5 Yr Old with Separation Anxiety

I had the same thing happen with my daughter who is now 5 1/2. But right before her 5th birthday she started doing the same thing. She didn't want to go to Sunday school or anywhere without me. I have heard from other moms that this is normal. For some reason around this time (5 years old), kids go through another separation anxiety phase. I say, don't worry about it. It will pass.

Hi! I went through the same situation with my daughter when she was this same age(the last 6 weeks of school). She would actually start worrying and crying late each afternoon and beg not to have to go to school the next day. It was a very difficult time. We reasoned with her the best that we could, but didn't give in and let her stay home. We finished out the school year like that. The following year things were fine.

My daughter is grown now, but occasionally she would have bouts with separation anxiety from time to time. Usually this would happen after something unsettling happened in her surroundings.(a family crisis, a teacher that wasn't especially sympathetic to her needs, an embarrassing incident, etc.) Think hard and see if you can recall something that may have happened recently in your child's life that may have affected her--it may be something quite simple, but unsettling to her.

I also worked in first grade as a parapro for 15 years and during those years we occasionally would have a student that would get separation anxiety and cry at school. Sometimes it would go on for weeks. I was always extra sympathetic with the child and would give them extra attention during the crisis. Usually through talking with them I could figure out what had unsettled them, just by listening to what they said.

Hang in there--it will pass. And know that you aren't alone!

My son did this at five also. All of the sudden he didn't want to go to his preschool, where he had been going for three years and was entirely comfortable. And he didn't want to be left with relatives or babysitters. But yet he was fine within minutes after we left. He's a child that always wants to be in control so we kind of chalked it up to that and eventually he worked through it and now at six he's fine.

Dear T.,

I had this same exact problem with my 5 year old. She was going to the Church Pre-K and she started doing the same thing. We finally figured out that she thought my two year old and I were at home, the park, the library playing and having fun without her. One day her teacher called and said she was crying and could I come get her because she wanted to be at home with me. So I went and got her and brought her home. I then told her that while she was at school is when I do all of my chores. I Did not let her watch TV or play with her. I even asked her to help me clean her room, do laundry, make bed, I made it as BORING as possible. She was NOT impressed and was ready to go to school the next morning. I reminded her that she got to do art and play on the playground....etc. and that I wait until she gets home to do the fun stuff. I would make a chart on the refrig. Let it have 5 squared on it. Cut a picture out of ice cream or a small toy. Every morning that she goes into her class and does not cry...when she gets home, let her put a sticker in the square. When she has all of her squares filled, she gets her prize. It worked like a charm for us.

The first thing I would check on is if there is a new "face" at Preschool. Maybe she doesn't get along well with the new person, or feels uncomfortable around her. Even though this doesn't have anything directly to do with grandma, it can just cause the clinging altogether.

For her age, and it to me so immediate, I would tend to feel that SOMETHING has triggered it. Does she watch much television (something she saw on TV could have triggered those feelings as well).

Hope you find the reason, and it gets better!

Updated

I have no advice but my 5 yo granddaughter who wanted to stay with me all the time now won’t stay all night and if she dies she’s cries for her mother all night it’s killing me

I guess I'd want to make sure that there's no underlying cause (i.e. heard about a kid who'd been abducted) because you could have a very good talk with her about things like stranger danger and how to call 911...

I agree that five is a little old for separation anxiety but her recovery so soon after you're gone sounds about right. Maybe she's going through a clingy phase. She loves you guys and loves to be with you -- in a way,this phase she's going through is confirmation that you're doing things right.

Still, having her get through this will help her as an individual. Facing a situation she doesn't especially want and surviving it teaches her that that's possible and sets her up for future gotta-get-through-this times.

I hope this ends soon for your sake!!!

I had a five year old that did that. He also would sit and cry cause he did not know what he would do if we died. He did not know where he would work. Along about this age they realize that the world does not revolve around them.And fears and emotions real start. Thanks God id did not last long. Be supportive. Sit down and talk about concerns she maybe having.

I am a mother of three (2yrs, 3yrs, 4yrs). My four year old will be five in May and has recently started going through the same thing, especially with school. She has always been so independent and would go anywhere with anyone, even as an infant. This is a new thing for me...the whole crying thing when I leave her at school. I have started doing something that seems to help. Each night when we say our prayers, we pray that she will have a good day at school. After our prayers, we talk about the fact that she will have to get up and she needs to be in a princess mood. Preparing her helps!

We have a lot in common. I am a mother of 3 girls, age 17,6,3. I also went through the separation anxiety with my child (6year) at the age of 5. I have been married 6 years as well.

What I did was find a K-1 teacher that has dealt with children like this. She did wonderful. The person you are keeping her with has to be very consoling in letting her know everything is fine. My child was so bad with it, I thought she was scared something was going to happen to me. Her teacher and I had to do a lot of talking to her. She was also scared of change. If the class changed to another room, she would freak out, but the teacher talked her through it. Now I can leave her anywhere, I just have to talk to her about it before the event, and let her know I will return to get her.
Good Luck! Trust me you are not alone.

My oldest child has had a lot of anxiety - and even at 8 it still occasionally pops up. We noticed with him - it was always during the transition when he would panic.. for example going to school, or a party, or an event that he had to "enter" - even a FUN event. Once he transitioned he was fine. This built up to an extreme point when he was 5. He ran out of his preschool graduation when he got about half way down the aisle of the church. He just could not handle "entering" the big group of parents. His anxiety got so big that we ended up with some counseling - with Dr. Judy Kerley - and she was great. Basically, we used behavior modification - b/c he was developing a phobia.

If you notice it getting worse, instead of better, I recommend you get some counseling - and learn how YOU can better react so as not to inflame the situation. It will also empower you. I highly recommend Dr. Kerley.

Let me know if you'd like more specifics about what worked for us- I'd be happy to talk with you.

This won't last long. Is she always w/you guys and has never been enrolled in public daycare? Has she suffered an upset like a dog bark scaring her which could be the root cause of it? My son used to do the same thing around that age. The origin of my son being upset was just being w/us all the time and he had to learn to trust them without me being around w/the few people who would keep him. Just always remeber to give her a hug, and be back exactly when you say you will so she will have faith in your words. Also, don't show your angst when she does that just smile and tell her that you love her, to have fun and you'll see her soon. Best of luck to you.

Mom of more than 18 yrs.

I had the same problem with my 5yr. old 2 weeks ago. I just encouraged her to stay and told her you know mommy always comes back. I also don't hang around very long before leaving. Started coming in and reading a story once or twice a week and letting her know I would be back. That seemed to soothe her anxiety, she kept telling me she would miss me and wanted to go home with me. She has been in pre-school programs since she was three and this was the first time she has ever done this. We found out that part of the problem was the teacher was making them write there names until they knew it by heart. So inquiry with the teacher if she has been doing anything new in the classroom and also ask your child why they don't want to go to school anymore. There was also a child that had been crying and throwing fits every morning when I dropped her off and that left my daughter feeling insecure about staying. We have passed this phase after about 2 weeks of this and me reading stories in the classroom. Goodluck hope this works for you as well as it worked for me. Mom for 12yrs never had this problem with my first every child is different.

I didn't have it at five, but my son suddenly decided to do this about halfway through the year when he was 4 and attending preschool half day. I just kept taking him and he finally figured out that it was part of his daily schedule and decided to stop. No problems with KD or first grade so far, although he'll come up with the normal "I don't want to go to school today" that most kids do, but it's not separation related. I think if you keep her schedule she'll eventually give up on trying to stay with you, especially if she realizes that it is only for a few hours and she'll see you again later.

That fact that she is fine only minutes after you leave says she just wants to be with you. It is normal and will pass as she realizes that you are not going to change your mind. Children often test the water to see how much the can control various situations especially with parents. The best thing you can do is be consistant. Let her know you love her very much, but that sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do. She will be fine, it is just a phase. All kids go through it ask the kindergarten teachers how many kids stress the first few weeks they start.

M.