lose that ideology of it. He might excel at it and do a really good job though. She might never come home.

But on the other hand he might like having extra money since you'd have to start paying him child support. He might also make you pay part of other stuff like child care and medical bills too.

Now, for that confusing sentence I cannot figure out.

"I love her but I am afraid she will hurt the baby cause we have puppies and she try's to hurt them."

Are you saying that you worry, since she's rough or mean to the puppies that she'll be mean to your baby? Are you saying you're thinking about letting her go live with dad because you fear she will hurt your baby so much that she needs to be gone when it gets here?

I worry about her then. She sounds like she does need to talk to someone for at least a short time to make sure she's okay mentally and it's maybe just a learn to play gentle with the puppies.

Please talk to her teacher and ask her/him if they feel the need to have the school psychologist come in and observe her. To see if they think she'd benefit from some further assessment.

Sorry that you're upset by the answers about having baby daddies, but you certainly weren't thinking when you wrote this post. Go back and read your first sentence and REMEMBER that no one knows that one man died and the other left, or that you are married now. If you can't think through your own posts to see how you come across, that is really your own fault. For all we knew, you have men coming in and out of your home and that could have been why she is so aggressive.

Your biggest problem is NOT that she wants to live with her daddy. You're focusing on the wrong thing. Your biggest problem is that your 5 year old is hurting animals. THAT is a huge red flag. You ask what you're missing. THIS is what you are missing.

Your ex doesn't live with this. You do. You need to ignore him thinking she doesn't need help and go GET her some help. Talk to her pediatrician. Ask for help. Talk about you fears concerning the new baby. You need parenting advice. You need someone to help you through this. Do it before she DOES hurt the animals and the baby. Living with the daddy will NOT help her. He will toss her back to you when she finds out living with daddy isn't a bed of roses and then she will really be a mess.